I’m going to open my heart to you, here and now, and tell you about a dream I had last night. In that dream, my open-hearted cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem, told me that my new mechanical valve (which I got during open heart surgery in September) wasn’t working correctly and that they were going to have open up my heart again to fix it.
I wonder if that dream about reopening my heart was triggered by this image I saw yesterday morning, at the beginning of a blizzard here in Boston?
When I saw that opening-the-heart image yesterday morning on my way to work, it opened my heart in a good way. My heart opened up with appreciation for all those things that are key to opening my heart to love and to new possibilities. And when I opened my heart (and my iPhone camera) to other images during the day, I continued to think about that first open-hearted image.
As you open your heart to my other photos, do you see any keys to opening the heart in them?
Today, I’ll be opening my heart to patients on the first Friday I’ve worked since my Open Heart surgery in September. But first, I have to open my heart to cardiac rehab at 7:30 AM.
As usual, I end every post by opening my heart with gratitude to all who helped me create this post and to you — of course! — for opening your heart to me, today.
Whenever I look at the news, I encounter people telling me why I should be afraid.
Should I be afraid of that?
These days, I am more afraid than usual because of the political situation in the U.S. and because I can hear and feel my brand new mechanical heart valve working when I’m trying to sleep.
Should I be afraid of those things?
I don’t know if Ishould be afraid of anything. As I tell people in therapy, shoulds are unhelpful cognitive distortions and shoulds about emotions can be particularly toxic. When I’m having any emotion, including fear, I try to let the emotion move through me, rather than judging it with shoulds.
I guess I’m recommending that we feel fear without being afraid of it.
I should also say that most things I’ve been afraid of in the past have simply not come true. If they have come true, fear has neither helped me nor prevented me from facing them.
Should I be afraid that I have not adequately addressed today’s topic of Why I Should be Afraid?
Should we be afraid of any of my photos from yesterday?
Photos that I took yesterday, of course, on Christmas/Chanukah Day.
Guess what my boyfriend Michael’s wonderful relative, Sharon, said when she gave me that very good gift.
I am giving you that tree of encouragement because of your heart operation, all you’ve gone through this year, and because of the way people on your blog support and encourage you.
What’s inside Sharon is beautiful.
Guess what’s inside the rest of this post!
More photos. Can you guess what’s inside each of them?
Guess what’s inside my heart, here and now. Besides a new mechanical valve, there’s gratitude for all who helped me create what’s inside this post and for every one of you!
Have you noticed that even when we say “enough,” The News doesn’t stop?
Here’s the latest news: After I posted The News in yesterday’s new blog post, I went to cardiac rehab and told them the news that I was feeling worse and more out of breath after getting a new Implantable Cardiac Device last week. (That device was replaced because of the news from the manufacturer that two people have died already from prematurely depleting batteries, which has been in the news.) When I exercised on the treadmill at cardiac rehab yesterday, the news was that my heart was not speeding up correctly, the way it has been between the time of my open heart surgery in September and my getting the new ICD last week.
How did I react to that news? I had a complete meltdown, because the news has just been coming and coming at me for the past few months.
Then, I got into my relatively new car and drove to the hospital to deliver the news to my cardiologists. It’s probably not headline news that I was crying and upset. My worst fear was that I would hear this news: Your new device won’t work as well as the old one and your only hope is to get ANOTHER new device. That would have been too much news for me.
However, the news I got at the hospital was this: In more unexpected news, the pocket that holds my new device is filled with fluid, which means the new device can’t make my heart with its new mechanical heart valve speed up appropriately in response to new exercise. The news included this: after that fluid is absorbed, the new device SHOULD act the way it was supposed to.
While that news was “good,” I don’t think it was news to my medical team that I had some new skepticism about “shoulds.” Also, the new ICD won’t work correctly until the new and painful swelling and fluid go away, so I need to stay out of work for two more weeks. That might not be great news for my patients.
What’s the news, where you are?
More news: I’ll probably be watching the news tonight, because today is the United States Presidential election.
When I posted my news on Facebook last night, I included this:
I am just doing this to distract everybody from the election. You’re welcome.
What’s the photographic news from my not-so-new iPhone?
More news! We bought a new-to-us vegetable on Sunday, which Michael cooked in a new dish last night. It wouldn’t be news to me if one of my readers knew what that vegetable was (even though Michael and I didn’t). I’ll tell you this news: Michael said the vegetable looked like fractals, and the Wikipedia page about that vegetable said the same thing!
What helps you deal with the news? For me, it’s the power of love (also a song by Huey Lewis and The News):
The news would be good for me if you leave a new comment, below.
My final news is that I have new gratitude for all those who helped me create this new post and for you (and I hope that’s not news to you!).
Last night, when my outrageous boyfriend, outrageous son, and my outrageous self were shopping for boots, rainwear, adaptors, and other things my son will value outrageously once he gets to Scotland for college, I saw an outrageously valuable sign.
It’s outrageous how much I value thoughts inspired by signs like “Outrageous Values.” I hope you value my outrageous thoughts about that outrageous sign:
Values ARE personal, so somebody might think my values are outrageous. It’s outrageous how difficult it is to value other people’s values. Wouldn’t it be outrageously valuable if we could learn to recognize other people’s values as valuable as our own?
Before I saw that outrageously valuable sign, I saw my friend Barbara, whom I’ve been valuing outrageously for sixty years. Barbara and I share an outrageous number of values, and we also outrageously respect each other’s valuable differences.
Here are some outrageously valuable creations by Barbara:
I value all that Barbara creates and I outrageously value her creations with hearts. Hearts are outrageously valuable to all, including those of us whose hearts are outrageously unusual.
My outrageous values include wanting to eat whatever I like. Outrageously, I’m going to need to adjust that outrageous value after I get outrageously valuable heart surgery on September 21. Because I’ll be taking the outrageously valuable medication Coumadin after my heart surgery, I’ll be adjusting my diet (which could outrage me). Last night, I said to my outrageously valuable boyfriend after reading this article on Coumadin “It looks like I’ll never be able to eat guacamole again.” Michael outrageously replied, “Well, you’ll just have to eat a lot of guacamole over the next two weeks.”
Isn’t that outrageous? Here are some other images I outrageously valued yesterday:
Are there any photos there that you thought had outrageous values?
Before I leave for my outrageously valuable work, here’s some music with outrageous values:
If you leave a comment about your outrageous values, I hope you know it will be valued here to an outrageous degree.
One of my outrageous values is gratitude, so thanks to all who helped me create this post and to you — of course! — for your outrageously valuable presence.
