Posts Tagged With: cognitive distortions

Day 1159: Good enough

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, in therapy, somebody described feeling guilty about how good a friend they were to somebody else. We discussed how we humans tend to think of ourselves as all good OR all bad — in friendship, at work, with families, etc. — flipping back and forth between the two extreme judgments of ourselves.

I suggested that this person always think of themselves of a “good enough friend” no matter what, rather than getting caught in the trap of “all or nothing” thinking.

Is this post good enough?

It IS good enough, but I can make it better by adding all the photos I took yesterday.

It’s good enough, here and now, to let you know that last night’s therapy group chose to focus on the topic of “Happy/Happiness.” During that group, I drew the two pictures shown directly above AND I also wrote down the lyrics of this good enough song by Pharrell Williams:

I hope you know that any thoughts or feelings you share here are good enough for me.

Good enough thanks to all!

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Happy" by Pharrell Williams, all or nothing thinking, black and white thinking, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive distortions, good enough, happiness | 43 Comments

Day 1145: Comparisons

Posted on February 19, 2016 by Ann Koplow

When I woke up this morning in my incomparable friend Jeanette’s home in Philadelphia, I knew today’s blog post would be called “Comparisons.”

Comparing myself to other human beings, I think we all do many comparisons, every day, including:

Comparisons of ourselves to other people.
Comparisons of the present to the past.
Comparisons of reality to what we think should be.

How would you compare my comparatively short list of common comparisons to comparisons you’ve noticed?

Compared to other definitions, here’s how “Comparisons” are defined in my list of Cognitive Distortions (Automatic and Unhelpful Thoughts):

Comparisons.
We compare ourselves to others, with ourselves coming out short. For example, “I’m not as smart (or good, competent, good-looking, lovable, etc.) as that other person.” Or, we compare ourselves to how we think we should be, or how we’ve been before. We might think that comparisons help motivate us, but they usually make us feel worse.

Comparing this to other blog posts I’ve written, I need to include:

an explanation of why “Comparisons” was on my mind when I woke up. In two days, I’ll be trying out for “The Voice,” where my voice will be compared to thousands of others.
photos, which could be compared to each other and/or to other photos you’ve seen.

I am now comparing the size of two of those photos, above, to what I want them to be. Here are the two Rumi quotes on Jeanette’s kitchen cabinets, comparatively larger, so you can compare them:

How would you compare this post to others?

Many thanks to Jeanette, to Rumi, and to my readers, all beyond compare.

Categories: friendship, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: CBT, cognitive distortions, comparisons to others, letting go of fear, Rumi, trying out for The Voice | 38 Comments

Day 1132: Be suspicious

Posted on February 6, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Are you suspicious of

other people?
yourself?
what you hear?
what you see?
what you smell?
what you taste?
what you touch?
the water you drink?
the food you eat?
the news media?
weather forecasts?
other predictions about the future?
your memory?
your beliefs?
other people’s beliefs?
technology?
the internet?
what other people tell you?
the unknown?
advertising?
cultural norms?
your own dreams?
things that are too good to be true?
blogs?

Be suspicious about other people listing your possible suspicions. What are you suspicious of?

Be suspicious about what inspires my post titles, which is often something I’ve seen the day before.

Be suspicious of other people telling you what to do.

I tend to be suspicious of

harshly critical thoughts
cognitive distortions (a suspiciously complete list of those is here)
easy answers
phony smiles
people who don’t listen
rigidity, and
too much suspicion.

Be suspicious when somebody offers to show you pictures, such as these:

Please don’t be suspicious about leaving a comment, which I suspect will be awesome.

Be suspicious when I don’t express thanks to all those who help me create a post and also to you — of course! — for reading my suspicious blog, here and now.

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: cognitive distortions, dealing with suspicions, suspicions, suspiciousness, trust | 43 Comments

Day 1124: When somebody leaves the room

Posted on January 29, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Recently, at a therapy group of people who had all never met each other before, somebody left the room and stayed away for quite a while.

I noticed the absence. The other members of the group didn’t seem to, as they talked about everything but the missing person. However, because of my experience with groups, I knew that everybody was as aware of the absence as I was.

Sure enough, when I invited feelings and thoughts about that — simply by asking “Is anybody having any reactions to ___ leaving the room?” — that triggered an outpouring of thoughts and feelings, including worry, concern, projection (“___ looked very upset”), personalization (“I figured it was something about me”), and wishes that I would do something (“Maybe you should go after them and see if they’re okay!”). However, I know enough about group work NOT to leave the room, no matter what people’s worries and concerns are.

While people were talking about the person who had left the room, the door opened and that person came back in, bearing bags of food for the rest of the group. Why? Because several people had mentioned earlier in the group session that they were feeling hungry.

No matter how many times I’ve facilitated groups, I continue to be amazed at what happens there, including

unexpressed thoughts and feelings
people’s willingness to share, if they feel safe enough
projected fears
cognitive distortions including mind-reading, personalization, and catastrophizing
generosity and
countless other beautifully human reactions.

As I said, a week ago today, at a presentation about group work to the Massachusetts Psychological Association:

When I watch the news, I despair for the future of this planet. When I sit in my therapy groups and observe human behavior, I have infinite hope and optimism.

Before you leave the room today, here are some photos I took yesterday, inside and outside of therapy rooms:

What feelings and thoughts might you express, before you leave this WordPress room?

Thanks to all the human heroes who helped me write this post and to you — of course! — for visiting here, today.

Categories: group psychotherapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: cognitive distortions, generousity, group dynamics, humanity, mind reading, Personalization, projection, tolerating uncomfortable feelings | 29 Comments

Day 1122: Overwhelmed

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, people in my therapy group were overwhelmed with many stressful problems. Therefore, I suggested that we write, draw, or otherwise express ourselves about being overwhelmed.

If it’s not too overwhelming, how might you answer those questions?

Here’s how I answered Question #1: What is your personal experience of being overwhelmed?

As a way to let go of being overwhelmed, I shall now list what might overwhelm me, in the moment:

Fear.
Worry.
Anticipation of what might go wrong in the future.
Anticipation of what might go right in the future.
Concerns about other people’s judgments.
All the things I’m supposed to get done today.
All the things I’m supposed to get done during this time of the year (including TAXES).
Things I cannot control, such as the weather.
My 63rd birthday, coming up in less than a week.

For me, what helps is to make a list of what might overwhelm me, like the one above. Then, it all seems less overwhelming, especially if I challenge what’s on the list, like so:

Life is scary, so feel the fear and do it anyway.
Worry doesn’t help me. Don’t worry, be happy. What me worry? Let go of worry about worry!
I can’t control the future; I can only do my best in the moment.
Really? I’m overwhelmed by what might go RIGHT? How goofy is that?
I can’t control what other people think or how they judge. And, I know that other people’s judgments and thoughts can’t really hurt me. Are you judging me now? Guess what! It doesn’t touch me!
What if I don’t get everything done today? Is the world going to end? I think not.
See #6, above.
“There is no bad weather, only bad clothing.”
Up until now, I’ve always loved my birthday (because it’s GROUNDHOG DAY) and I’m grateful I’m still here.

I don’t know about you, but I feel less overwhelmed.

Are you overwhelmed by any of my other photos from yesterday?

Overwhelmed by all this? Try making a list and letting it go.

Overwhelming thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for visiting here, today.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: accepting all feelings, adult to adult interactions, CBT, cognitive distortions, feeling overwhelmed, kindness, letting go of fear, Letting go of worry, what other people think | 46 Comments

Day 1120: More fortune telling

Posted on January 25, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Fortune telling — as my regular readers might be fortunate enough to tell — is a very common “cognitive distortion.”

Fortune telling.
We believe we know what the future holds, as if we have psychic powers. We make negative predictions, feeling convinced these are unavoidable facts. Examples of fortune telling: “I am going to fail,” “This situation will never change.”

I’m fortune telling, now, that this post may get several comments identifying with that very human and pervasive way of thinking.

Why do we so often believe we know what the future holds, as if we have psychic powers? Maybe it’s because the uncertainty and the unknown of the future are difficult for us to tolerate. Maybe we believe we will do better in our lives if we’re prepared for what’s coming.

People who see me for individual and group therapy often express a wish to know the future. Some of them have visited psychics. Actually, I visited a psychic or two, in my youth. One of my friends from college regularly did tarot card readings for me.

Lately, I’ve been visiting an online tarot card site. Why? Because

it’s fun,
it’s free,
I’ll be reconnecting with that tarot-reading friend from college sometime soon, and
I like suspending my disbelief, for a few moments, to pretend I know something about the future.

Yesterday, I asked this question of the online tarot cards:

What does the future hold, for my blogging?

And here are the answers:

What do you think of that fortune telling? It’s my fortune to tell you these things about those cards:

My college friend, Diana, would often reassure me that the “Death” card did NOT mean death, but rather change.
I often tell myself and other people “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
That seems like a pretty positive, hopeful reading, to me.
The fortune telling in those cards may have been affected by somebody else playing with the keyboard when I still needed to choose 2 more cards.

My fortune telling readers might foretell there are some other quickly-snapped photos in their immediate future.

I foresee some wicked cool, new, delicious, magic, fresh, lovely, and rockin’ comments in my future. And I don’t need an online tarot card site to tell me that.

Thanks to all who fortune-tell, including you!

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive distortion of fortune telling, cognitive distortions, dealing with uncertainty, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, tarot cards, tolerating uncertainty | 36 Comments

Day 1105: How to Catastrophize

Posted on January 10, 2016 by Ann Koplow

This is the 1105th consecutive day I’ve posted for this cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)-oriented blog, and it’s the first time I’ve ever used the word “Catastrophize” in the title, much less explained how to do it.

Oh no! This is a catastrophe! Horrible things are going to happen!

What horrible things might happen?

My readers will be disappointed!
Some will stop reading this blog in disgust!
People will look up the word “catastrophize” and realize it’s a made-up word!
I will lose all credibility in the elite group of CBT bloggers!
I’ll get lots of angry comments, below!
WordPress will finally look at one of my posts to consider me for “Freshly Pressed,” realize what a failure I am, and put me (or keep me) on a list of “Never Freshly Press this Blog, NO MATTER WHAT!”
My life as a blogger will be over!
Word will get out to the real world, and all my patients will stop seeing me for CBT-oriented therapy!
I’ll get fired from my job!
I’ll become penniless!
All my friends and family will abandon me!
My life will be irrevocably ruined!
This will kill me!

See how it works?

If you want to apply my humble example of catastrophizing, above, to any situation, it helps to

identify all your worst fears,
link them to your current situation,
use the prodigious powers of your imagination, and
don’t hold back!

For some reason, human minds seem to be designed for catastrophizing. So if you start today, soon you’ll be catastrophizing with the best of them!

I’m catastrophizing, now, that if I don’t give you a list of possible side effects of catastrophizing, I might be in big trouble with some powerful people and organizations (whoever they might be). Therefore, I will now tell you that side effects of catastrophizing MIGHT include:

anxiety
depression
increased stress
lower self esteem
sleeplessness
lack of appetite
increase of appetite
exacerbation of physical illnesses
isolation
death.

Hmmm. I wonder what catastrophes my using the word “death” in this blog post will unleash in the blogosphere?

If this blog post helps you become SO good at catastrophizing that you have trouble turning it off (like lots of other people), try these antidotes:

Take a breath.
Tell yourself: “I am safer than it feels.”
Soothe yourself with nature, music, or other things that have helped in the past.
Connect with somebody trustworthy, if possible.
Make sure you’re taking care of yourself by getting enough nourishing food, water, sleep, etc.
Remember you are not alone.

Okay! Let’s see if I have any photos on my iPhone to illustrate “How to Catastrophize.” I know I took very few pictures yesterday, so chances are all those photos are going to suck!

Any potential catastrophes there?

Catastrophizing thanks to all who helped me create this catastrophic post and to you — watch out! — for reading it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy | Tags: Catastrophizing, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive distortions, letting go of fear, self-care | 65 Comments

Day 1102: Surprising

Posted on January 7, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, it was surprising to me that somebody described me as “surprising” during a group therapy exercise.

I’ve been surprising people with group therapy exercises for a surprising number of years. Because yesterday’s group therapy exercise was new to all the participants, they found it surprising how useful and moving it was.

I shall now explain, in surprising detail, yesterday’s group therapy exercise:

People wrote down, on a single sheet sheet of paper, negative and unhelpful beliefs about themselves, which they’ve been carrying around for a surprising long time. (See here for a definition of “labeling” — a surprisingly common and toxic cognitive distortion.)
It was surprising to me how many of us wrote down the words “weird” and “stupid” for this part of the exercise.
People shared their negative self-talk with others in the group, who found it surprising how harshly the other members judged themselves.
The group participants ripped up and threw away, in the trash, their negative descriptions, surprising themselves with how great that felt.
Without any instruction from me, surprising and strong applause greeted every trashing of old, negative self-talk.
It was probably surprising to the participants when I next instructed them to write down positive descriptions of themselves and/or others in the group.
It’s not surprising to me that people find it much easier to write down positive descriptions of other people than to write down positive descriptions of themselves.
It was surprising to every group member how many positive things others wrote about them.

I hope it’s not surprising that I will gladly clarify any aspect of that exercise, if you wish.

Here are some surprising images I captured after yesterday morning’s surprising group therapy session:

Which of those are most surprising to you?

Here’s my final thought about “surprising”: It’s not surprising to me that surprising and wonderful changes can occur when people are surprised by more positive images of themselves.

Surprising thanks to all the surprising people, cats, and dogs that helped me create today’s surprising post and special thanks to you — surprise! — for reading it.

Categories: group psychotherapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: accepting compliments, changing self-image, cognitive distortion "labeling", cognitive distortions, group therapy exercise, healing in group, letting go of negative message, negative self talk | 36 Comments

Day 1079: Trash

Posted on December 15, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Here are my first associations with “trash” this morning:

In order to make room on my hard drive, I am trashing many things which do not stay trashed until I empty trash many times.
My boyfriend Michael, almost every trash day, wonders why taking out the trash can feel so arduous.
“He who steals my purse steals trash.” — William Shakespeare
One person’s trash is another person’s valuables.
Every time I write something (including each daily blog post), I am deciding what to keep and what to trash.
In my work as a psychotherapist, I help others trash unhelpful and habitual ways of thinking which are difficult to trash (like the trash described in #1, above).

What are your associations with the word “trash”?

Should I have trashed any of these recent photos and why?

I would never consider any comment from you trash. And remember, only you can decide what is valuable and what is trash, in your life.

Valuable thanks to all who helped me create this trashy post and special thanks to you — of course! — for reading it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, Psychotherapy | Tags: CBT, cognitive distortions, definition of trash, disc space, letting go, making room, what is trash, what is valuable | 31 Comments

Day 1075: Breaking Barriers

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Ann Koplow

At a therapy group last night, people talked about their experience of breaking barriers, including:

fear,
self-consciousness,
rejection,
perfectionism,
distrust,
insecurity,
differences,
shame,
guilt,
doubt,
miscommunication,
hopelessness,
old habits,
misunderstandings,
pain,
assumptions,
toxic/difficult/mean/uncaring people, and
internalized negative messages.

My imperfect memory is definitely a barrier to including all the barriers discussed during that interesting group session. I do remember one of the group members recommending this, as a way to break barriers: