Posts Tagged With: toxic people

Day 3691: Who gets our attention

Posted on February 8, 2023 by Ann Koplow

This week, I’ve been having many conversations with people about who gets our attention. Unfortunately, we tend to give a lot of attention to those who might be a threat to us, which makes sense from a survival standpoint but which also gives toxic people too much free rent in our heads. Also, toxic people crave attention and all the attention we give them inspires them to keep doing their toxic behaviors.

I remember a training group I participated in years ago where one of the group members was incredibly toxic — hateful, attacking, and constantly attention seeking. At the end of the training group, I gave the group leader this feedback — Why on earth did you give that guy so much of your attention? It gave so little room for the rest of us and that only made us hate him more.

And yet I see that pattern everywhere. Who does the media give attention to? Not people who are good role models or inspirational leaders. No. Again, we give our attention to the toxic attention seekers, the people who fill headlines with their bad behaviors.

If you doubt this, look who is getting attention in the news today. For the most part, it’s people I would happily never see or hear from again. (I’m not going to name their names because I don’t want to give them more attention.)

Who gets our attention in my images for today?

Here’s what I find when I search for “who gets our attention” on YouTube.

I also find this:

If you leave a comment, it will definitely get my attention.

Thanks for giving me your attention today!

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: attention seekers, cats, chicken protecting kittens, Einzelganger National Days February 8 2023, group therapy, rainbow trout dish, Stop Trying to Get it and You’ll Have It: The Backwards Law, The Daily Bitch Calendar, The Office, toxic people, Twitter | 16 Comments

Day 3354: Safe Zones

Posted on March 8, 2022 by Ann Koplow

As a group therapist, I think a lot about safe zones — how to make spaces safe enough for people to share their authentic selves and to heal.

Yesterday, I saw this right outside our door:

While this indicates the coming of a noisy zone, I’m still glad to see safe zones wherever they exist.

Today is the birthday of my oldest friend, Barbara, who helps make safe zones wherever she goes! Here’s a photo of Barbara and me in a safe zone before COVID:

Do you see safe zones in any of my other images for today?

I think it’s great that Barbara’s birthday is also International Women’s Day and National Oregon day, because she is the international woman who taught me the correct way to pronounce “Oregon.”

Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “Safe Zones.”

I believe we are all hoping and praying for more safe zones throughout the world, here and now.

Please leave any comments about this “Safe Zones” post in the safe-enough zone below.

Thanks to all who makes zones safer, including you.

Categories: friendship, personal growth, photojournalism, Ukraine | Tags: BBC News on the Russian invasion of Ukraine, cats, fish cakes, healing in groups, National Days March 8 2022, The Daily Bitch Calendar, toxic people, Trump sandwich, Tufts Medical Center | 5 Comments

Day 3011: What would you like to clear from your system?

Posted on March 30, 2021 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, on Twitter and Facebook, I got this out of my system:

Responses included

worrying,
anxiety,
guilt,
perfectionism,
panicking,
urgency,
uncertainty,
repression,
resentment,
too much busyness, and
my own prejudices.

Every day, I clear those from my system by blogging first thing in the morning.

Now I’m going to clear images from my iPhone system by sharing them with you.

Decades ago, when I was dealing with upsetting medical news about my very unusual heart, I went to a percussion class and cleared fear, anger, resentment, panicking, uncertainty, and worry from my system by wildly drumming along to “The Dancer” by Stanley Clarke.

If you want to clear unexpressed thoughts or feelings from your system, you can do so in the comments section, below.

As always, I’ve got a lot of gratitude in my system.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: “The Dancer”, gratitude, letting go, letting go of fear, living with a congenital heart condition, sablefish with broccoli rabe and rice, Stanley Clarke, Suez Canal blockage, The Daily Bitch Calendar, the South Shore of Boston, toxic people | 15 Comments

Day 2946: What gets your attention?

Posted on January 24, 2021 by Ann Koplow

Now that I’ve gotten your attention with the title of today’s post, I’ll admit that toxic people and dangerous situations are getting my attention, here and now.

I find it difficult to pay attention to the positive when so many negatives — like injustice, climate change, the pandemic, and untrustworthy people with power — need attention.

Negatives naturally get our attention, including negatives about ourselves. We pay attention to the negative in order to attend to and solve problems.

However, ignoring the positives within and around us can distort our attention — keeping us overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and stressed. We need to balance our attention in order to more effectively attend to ourselves and others.

What gets your attention in my latest photos?

Good food and cats have been getting my attention for decades.

This is what got my attention during the America Celebrates Inauguration Day special:

If you leave a comment about what gets your attention, attention will be paid.

Finally, what gets my attention is gratitude, so thanks to all who help me attend to this daily blog, including YOU.

Categories: life during the pandemic, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: America Celebrates, “Seasons of Love/Let the Sunshine In”, balance, Broadway Sings for Pride, Fish sandwich, negatives, positives, the South Shore of Boston, toxic people, what we pay attention to | 8 Comments

Day 2945: Rear view mirrors

Posted on January 23, 2021 by Ann Koplow

Lately, I’ve been using a helpful image to leave behind and let go of toxic things in my life: I imagine them in the rear view mirror of my car, getting smaller as I drive away.

Donald Trump is in my rear view mirror. He’s also in Randy Rainbow’s rear view mirror, as we can see in “Seasons of Trump.”