Posts Tagged With: self-judgment

Day 299: Why haven’t I published anything (outside of here)?

This morning, I am posing questions about where I am in my life, right now.

I have enough expertise and skill to be a published author. Why haven’t I made that happen, so far in my life?

What’s gotten in the way of that?

Here are some things I can think of:

  1. Doubts about my (previously mentioned) expertise and skill.
  2. My ability to think of a kashmillion things I would rather be doing other than writing something for publication.
  3. Concern (and perhaps some other feelings) that other people would  have the control to accept or reject something that was important to me (and what makes THEM such friggin’ experts, anyway?!??)
  4. My short attention span. (Look!  It’s a baby wolf!)

baby_wolf_cub-600x618

Where was I?

Oh, yes. I was asking the question:

Why haven’t I published anything, so far in my life?

Oh, I wanted to state the obvious, at this point.  I’m not counting what I’ve published here, at WordPress. Because if I did, I’ve published almost 300 times.

I’m discounting that.

Hmmmm. I’m wondering if I’m discounting anything else?

Because, recent data suggests that I can forget things that I’ve done.  By “recent data,” I am referring to my blog post, two days ago, where I forgot that I had actually taken a photo of Carl Yastrzemski, when I was at the 1st game of the World Series, at Boston’s Friendly Fenway Park.

So, let’s see. have I published anything, outside of  these blog posts?

Hmmm. I guess you could say I have.

About 20 years ago, when I was in Social Work school, I wrote a paper about how people with disabilities were portrayed in the media. I interviewed people from a local chapter of (I believe) the National Spinal Cord Injury Association, and they asked if they could publish a version of my paper in their national publication. Which they did.

And in years past, if you Googled my name, that article appeared. But I can’t find it now, to check my facts (and support my bragging).

So maybe I’ll see if I can find that article, later.

But in the meantime, it’s a beautiful day!

Which means, I would like to wrap this post up.

Before I do, here’s what feels left undone.

I want to ask  myself another question:

Do I WANT to publish (or do I just think I SHOULD publish)?  (Psssst!  The word “should” can indicate a cognitive distortion.)

Hold on, I’m thinking ….

Here’s the answer.

I do want to publish, if it’s something:

  1. I feel passionately about, and
  2. I think would be helpful to share with others.

So what might that topic be?

I’m interested in communication of all kinds, verbal and nonverbal. Maybe I should write a paper on something like this:

The people in the following image (from a national TV broadcast) are having an experience that most would consider joyful:

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That is, they are attending a World Series Game, where their home team is leading by a score of 8-1, one strike away from victory.  What emotions are they communicating, non-verbally? What are the factors influencing those non-verbal communications, from the stand-point of those sending AND receiving the communications?

That’s definitely an interesting topic.

However, I can think of another topic, that’s probably a better fit for the two criteria I listed above: The therapy groups that I have created and facilitate, where I work.

So I would like to take steps to publish, about those.

One last thing, before I end this post: I believe it helps, once you have identified a goal, to make a commitment for action, ideally witnessed by others.

Therefore, I hereby commit, to my group of WordPress readers, that I will take a measurable step, by the end of this year, to publish about those therapy groups.

Okay!

Thanks to  Dan Shaughnessy (the author of “One Strike Away: The Story of the 1986 Red Sox”), thatcutesite.com,  baby wolves (and other distractions), the National Spinal Cord Injury Association, verbal and non-verbal communicators everywhere, and to you — of course! — for witnessing today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 287: Opening a can of worms

“Opening a can of worms” is an idiom.

“Idiom” is a word I avoid, sometimes, because it sounds like the word “idiot.”

When people use this idiom, it’s a warning about a possible negative result of change.

If you […insert change here….], you’ll be opening a can of worms!

I hear this a lot, from within and without.

If you try something new, and it doesn’t work, you’ll feel like an idiot!

If you ….

  1. change a process, at work or elsewhere,
  2. talk to somebody about something upsetting,
  3. introduce somebody new into your life,
  4. move, one way or another,
  5. take a risk, of any kind

… you might be opening up a can of worms.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!   Worms!!!

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Last week, at work, we were discussing a possible change, and a manager used that expression.

Yesterday, at home, I was discussing a possible change with my boyfriend, and he used that expression.

I’m not kidding, people, I hear that expression a lot.

This is what I said to my boyfriend, though:

Wait a minute!  We might be opening up a can of worms, it’s true.  But, Michael!  It’s just a can!

Because I was picturing a can of this size:

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and so was he.

So I asked,

Why are people so scared of opening a can of worms, then?

Here’s a quote, from Mental Floss, about the idiom:

Metaphorically speaking, to open a can of worms is to examine or attempt to solve some problem, only to inadvertently complicate it and create even more trouble. Literally speaking, opening a can of worms, as most fishermen can attest, can also mean more trouble than you bargained for.

Here’s another one, from Yahoo Answers:

Opening a can of worms means to start to reveal something that will be messy and hard to conceal. A literal can of worms would be filled with hundreds of squirmy worms that would fall all over the place. Attempting to catch all of them and get them back in the can would be very difficult. The same goes for so many things in our lives. Sometimes there are things that we say that can’t be reversed or put back in the can, as it were. And like the worms that spread out everywhere the thing in question will spread out and impact other people.

Hmmm.  So I guess the fear makes sense, doesn’t it?

But, as I said to Michael,

What if the worms DO all escape?  How can they hurt us, really?

I mean, it’s not like we’re opening up a Tanker of Tarantulas.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m not so scared about opening up a can of worms, right now.

Thanks to Michael, grasshopper_ramblin, spaghetti in cans, worms everywhere, people considering a change, and to you, of course, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 284: We never know how we affect people (The Ta-Da Pose)

I think, within the last 283 days,  I wrote another blog post about this:

We never know how we affect people

However,  I can’t locate that post right now.

But that’s not really important. Here’s what I wanted to write about, today.

Many years ago, I was driving alone at night, feeling low and discouraged about something.

I can’t remember what the hell I was feeling bad about, now.  (Isn’t that usually the way it works?  Problems that seem so important at the time often fade away, as time passes,  to nothing.)

I remember I was about to exit a supermarket parking lot, and I was waiting for a pedestrian to walk by.

I remember that pedestrian, quite well.  I wish I had a picture of him that I could share with you.

But I don’t.

Let’s see if I can capture and convey the experience to you.

I think the guy was wearing something unusual. I don’t have a great visual memory, so I can’t tell you what kind of clothing he had. But I think it was casual.  Maybe it was colorful.

He wasn’t  a serious, conventional business person. I know that. He looked like a “free spirit.” Again, my visual memory, for details, is fuzzy.

Here’s what I do remember clearly. As he crossed in front of my car, he caught my eye.

And without missing a beat, he made a “Ta-Da!” gesture.  That is, he stopped, smiled, put his arms out, and maybe even jumped a little, as if he was hearing, or making, a silent, triumphant trumpet noise.

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(Just for fun,  I’m going to Google-Image “Ta Da Pose” and see what I get.  Amazing!  Here’s the first thing that comes up:

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Here’s another one, with eye contact:

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That night, after the guy struck that Ta Da Pose ever-so-briefly,  he moved on.

I remember smiling back, then. Maybe I even laughed a little. (I’m not sure, because I was, after all, feeling very down.)

But I do remember this: I drove away, after this brief encounter, feeling changed.  Feeling better.

And to this day, when I am walking down the street, feeling and showing joy, I often think about that guy I met, many years ago.

He made a difference to me.

And who knows?  Maybe I sometimes make a difference like that, too.

Thanks to that guy, Endorphin Dude,  pose-strikers everywhere, and to you, of course, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Day 273: The Show About Everything

I told some people I love, yesterday, when we were in the middle of the home stretch of a “Breaking Bad” marathon, that my punchline about the show was this:

While

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was The Show About Nothing,

“Breaking Bad” was the The Show About Everything.

Here’s one random thought, this Monday morning,  about The Show About Everything:

People are hungry for great stories, about interesting people who change.

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Here are just  a few of the themes I noticed, over the weekend, in The Show About Everything:

Secrets/Revelations

Lying/Telling the truth

Trauma/Healing

Everything we do affects others, in ways we often cannot predict.

There is bad and good in all of us.

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The moment that is lingering for me, right now, after watching every episode, except for one*?

Walt, finally, saying something like this:

What I did, I did for myself.  I liked it. I was good at it.

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After the show was over, I said, to anybody who might have been listening at that point, “See?  Do what you love. Do what you’re good at.”

I assumed that I didn’t need to add something like this, “Of course, you need to make better choices than Walt did.”

I’m sure they know that, by now.

Okay!  I’ve got to go to work. (Not to cook, but to listen to stories.)

Thanks to those who do what they love, to people who have both good and bad in them, and to everybody making choices today. And many thanks to you, for being here.

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* I skipped watching “Rabid Dog,” on the advice of practically everybody.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Day 271: Room For Error

I am in the middle of watching a lot of “Breaking Bad” episodes, in an attempt to catch up. I would like to watch the final episode on Sunday with people I love.

I’m probably not going to make it, but I’m going to do my best.

I’m going to make decisions, recognizing there are trade-offs at each point.

I want to take care of myself first.

My priorities may shift, throughout this process.

I am currently watching the Fly episode.

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Walter White just said,

There is no room for error, not with these people.

Thank goodness I’m not dealing with people like that, these days.

Thanks to creative people, imperfectionists everywhere, and to you, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 262: Rx’s

Rx is:

A medical prescription. The symbol “Rx” is usually said to stand for the Latin word “recipe” meaning “to take.” It is customarily part of the superscription (heading) of a prescription.

Another explanation for the origin of Rx is that it was derived from the astrological sign for Jupiter which was once placed on prescriptions to invoke that god’s blessing on the drug to help the patient recover.

(from MedicineNet.com)

This is how Rx is written, on a prescription pad:

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Sometimes, at the end of a therapy session, I will write somebody a prescription, on a notepad, like this one:

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Whenever I write a prescription for somebody, I discuss it with them first. Then, after I write it, I hand it to them and say that I can rewrite it, if they want.

Sometimes the prescription is an action, sometimes it’s a phrase.

Here are some prescriptions I’ve written recently.

Rx:  “I’m doing the best I can.”

Rx:  Go more with your gut.

Rx: Ask yourself, “Does this thought help me?”

Rx: Focus on the phrase, “This will come to an end.”

When I hand somebody a prescription, I often say,  “Take as often as you want, when needed.”

So far, I haven’t heard about any adverse side effects.

Thanks to prescribers, old and new, and to you, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Day 261: Replies

That’s the topic for today, people!

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That’s the image for today, people!

Here are some replies that are on my mind, this morning :

Reply #1.

Yesterday, at work, I saw a co-worker I really like, who had been markedly kind to me when I first started my job, two years ago. These days, I don’t get to see her very often, so I was particularly happy to run into her.

As always, she looked and sounded kind, but worry was there, too, about how well she was doing at her new job.

I replied by saying, “You know, I was just thinking, this morning:  I’ve been at my position for two full years, and I am JUST NOW starting to truly believe that I know what I’m doing.”

Reply #2.

Yesterday, at work, I saw somebody in therapy for the first time, who told me some awful things that had happened to her, when she was a child.

On my white board, I wrote this, in big letters:

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

She replied by taking a picture of that, with her cell phone.

Reply #3.

Yesterday, on this blog, I wrote about my (sometimes) Dread of Anger.

Eric Tonningsen replied by writing this:

… Ann, two possibilities for your consideration: 1) You are choosing to be in dread so choose otherwise and; 2) Create a simple mantra or affirmation that you can use to acknowledge, then pass on dread. It can be as simple as saying “whatever” and laughing. I learned this from a 16 year young nephew. And it works – when I’m aware and at choice. Or…ask yourself, what purpose does it serve me to be dreadful? Two cents, unsolicited. 🙂

Reply #4.

Whenever I put something out there into the world, this thought can pop into my head:

I wonder what the reply will be?

Reply # 5.

Whatever!

I’m smiling, right now.

Thanks to Eric, his nephew, repliers and repliees* everywhere, and to you, for reading today.

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* A made-up word, which means somebody who gets a reply.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Day 259: Thoughts about “I’m Sorry.”

Here are some thoughts about the phrase, “I’m sorry,” this morning.

  • I said that to my sister yesterday, regarding some things I had done in the past. I could tell she thought those words were unnecessary, because this was similar to the look on her face.

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(Note: this image comes up in response to the word “bafflement.”)

  • I wrote that phrase on Facebook yesterday, in response to an unexpected loss for an old friend.
  • My first year at college, I was describing something upsetting that had happened to me, and my roommate, Marcia, said that phrase to me. I was puzzled (never hearing it used that way, before), and I replied, “Why? It’s not your fault.”
  • I think I hear women saying that phrase more than I hear men, especially in this situation: negotiating space issues with strangers while walking around in public.
  • About a decade ago, in a therapy group, I gave the assignment of keeping track of how often one said that phrase, over the course of one week. (I was later told that was a helpful assignment.)

I’m sorry to have to tell you that I need to end this post.

But first, another Google Image:

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(Two thoughts about that photo: (1) I should probably order that card from holycool.net and (2) that reminded me I need to eat some friggin’ thing, NOW.)

Thanks to my sister, to Marcia, to anybody who has ever said, “I’m sorry” (for any reason), and to you, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Day 258: All of you is lovable

All of you is lovable.

What does that mean?

All the different parts of you are lovable.

What does THAT mean?

I mean that all the things that make up you, in the moment, are lovable.  That includes all your feelings — even the ones you judge or disown (like fear, perhaps, or anger, or sadness). That includes all your body parts — even the ones you may not like so much.

Lots of things, in the past — bad and good — have contributed to what you are in this moment. But what you are, right now, is lovable.

Does that mean that you feel loved, or are loved?

I don’t know.

But I know that you are lovable.

All of you.

How do I know?

I’m very smart.

How can I prove that to you?

Read my friggin’ posts, people!

Thanks to humility, pride, and all the other parts of being human. And thanks to lovable you, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 253: September

Now that we’re into the month of September to the extent that it’s hitting people that we’re really into September, here’s what I’m noticing:

  • The topic of “perfectionism” keeps coming up, in therapy groups and elsewhere.
  • People (at least in the Northeast section of the U.S.) seem more confused than usual about what to expect from the outside environment.
  • People (at least in the Northeast section of the U.S.) seem more confused than usual about what to expect from themselves.

Those are some things I’m observing. (Although, as I often hear people say, “Maybe it’s just me.”)

How about a photo to end this post?

The first thing I do, when I decide to use a photo, is to check my iPhone, to see if there are any photos I’ve taken that I haven’t used in a blog post yet.

Nope, nope, nope, nope. (Perhaps I’ll have to go to Google Images, this morning.)

Wait! Here’s one I took several weeks ago:

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Why do I think this is a great photo for this post?

  • There’s a specific reference to the month of September.
  • There’s a mistake within the photo.
  • This reminds me that mistakes can make people smile (not just annoy them).
  • The sign, despite the mistake, still got the job done.
  • And, last but not least, the sign shows that all things, especially inconveniences, will come to an end.

Thanks for reading, today!

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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