October is the month for scares.
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Yesterday, I got the scares when I noticed an indication of possible infection in my post-operative surgical wound. When I described the symptom on the phone to my medical team, the scares got worse when they told me to come back to the hospital as soon as possible.
I felt many scares during the ride back to the hospital and as I waited to be seen. These scares reminded me of the countless scares I’ve experienced as I’ve lived my life with an unusual heart condition. These scares have probably helped keep me alive, but they’ve also left some scars.
Somehow, when I get the scares, I usually think it’s my fault — that I’ve done something wrong to cause the problem. For example, I kept telling the medical people yesterday that I’d been following all the directions I’d been given for postoperative care. When they questioned me about that (“Did you get the wound wet?”) I got the scares again.
When it turned out that the scary symptom was a false alarm, the scares receded, temporarily. But, because I’m not perfect, I know scares will return.
How do I deal with these scares? Well, I express them (as I’m doing now). And I remember something somebody said in my Coping and Healing group last week:
“Fearless” doesn’t mean that you never fear. I just means that you fear less.
Do you see scares in my images for today?
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On Do Something Nice Day, I’m going to do something nice for me by telling myself “It’s not your fault.” That should help me deal with scares.
Here’s what I find when I search for “scares” on YouTube:
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Thanks to all who help me deal with scares, especially YOU!
