Monthly Archives: December 2020

Day 2912: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

Posted on December 21, 2020 by Ann Koplow

When someone showed me this quote from Maya Angelou, I believed them the first time.

When someone shows me who they are and they are scary, scared, disturbed, angry, hurt, or unkind, I believe them the first time. I also want to believe they can get better. I believe that is because I am a psychotherapist.

I also believe people have to be themselves and some people are more capable of change than others.

Do I show you who I am when I show you the images I capture for this blog?

When The Daily Bitch showed me who she was years ago, I believed her the first time (and every time since).

When someone showed up on a truck in my neighborhood yesterday …

… I believed it was Santa.

Here are Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey showing you who they are as they talk about this important life lesson.

When you show me who you are in a comment, I’ll believe you.

I’ve been showing you who I am — a grateful person — since I first started this blog, and I hope you believe me!

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism, therapy | Tags: drinking snowperson, Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, Santa, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, Twitter, Veggie Burger, Whole Foods Market | 21 Comments

Day 2911: What are you addicted to?

Posted on December 20, 2020 by Ann Koplow

“What are you addicted to?” is a question I asked at the dinner table last night, after reading a very interesting article online about people’s addiction to grievances.

I am addicted to understanding other people’s behaviors (that’s probably why I became a psychotherapist). The article about the addiction to grievances explains a lot about Trump’s increasingly concerning behaviors as well as the behaviors of many others.

For many years, I have noticed people’s addiction to grievances, humorously immortalized in the “airing of grievances” part of the “Festivus” Seinfeld episode.

The article, by James Kimmel, Jr., a lecturer in psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine, explains that focusing on grievances stimulates the brain like drugs do, resulting in the constant revisiting of grievances and a craving for revenge.

Here are two quotes from the article:

… it turns out that your brain on grievance looks a lot like your brain on drugs. In fact, brain imaging studies show that harboring a grievance (a perceived wrong or injustice, real or imagined) activates the same neural reward circuitry as narcotics.

Recent studies show that similarly, cues such as experiencing or being reminded of a perceived wrong or injustice — a grievance — activate these same reward and habit regions of the brain, triggering cravings in anticipation of experiencing pleasure and relief through retaliation. To be clear, the retaliation doesn’t need to be physically violent—an unkind word, or tweet, can also be very gratifying.
James Kimmel, Jr., POLITICO Magazine

Personally, I am actively trying to break any addiction to grievances by focusing on other — more adaptive — addictions, like blogging, walking, and taking photos for this blog.

I am also addicted to connections, synchronicity, and making meaning, so it occurs to me, here and now, that a brain addicted to grievances is a cold and dark place.

What are you addicted to? Have you ever been addicted to grievances? Do you know somebody who is addicted to grievances? I’m addicted to your comments, so please leave one, below.

Finally, I’m addicted to expressing gratitude, so thanks to all who help enable me in my addiction to blogging, including YOU!

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: adaptive addictions, addictions, Festivus, grievances, James Kimmel Jr., Seinfeld, South Shore of Boston, the airing of grievances, Trump | 21 Comments

Day 2910: Problems to ignore

Posted on December 19, 2020 by Ann Koplow

There are so many problems these days we cannot ignore, that I think it might be helpful to focus on the problems we can ignore, here and now.

For example, I can ignore the problem that I forgot to stop recording on ZOOM last night at the remote Open Mic, so this video includes much of the next performance:

I can also ignore the problem that when I was performing last night I was not on my screen, because I AM on screen in that recorded video.

Here are other problems to ignore:

I still struggle with some aspects of the new editor here, so creating a bulleted list is harder for me than with the old editor.
I had to use bitcoin to get my winnings out of a betting site on the results of the U.S. Presidential election and now I have no idea how to safely convert bitcoin to cash.
I’m off on vacation for a week, so I’ll miss doing my Coping and Healing groups.
My son is returning to Scotland next month to live with his girlfriend and be closer to the University of Edinburgh for his last semester there, so I’ll miss him when he leaves.
I immodestly think my original songs are awesome and have no idea how to reach a wider audience.
My likes here on WordPress are half of what they were a year ago.
Almost every time I tweet on twitter, I get no response.
I’ve gained four pounds in the last month even though I’m eating really heathy and going for long walks.
My INR has been lower than I expected the last two times I’ve tested it.
Three people over the last few years have stopped talking to me.
I’m turning 68 in two months, and I don’t look as great as I did when I was younger.
I have no idea how much to inflate my new wobble cushion for optimal results.

Even though those are problems to ignore, I have trouble ignoring them. As I tell others, the human brain is for focusing on problems, even those it should ignore.

Are there problems to ignore in these recent images?

I cannot ignore the fact that Michael’s delicious cooking MIGHT be the reason I’ve gained four pounds recently. He tells me to ignore that problem of weight gain every winter.

If you leave a comment below, it will not be ignored.

If gratitude is a problem for you, please ignore the ending of this post.

Categories: 2020 U.S. Presidential election, life during the pandemic, original song, personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy | Tags: "Everybody's Somebody's Asshole", gratitude, South Shore of Boston, spaghetti and veggie meatballs, SpoxFit wobble cushion, The Daily Bitch Calendar | 23 Comments

Day 2909: Balance

Posted on December 18, 2020 by Ann Koplow

As I balance my needs with other people’s needs, working with resting, humor with seriousness, trust with skepticism, celebrating with grieving, losses with gains, movement with stillness, bravery with fear, being with doing, inside with outside, listening with speaking, observing with acting, giving with taking, starting with stopping, so on and etc., it’s challenging to keep my balance.

To improve my balance, I got a wobble cushion.

Today, I’ll try to keep my balance as I finish up work before a week’s vacation and prepare for tonight’s remote open mic.

Do you see balance in my other images for today?

Now that’s what I call a balanced meal — potato latkes, vegetables, applesauce, and sour cream.

Here’s a song about balance:

What helps you keep your balance?

Thanks to all who help me balance this daily blog with all my other daily routines, including YOU!

Categories: personal growth | 25 Comments

Day 2908: Something to celebrate

Posted on December 17, 2020 by Ann Koplow

It’s difficult to find something to celebrate these days. Also, people are used to celebrating in person with loved ones, which spreads the coronavirus and is nothing to celebrate.

So I guess we have to practice finding something to celebrate alone.

Let’s try this: Can you find something to celebrate in today’s images?

Besides celebrating a new USA administration, a new way to see something familiar, and not having to commute to work in a blizzard, I am also celebrating this: Michael will be making potato latkes on the last night of Chanukah and serving them with sour cream AND applesauce.

I am also celebrating Lines for Ladies (featuring Kristin Korb) performing “Something to Celebrate.”

Do you have something to celebrate? Celebrate that in a comment, so we can all celebrate it together with you (without making COVID more widespread).

Now it’s time for me to celebrate all the humans and cats who’ve helped me find something to celebrate on this blog every day for almost eight years, including YOU!

Categories: celebrating, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Colonel Sanders, halibut dish, holidays 2020, Kristin Korb, Lines for Ladies, New England weather, South Shore of Boston, The Daily Bitch Calendar, Twitter | 23 Comments

Day 2907: Widespread

Posted on December 16, 2020 by Ann Koplow

When you see the word “widespread,” what first comes to mind?

My answer is “pandemic,” because COVID-19 is widespread, here and now, everywhere on this planet.

Because the pandemic is widespread, there’s widespread fear, worry, confusion, anger, grief, helplessness, denial, illness, and death.

As vaccines become widespread, there’s also fear, worry, confusion, many other feelings, AND, at last, hope.

In case there’s widespread wonder about where the word “widespread” came from today, here is the Daily Bitch Calendar for December 16, 2020.

You don’t want to be in an area of widespread incompetence and general lack of concern during a pandemic, but that’s exactly where I am. However, widespread competence and caring are waiting in the wings (including the West Wing).

My travels are NOT widespread these days, so here are all my other recent images:

If I eat too much of Michael’s delicious cooking and that very rich ice cream, my body will be more widespread.

Here’s Widespread Panic with “Up All Night.”

Widespread Panic is a band from Georgia, USA, and there is widespread interest in the two senate races there. If Democrats win both of those races, cooperation within the U.S. government will be more widespread.

I have widespread acceptance for any thoughts or feelings you have in reaction to this “Widespread” post.

Widespread thanks to all who help me create this widespread blog, including YOU!

Categories: 2020 U.S. Election, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: “Up All Night”, COVID-19 vaccines, Georgia senate races, striped bass with Asian noodles, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, USA politics, Van Leeuwen Ice Cream, Widespread Panic | 23 Comments

Day 2906: Today is a special day

Posted on December 15, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Today is a special day because I’m alive, against all odds, and so are you.

Today is a special day because I have special images to share.

Today is a special day because I swear that I don’t care if I f*ck shit up today. I have spent far too many of my special days worrying about f*cking shit up and, believe me, I am not the one who is f*cking shit up now.

Today is a special day because I found an open spot on the crowded list for a remote Open Mic this Friday evening. If you want to join the audience for my special performance of “People Who Hate People,” you have three special days to sign up using this link:

https://www.signupgenius.com/go/9040b4eadaa23a2f49-jamn17

Here is Mr. Rogers with “Today is a Very Special Day.”

Today is a special day because I get to facilitate a “Coping and Healing” group and I get to see your comments on this blog.

As always, I am grateful for every special day I spend with you!

Categories: 2020 U.S. Presidential election, heart condition, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Today is a Very Special Day", acceptance, Anne Lamott, Chanukah 2020, Daily Bitch Calendar, Jam'n Java Open Mic, Mr. Rogers, salmon with dill and cous cous and vegetables | 20 Comments

Day 2905: Views

Posted on December 14, 2020 by Ann Koplow

The views expressed in this blog belong to me and do not necessarily represent the views of others.

People express their views in many different ways and through many different media.

These days especially, I wonder how open people are to views different from their own.

In this world, the views of some are considered more valuable than the views of others.

It takes work to express your views effectively.

When expressing your views to others, try using “I”-statements rather than “You”-statements. For example, “I feel strongly about this” rather than “You are wrong” or “You’re an idiot.”

I’ve noticed that people tend to express negative views more often than positive views. In my view, it helps to express appreciation and gratitude.

Four years ago, I decided it was necessary for my mental health to move to a place with ocean views.

Yesterday, the views expressed in this blog got 196 views, with 1.76 views per visitor. At this writing, this daily blog has received 436,222 views since I started it almost eight years ago. “The best views ever,” according to my WordPress stats, happened on June 21, 2020 and the most views for a month were 8,700 during November 2015. I don’t usually view my blogging statistics, so these views are a surprise to me.

Ready to view my views from yesterday ?

The views expressed by the Daily Bitch are her own (but may be shared by others).

Here are Earth Views: Earth from Space Seen from the ISS which started streaming on September 1, 2019, described as “a series of unique and beautiful recorded views of planet Earth captured from 240 miles above it. We look down on our planet along with the astronauts aboard the ISS.“

Feel free to express your views in a comment, below.

It’s time to view my gratitude for all who help me express the views in this daily blog, including YOU.

Categories: blogging, life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: blogging statistics, Earth from space seen from the International Space Station, Happy Hanukkah, I-statements, mansplaining, The Daily Bitch Calendar, The Kindness Rocks Project, Trump stickers, Wollaston Beach | 18 Comments

Day 2904: A moment for empathy

Posted on December 13, 2020 by Ann Koplow

When I took a moment this morning for considering the topic of today’s blog post, I remembered a moment for empathy evoked by George Takei in his recent Twitter thread, as follows:

Speaking for myself and other empathic people I encounter in my groups and elsewhere, many of us are struggling to find our usual moments for empathy. People feel so angry, exhausted, frightened, anxious, sad, lost, isolated, helpless, and/or betrayed, that we need to re-commit, over and over again, to moments for empathy.

Are there moments for empathy in my recent photos?

Honk if you can find a moment for empathy among all the bullshit.

Here is George Takei finding many moments for empathy in his TED talk “Why I love a country that once betrayed me.”

Here’s one comment in response to George Takei’s momentous, empathic talk:

Patriotism is supporting your county all the time and your government when it deserves it.
— Mark Twain

Let’s take a moment for another comment about George Takei’s moments for empathy:

I’m a pretty jaded guy. not much get to me. but man that story hit me right in the feels.

I am so grateful for people who can find a moment for empathy, here and now, including YOU.

Categories: 2020 U.S. Election, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: empathy, George Takei, George Takei TED talk, Japanese American internment camps, Mark Twain, patriotism, Pearl Harbor, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, Whole Foods Market | 28 Comments

Day 2903: Just BE

Posted on December 12, 2020 by Ann Koplow

Sometimes we need a break from thinking, worrying, and doing, to just BE. After all, we are human BEings (not human doings etc.), as difficult as it might BE to BElieve that and just BE.

Just BE, as you look at my images for today.