Monthly Archives: August 2020

Day 2780: Hurt people hurt people

Posted on August 11, 2020 by Ann Koplow

“Hurt people hurt people” is something I just read on Twitter. I believe that posting this today will help me make some minor adjustments and let go of hurts I’m holding for myself and other people.

Let’s see if there are any hurt people in my photos from yesterday. No matter what, I trust that sharing my photos won’t hurt people.

Here‘s “Hurt People Hurt People” by The Script:

Now I’m trying to think of phrases like this about other kinds of people that might work, such as ….

Bully people bully people

Jam people jam people

School people school people

Smart people smart people

Stiff people stiff people

Great people grate people

… and that hurts! Getting help by searching for words that can be adjectives and verbs, I can add these …

Best people best people

Better people better people

Clear people clear people

Damn people damn people

Down people down people

Flush people flush people

Forward people forward people

Free people free people

Jolly people jolly people

Okay people okay people

Prompt people prompt people

Right people right people

Steady people steady people

Still people still people

Wrong people wrong people

… but I still like “Hurt people hurt people” best.

Feel free, people, to share hurts and any other feelings or thoughts in a comment below.

Thankful people thank people, so thanks to all who help me post these posts, including YOU.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Hurt People Hurt People", Anna Karenina, hurt people, Introvert/Extrovert Scale, letting go of hurt, people who hurt, The Daily Bitch Calendar, The Script, the South Shore of Boston, words that are adjectives and verbs | 27 Comments

Day 2779: Minor adjustments

Posted on August 10, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, after making minor adjustments so we could connect beautifully on a ZOOM call, my friend Barbara and I talked about her brilliant realization that major issues like the current pandemic can become much more bearable if you make minor adjustments.

During the call, we made minor adjustments so we could see and hear each other better and we discussed minor adjustments to important relationships, interpersonal strategies, our health, nature walks near us, our living spaces, our diet, our weight, Zen-like attitudes, and high school connections. Here are the photos I took of Barbara while we were talking about minor adjustments:

That’s Barbara showing me a sunset outside her window and also a view within her apartment which reminds her of a Thomas McKnight painting. Later in the day she sent me a better photo of that view which I should be able to find and share once I make some minor adjustments. Hold on ….

Those minor adjustments included saving the draft of this post, shutting down my laptop, using my iPhone to find and include that photo, saving the post again, and restarting my laptop to continue creating this post, but I’ve adjusted to the minor adjustments required to bring you these blog posts, every day.

Do you see minor adjustments in any of the other adjusted images I’ve captured recently?

Yes, I sometimes need to make minor adjustments to my self esteem and reading helpful feedback like Maddie’s helps in a very major way. The minor adjustment I would make to that text exchange is the fact that I am no longer President of my local group therapy organization. I am having no trouble adjusting to that.

Also, I’m making minor adjustments to the original song I’m planning on singing at my Zoom-based 50th high school reunion in September. I’ve adjusted this verse …

Now it’s 2020 and we’re all here
To connect over food and beer
To embrace the living and to miss our dead
As we gather here in Marblehead.

… to this …

Now it’s 2020 and we’re all here
To connect and give each other cheer,
To appreciate the living and to miss our dead
As we gather here on Zoom instead …. of Marblehead.

Knowing me, I’ll keep making minor adjustments to that song until I sing it on September 12.

Here‘s “Minor Adjustments” by Zaccai Curtis:

I just made the minor adjustment of following Zaccai Curtis on YouTube.

Please feel free to express minor or major thoughts about minor adjustments in the comments section, below.

Gratitude is another minor adjustment with major effects, so thanks to Barbara, Maddie, Zaccai Curtis, Thomas McKnight, my family, my high school friends, adjusting cats, and everybody else who helps me create and adjust these daily blog posts, including YOU!

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Minor Adjustments", gratitude, high school reunions, salmon dish, self esteem, the New York Times, the South Shore of Boston, Thomas McKnight, Zaccai Curtis, ZOOM meetings | 26 Comments

Day 2778: Scream

Posted on August 9, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Last week, I asked people in a socially-distanced Coping and Healing group if they wanted to scream. Some said they did want to scream, but nobody screamed in group. When people are angry and frustrated, I sometimes suggest that they scream

together,
alone,
into a pillow,
in their cars,
along to music, or
other ways that work for them.

Yesterday, I almost screamed with joy when this long-awaited mask arrived in the mail:

I wore the Scream mask yesterday when we shopped at a local Whole Foods Market (which my friend Jenn calls “Whole Paycheck”). The week before, I wanted to scream at our local Stop & Shop because a shopper was walking around with no mask, unchallenged, and several employees (INCLUDING A STORE MANAGER!) had their noses hanging out of their masks. I might scream about that to our local Board of Health.

Do you see anything in these other photos from yesterday that makes you want to scream?

IF YOU WANT TO ENLARGE ANY OF THOSE PHOTOS, PLEASE CLICK ON IT!

Here’s another photo from Whole Foods:

People who party together these days without obeying social distancing make me want to SCREAM!

During the month of August, people usually scream with laughter at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, but not this year (which is screamingly apparent in this video by Laurie Black):

Here’s how Laurie Black introduces that video on YouTube:

This is Laurie Black, reporting from Edinburgh. Scenes on the ground here are unheard of – the streets are empty, shutters down, the silent discos are actually silent, and pipers are wearing facemasks… For the first time in 73 years, Edinburgh will *not* be welcoming performers and audiences from around the world, for 25 days in 300+ venues. That doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy and support the arts – get involved at https://crowdfund.edfringe.com/fringe… and make an effort to look up some of your favourite Fringe artists and venues; follow them on social media; buy their merch; donate to their crowdfunder pages; and tune into their live-streamed performances. The show isn’t over, it’s just a dark day. See you in 2021!

Here‘s a video from my Edinburgh Fringe show last year:

Feel free to scream about anything you choose in the comments section, below.

Thanks for following and supporting one of your favourite Fringe artists here.

Categories: group therapy, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Dark Days", "Everybody's Somebody's Asshole", Brave New Look masks, Coping & Healing groups, Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Laurie Black, Stop & Shop, the South Shore of Boston, Whole Foods Market | 26 Comments

Day 2777: A Day of Ordinary Miracles

Posted on August 8, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday was a day of ordinary miracles, especially because miraculous blogger Beth sent us this extraordinary hand-made condolence card for the loss of our ordinary miracle of a cat, Oscar.

That reminds me of the day of ordinary miracles when I tried to see Oscar in the stars.

It’s a day of ordinary miracles when a miraculously wonderful person like Beth gets me in such a profound way. Yesterday was also a day of ordinary miracles because somebody in my Coping and Healing groups said, “It’s great to have a group like this where other people get you.” These days, it’s an ordinary miracle when people get each other.

Yesterday was also a day of ordinary miracles because my 22-year-old son Aaron agreed to take a walk with his mother. Let’s see if you can see ordinary miracles in my other photos from yesterday:

It would be an ordinary miracle if you could find Aaron in one of those photos.

Today looks to be another day of ordinary miracles because I found this very helpful article with “Five-Minute Coronavirus Stress Resets, which include music medicine, cooling off, paced breathing, and anchoring. Here‘s the music medicine cited by Dr. Jenny Taitz that was found to be almost as effective as taking a benzodiazepine for pre-operative patients.

Here’s what The Daily Bitch Calendar has to say about another day of ordinary miracles:

I am woman, hear me

sigh,
cry,
try,
laugh,
speak up,
lead,
follow, and
blog*.

Gratitude always creates a day of ordinary miracles, so many thanks to Beth, my son Aaron, Dr. Jenny Taitz, Marconi Union, and the other ordinarily miraculous ones who sustain me in this blogging journey, including YOU.

* For other days of ordinary miracles, see the rest of the thousands of posts for this daily blog.**

** Because it’s been so long, it’s an ordinary miracle that I remember how to insert asterisks here and now.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Weightless", coping and healing groups, Dr. Jenny Taitz, Five-Minute Coronavirus Stress Resets, gratitude, Marconi Union, pet condolence card, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the New York Times, the South Shore of Boston | 30 Comments

Day 2776: Silently Correcting

Posted on August 7, 2020 by Ann Koplow

I am not going to be silent about the correct inspiration behind today’s blog post title.

I have to admit that I have been like that Daily Bitch, silently correcting some people’s

grammar,
words, and
actions.

However, as I discussed in a recent post — Day 2791: Reasons you should speak up — the time for silence is past! Therefore, this morning, I got up the courage to stop silently correcting certain procedures at work, and I sent an email naming the problem and suggesting ways to move forward. People may silently or not-so-silently correct my email, but why should I care about that?

Do you see any silent correcting in today’s other photos?

That last photo reminds me of Harley not-so-silently correcting me when I made this video in March about social distancing, starring Harley and our late kitty Oscar:

I’m wondering now if anybody is silently correcting my camera angles for that video.

In my Coping and Healing groups, we talk about the toll it takes when we excessively silently correct ourselves for our thoughts and feelings. Yesterday, several of us resolved to silent our harsh internal critics, as best we can. When you are silently and painfully correcting yourself, try this positive self-talk, as suggested by Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC:

turn “I am such a screw-up” into “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
turn “I am so messed up. What’s wrong with me?” into “I am human and no one is perfect.”
turn “I don’t deserve happiness” into “I deserve to be treated with respect.”
turn “I can never get anything right” into “I am not defined by my mistakes.”

Please don’t worry about anybody silently correcting your grammar (or anything else) when you leave a comment, below.

I am correctly non-silent about my gratitude to all, including YOU.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Alyssa Mairanz, coping and healing groups, cruel inner critic, harsh inner critic, positive self talk, President Trump's language, social distancing, speaking up, The Daily Bitch Calendar, tuna noodle casserole | 21 Comments

Day 2775: Overload

Posted on August 6, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, when I was in an elevator at Tufts Medical Center, overloaded with awareness AND worry about being out and about during the coronavirus pandemic, I saw this:

These days, we are dealing with an overload of

bad news,
uncertainty about the future,
corruption,
lies,
trauma,
injustice,
deaths, and
information (which is why I linked to a load of other material throughout this list).

Thankfully, I’ve had an overload of good care from my long-time cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem (featured in an overload of my previous posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here).

Even though this blog might have an overload of photos of Dr. Salem, here is another one from my appointment with him yesterday:

During the coronavirus pandemic, frontline health workers like Dr. Salem have to wear an overload of Personal Protective Equipment. Dr. Salem, who has an overload of cardiology students wanting to work with him, told one of them yesterday that he always schedules me for his last appointment of the day because we have an overload of things to talk about. Yesterday’s overloaded conversation included

Dr. Salem’s personal experience of working with Dr. Anthony Fauci (who is “a very smart and very good guy”),
discussions of my having had the coronavirus in March and possible lasting effects of that,
scheduling an echocardiogram to make sure that there is no permanent damage to my heart because of COVID-19,
the possibility of Dr. Salem and I writing a book together,
my stating that Dr. Salem and I have an overload of respect and love for each other,
Dr. Salem saying, “I think you’re doing great,” and
scheduling our next overloaded appointment for the day after my 68th birthday in February.

Dr. Salem said he was interviewed on Boston TV recently about his experiences working with Dr. Fauci, but I can’t find that interview in the overload of videos out there about Dr. Fauci.

Here’s an overload of other photos from yesterday:

Michael overloads our plates with nutritious food, ever day.

Here‘s “Overload” by Zinnia, which has been loaded over 7 million times on YouTube.

I’m looking forward to an overload of comments, below.

As always, I have an overload of gratitude to all, including YOU.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Overload" by Zinnia, "Stay back I don't like people" t-shirt, COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Dr. Deeb Salem, living with a heart condition, social distancing, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, Tufts Medical Center | 33 Comments

Day 2774: The difference between awareness and worry

Posted on August 5, 2020 by Ann Koplow

I’m aware that I’ve already written posts about the difference between worry and planning, but I’m not worried about that. I’m also aware that despite my belief that worry never helps (an awareness I often share, here and elsewhere), I still worry. For example, I’m aware that I’m worrying about the upcoming USA Presidential election and I’m aware that the worry affects me, every day.

You might be aware that I’ve already shared this photo about the difference between awareness and worry.

I’m aware that my writing might be difficult to read, above, and I’m worried that I might not be able to translate that into a nice table here.

AWARENESS WORRY

Present in the moment Future oriented

Calmness Tenseness

Certainty Uncertainty

Nothing needs to happen Something needs to be resolved

Helps Doesn’t help

My awareness tells me that table is not perfect, but I’m deciding not to worry about that. Awareness of my own worry allows me to let go of it, every moment.

Do you see awareness and/or worry in these other recent photos?

I’m aware of the time, so here is “Aware of Your Love” by Carl Dawkins:

Is there awareness, out there, of how grateful I am for every day?

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Aware of Your Love", Carl Dawkins, Cod dish, coping and healing groups, gratitude, rainbow, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the difference between worry and planning, the South Shore of Boston | 19 Comments

Day 2773: Will to live

Posted on August 4, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Will to live, according to Wikipedia, is

a concept developed by the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, Will being an irrational “blind incessant impulse without knowledge” that drives instinctive behaviors, causing an endless insatiable striving in human existence, which Nature could not exist without.l

In the 2000 Year Old Man, Mel Brooks seems to answer one of Carl Reiner‘s questions about his incredible longevity with “will to live.” When Carl Reiner presses further, the 2000 year old man says, “What? No! I mean my great doctor, Will Talive. Dr. William Talive!”

Tomorrow, I’m going to see my great doctor, Dr. Deeb Salem, who will continue to help me live into my later years with my very rare congenital heart condition. It seems that both Dr. Salem (who is older than I am) and I have tremendous will to live.

Now, as I live, I will reveal the inspiration for today’s post:

Yesterday, Michael and I wondered if our late kitty Oscar would still be alive today if we hadn’t given him a “peaceful passing” two weeks ago, because Oscar had such an amazing will to live.

Will you see the will to live in my other photos from yesterday?

One of my readers — puella33 — had the will and the talent to transform one of my previous photographs into this wonderful painting:

I’m so glad that beautiful painting will live in this blog.

Here is “The Will to Live” by Ben Harper:

Here are the opening lyrics of “The Will to Live” by Ben Harper:

I met a girl whose heart
Was on the right hand side
And upon the left
An angel did reside
They told her mother
That she never would survive
But she kept the rhythm
And is still alive.

I hope you will have the will to leave a comment.

As long as I have the will to live, I will express gratitude for everything, including YOU!

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Arthur Schopenhauer, Ben Harper's "The Will to Live", Carl Reiner, grieving the loss of a pet, living with a congenital heart condition, Me Brooks, salmon dish, The 2000 year old man, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the difference between awareness and worry | 22 Comments

Day 2772: The same time

Posted on August 3, 2020 by Ann Koplow

I like to wake up, blog, and look at the Daily Bitch Calendar the same time every day.

I do NOT take naps even when I’m tired of doing too many things at the same time, which does not make for sane time.

At the same time of year in 2011, I started my job at a major Boston hospital, where I do group therapy, individual therapy, crisis work, and otherwise take care of the behavioral health needs of way too many people at the same time. While I do too much at the same time, at the same time I do NOT want to retire (although many people do retire when they reach the same time of life as mine).

As I tell many people in my groups at the same time, we all need to do a better job balancing our needs with other people’s needs. At the same time, it’s easier to tell others good advice than to listen to it yourself.

I would love to resolve, at the same time as you, to

balance my needs with other people’s needs,
do more self care,
set healthy boundaries,
say “no” to some requests,
take a breath,
slow down,
accept all feelings,
be aware of what I can and cannot control,
be clear about what I can and cannot do,
take achievable next steps towards my chosen goals,
let go of worry, and
keep a sense of humor.

Here’s a photo I took when my husband Michael, my son Aaron, and I were walking around our neighborhood at the same time:

When other people are walking near us, we put our masks on at the same time.

Do you know how some people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? Apparently some people can’t walk and wear masks at the same time.

Here are photos I took at the same time that I was taking my walk yesterday, when other people were using the same time to swim and go boating. What else was going on at the same time?

So many of us around the world are experiencing the coronavirus pandemic at the same time. At the same time, not all of us are reacting to it the same way.

I hope things are better the same time next year.

At the same time that I was watching The Hate U Give and then Rent yesterday, Michael and Aaron were on their own computers. Then, we ate veggie burgers at the same time …

… and watched The Spanish Prisoner. It’s difficult to find a movie we all want to watch at the same time.

At the same time that I’ve been writing this post, I’ve been hearing this song in my head:

It’s fun to see all those people from the Phoenix Chamber Choir in Vancouver, Canada singing at the same time.

At the same time in every post, I express what I’m thankful for.

We can be thankful for many things at the same time and I am definitely thankful for you.

Categories: group therapy, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "For the Longest Time", doing too much at the same time, movies I'm watching during the pandemic, Phoenix Chamber Choir from Vancouver Canada, setting limits, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, Veggie Burger, wearing masks | 22 Comments

Day 2771: Character

Posted on August 2, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Because of the kind of character I am, I’m going to start this blog post with a definition of “character.”

character

noun

char·ac·ter | \ ˈker-ik-tər , ˈka-rik- \

1a: one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual.
“This is a side of her character that few people have seen.”
b(1): a feature used to separate distinguishable things into categories.
advertising of a very primitive character
(2): the aggregate of distinctive qualities characteristic of a breed, strain, or type.
a wine of great character
(3): the detectable expression of the action of a gene or group of genes.
c: the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation.
the character of the American people
d: main or essential nature especially as strongly marked and serving to distinguish.
excess sewage gradually changed the character of the lake
2a: one of the persons of a drama or novel.
b: the personality or part which an actor recreates.
an actress who can create a character convincingly
c: characterization especially in drama or fiction.
a novelist good in both character and setting.
d: PERSON, INDIVIDUAL
a suspicious character
e: a person marked by notable or conspicuous traits.
quite a character
3: moral excellence and firmness.
a man of sound character
4a: a graphic symbol (such as a hieroglyph or alphabet letter) used in writing or printing.
b: a symbol (such as a letter or number) that represents information.
mathematical characters
also : a representation of such a symbol that may be accepted by a computer.
c: a magical or astrological emblem.
d: ALPHABET
e(1): WRITING, PRINTING
(2): style of writing or printing.
You know the character to be your brother’s?
— Shakespeare
(3): CIPHER
f: a conventionalized graphic device placed on an object as an indication of ownership, origin, or relationship.
5: REPUTATION
the scandal has damaged his character and image
6: POSITION, CAPACITY
his character as a town official
7: REFERENCE sense 4b
8: a short literary sketch of the qualities of a social type
in character
: in accord with a person’s usual qualities or traits
behaving in character
out of character
: not in accord with a person’s usual qualities or traits
his rudeness was completely out of character

I tried to add and remove some characters to that long definition to make it clearer but, because I’m an impatient character, I gave up before the ending.

People we know of excellent character have sent us sweet condolence cards characterizing our late kitty Oscar as a character.

I so appreciate the loving character of Janet, Ray, Lydia, and Bob.

Harley, who has a more nervous character than Oscar did, is sitting next to me on the sofa as I’m typing the characters in this post.

What character(s) do you notice in my other photos, which I will characterize as “recent”?

Here‘s “The Top 10 Movie Character Musical Themes.”

Here‘s somebody with character playing “The Imperial March” (#3 in the Top 10 Movie Character Musical Themes) during day 55 of the Black Lives Matter protests in Portland: