I hope this blog is not one of those places to avoid for anybody.
For me, places to avoid are mostly unhelpful places in my mind — where my perception is skewed because of past negative experiences. These places predict failure, misery, and pain, despite all evidence to the contrary.
While I can’t totally avoid these mental places, I’ve learned to leave them more quickly, getting to better and more productive places as soon as possible.
Do you see places to avoid in my images for today?
What to think about this morning includes the virtual Jam’n Java Open Mic this Friday, May 1, 7PM- 9PM USA Eastern Time, which will feature me, my ukulele, and my song “I Left the House Before I Felt Ready.” If you think you might want to attend, sign up using this link by Thursday, April 30.
What to think about these images I captured yesterday?
“Live Free or Die” is the official motto of the U.S. state of New Hampshire, adopted by the state in 1945. It is possibly the best-known of all state mottos, partly because it conveys an assertive independence historically found in American political philosophy and partly because of its contrast to the milder sentiments found in other state mottos.
As I have lived free for many years, I have noticed that flashy assertiveness gets more attention than milder sentiments. Here are some of the milder sentiments displayed on U.S. license plates:
The Natural State
Colorful
World Famous Potatoes
Visit
It’s That Friendly
Smiling Faces
Is OK!
Sounds Good to Me
Peace Garden State
The Hospitality State
Seat Belts Fastened?
Drive Carefully
Do you agree that those other state license plates are not as lively or as to-die-for?
Today, as I live free and do not die, I would like to share something I said to my sister, last night, over dinner, after a very difficult day where I died several psychological deaths because of worry, projection, mind reading, fortune telling and other cognitive distortions:
I would like to declare that, as of now, I will never, ever again assume that other people are having harshly negative and judgmental thoughts about what I’m doing or not doing. Tomorrow morning, I will wake up, free of that old and unhelpful habit.
This morning, as I try to live free of those old patterns and habits, I’m noticing this: So far so good.
Actually, “So Far So Good” would make a good (if not entirely memorable) license plate.
Shall we live free and/or die for my other photos from yesterday?
It looks to me like that pineapple and broccoli are living free, undyingly.
Yesterday, in a therapy group where many thoughts were expressed …
… I said, “A thought is just a thought.” One of the group members thought that thought was important, so I wrote it up on the board:
The group members thought that was helpful, because the thoughts people expressed in the group included fortune telling, catastrophizing, mind reading, personalization, all-or-nothing thinking, over-generalizing, jumping to conclusions, labelling, shoulds, and other cognitive distortions. For example, my expressed thoughts included, “The plane might crash on Saturday!”
As I’m writing this blog post, my thoughts include this one: “My shoulder, after my fall in January, will never be right.”
We all have lots of thoughts. Thoughts are NOT the same as actions or accurate forecasts of the future. I’ve thought, many times, to challenge a thought with this question, “Is that a helpful thought?”
A thought is just a thought and a photo is just a photo.
A thought is just a thought, a barrier is just a barrier, a verb is just a verb, a memory is just a memory, and a theme song is just a theme song.
Feel free to express your just thoughts in a comment, below.
Gratitude is just gratitude, so thanks to all whose thoughts helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to thoughtful YOU.
I have undying love for the people who made my 65th birthday so wonderful, including
Megan. I love Megan. Yesterday, Megan and I expressed an undying wish that, before we die, we let go of worry, anxiety, overthinking, harsh self-judgments, and fears about the future. I know that love never dies, but I hope that painful and unhelpful thoughts will die (or at least become less strong).
Photos on the internet never die, so here are more photos from yesterday:
My love never dies for chocolate, my boyfriend Michael (who bought me that yummy dessert), my son Aaron, my family, my friends, my work, and my blogging community.
Earlier this week, I spoke to somebody in therapy who believed worrying was a necessary part of planning.
I replied, without worrying about it, “No, no, no, no. Worrying is never helpful. Never.”
While I rarely plan to use all-or-nothing statements like that, I do believe that worrying never helps. People often believe that worrying helps motivate planning. Actually, worrying wastes valuable time and energy while you’re planning. Planning is much more productive and fun without the burden of worrying.
Even though we weren’t planning on it, we had a good discussion about the uselessness of worrying. At the end of the therapy session, we both said, “No worries.”
Right now, I’m planning
to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” accompanying myself on a Kalimba and
to see a house by the water, which we might make an offer on.
I’ve been planning to write today’s blog post in order to let go of any worrying about all that.
I’m planning on sharing all the photos I took yesterday, without any worrying.
I need to take my car in to my mechanic this morning, so I need to end this post.
Before I do, here‘s “Agua De Beber,” to go along with that very first need I mentioned above.
And here‘s another song about a different need, not previously mentioned in this needfully short post.
Obviously, I need YouTube.
Do I need a comment from you? I don’t want to seem too needy, but that would be nice.
Finally , I need to thank all the statues, healers, musicians, composers, evolvers, and humans who helped me write this post. I also need to thank you — of course! — for reading it (whether you needed to or not).
“So What?” is an amazing tune by Miles Davis, which I’ve loved (and played on the piano) since I was 16 years old.
Your ears and eyes might tell you how “simple” that tune is. Yet, I’ve listened to it countless times. And I expect to keep listening, as long as my ears hold out.
“So What?” Take Two.
“So what?” is something I say to myself when I’m feeling discouraged, down, depressed, disenchanted, and other words that begin with the letter “d”.
As in, “So what if I do (or think, say, write, or feel) this, or anything else? What does it matter, ultimately? What can it really change? Who cares?”
“So What?” Take Three.
“So what?” is something I can say to myself in a freeing, liberating way, to get myself unstuck.
It’s actually one of my favorite ways to challenge cognitive distortions (which are unhelpful and automatic thoughts):
The So What? Technique. Consider that an anxiety-producing possibility (even the worst case scenario) might not be as bad as you fear. For example, “So what if this one person doesn’t like me? Not everybody is going to like me.” or “So what if I lose my cell phone? It’ll be an incredible hassle, but I’ll be able to deal with it.”
See here for a complete list of handy-dandy antidotes to cognitive distortions.
When I wrote that description above, I used the example of losing my cell phone, because I was feeling anxious about losing things. (See here for a post about THAT.) Since then, I’ve lost many things, including my credit card and checkbook (some temporarily, some not), but I haven’t lost my cell phone. Yet.
If I do, I’ll just use that antidote.
It’s a very simple remedy. It’s one that I’ve used many times before. And I expect to keep using it, as long as unhelpful thoughts hold out.
“So What?” Final Take
Here’s something my mother used to say:
“So what? Sew buttons.”
Thanks for reading today. (So what if you did?) (Sew buttons.)
