October is the month for scares.
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Yesterday, I got the scares when I noticed an indication of possible infection in my post-operative surgical wound. When I described the symptom on the phone to my medical team, the scares got worse when they told me to come back to the hospital as soon as possible.
I felt many scares during the ride back to the hospital and as I waited to be seen. These scares reminded me of the countless scares I’ve experienced as I’ve lived my life with an unusual heart condition. These scares have probably helped keep me alive, but they’ve also left some scars.
Somehow, when I get the scares, I usually think it’s my fault — that I’ve done something wrong to cause the problem. For example, I kept telling the medical people yesterday that I’d been following all the directions I’d been given for postoperative care. When they questioned me about that (“Did you get the wound wet?”) I got the scares again.
When it turned out that the scary symptom was a false alarm, the scares receded, temporarily. But, because I’m not perfect, I know scares will return.
How do I deal with these scares? Well, I express them (as I’m doing now). And I remember something somebody said in my Coping and Healing group last week:
“Fearless” doesn’t mean that you never fear. I just means that you fear less.
Do you see scares in my images for today?
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On Do Something Nice Day, I’m going to do something nice for me by telling myself “It’s not your fault.” That should help me deal with scares.
Here’s what I find when I search for “scares” on YouTube:
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Thanks to all who help me deal with scares, especially YOU!
Ann you have one of the most generous hearts of anyone I know
That means a lot to me!!
False alarms do provide some relief from these scares, thankfully, Ann.
So true, my friend.
I’m glad it all turned out to be okay, but also glad that you had it checked to make sure –
Thanks for your understanding as always, my friend.
How scary! And while I understand that medical personnel are obligated to ask all the questions about whether the patient is sure they followed all the instructions (I can only imagine how many people arrive without having done that), it adds mental anguish to the scares. So sorry that happened and glad you can rest again.
Thanks for your understanding, Debbie!
Fear I have conquered: vampires. Upon reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula at 13, I could never rid myself of the suspicion that they existed. For years, I shunned dark places, put tape over light switches that glowed red at night, and treasured a crucifix my Catholic friend Marka gave me because I had no idea what garlic was. But now that’s all gone. I even try to scare myself, imagining a vampire lurking in the garage when I take the garbage out at night. But no, nothing. The house teams with little red lights on the many devices lurking here and there. Even brushing my teeth, I no longer remember that vampires can’t be seen in mirrors. But wait. That’s right. Don’t look. Don’t look! Oh, damn. Fell for it again!
Scary, Barbara!
LOL!
I think what you’re scared of says a lot about you. You were concerned about your health and scared you’d done something wrong. You weren’t placing blame on anyone else—not that you deserved blame either. Deep down I believe you’re scared you’ll harm others. Villains never seem to ask themselves if what they’re doing will hurt anyone else.
What you write says a lot about you, my fabulous friend.
I am glad you are okay and not dealing with an infection! But if you did develop an infection after surgery it wouldn’t necessarily be your fault. My brother developed a serious infection after a procedure while he was in the hospital being treated for leukemia and one of his doctors told me it was an entirely presentable infection that still caused a lot of deaths. I looked up the study and found that if everyone in the operating room filled every step on a checklist (overseen by the surgeon), the infection rate was zero. Before the creation of the checklist, or without it, the infection rate was significant. The trouble was, the checklist was so common sense that busy surgical teams often dispensed with it.
Thanks for helping me deal better with a scary world, my friend.
Better safe than sorry … so checking out that issue with the doc was a good idea. Glad all’s well! Your cat in the cracker box made me chuckle!
I’m so glad, Jan!
sorry you got the scares Anne! And, I just love that quote about fear!
I love your comments, Carol Anne!