I was just visualizing a post I may have already written about “Visualizing,” here at my camel-staring-at-the-pyramids blog site. In order to help in my visualization, I’m asking myself questions, such as: What would a post titled “Visualizing” look like? What words, pictures, colors, textures, and other details might it have? How do I see it, in my mind’s eye?
A “Visualizing” post does not yet exist, here at this adventure-journal-on-wood-background site. Therefore, I am now in the midst of visualizing and creating today’s post, which I’ll soon send out into the world (which I’m visualizing as a green and blue sphere floating in a vast blanket of stars).
Yesterday, if you can visualize this, I facilitated a therapy group in my Boston office where people visualized the effects of shame.
How might you visualize shame?
To help you visualize my office, here are some recent photos people have visualized here before:
Here are some ways the group in that office was visualizing shame, yesterday :
eyes down and averted,
face hidden,
becoming smaller,
drawing oneself inward,
a child bullied by others, and
the colors brown and yellow.
Then, yesterday’s therapy group visualized some affirmations:
Can you visualize your own affirmations? Can you visualize all the effects of believing all the affirmations on that page? Can you visualize me, yesterday, choosing to recite this affirmation in group?
I am already worthy as a person. I don’t have to prove myself.
Here are three other images I visualized yesterday:
Now I’m visualizing the comments I might get about this post.
Thank you, my dear readers, for visualizing the possibility of visiting here, today.
in therapy, people talk a lot about what other people think and do,
other people are going to be judging my voice in February, when I try out for the TV show “The Voice,”
other people are reading this blog today (including you),
I am facilitating a therapy group this morning with eleven other people,
I am visiting Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts this afternoon, to see paintings by Vermeer, Rembrandt, and other people, and
other people have recently been labeling me “edgy,” “quirky,” “attention-starved,” “caring,” “looking exactly like your son Aaron,” and “looking nothing like your son Aaron.”
Why do we spend so much time wondering what other people might think and might do?
After all, other people are just people (like me and like you).
If other people want to read other posts about other people, this other person suggests other people look here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Other people (other than you) are responsible for these other photos:
Now I’m wondering what other people think of those other photos.
Other thoughts, other people?
One other sentence: Thanks to other people, everywhere, for visiting this other person today.
Hey — you seem like a cool cat! That line of work must be very challenging. I admire your consistent, long-running posts, too 🙂 — cmblackwood
Miles Davis for me. He was so cool, if he was alive today global warming wouldn’t be a problem! — Paul S.
Also, fellow WordPresser coffeegrounded did the coolest thing: she honored me with the coolest award (even though I don’t do anything with cool WordPress awards besides appreciating them).
What’s the coolest thing somebody has done for you, lately?
I’m trying to decide what my coolest activity might be, today:
Individual therapy, where I work.
Group therapy, which is the coolest therapy (I believe) because “the more the merrier.”
Getting fitted for a dental device for my sleep apnea, which will be much cooler ( I hope) than the C-Pap and Bi-Pap machines I’ve been using through some coolest and warmest months.
Getting my teeth cleaned, pre-medicating with some cool oral antibiotics rather than the intravenous antibiotics I’ve had to use over many of the coolest years around here, in Massachusetts.
Coolest thanks to cmblackwood, Paul S., coffeegrounded, Gwen Stefani, Alesso, West Side Story, all those who help make my life the coolest, and you — of course! — for being here, now (which is the coolest place to be).
Every day, I stop and take time to blog. Yesterday morning, after I’d taken the time and the room to write my post, I dropped one of my favorite watches. It fell face down and — with the sound of glass meeting wooden floor — time stopped for me momentarily, as I catastrophized and imagined the worst:
I’ve broken that watch. I know it’s ruined.
When I picked up my beloved time-keeper, my negative thoughts stopped because I saw a face neither broken nor scratched. I then stopped to take the time to put on my watch, carefully.
Later in the day, I glanced at my watch to discover it had stopped.
I realized it was stopped at the exact time I had dropped my watch at home.
For the rest of the day, time was stopped at five minutes to 10, according to my watch. Nevertheless, I did not stop using my time at work.
After my time at work had stopped, I went to see a dance concert at one of Boston’s most popular venues, The Orpheum Theater. Throughout my life, I’ve stopped to enjoy performances at the Orpheum by Bruce Springsteen, Pat Metheny, the Moody Blues, and many other amazing musicians.
I stopped to snap these photos:
At some point during the night, time stopped again as I heard about the violence in Paris — at a soccer field, cafes, and a concert hall much like the Orpheum.
I hope the violence stops.
I’m stopping this post to express my grief about time stopping for so many, last night.
Finally, I never stop feeling grateful for those who dance, those who read, and those who work for peace.
Have you ever thought that something was too good to be true? Was it too good? And was it true?
Why do we think that something can be too good to be true? Don’t we truly deserve good things to happen to us, as often as possible?
Here’s something true. I’ve never, ever had this thought:
That’s too bad to be true.
Why is that true, good people?
If something seems too good to be true, people often have distorted thoughts about it, including:
I don’t deserve this.
This is going to be taken away.
I better not talk about this.
Something terrible is going to happen.
Is that true for you, good readers?
Yesterday, I remarked that I was having a day that was too good to be true, because:
I found out that a good and true therapist is going to be hired by the hospital to work with me.
I saw reviews for my presentation at the hospital from a week ago that were so good that I wondered if they were true.
The temperature was a too-good-to-be-true-for-Boston-in-November 74 degrees.
My Thursday evening therapy group made me write “Ann is the best ever” on the white board. I wouldn’t believe that was true unless I had this good proof:
It’s true that a good member of the group last night also brought up AFOG (which stands for “Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth”). It’s too good to be true that I started this daily blog almost three years ago to help me write a book titled “AFOG.” If you don’t think that’s true, please read my good enough “About” page.
Have I truly written a book with the good title “AFOG”? No, because blogging every day since January 1, 2013 has been too good to be true for me.
Let’s see if I have any other photos from yesterday that are too good to be true.
I wonder if I can find some too-good-to-be-true music for this post.
It’s true that a good and superstitious person told me, yesterday, that I should throw salt over my left shoulder because of my too-good-to-be-true day. Here‘s too-good-to-be-true Stevie Wonder:
It’s too good to be true that my last photo matches that music, so well.
True thanks to all the good people who helped me write this post and to you — of course! — for being so true, to me.
Yesterday, because there’s just one of me and I had so many things to do, I took just one photo.
I shall take just one moment to explain just one photo: Asking just one question beginning with “What was your intent when …?” can be a helpful and effective way to respond, when just one person says just one thing you find puzzling, upsetting, or concerning.
I will give just one example of that:
Somebody: You look terrible.
Response: What was your intent when you said that?
I made just one mistake there — I remembered the title of “Just a Song Before I Go” as “Just One Song Before I Go.”
It took me just one second to forgive myself for that.
Just one comment from YouTube about that song:
“The Crosby, Stills, and Nash song “Just a Song Before I Go” was written on a dare by their limo driver that they couldn’t write a song before getting to the airport. It went on to become one of their biggest hits.”
Just one quote from that song:
Travelling twice the speed of sound
It’s easy to get burned
Because Crosby Still and Nash sing just one verse more than just one time, I think that’s just one piece of advice I’m going to take today.
What’s that just one piece of advice I’m going to take? Just two words:
Slow down
What’s just one thing you’d like to say about this post? If you leave just one comment, I’ll leave just one response later in the day.
Yesterday, I was on fire, taking photos for today’s blog.
For those of you not familiar with the idiom “on fire” — I wasn’t actually engulfed in flames; I was inspired by the visuals around me and I captured them with enthusiasm.
I was also on fire listening to lots of music I love, as I went through my day.
As usual, I was on fire with many ideas about
what title to use for this blog post,
what topics to include,
which pictures to choose, and
what music I might share.
Yesterday, after work — when I was on fire trying my hardest to solve my current blogging problem of transferring photos from my iPhone to my laptop — I came up with today’s title.
Much earlier in the day, I was on fire with the idea of naming this post “People You Can Count On.”
Are you on fire to learn more about my process of being on fire throughout the day?
After looking at that last photo — which includes water, fire’s natural enemy — I am now on fire to share these thoughts with you:
Michael, my boyfriend, takes control of the laundry here, and I’m happily on fire about that.
When I can’t control things in my environment — like transferring photos from my phone to my laptop, which SHOULD be easy — I am sometimes on fire with frustration and anger.
I was on fire yesterday, at work, helping other people identify, express, and let go of frustration and anger.
What music am I on fire about sharing with you now?
When I was in my 20s, I was on fire with admiration for John McLaughlin and the Mahavishnu Orchestra, and I loved listening to his album, Inner Mounting Flame.
That On-Fire tune is called “Vital Transformation.” I was also on fire, this morning, when I discovered this string quartet version of John McLaughlin’s transforming music:
I met a new girl at a barbecue, actually, a very pretty girl. Blonde, I think. I’m not sure. Her hair was on fire. And all she talked about was herself. You know those kind of girls – “I’m hot. I’m on fire!” You know,”Me, me me!” “Help me! Put me out!” Jesus. Some sort of Hollywood chick.
Are you on fire with any thoughts or feelings about this post? Leaving a comment might help you put that fire out.
Thanks to everybody who helped me be on fire, today, creating this blog post and thanks to you — of course! — for heating things up here with your support.
Talking about anxiety — in therapy and elsewhere — can make it worse, before it gets better.
Might any of these photos from yesterday make anybody’s anxiety worse?
Actually, believing that you are worthwhile right now — no matter what you are doing or have done in the past, no matter how far away you are from where you want to be — can make anxiety worse, for people.
Why?
Changing any habitual, old belief, no matter how anxiety-provoking and toxic it is, can make anxiety much worse, temporarily.
What do you think makes anxiety worse? Would it worsen anxiety to write about that in a comment here?
Personally, when I share my anxiety with other people, my anxiety does NOT get worse.
What makes my anxiety worse?
The approach of cold, dark, and snowy weather here in the northeastern USA.
Not enough self-care, including sleep, nourishing food, water, relaxation, and connections with supportive people.
Human and automatic “cognitive distortions” like shoulds, fortune-telling, catastrophizing, mind-reading, emotional reasoning, blaming, all-or-nothing thinking, etc.
Suppressing, denying, or stuffing my feelings, especially “unpleasant” ones like sadness or anger.
Doctors who tell me that my very unusual heart — with ventricles and valves doing jobs they were not designed to do — will not last as long as a normal heart.
Here’s something that helps me let go of anxiety: getting a good enough sense of closure.
Yesterday, I decided to get some closure with two doctors at a major teaching hospital in Boston who, last April 1, told me:
my heart was deteriorating,
the non-invasive procedure my doctors were planning would not work,
my doctors had “done me wrong” by not replacing my leaky valve years ago, and
my only hope to live longer and not “die a miserable death” was to quit my doctors, work with them instead, and get a valve replacement, STAT.
That meeting, as you can imagine, made my anxiety much worse.
After months of anxiety, I decided to stay with my doctors and get the non-invasive procedure — the implant of a pacemaker/defibrillator combination ICD (Implantable Cardiac Device) — instead of the much more dangerous (for my unusual heart) valve replacement.
However, it has still worsened my anxiety whenever I’ve remembered the doctors who told me how that procedure would be useless, foolish, and ultimately dangerous for me.
Yesterday, I wrote this brief email to those two doctors:
On April 1, 2015, both of you met with me to discuss my cctga and possible future treatments. I wanted to let you know that I did have an ICD implanted at Tufts Medical Center in May and, as of the writing, I am feeling better.
Thank you for all your help and best wishes to both of you.
Putting closure on that experience definitely helped my anxiety.
Now, I just need to get a good enough sense of closure about the New England weather.
Here’s some music that lessened my anxiety as I was walking to work yesterday:
Many thanks to Stevie Wonder, to human beings everywhere who do their best to lessen anxiety, and to you — of course! — for reading this anxiety-focused post, today.
Yesterday, I met with a very interesting person who, interestingly enough, feels uninteresting. Feeling uninteresting causes this person to avoid interacting with other people, for fear of being seen and judged as not interesting.
It’s interesting to me how many interesting people suffer from these kinds of fears. I, as an interested psychotherapist, am very interested in helping people reduce the interestingly common cognitive distortion of labeling themselves
uninteresting,
unworthy,
unlovable, and
other harsh, judgmental, painful and interestingly destructive adjectives.
Therefore, I gave this interesting person two interesting prescriptions yesterday, of different strengths:
Here are some other interesting photos I took during my interesting yesterday.
Which photo did you find most interesting? I was most interested in the last one. I was so interested in it, I had the interesting plan of giving this interesting post today the interesting title of “No Title.”
I find it interesting how my iPhone — on which I write these interesting posts — recognized the interesting word “agley.” My phone is more interesting than I realized.
Interested in what interesting music I might choose for this interesting post?
Here‘s the interesting tune that was playing in my interestingly yellow Honda Fit when I took that last interesting photo:
That interestingly reminds me that I should probably go on a grapefruit diet before my high school reunion, which is sure to be interesting, next month.
As always, I am interested in what you find damn interesting about this post.
Interesting and interested thanks to all the interesting people who helped me create this interesting post and to you — interestingly enough — for being interested enough to read it.
Last night, in a therapy group, we focused in the concept of “taking a break”‘(among many other issues).
I am taking a break in this post, already, to interject my belief that “taking a break” was on people’s minds last night partly because their friendly neighborhood group facilitator (that’s me) will be taking a vacation break for the next two weeks.
During the group last night, we discussed how difficult it can be for people to
take breaks, to get some much-needed rest, and
get breaks, from bad luck and other unfortunate circumstances beyond their control.
When I start my two-week vacation tomorrow, I hope I can get breaks from
… but I work hard at getting breaks from those, even when I am not on vacation.
I am taking another break, in this post, to wonder why taking breaks from worry, fear, etc. is SO difficult for me and other humans beings. Geeesh!!! Can’t we ever get a break?
At this point, I am not sure how I am going to get breaks during my trip next week to Edinburgh, Scotland, to send my daily posts to you, through WordPress.
But, PLEASE do not suggest that I take a break from WordPress during my travels, dear readers! I hope I’ve broken through any doubts about something, by blogging daily, since January 1, 2013, through
So, as I like to say, in individual therapy, group therapy, and elsewhere:
We’ll figure it out.
I just hope my thumbs don’t break, with all this typing on my friggin’ iPhone keyboard.
Let’s see what other images I captured on my iPhone, during breaks in the action yesterday:
I took a break during a mindfulness exercise in my 3 PM group to notice that this Buddha on my desk looked like he was laughing. That gave me one of my most delightful breaks of the day.
I took a break during that same group to respond to a group member’s request for guidance in dealing with a difficult family situation.
Then, when my day was done, I took some breaks during the walk to my work garage to snap these seven photos:
I know that Fenway Park in Boston (glimpsed in most of those photos) , was filled last night with thousands of lucky people taking breaks to enjoy two of my favorite musicians — James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt. While I would love to see them both performing live some day, I would never take a break from my therapy groups to do that.
I am taking another break to inform you that WordPress, this morning, is taking MUCH longer breaks than usual, uploading my photos. I wonder if — after posting so many photos for so many consecutive days — I’ve finally broken WordPress.
I just took a break from writing this post to create more storage space for my photos on WordPress, by breaking down the number of pixels for several old pictures here (including some I took during a previous visit to Edinburgh). That gave me a wonderful break to remember how beautiful Edinburgh is.
That’s not one of the photos I just broke down, but I’m sure that my son Aaron (breaking into a smile on the left), my ex-sister-in-law Deborah, and I will soon be seeing Professor Neal Portenza (right) in his new show titled “Catchy Show Title” at the 2015 Edinburgh Festival Fringe (which opened last night!!).
I’m going to take one more break for myself to post one more photo here, of cats taking a break:
A beautiful break of thanks to Bonnie Raitt, to James Taylor, to Cin CA (for posting that video on YouTube), to Aaron, to Deborah, to Dr. Neal Portenza, to all the people in my therapy groups, to everybody who took a healing break yesterday, to cool cats everywhere, and to you — OF COURSE! — for taking a break to visit me here, today.
