Monthly Archives: November 2017

Day 1775: Optics

Posted on November 10, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday morning, while I was listening to the news, somebody used the word “optics” to mean

the way in which an event or course of action is perceived by the public.

In other words, “optics” now means the way things look, in addition to the original meaning:

the scientific study of sight and the behavior of light, or the properties of transmission and deflection of other forms of radiation

People sometimes seem more concerned about the way things look, rather than the way things are. That doesn’t look good to me.

During the day, I took these pictures with “optics” on my mind:

At the end of the day, I had a long phone conversation with my son Aaron about what people are saying about Louis C.K., a comic artist we have both admired. The optics for Louis C.K. are so bad, here and now, that he is perceived as done. The optics on my phone, as I FaceTimed last night with Aaron, showed a tired-looking 19-year-old red-headed comedian and student at the University of Edinburgh, struggling to make sense of all the current stories of show business predators.

For those who look for YouTube optics in this daily blog, here’s what comes up when I search for “Optics song”:

I can’t make sense of that, either.

Any comments you make about all this will look good to me.

Here are some optics that mean “Thanks” to my son, my workplace, and — of course — to you.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: appearances, Louis C.K., Optical Illusion Dance, show business predators, the meaning of optics, the way things look | 32 Comments

Day 1774: “I’m out of here”

Posted on November 9, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, before people were out of my Wednesday morning therapy group, somebody said “I’m out of here” regarding a stressful, toxic family relationship.

I invited the group members to express thoughts, feelings, and associations about “I’m out of here” using words, drawings, poetry, or interpretive dance. I then did an interpretive dance of “I’m out of here” by leaving the group room to get a drink of water.

What are your thoughts, feelings, and associations about “I’m out of here”?

Let’s get yesterday’s photos out of my iPhone and into this post.

Those ducks are out of their usual element because Michael has been using a computer programming technique out of here called “Rubber Duck debugging.” He prefers to express his thoughts, while he programs, to the purple rubber duck out of Scotland (here). Why? Because it looks more interested than the Hearing Duck (which is out of here).

Here‘s Shania Twain singing “I’m Out of Here.”

I’m out of here, but not before I express thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "If You're Not in it for Love", difficult people, Fratelli's Pastry Shop, Nuts Inc., Rubber Duck debugging, rubber ducks, setting limits, Shania Twain, toxic relationships | 12 Comments

Day 1773: Regrets

Posted on November 8, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Even though I talk to people about regrets at work, I have never written a blog post with “regrets” in the title. I guess you could say this (almost) five-year-old daily blog has no regrets.

At work — where I practice individual therapy, group therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Motivational Interviewing — I invite people to let go of regrets, because regrets are about past actions (or inactions) and we cannot change the past.

In the spirit of the late Peter Sellers — who said that the only regret he had in life was seeing the movie The Magus –– the only regret I have, here and now, is installing the latest Apple update on my iPhone. Considering how long I’ve lived, only one regret is pretty good.

I have no regrets about the photos I took yesterday.

Here’s a Cole Porter tune about regrets, sung by the great Ethel Waters:

Any regrets? There’s room for them (and anything else) in the comments section below.

Miss Koplow regrets she’s unable to share a new photo expressing her thanks to all who helped her create this post and — of course! — to you. She lets go of that regret by sharing an old photo.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Cod dish, Cole Porter, election day, Ethel Waters, letting go of regrets, Miss Otis Regrets, Motivational Interviewing, Peter Sellers | 21 Comments

Day 1772: The fight, flight, or freeze response of cave dwellers can ruin modern life

Posted on November 7, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday morning, when I was fighting to fly to work on time, I froze when I saw this:

The fight, flight or freeze response of cave dwellers can ruin modern life.

Before I read that article by Kate Murphy in the New York Times, I knew it would echo many things I’ve been telling my patients for years, including:

fear and its companion — the fight, flight or freeze response — can save us from danger,
however, the level of fear we experience today is based on the realities of the distant past — the danger-filled lives of our cave-dwelling ancestors who lived under constant threat of invading tribes and wild animals, and
that level of fear interferes with modern life.

Here’s a quote from that article:

“Change has occurred so rapidly for our species that now we are equipped with brains that are super sensitive to threat but also super capable of planning, thinking, forecasting and looking ahead,” said Ahmad Hariri, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. “So we essentially drive ourselves nuts worrying about things because we have too much time and don’t have many real threats on our survival, so fear gets expressed in these really strange, maladaptive ways.”

I don’t want to drive ourselves nuts by spending too much time on that article here, but I recommend you read the whole thing. And I do want to include a few more quotes from the article before another flight into photography.

Consciously activating the more measured, analytical part of your brain is the key to controlling runaway fear and anxiety.
Arresting an overactive amygdala requires first realizing and then admitting you’re feeling uneasy and scared.
“The more you try to suppress fear, either by ignoring it or doing something else to displace it, the more you will actually experience it.”
The amygdala is less apt to freak out if you are reminded that you are loved or could be loved. For example, seeing images of people with frightened expressions is usually a huge trigger for the amygdala, but that response is greatly diminished when subjects are first shown pictures of people being cared for or hugged.
Just as fear can be contagious, so can courage, caring and calm.

How did those photos affect your modern life?

Before you take flight from this post, I will fight to express my main reason for taking that last photo — it reminded me of the song “Our Time” from Merrily We Roll Along:

To make this our time rather than the time of cave dwellers, let’s do our best to focus on courage, caring, and calm.

Modern thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Our Time", Ahmad Hariri, amygdala, Boston, cave dwellers, fear, flounder, Kate Murphy, letting go of fear, Merrily We Roll Along, New York Times | 24 Comments

Day 1771: Approval

Posted on November 6, 2017 by Ann Koplow

I keep reading about “historically low” approval in the news.

In my work as a therapist, I try to help people improve low self approval. Improving low self approval often includes group therapy, where people realize they are not alone in their unfairly harsh approval of themselves.

Self approval is often improved by

self care,
connecting,
sharing,
letting go of shame,
acceptance,
forgiveness,
honoring dreams,
identifying an achievable next step, and
giving oneself credit for progress, no matter how small.

What helps you improve your self approval?

I suspect there will be some approval of today’s photos.

Is there approval for “Approval” by Brett Max?

My dreams include improved self approval for all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — for YOU. Thanks for your approval!

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Approval", Brett Max, cat photos, dreams, healing in groups, historically low approval ratings, improving self approval | 21 Comments

Day 1770: What are you afraid of?

Posted on November 5, 2017 by Ann Koplow

What are you afraid of?

Within the last week, I’ve heard about people who are afraid of

the dark,
heights,
war,
people who abuse positions of power,
the media,
molesters,
being seen as a molester,
the police,
world leaders,
science,
ignorance,
doctors,
dentists,
infections,
sickness,
aging
death,
taxes,
failure,
success,
school,
working too much,
working too little,
making mistakes,
driving,
bicyclists,
loss,
certain thoughts,
certain feelings,
feeling too good,
going outside,
staying inside,
action,
inaction,
the weather,
being alone,
crowds,
social events,
marriage,
divorce,
becoming less attractive,
becoming an adult,
men,
women,
cats,
dogs,
mice,
bugs,
snakes,
phones,
cotton balls, and
peaches.

Is anyone afraid of any of these photos?

I’m afraid that one major emotion is missing from that Time special edition cover. Are they afraid of anger?

Here‘s how to let go of pain/fear/anger in 60 seconds.

Are you afraid of leaving a comment? I hope not.

What am I afraid of? Heights, the dark, the cold, and forgetting to express gratitude to all who help me create these posts and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: abuse of power, anger, cats, fear, fear of cotton balls, fear of peaches, Maury Povich, phobias, politics, Prince Ea, The Science of Emotions | 32 Comments

Day 1769: Perfect

Posted on November 4, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Because I talk to people about letting go of the need to be perfect, I’m not surprised that I’ve written only one other post titled “Perfect.”

Because human beings are not perfect, I’m not surprised that my perfect temperature in that July 2016 post was temporary and between two hospitalizations.

Yesterday, I had a perfect INR of 3.1.

I confess that I am NOT being perfect in preventing falls, because I

am not wearing my glasses while I’m typing this post,
do not keep my home perfectly clutter free,
am often walking and talking,
have texted while walking, and
do not bring my list of medicines to doctor visits.

I DO try not to get distracted. However, I’m distracted enough by that list that I’m going to get my glasses.

I think my new glasses are perfect.

That’s probably temporary, too.

Let’s see if there are any perfect quotes about “Perfect.”

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful. — Alice Walker

Beauty is truth’s smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror. — Rabindranath Tagore

Instead of trying to make your life perfect, give yourself the freedom to make it an adventure, and go ever upward. — Drew Houston

An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person’s main task in life — becoming a better person. — Leo Tolstoy

I never expect to see a perfect work from an imperfect man. — Alexander Hamilton

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. — Winston Churchill

Tell me I’m clever,

Tell me I’m kind,

Tell me I’m talented,

Tell me I’m cute,

Tell me I’m sensitive,

Grateful and wise,

Tell me I’m perfect —

But tell me the truth. — Shel Silverstein

To me, every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle. — Walt Whitman

Are any of these photos perfect?

While taking most of those photos yesterday, I was listening to Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish That I Could Come Back as a Flower,” which was perfect.

Any comments from you would be perfect.

Perfect thanks to all who helped me create today’s imperfect post and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: ACHD, Alexander Hamilton, Alice Walker, Coumadin, INR, Leo Tolstoy, Shel Silverstein, Stevie Wonder's "Come Back as a Flower", Walt Whitman, Warfarin, Winston Churchill | 21 Comments

Day 1768: Difficult conversations

Posted on November 3, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, in a therapy group, people had a conversation about difficult conversations.

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What makes a conversation difficult? Have you been having difficult conversations lately? What helps you start and make it through difficult conversations?

If I notice an elephant in the room, I feel the pressure to name it and invite difficult conversations. While that might make a mess, I trust that cleaning up that mess together will promote growth.

Are there any difficult conversations in my other photos from yesterday?

With the conversation in that last photo, it’s not difficult to choose today’s video. Here are Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake having a conversation about Toto‘s Africa at summer camp:

Feel free to start any conversation, difficult or otherwise, in the comment section below.

It’s not difficult to express gratitude to all who helped me with the conversations in this post and — of course! — to YOU.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Africa", cats, dogs, Dorothy and Toto, Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake, naming it, starting difficult conversations, the elephant in the room, Toto | 20 Comments

Day 1767: Unlawful

Posted on November 2, 2017 by Ann Koplow

What does “unlawful” mean to you?

Here‘s what it means to Merriam-Webster:

Definition of unlawful

1 :not lawful :illegal
2 :not morally right or conventional
— unlawfully \ˌən-ˈlȯ-f(ə-)lē\ adverb
— unlawfulness \ˌən-ˈlȯ-fəl-nəs\ noun

First Known Use: 14th century

So now we know that unlawful means “not lawful.” Is that helpful or not helpful?

Also, is morally right really equivalent to conventional? Personally, I strive to be morally right but rarely strive to be conventional.

I also wonder what “unlawful” meant in the 14th century and how the meaning has changed over time.

These days, when I read the news (which is still lawful, as far as I know), I see many stories about people in power being unlawful, which is awful (“unlawful” minus the first three letters).

Is this photo unlawful, lawful, or awful?

What about this one?

“MKM” are the initials of my boyfriend Michael. If I had written that on a wall, would that have been unlawful? How about taking a picture of it, like I did yesterday?

Here‘s Unlawful singing “You’re Not Alone.”*

I’m glad it’s not unlawful to sing or say “You’re Not Alone,” because that’s a very important message of group therapy (which I practice lawfully in Boston).

Here and now, it’s not unlawful to