The title of this post was inspired by an e-mail I got from somebody, last week.
This person had e-mailed me a question, asking about possible therapy supports for someone. When I didn’t answer back within a day, she sent me another e-mail, starting with the title phrase — “Friendly reminder” — asking for the information again.
I took note of that, because quick responses are something that matter to me, a lot.
I sometimes feel a lot of stress, when I don’t get back to people quickly enough. That’s true at work and elsewhere (including here in the blogosphere, I must confess).
Of course, that leads to the question, “What is quickly enough?” My supervisor, at work, has suggested that I ease off on myself, and allow myself more time and room to get back to people. That’s always an important, friendly reminder from her, because, in my work, a lot of people ask me questions, looking for help, every day. And I CAN’T get back to everybody as quickly as I would like. It’s impossible.
That’s an ongoing struggle for me — to allow more space and time for myself to respond. I need to remind myself that — while I’m not responding back as quickly as I would like to — it’s the best I can do. I’m only human.
But I struggle with that, a lot. And when I’m feeling down about myself, I label myself as “not responsive enough.” (And other harsher things, which I won’t name here.) (However, I will direct you to this list, for a friendly reminder about cognitive distortions including “labeling.”)
(Strangely enough, in my two yearly reviews, “responsive” was a word that people used, many times, describing me. That surprised me, each time, because it didn’t match my own wishes and expectations for myself.)
One thing I’ve considered: maybe I want to respond quickly to people because that’s what I WANT FROM OTHERS.
I’m sure that’s true. And my own yearning for quick responses? It’s based on old feelings and experiences. When I was a kid, I needed people to respond quickly, when I was in pain, and they didn’t.
I’m sure I’m not alone, in that experience (even though the circumstances may vary).
Another thing I’ve noticed: I’m more forgiving of other people’s non-perfect responsiveness, than I am of my own.
I’m sure I’m not alone in THAT, either.
So, to get back to the beginning of my post: Somebody, last week, sent me an e-mail saying “Friendly reminder,” when I didn’t respond to her initial request within a day.
And this was my reaction to that:
Wow!
And what did “Wow!” mean? Lots of things, including:
- Gee! She has some nerve, asking for me to respond that quickly. Doesn’t she know I have LOTS of requests, every day?
- I wish I could ask for something I need, with that kind of nerve.
- That’s really an effective way to express that need. (My proof of that: my first, annoyed response faded within seconds).
- Obviously, her need was more critical than I realized at first.
- I want to learn from her, and use that phrase when I’m feeling the need for a quick response.
And then I responded back to her, very quickly, and I was happy to do so.
Okay! It’s time to look for photos on my iPhone, to adorn this post before I end it.
Actually, when I take a photo, it’s a friendly reminder to self: “Share this image with somebody, some day.” I do give myself space and time, with those reminders. I don’t pressure myself. I know I have all the time I need, to decide when to share those images.
Here are the photos whose times have come, today:
Friendly Reminders: A Photo Essay
by Ann
That photo is a friendly reminder that our last Argentine Tango lesson is coming up, this Wednesday. That’s Chloe, the instructor’s dog, who has been attending dance classes for many years. Because she’s watched so many dancers, I’m assuming Chloe may be better* at the Tango than I am, at this point.
Friendly reminder to self: Decide whether to sign up for more tango lessons.
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When I was walking around the hospital where I work, yesterday, I saw this at somebody’s work station and quickly snapped this photo. That flower looks blurry, not just because of my hurriedness in taking the photo, but also because that friggin’ flower was DANCING. There was no sound or music of any kind, but that flower just wouldn’t stop.
Friendly reminder: When people are doing challenging work, with no windows in sight, it helps to remember flowers. And dancing, too.
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Here are the plants outside my office, photo also taken yesterday. If you look at the far right of that photo, you may be able to see the bird that appeared in a previous blog post, here.
Friendly reminder: the holidays are approaching.
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Last photo, taken before I started this post this morning:
Friendly reminder: More snow is coming soon, to many neighborhoods near me.
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Thanks for reminders — friendly and otherwise — and for all of you reading today.
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* For those of you who are keeping score on Cognitive Distortions, there’s another one: Comparisons.
Day 343: What Other People Say, Part 2
Today’s post is dedicated to my friend, Janet, whom I met in film school along with her soon-to-be-husband, Ray. Janet and Ray appeared in this post, earlier this year, when we were all recovering from the trauma of the Boston Marathon bombings. As much as I would like you to link to that earlier post, I’ll make it easier on everybody and include that photo, again, here:
Today is Janet’s birthday. Happy birthday, Janet! Earlier this year, Janet and Ray, along with one of their fabulous sons, attended my 60th birthday party. This was a very memorable occasion for me, but there are several Janet-related memories that stand out for me, from that day.
Some of those memories have to do with Janet’s amazing creativity and humor. For example, she has a long history of putting together perfect combinations of words and images, to celebrate things. While I may try to create similar magic in this blog, she’s The Master, and has been, for decades.
Thank you, Janet, for those hilarious words-and-pictures celebrations of my wedding, my birthday, and all those Christmas masterpieces you put together for your friends, every year.
I just took a break, for a few seconds, to look for the incredible piece that Janet put together for my 60th birthday. This piece not only celebrated me, hilariously, but also included smart commentary on all the decades I’ve lived through. During the party, I placed it in a location of honor, so that all my other guests could see it. And they loved it.
But I can’t find it, in the moment. Which doesn’t surprise me, because I tend to lose track of things. Especially in the mornings. Especially when I have limited time (which I do, today, since I blog before I go to work).
And, I also tend to lost track of positive things that people say about me. At least, I have easily lost track of those things, in the past. This year, I’m working on getting better at holding on to What Other People Say (Positively) (as difficult as those things might be to believe, at times).
Part of this process has involved letting go of unhelpful things that people have said. (The first blog post entitled “What Other People Say” focused on that.) The other part of this process is learning how to make the positive “stick.”
In Janet’s genius creation for my 60th birthday, she said something positive, which has stuck with me, all year. It’s been indescribably helpful, every time I sit down to write a blog post. On the last page, which focused on my present and my future, she wrote:
When I locate Janet’s Birthday Masterpiece (which I will, later today), I will double-check my memory, to see if I’m quoting her correctly.
However, it doesn’t matter whether my memory is perfect. Here’s my punchline, for this post:
What Janet said, one month into my first blog, has helped keep me going, all year. It’s been there, for me, helping me write every day, no matter how much I doubted myself and my abilities.
As I’ve been encouraged by all your feedback, too, dear readers, no matter where or in what form that’s occurred.
Thanks to Janet, to all who encourage their friends in any way, and to you — of course! — for reading today.