In my therapy groups and in my therapy group organization, I am witnessing conversations about fragility (defined as “the quality of being easily broken or damaged”).
My experience is that focusing on the fragility of ourselves, other people, and established systems can lead to
fear,
resistance to change,
avoidance of action, and
silence.
Yesterday, during a conversation about racism in a racially diverse group, I brought up the concept of “white fragility,” defined by Robin DiAngelo as follows:
White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include
the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such
as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium. Racial stress results from an interruption to what is racially familiar.
I was the only person in this group who had heard the term “White Fragility.” As we discussed the concept, people nodded and shared their experiences.
In group discussions, I often witness vulnerability, which Brené Brown describes as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” and the unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
It occurs to me now that fragility and vulnerability are two very different things, although both are, of course, human.
My hope is to face the future with more vulnerability and less fragility.
Do you see fragility or vulnerability in any of these recent photos?
When I search for “fragility” on YouTube, the second thing that comes up is this video by Newsbroke:
What are your thoughts and feelings about fragility, here and now?
Strong thanks to all who are reading this “Fragility” post today, including YOU!
Yesterday, in a Coping and Healing therapy group, which people attend as they need, we talked about needs.
When somebody in the group said they needed kindness, I needed to ask, “Who else in this room needs kindness?” Everybody needed to raise their hand, including me.
If you were in that group and I asked you, “What do you need, here and now?” what would you need to answer?
Kindness?
Appreciation?
I don’t know what I need right now, so I need to think about it?
Something else?
My needs (in case you need to know) include blogging and sharing photos.
Now I need to
take my little yellow car in for the 40,000 mile check up it needs,
meet my friend Barbara, who I’ve needed for over 60 years,
What are stress balls? Are they squishy balls that you can squeeze when you’re stressed?
Are they creatures who are feeling lots of stress?
Harley does not look like a stress ball in that photo, but usually he stresses and runs away when I try to take a picture of him.
Even stress balls, like Harley, can relax at times.
I’m a stress ball today because I have to do many things (including giving a presentation about my therapy groups, singing songs in meetings, running a board meeting, preparing for a trip to L.A., planning a dinner in L.A., and more) all while dealing with a bout of insomnia and some ambivalence about possible choices.
What helps when you’re a stress ball, besides squeezing a stress ball? My niece Julie, of The Joy Source, suggests changing the words “have to” (see previous paragraph) to “get to.” So, it’s not that I have to do many thing (including giving a presentation, etc.) , it’s that I get to do many things (including giving a presentation, etc.). That shifts me from being a stress ball about too many obligations to being grateful about having the opportunity to do all those things, connecting me with confidence in my skills to get things done adequately enough.
I don’t have to share my other photos from yesterday, but I’m glad I get to share them with you.
Here‘s what YouTube gives me for “stress ball song”:
Somehow, I’m not a stress ball any more.
What helps you be less of a stress ball?
Thanks to all who helped me stress less by stressing all the things I stressed in this “stress balls” post and — of course! — YOU.
Yesterday, I wrote and read “DUH!” in a therapy group.
Would it help for me to share why and how I did that? Duh.
Things that are right side up are, duh, easier to read.
What does “Self Care” mean to you? It means taking care of my self. DUH!
Self Care also means balancing my needs with other people’s needs and, duh, this:
Well, duh! It’s time for a definition of “duh.”
duh
interjection
\ ˈdə , usually with prolonged ə \
Definition of Duh
1 —used to express actual or feigned ignorance or stupidity
Duh, I don’t know.
2 —used derisively to indicate that something just stated is all too obvious or self-evident
Well, duh!
Examples of Duh in a Sentence
Recent Examples on the Web
Lee and his family are buried there, his marble, recumbent statue adorning the campus chapel known as, duh, Lee Chapel.
— Cincinnati Enquirer, Cincinnati.com, “Doc: No clear solution to offensive symbols,” 22 Aug. 2017
Well, duh. Prescott ranked third in the league in passer rating, ahead of Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees.
— Pat Fitzmaurice, SI.com, “Dallas Cowboys Fantasy Football 2017 Preview: Can Elliott Repeat Breakout Season?,” 2 Aug. 2017
These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word ‘duh.’ Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback.
“Et tu, Brute?” is a famous Shakespearean quote in Latin (fromJulius Caesar). Et tu, do you know what that quote means?
Et tu, Wikipedia! What do you say about “Et tu, Brute?”
Et tu, Brute? (pronounced [ɛt ˈtuː ˈbruːtɛ]) is a Latin phrase meaning “even you, Brutus?” It is notable for its occurrence in William Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar, where it is spoken by the Roman dictator Julius Caesar to his friend Marcus Junius Brutus at the moment of Caesar’s assassination….The phrase is often used apart from the plays to signify an unexpected betrayal by a friend.
Et me, I’m going to point out that the literal translation of “Et tu, Brute?” is “And you, Brutus?” “Et” means “and” and “tu” means “you.”
Et tu, readers! Do you wonder why I’m explaining et ‘splaining about “Et tu, Brute?” today? Two reasons:
Et tu — if you’ve been a faithful et incredibly attentive reader of this blog — might remember that the first encounter with me et my boyfriend Michael (eight years ago in September) involved beets (described here ).
Et me, do I have any other photos to share with tu, here et now?
Et tu, do you notice that Michael et I always vote et that Michael never cooks with beets?
Et tu, YouTube: What do you have about “Et tu, Brute?”
Et tu! Are you going to comment on this post, below?
Thanks to Shakespeare et Michael et Julius Caesar et AGNI et the genie from Aladdin et Assassin’s Creed et Community et Community Theater et Irondale Center et Archer et beets et everyone et everything else that helped me write today’s post et — of course! — TU!
1 : spinal column, spine
2 : something that resembles a backbone: such as
a : a chief mountain ridge, range, or system
b : the foundation or most substantial or sturdiest part of something
c : the longest chain of atoms or groups of atoms in a usually long molecule (such as a polymer or protein)
d : the primary high-speed hardware and transmission lines of a telecommunications network (such as the Internet)
3 : firm and resolute character
I hope I’m exhibiting firm and resolute character as I send you this blog post over the primary high-speed hardware and transmission lines of the internet.
Do you see any backbone in my other photos today?
There are several “Backbone” songs on YouTube, including this one:
Feel free to show some backbone in a comment, below.
Gratitude is a backbone of this daily blog, so thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.
Vivian is a social work intern who makes me smile, especially when she shows me photos like this:
Yesterday, Vivian and I made each other cry because it was her last day at work. Soon, as a new graduate, she’ll be off on her own road trip to Chicago.
Vivian, who is a very gifted student, shared many gifts yesterday.
In honor of the many things Vivian and I shared this year, here‘s Jackie Chan singing “Believe in Yourself.”
I hope Vivian believes in herself, as many of us in her community believe in her.
Vivian let me know she appreciates my gratitude. I am very grateful for Vivian, Jackie Chan, Nikita Gill, A. A. Milne, Rupi Kaur, healing groups and communities, and — of course! — YOU.