I want to be here for everything AND I want to minimize being with toxic people and situations.
I’m here to tell you that both are possible, if you take action and set limits.
I appreciate that you are here for everything in this post.
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I’m here for everything, especially cats.
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I’m here for everything this weekend, including a haircut, consulting with Riccardo Pearlman about next steps for my music career, food shopping with my husband, video calls with people I love including my friend Jeanette, my son Aaron, and my ex-husband Leon, and a special showing of Blazing Saddles with fabulous friends Janet and Ray from film school.
When I search YouTube for “here for everything, I find this …
In yesterday’s blog post, I wrote that difficult conversations can be scary. In yesterday’s Coping and Healing Group, members discussed difficult conversations — specifically, setting limits with other people. Somebody suggested using the simple reaction “Ouch!” when they felt hurt and “Oops!” when they felt they had hurt the other person, and everybody committed to trying that method in difficult conversations this week.
Do you see any difficult conversations in my images for today?
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Here’s what I find when I search for “difficult conversations” on YouTube.
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Thanks to Mel Robbins and all those who help me have difficult conversations, including YOU!
How old am I? I’m about to turn 70 on Groundhog Day.
How old am I? When I was a little girl, I saw a children’s encyclopedia with an illustration depicting the lifespans of different species, and the lifespan for humans was 70.
How old am I? As I mentioned in Thursday’s blog post, I’m older than expected to be, and it’s wonderful.
How old am I? I’m old enough to share these images with you.
How old am I? Old enough (1) to admit that I almost wrote about hugs today before I knew it was National Hugging Day and (2) to stick with my chosen topic without rewriting what I have so far.
How old am I? Old enough to do what I want without regret or fear.
Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “how old am I?”
How old am I? I’m old enough to be grateful for every day and for you!
doing remote therapy from my home the rest of the week,
blogging and tweeting every day,
keeping up with bills,
keeping up with technology,
maintaining my health,
doing word games,
making decisions about our upstairs shower repair,
dealing with insurance companies and contractors,
explaining things to people,
balancing my needs with the needs of others,
listening to music,
staying on top of the news even when the news is bringing me down,
rewatching movies that cheer me up, and
keeping track and taking care of those I love.
No matter how very busy I am, I can still feel guilty about all the things that I’m not doing, so maybe I need this “I am very busy” desk sign (which a co-worker showed me yesterday at the hospital).
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I am very busy, here and now, putting together the rest of this blog post.
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I am very busy trying to think of the perfect line to write here. How about this: The Daily Bitch is very busy celebrating Sourest Day.
Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “I am very busy.”
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Thanks to all who are very busy reading this blog post, including YOU!
It’s easy for me to see the good when I spend time with good people like my wonderful friend Maria in good places like Olympia, Washington, where I saw this yesterday:
Olympia, which is the good capital of the good state of Washington (which I knew even though I wasn’t good in Geography) (which reminds me of a good story about when I wrote on a Geography test in Elementary School that the capital of Belgium was Broccoli instead of Brussels) has a good restaurant named Chelsea Farms Oyster Bar.
Our good server, Emma, helped us see what was good on the menu at Chelsea Farms and was good enough to let me take a photo of her good tattoo, which my regular readers will see is good for this blog.
Do you see the good in the other images in today’s post?
The bright sunshine and warmer weather definitely help me see the good on National May Ray Day.
Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “see the good”:
Thanks to everyone who helps me see and share the good every day, including YOU.
Before the pandemic hit, I made this button for a patient (who was dealing with a judgmental family member) and for myself:
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Yesterday, I asked this question on Twitter:
I was pleased to see that people had many responses, including
lies,
gun violence,
racism,
misogynists,
homophobes,
excuses,
hate,
judgment,
disrespect,
wars,
injustice,
stupidity,
bullies, and
beets.
Some people replied that their button would simply say “PLEASE NO.” I can definitely relate to that, especially when I’m feeling so overwhelmed I have trouble pleasing anyone.
It’s occurring to me, here and now, that the button could also read “PLEASE NO ONE MORE THAN YOURSELF.”
Please no applause until the end, as I share my other images for today.
[…] those boundaries that are set to make sure mentally and emotionally you are stable” (Prism Health North Texas, n.d.). Another way to think about it is that “Our boundaries might be rigid, loose, somewhere in between, or even nonexistent. A complete lack of boundaries may indicate that we don’t have a strong identity or are enmeshed with someone else” (Cleantis, 2017).
Healthy boundaries can serve to establish one’s identity. Specifically, healthy boundaries can help people define their individuality and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for.
While boundaries are often psychological or emotional, boundaries can also be physical. For example, declining physical contact from a coworker is setting an important boundary, one that’s just as crucial as setting an emotional boundary, i.e., asking that same coworker not to make unreasonable demands on your time or emotions.
I’m writing about healthy boundaries today because I’m approaching the boundary of my 17-day staycation from work. Healthy boundaries are particularly critical during these pandemic days of working from home, when the boundaries between work and non-work are blurred. Also healthy boundaries are especially important for self-care when you are working in a caring profession, like I do.
In order to set healthy boundaries, I find it useful to
write down a list of what I WILL do and what I will NOT do,
share that list with others, and
follow that list.
What I WILL do now is share my photos from yesterday. Let’s see if we can find any healthy boundaries in them.
As you can see from these two photos …
… Harley’s boundaries are changing, which is healthy for both of us.
This image from the The Kindness Rocks Project (which has healthy boundaries) …
Here‘s the Playing for Change version of “Listen to the Music” …
… and here’s a quote from Playing for Change:
In music as in life, the things that make us different make us stronger. All the various instruments, tones, perspectives, and cultures in this recording combine to create a new version of this classic Song Around The World.
The idea was born a few years ago during breakfast at the Byron Bay Bluesfest in Australia. Our friend and drummer, Peter Bunetta, introduced me to Tom Johnston of The Doobie Brothers and we talked about taking “Listen to the Music” around the world. We started the track with an acoustic guitar demo played to a click track and then added bass from Colombia, tablas and veena from India, and then headed to the Redwood Forest in Northern California to record and film Tom Johnston live outside. We then recorded and filmed Patrick Simmons and John McFee playing along to the track in a park in San Diego. The journey then continued throughout North and South America, Europe, The Middle East, Asia, and Africa. This final version features 30 musicians from 12 countries united through their love of music.
Listen to the music and change the world!
-Mark Johnson, PFC Co-Founder
Here’s a comment from that YouTube video:
Geno M 10 months ago This is going to sound dramatic and fake but I’ve literally been suicidal for the last 2 months especially this past weekend. I am on medicine and seeing therapists but there is a lot of downtime between getting help and being alone with your thoughts. These videos help me cope and really help me think about the good still left in the world making me try and appreciate what I have and my family. Thank you for uplifting folks and spreading good through music.
There is a healthy boundary between Geno M and me — that is, I can feel empathy for his struggle without rushing in to try to save him. These healthy boundaries are especially important for people who are in a caring profession, like I am.
If leaving a comment is on your list of what you will do today, I will leave you a healthy reply in the near future.
Thanks to all who help me create these posts and healthy boundaries, including YOU.
I like to wake up, blog, and look at the Daily Bitch Calendar the same time every day.
I do NOT take naps even when I’m tired of doing too many things at the same time, which does not make for sane time.
At the same time of year in 2011, I started my job at a major Boston hospital, where I do group therapy, individual therapy, crisis work, and otherwise take care of the behavioral health needs of way too many people at the same time. While I do too much at the same time, at the same time I do NOT want to retire (although many people do retire when they reach the same time of life as mine).
As I tell many people in my groups at the same time, we all need to do a better job balancing our needs with other people’s needs. At the same time, it’s easier to tell others good advice than to listen to it yourself.
I would love to resolve, at the same time as you, to
balance my needs with other people’s needs,
do more self care,
set healthy boundaries,
say “no” to some requests,
take a breath,
slow down,
accept all feelings,
be aware of what I can and cannot control,
be clear about what I can and cannot do,
take achievable next steps towards my chosen goals,
let go of worry, and
keep a sense of humor.
Here’s a photo I took when my husband Michael, my son Aaron, and I were walking around our neighborhood at the same time:
When other people are walking near us, we put our masks on at the same time.
Do you know how some people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? Apparently some people can’t walk and wear masks at the same time.
Here are photos I took at the same time that I was taking my walk yesterday, when other people were using the same time to swim and go boating. What else was going on at the same time?
So many of us around the world are experiencing the coronavirus pandemic at the same time. At the same time, not all of us are reacting to it the same way.
I hope things are better the same time next year.
At the same time that I was watching The Hate U Giveand then Rent yesterday, Michael and Aaron were on their own computers. Then, we ate veggie burgers at the same time …
… and watched The Spanish Prisoner. It’s difficult to find a movie we all want to watch at the same time.
At the same time that I’ve been writing this post, I’ve been hearing this song in my head:
