humor

Day 444: PCP

Posted on March 20, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today is the first day of spring, which is Pretty Cool, People!

Unfortunately, it  IS still pretty cool, temperature-wise, in these Painfully Cold Parts, where I live. Nevertheless, I am Parti-Cularly  Psyched because of the promise, chance & prospect of better weather, on the way.

Okay! It’s time for this procrastinating, crafty poster to tackle my Principally Contemplated Point, this morning.

Yesterday, I saw my PCP, Dr. Laura Snydman, for a check-up.

For those perplexed, confused, or puzzled by the acronym PCP in that particular context, people, PCP can mean (according to medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com)

primary care physician

primary care professional, or

primary care provider

If you are a particularly careful perceiver, you’ll notice that acronyms can having many different meanings, as I’ve Previously Chosen to Post about (in Day 419: LOL and Day 441: FINE).

Actually, Dr. Snydman, my PCP, has appeared in a prior, complimentary post, called “Day 285: How to choose a doctor.” If you’re interested in Proficient, Compassionate People and/or Prohibitively Cute Puppies, take a prolonged or cursory peek, (according to your personal choice or preference) at that previously composed piece.

Anyway, I’ve been having some Pre-Checkup Paranoia, lately, because of some unPredicted changes, physically, that I’ve been dealing with, since September 30 (see here, here, here, here, here, and here for past, complete posts about “atrial fibrillation” or “a-fib”).

But, as I told Michael, when I got home last night, the check-up went as well as it could possibly have gone. I mean, I am Perfectly Chipper, Physically.  In other words, considering my particularly complex, personal health issues, I am … Pretty Crikey* Perfect.

If you, dear readers, prefer some pointed, clarifying particulars about my PCP visit, here’s particularly charming proof, for me:

My perceptive, caring physician had a palpable, clear, and positive reaction when I said my age, yesterday.

Okay!  Time for some post-completing pictures, from my PCP visit:

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Pretty Cool Pad, huh?

Thanks to my PCP, Dr. Laura Snydman and to you — primarily! — for reading today.

* I couldn’t think of a better word than “Crikey”, for that particular, choice position in that acronym.  Other words I considered there: “cheesy” and  “chillin'”. Other potential choices, peeps?

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , | 27 Comments

Day 440: Random Observations

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Another day, another post, another title that I CANNOT BELIEVE I am using for the very first time, especially since “Random Observations” could easily be the name of this blog.

Shall we begin, observing randomly?

I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot about red squirrels lately, including this lovely blog post (with several wonderful red squirrel photos) by Nick’s Nature Pics. Also, I just stumbled across 20 fascinating facts about the red squirrel, thanks to robin-hill.com:

  1. The estimated population of Reds in the UK is thought to be 120,000 with 75% of these living in
    Scotland.
  2. Red Squirrels have four fingers and two toes on each paw.
  3. Red Squirrels can locate their buried food supplies in over 1 foot of snow!
  4. It is thought that the Red Squirrel made their way to the British Isles from mainland Europe at
    the end of the last Ice Age, approximately 10,000 years ago!
  5. Red Squirrels shed their coats twice a year, switching between a thinner coat in summer and a
    darker, thicker winter coat.
  6. Males may live in an area of up to 17 hectares of woodland… that’s about the same size as 34
    football pitches!
  7. Squirrels do not hibernate, but bury plentiful supplies of seeds and nuts in the ground to eat in
    the winter.
  8. Red and Grey Squirrels cannot breed together.
  9. Grey Squirrels transmit the deadly squirrel pox virus to the Reds. Greys are immune and are
    only carriers.
  10. Young squirrels are called kittens. They are blind for the first 3 to 4 weeks of life and are born
    without hair and teeth!
  11. Females can have 2 litters of 3-4 kittens per year
  12. Only 1 in 6 Red Squirrels sees its first birthday due to premature death after birth, disease,
    starvation in winter or through being eaten by large carnivores or birds of prey.
  13. Adult Reds weigh 250-300gms. They put on about 12 per cent of their body weight in the
    autumn (in fat) in readiness for the cold winter ahead.
  14. The body length of a fully grown male is 20-22cm and its tail length is 17-18cm.
  15. The life span of a Red Squirrel is on average 3 years although in captivity they have been known
    to live for up to 10 years!
  16. Squirrels live in twiggy nests called dreys, situated mainly in the trees. This prevents attacks
    from ground predators like foxes.
  17. Red Squirrels are good swimmers!
  18. Red Squirrels often build more than one drey per year, they move out when fleas become
    intolerable!
  19. The Latin name is Sciurus Vulgaris.
  20. Red Squirrels and their dreys are protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981.

So why am I starting out, in such great detail, with red squirrels, today?

  1. For some reason, Michael has been giving me updates about red squirrels lately.
  2. I’ve never seen a red squirrel, in person (or “in squirrel”), so they are inherently more fascinating to me than grey squirrels, which I see all the time.
  3. I have readers in the UK, so I am shamelessly pandering to them, this morning.
  4. Look at the title of the post, people!
  5. I spotted a white squirrel, yesterday.

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That’s not a great photo of the rare white squirrel, so you might not be able to observe its habits, including food choices. This is what I noticed yesterday:  The white squirrel likes cupcakes, especially with green trimmings.

Here’s the next thing I randomly observed:

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Bunnies are starting to pop up, which is a sure sign of spring.

I am now going to show you photos I took yesterday in a pet supply store, which Michael and I stumbled upon in our Saturday ramblings. But here’s a warning: Beware the ideas of Ann, which can take flight AND get stuck on very odd things, including …

Cat Toys.

Yesterday, I was wondering: What ARE the manufacturers of cat toys thinking, when they choose the items they assume cats are going to want to play with? (Notice how convoluted and confusing that last sentence is, probably due to the cognitive distortion of mind reading, involving both human AND feline brains.)

Let me explain, with photos:

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This makes some sense, because it’s a mouse. But is a cat likely to play with a blue mouse, which does not occur in nature?  Again, it’s difficult to know what a cat is thinking, but if I were a feline, I would avoid a mouse that (1) has turned blue and (2) has cheerleading pompoms instead of paws. Who knows? Maybe cats would love to chase that. Perhaps I’m projecting, because of some unresolved feelings about (1) death and (2) high school.

Nevertheless, I still suggest you beware the ideas of cat toy manufacturers, because — compared to other cat toys I saw yesterday — that pom-pom-yielding blue mouse was particularly non-random:

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A pig?  Do cats ever chase pigs?  And is “glittering” a market advantage, for this cat toy?

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Okay. I know that cats chase other cats. I observe that myself, almost every day.  But is a cat likely to chase this toy, especially when it looks so …. sad? And look at this offering from the same cat toy company:

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Dogs?  Do cats chase dogs? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?  Although, I’ve never owned a dog, so maybe this occurs more often than I’ve observed.

I don’t think anybody is going to argue with me, though, about these dubious subjects for the following cat toys. That is, I’m pretty sure that domestic cats NEVER chase these animals:

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I don’t even know what that last creature is, but I think cats might resist that toy, too. Somehow, I think cats aren’t interested in anything trying so hard, to play with them.

It was around this point in my cat-toy exploration, that Michael interrupted me, saying, “Did you see that enormous bird, in the back?” Again, this was a pet supply store, so — not expecting  real animals — I immediately envisioned another cat toy, but of unusual size.

But, no.

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And there was Baby, in person (or “in macaw”):

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As I did with the parrots I met in Panama (see here and here), I had some complicated reactions to seeing Baby encaged. And, by the way, Baby was definitely larger than those Panamanian Parrots; like Michael said, this bird was enormous.  But, we spoke with the woman who was working at the pet supply shop, that day, who told us reassuring things about Baby’s birth, history, and freedom to roam around the store on many days.

It’s still tough, for me, to see a magnificent creature encaged. And for Michael, too.

Maybe that’s why we turned, later, to the topic of red squirrels.

I see that this post has come full circle. And I’ve run out of photos from yesterday, too.

So what feels left unsaid for me, now?

Yesterday was the Ides of March.  And I am happy to report a Personal Record.  That is, on 3/15 of this year of 2014, ANN KOPLOW FINISHED HER INCOME TAXES, a full month ahead of the deadline!

Yay!!!!!

Hmmmmm.

Is it appropriate for me to be celebrating this, right now, when:

  1. Many other people complete their taxes way ahead of time, every year?
  2. Yesterday, I failed, again, in finding a cat toy my cats might be interested in pursuing?
  3. I don’t know if Baby — or the red squirrels, for that matter — are really doing okay, out there?

Should I be joyful?

Well, considering:

  1. That my questions included cognitive distortions (including comparisons to others),
  2. I used the very unhelpful word “failed,”
  3. There are no “shoulds” regarding feelings and emotions, and
  4. The very helpful Serenity Prayer

serenity-prayer-subway-style-leslie-fuqua

(image found here)

… I choose to be joyful, today.

Thanks to Nick Hunter, Robin Hill,  creatures of all colors and sizes, manufacturers of cat toys, people who get things done in March (and any other month of the year), and to you — of course! — for observing today.

Regular readers may notice the lack of footnotes in this blog, lately. For anybody who misses those, here’s a different kind of footnote:

photo (85)

As you can see, one sock keeps coming off at night (as I’ve written about before: here AND here, believe it or not). Maybe, in two weeks, I’ll ask professional observers about that, during my sleep study at the hospital.

Is that too random?

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Day 439: Bonds

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday’s post ended with a bond.  James Bond.

There are many different types of Bonds, aren’t there?

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(I found that image here.)

THIS post, however, is about Interpersonal Bonds, which I observed, last night, forming in a room.

While regular readers of this blog might imagine those bonds forming among people in a  group therapy room, they were actually created …

… at a restaurant.

Here’s what happened.

Last night, Michael and I went out to dinner, at a restaurant I like very much. We had to wait, a little while, for a table.

Once they seated us, our relief quickly turned to other feelings, because the people sitting next to us were loud. REALLY loud.

To use two words from yesterday’s post — Double O — one person, especially, seemed obstreperous and obnoxious.

And I noticed many people bonding, because of this.  Michael and I immediately bonded with our waiter, joking about how quickly he might give that table the check.

Every time I looked around the room, I saw people reacting to the outbursts and connecting with each other, in different ways.  A woman, seated in a corner on the other side of the room, caught my eye several times and communicated, non-verbally, her feelings.

Because I’m sensitive to sound, I reacted involuntarily when the Loud Guy spoke.  “Spoke” doesn’t describe it, actually.  Every time he expressed a thought, he bellowed, blared, blustered, and brayed.

Many feelings were there in the room: fear, anger, and yearnings that the Loud Guy would go away, as soon as possible. So, when he put on his coat and left the restaurant, somebody actually applauded, even though some of his companions had remained behind.

The woman from the corner came over to our table, to bond with Michael and me about our feelings. I saw several strangers communicating across tables, joking about their relief.

Then, the Loud Guy returned.  And, all those old feelings came back into the room with him, including disappointment.

Soon after the Return of The Brayer, Michael needed to excuse himself. He said,  “I hate to leave you with this, baby,” because I — out of everybody else in the restaurant — was closest to the noise.

But, at that point,  I wasn’t afraid to be left alone. Why? Because I had realized, by then, that it wasn’t so much what the Loud Guy was saying. It was  the VOLUME, which was upsetting us all.

Then, the Loud Guy yelled something  that amazed me.

Don’t you LOVE Dorothy Parker?

And I DO love Dorothy Parker, so I turned toward him.  He repeated, this time directly to me:

Don’t you LOVE Dorothy Parker?

I nodded and answered, “Yes.” He said:

Didn’t Dorothy Parker say THE BEST THINGS?

And again, I simply told the truth. “She did.”  Because, dear readers, here are some of the things Dorothy Parker said (from listverse.com’s Top 20 Quotes of Dorothy Parker):

1. I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.

2. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

3. You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.

4. I’m never going to accomplish anything; that’s perfectly clear to me. I’m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don’t do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don’t even do that any more.

5. I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound — if I can remember any of the damn things.

6. Four be the things I’d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

7. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

8. Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

9. Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

10. The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed.’

11. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

12. It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard. (Said when leaving hospital after an abortion).

13. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

14. I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.

15. Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life

16. I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it.

17. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

18. When asked to use the word horticulture during a game of Can-You-Give-Me-A-Sentence, Parker replied: You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

19. Of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, Parker said: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

20. I’ve been too fucking busy – or vice versa. (in response to a letter from her editor asking for more stories during her honeymoon)

Here’s something I want to point out: While Dorothy Parker used the “F-word” above (as I did, recently, in this post) … the Loud Guy never did, last night.

When Michael returned to our table, I said, “Guess who I had a bonding moment with?”  And Michael — who is an excellent guesser — got it right, first shot.

One more thought, before I end this post. Earlier in the evening, I said to Michael, “I hope this guy can inspire me to speak louder, with less fear about making too much noise.”

Thanks to Dorothy Parker, to loud people everywhere, and to you — of course! — for bonding here, today.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , , | 24 Comments

Day 427: Easily confused

Posted on March 3, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I think of myself as easily confused.  As a matter of fact, when I picture my own face in my mind (and am I the only one who does that?), I usually appear rather perplexed.

I would say — without too much fear of contradiction —  that confusion is an understandable, appropriate reaction, a lot of the time. I mean, things can be confusing out there (and in here, too).

To add to the bewilderment, there are things we hear — as we are learning to negotiate the world — that actually contradict each other.

For example, there are lots of idioms that say opposite things. For example:

  1. Look before you leap.
  2. He who hesitates is lost.

I mean, if you tried to follow both of those instructions, at the same time … what would happen?  I don’t know how, when, or where you would move next, but I’m assuming you’d be pretty perplexed.

There are several other examples of Opposite Idioms, like

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
  2. Out of sight, out of mind.

… but rather than write more about those,  I’m going to risk disorienting things, by telling you about a joke I made up, during the 1970’s.

Yes, I made up a joke when I was in my 20’s and — a decade later — when I got up the guts to do stand-up comedy at an Open Mic night, that joke was part of my routine.

I’m not saying that joke was the BEST part of my stand-up routine, mind you.  But I did enjoy telling the first — and perhaps, only — “real joke” I’ve ever written.

Now, I could digress into a discussion of what makes a “real joke,” but that would make quite a muddle, wouldn’t it? So rather than confounding things even more, how about if I just take a deep breath and tell you that joke, now?

You may have all heard about “light beer,” which has fewer calories — and a lower alcohol content — than regular beer. Well, I’ve invented a new kind of beer, for a different crowd. It’s called “fat beer,” and it’s got THREE TIMES the alcohol content of regular beer. Here’s the marketing slogan: “He who has a taste is sloshed.”

Hmmmm. You might have several reactions to that joke.  But perhaps we can all agree about this: it’s not exactly mystifying WHY I thought of that joke, this morning.

I’m so easily confused, dear readers, that I’ve actually lost track of other reasons why I chose this topic, today.

However, I will share something else that’s on my mind. Tonight, I’m going to the TD Garden

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at the same location as Boston Garden

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where I used to see one of my heroes, Larry Bird

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… play his heart out.  But tonight, I’m going to that same location, which now has a different building and a different name, to see two of my other heroes play, but in a different sense of that word:

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No wonder I’m confused.

Thanks to Wikipedia (for all of the images but the last one*), to anybody else who gets confused, and to you — of course! — for reading today.

* That image can be found here. And, probably, other places too. Confused?

Categories: humor, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Day 426: Barbara

Posted on March 2, 2014 by Ann Koplow

This post is about my long-time friend, Barbara.

Barbara and I met, in the late 1950’s, after my family moved to this house:

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(That photo has appeared in an earlier post, here.)

Here’s another view of that house:

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I’m adding that view, for today’s post, because that is, pretty much, what Barbara would see, when she left her house back then (during a specific season which, for now, shall remain nameless).

I’m not sure exactly how old I was when I met Barbara. I was probably about four or five years old. Let’s just say this: I was very young.  And Barbara was born a month after me, so she was even younger!

Here’s the earliest photo I have of Barbara, right now, where you can really see her. The date, written on the back on the photo, is 2/2/1960, so it was my 7th birthday (and Barbara was still 6).

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That’s Barbara laughing (on the right), a sight and sound which I cherished then and which I still cherish, to this day.

I have a distant memory of Barbara seeing that photo, many years ago — perhaps when we were roommates in the 1970s —  and not loving it.  I’m not sure if that’s an accurate memory, but — in any case — I hope she likes what I’m showing and writing about her today. If she doesn’t, I’ll do what I always do with my posts — change things until the featured people are happy.

I, personally, like that photo a lot.  Why?  Because, as mentioned before, Barbara is laughing — a beautiful sight. Also, I like to see myself smiling a big smile there, without self-consciousness (about my teeth, for example) or worry of any kind.  Also, everybody else is smiling, too: my mother, my sister, Paul (a family friend and the son of Vic, who — I’m sure — was the photographer), and my father.

And it’s fun for me, right now, to think about why Barbara was laughing and why the rest of us were all smiling, so much, in that photo. I’m guessing this: my father and/or Vic were saying some funny things. That happened a lot, when I was growing up.

Anyway, back to Barbara, in the here and now (my favorite place to be).

And while Barbara isn’t literally with me, now, while I’m typing this … in a way, she really is.

Why do I say that?  Because:

  • I saw her, just yesterday, settled in a new, wonderful, and beautiful home.
  • We had another one of the kashmillion* great talks** we’ve had over the years.
  • I’m very aware that it’s almost her birthday!
  • I love her, very much.

Many thanks to Barbara, my family, Vic’s family, old and new friends, people who show their feelings, and to you — of course! — for visiting today.

* In my on-going efforts to be a truth teller and to give credit where credit is due, I have to say (1) I don’t actually know what number a kashmillion represents, but I know it’s very big and Barbara and I have had so many talks over the years that I’ve lost track of the actual number, although I also want to say that I wish the number was even larger because Barbara is so great to talk to and we don’t see each other as much as both of us would like to and (2) my bf Michael made up that word, not me.

** Among the many topics Barbara and I spoke about yesterday: how she thought I was angry at her last week, which (1) I found quite amazing and hilarious and (2)  gives me the opportunity to link to posts I’ve written about my fear of people being angry at me, including this, this, and this.

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Day 423: Teaching an old dog new tricks

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yes, that’s the title for today’s post.  “Teaching an old dog new tricks.”

First of all, what does that mean?  It’s an English idiom, defined as follows, according to dictionary.com:

Idioms & Phrases
teach an old dog new tricks

Change longstanding habits or ways, especially in an old person. For example, His grandmother avoids using the microwave oven; you can’t teach an old dog new tricks . This expression, alluding to the difficulty of changing one’s ways, was first recorded in 1523 in a book of husbandry, where it was used literally. By 1546 a version of it appeared in John Heywood’s proverb collection.

I’m noticing the reference to microwave ovens there, something I blogged about here (and which actually does relate to teaching an old dog new tricks).

As I look at the other definitions of that idiom online, I’m learning it may be the oldest proverb/idiom/saying/whatever-you-want-to-call-it on record. Wow. That’s impressive.  I’m also reminded that the actual idiom is the negative form, that is: 

You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.

Prov. Someone who is used to doing things a certain way cannot change. (Usually not polite to say about the person you are talking to; you can say it about yourself or about a third person.)  I’ve been away from school for fifteen years; I can’t go back to college now. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Kevin’s doctor told him not to eat starchy food anymore, but Kevin still has potatoes with every meal. I guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

(from thefreedictionary.com)

Geesh!  I have so many reactions to THAT definition, I’m wondering this: Will I be able to avoid my old trick of digressing and digressing away from what I wanted to say, like a dog off the scent, with a dog’s chance of getting back to where I want to be?

Well, I’ll quickly say this. That last definition:

  • Encourages indirect communication (also known as “politeness”) (also known as “talking behind somebody’s back”).
  • Encourages negative self talk.
  • Made me hungry.

Okay!  Back to some things I knew I wanted to write, today.

First of all, is it even okay to use my idiom du jour?  Or is it too politically incorrect?

Well, I AM using it, aren’t I?  This IS my blog, after all, and every dog has its day. But is it nice, or helpful, to use that idiom?

Three of the words in that saying DO make me uncomfortable, actually:

  1. The word “old,” which can be interpreted as an insult.*
  2. The word “dog,” which can be interpreted as an insult.*
  3. The word “tricks”, which can be interpreted as an insult.*

Also, I hesitate to use the original saying:

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

… because it is the absolute opposite of what I believe:

People can change, no matter where they are in their lives.

So why did I choose that saying, this morning? Because I’ve been aware of some old, doggedly automatic habits of mine, lately.  And I’ve been working like a dog to change them.

Here are two old, dogged, tricky thought patterns I’ve been noticing:

  1. After I publish a post and I notice something “wrong” with that post — a grammatical error or any other type of mistake — I tend to dismiss or minimize any positive comments I get from readers before I can correct the error(s).
  2. If a stranger smiles at me, my automatic response is this: to check myself, to see if there is something ridiculous about how I look.

Those are old tricks, for sure, dear readers.

How am I changing those and teaching myself new ones?

As always, it helps — a lot — to catch those puppies in the act. It also really helps to name them.

Maybe I’ll call the first one “Fido” and the second one “Spot.”

Okay! I see I’m up to some old tricks in this blog post, dear readers. That is, I’m approaching the end, without a helpful and/or playful image in sight.

Let’s see what pictorial bones I can toss out there, right now.

Hmmmm. I can’t find my iPhone.  That’s an old trick of mine: hiding — or temporarily losing — important things, perhaps to make my life more interesting. (Here’s a new trick in response to THAT: having faith that I’ll find my iPhone, in one of the old familiar places.**)

So, let’s go to Google Images, and see what we can retrieve for “teaching an old dog new tricks.” Yes, let’s see if that dog will hunt.

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(I found that image here.)

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(I found that image here.)

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(I found that image here.)

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(I found that image here.)

My conclusion for this post? There’s life in the old dog yet.

Thanks to dogs of all kinds, all humans who contributed to the images in this post, and to you — of course! —  for barking up this tree/post, today.

* Especially for a woman.

** My phone usually hides in my pocket, my bag, or my car.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Day 419: LOL

Posted on February 23, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today is my only child’s birthday. My son is 16 years old.  Happy birthday, Aaron!

Last year on this date, the post title was  “Day 54: My son’s birthday” and — leaping old lizards! — I sure don’t want to use the same title twice. 1

I chose “LOL,” because my son:

  • makes me Laugh Out Loud,
  • helps me Learn Outstanding Lessons, and
  • is a Love Of my Life.

And while my son expresses annoyance about:

  • abbreviations like LOL,
  • non-precise language,
  • how often I tell him I love him, and
  • my use of “dear reader,” capitalized acronyms, and some of my other blogging conventions …

I often observe Looks of Love, on his Laconic, Old-Soul, Luminous face.

Ooops! I better stop before I embarrass him (on the off-chance he reads this post). Although it’s probably too late for that.

Lord, Oh Lord, it can be difficult for a mother NOT to embarrass her 16-year-old son.2  For example, mothers often share things their kids did when they were much younger. Geesh, that IS embarrassing, isn’t it?

And which, of course, I’m going to do right now (as I also did, in that birthday post, a year ago).3

Here’s something hanging in our back hallway right now, which my son created for Mother’s Day, many years ago:

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I like — okay, LOVE — that. As a matter of fact, I’m LOL-ing, right now.

Loads Of Loving thanks to my son and to Lots Of Laughers, everywhere. And thanks to you – of course! — for the Light Of Life you bring here, today.

1 I’ve already re-used a title in this blog, due to Laziness Or Lateness, but I’d rather avoid that, if possible.

2 Although, Aaron tells me I’m doing okay with that, so far.

3 In case I’m being too subtle, check out that post for some wonderful Aaron-generated LOLs, okay?4

4 Or, if you’re lazy or lethargic like me (I mean, it IS the weekend), or otherwise less than likely to link, here are those LOLs, right here:

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , | 51 Comments

Day 417: Fun with Phobias, Part II

Posted on February 21, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I rambled and wrote about some personal, irrational fears.

I was going to call these personal fears “ridiculous,” but I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, since evidence exists that others might share some of my personal phobias, too.

When I published that post yesterday, I felt an extra little burst of joy, thinking, “Wow! This topic is a friggin’ gold mine for future post ideas!”

And as I often like to say, “Why wait?”

Herewith — for your viewing and reading pleasure — are more personal phobias, inspired this morning by (a) the fertile mind of yours truly and (b) just looking around.

1. Pack-o-phobia: Travel-related fear of packing

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and — even more inexplicably — unpacking.

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2. Pill-o-phobia: Fears related to the taking of medicine.

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Symptoms of pill-o-phobia may include concerns about (a) medication dependency, (b) forgetting a dosage, (c) aging, weakness, or other stigmatized perceptions, and (d) a related phobia (see directly below).

3. Medetails-o-phobia: The fear of encountering written or spoken medication disclaimers which focus on side effects** and soothing sentences like “ask your doctor if this medication is right for you.”

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4. Spill-o-phobia (generalized): The fear of spilling anything, anywhere.

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5. Pantrymoth-o-phobia:  The fear of opened (and, in severe cases, unopened) boxes of grain-based products.

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6. Lactolack-o-phobia: The fear of running out of any kind of milk, especially for cereal:

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And finally …

7. Utensiloss-o-phobia: The fear of encountering a missing eating implement, especially when hungry:

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I could go on (believe me), but I don’t want to trigger anybody’s longblog-o-phobia, which I think is self-explanatory.

Thanks to courageous people everywhere who overcome personal fears all the time and to you — of course! — for braving this blog today.

* This photo was taken the day I wrote this pre-travel post. All other photos taken this morning.

** Which almost always include death.

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , | 26 Comments

Day 416: Fun with Phobias

Posted on February 20, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Good morning, my dear readers!

I am finally getting around to a topic I’ve been considering for many months: Personal Phobias.

I’ve written about fear, many times before, because that’s a feeling that I — as a  card-carrying member of the human race — face every day. But I haven’t turned my attention to the term “phobia” yet, here in this blog.

So what is the definition of phobia, according to experts other than me? Let’s use merriam-webster.com for this one, shall we?  Here’s the first definition of phobia there:

: an extremely strong dislike or fear of someone or something

Hmmm.  I don’t think that really captures what a phobia is. Let’s go to the next entry at that site — the “full definition”:

:  an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation

I like that better because — as advertised — it’s fuller. That is, it includes those helpful modifiers “exaggerated,” “usually inexplicable,” and “illogical.”

Here are some other interesting facts, about the word “phobia,” from the Merriam Webster website.

Phobia Fact #1. This caught my attention because I  am interested in poetry:

Rhymes with PHOBIA

cobia, obeah

Have fun, limerick writers!

Phobia Fact #2.  Because I’ve just returned from a 6-day trip to Panama, I also noticed the Spanish translation of “phobia”:

Spanish Central Translation: “phobia”

This means (1) I knew more Spanish than I thought and (2) I could have gotten into more in-depth discussions with people in Panama.

Phobia Fact #3.   Now here’s a perhaps more useful and interesting fact about the word “phobia.” The first known use of the word “phobia” was in 1786.
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The  Merriam Webster site doesn’t cite specifics about that first use, but I believe there WERE a lot of scary things going on around that time, especially if you were a member of certain economic classes.  However, I must confess that history was not my strong suit in school.

But now I’m curious about likely candidates for the first use of the word “phobia.” And Googling “1786 historical events” DOES reveal some interesting possibilities.

Here’s the full list of noteworthy  1786 events, according to historyorb.com:

Feb 13th – Abraham Baldwin selected president of University of Georgia
Feb 24th – Charles Cornwallis appointed governor-general of India
May 1st – Mozart’s opera “Marriage of Figaro” premieres in Wien (Vienna)
Jun 8th – Commercially made ice cream 1st advertised (Mr Hall, NYC)
Jun 10th – A landslide dam on the Dadu River created by an earthquake ten days earlier collapses, killing 100,000 in the Sichuan province of China.
Jun 29th – Alexander Macdonell and over five hundred Roman Catholic highlanders leave Scotland to settle in Glengarry County, Ontario.
Jul 29th – 1st newspaper published west of Alleghanies, Pitts Gazette
Aug 2nd – Utrechtse Vroedschap flees
Aug 8th – Congress adopts silver dollar & decimal system of money
Aug 8th – Jacques Balmat & Michel Paccard are 1st to climb to top of Mont Blanc
Aug 11th – Captain Francis Light establishes the British colony of Penang in Malaysia
Aug 29th – Shay’s Rebellion in Springfield, Mass
Sep 4th – -5] Orange troops plunder Hattem/Elburg
Sep 5th – Montplaisir Ceramic factory opens in Schaarbeek Belgium
Sep 11th – Annapolis Convention to determine interstate commerce
Sep 26th – Britain & France sign trade agreement
Oct 15th – Earliest 32°F (0°C) recorded temp in NYC
Oct 20th – Harvard University organizes 1st astronomical expedition in US
Nov 7th – The oldest musical organization in the United States is founded as the Stoughton Musical Society.
Nov 30th – Peter Leopold Joseph of Habsburg-Lorraine, Grand Duke of Tuscany, promulgates a penal reform making his country the first state to abolish the death penalty. November 30 is therefore commemorated by 300 cities around the world as Cities for Life Day.
Dec 29th – French Revolution: The Assembly of Notables is convoked

Now, as you read that list, some of those events may seem inherently scarier to you than others.

Personally, the most obvious candidate for the first use of the word “phobia” is … the landslide.

Although, now that I think of it, a fear response to a landslide involving major loss of life is neither inexplicable or illogical, which is part of the full definition of phobia.  Being afraid of a natural disaster is a perfectly understandable fear.

Taking that into account, if I had been alive in 1786,  likely candidates for the First Use of the word Phobia might have been:

Figaro-phobia: The inexplicable fear of alienating your hairstylist and receiving a terrible haircut, especially  if s/he is prone to emotional or musical outbursts.

Ice-cream-ad-o-phobia: The inexplicable fear of consuming too much ice cream, especially after viewing marketing materials.

I see a couple of other likely candidates in that list, involving math and cold temperatures, but … I digress.

Yes, it’s true, my dear readers. This whole time-traveling section of this post has been … One Big Digression. What I really wanted to write about this morning were personal, inexplicable, exaggerated, and illogical fears I’m feeling …. IN THE PRESENT.  In case you haven’t noticed, my new (as of 1/1/14) subtitle for my “blog banner” is:

Here and now, with all of it.

So what are some personal phobias, I’ve been noticing, in the here and now?  Here’s a beginning list:

Neo-term-o-phobia: The fear of using the wrong word or phrase, especially related to new, unfamiliar systems or technologies, such as “subtitle for my blog banner.”

Ridicul-o-phobia (generalized): The fear of looking or otherwise seeming ridiculous.

Ridiculo-footwear-o-phobia: The fear of being ridiculed because of bad or foolish shoe choices.

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Now, as regular readers of this blog may know, that photo has appeared before — in this blog post — when I revealed I had worn two different boots to work one day.  Regular readers may also know that I’ve been doing pretty well at letting go of THAT phobia.

Here’s more proof of my progress, in that area:

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That photo is also an illustration of a cure for phobias, recommended by experts and wise people around the globe:

Embrace — and perhaps even enjoy — your fears.

Okay!

Now, because I also have this phobia:

Procrast-o-phobia: the fear of being late for important things because of becoming too involved in other activities

… I need to start finishing this post.

Here are two more personal phobias:

Plumb-o-phobia:  the fear of having problems with pipes and other water-delivery and/or waste-removal systems, that may lead to (1) damaging overflows and (2) the need to call the plumber.

Don’t worry, dear readers. I’m not including any photos for THAT phobia. And I’m going to end this post with the phobia that originally inspired it:

Tax-o-phobia: the exaggerated, illogical, and inexplicable fear of anything related to the process of annual tax preparation, including official documents arriving in the mail after January 1.

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Am I alone in these personal phobias, people?

Thanks to Mozart, my boyfriend Michael (for the blogging slippers), people in the past and the present who have dealt with fears or phobias of any kind, and — of course! — to you, for visiting today.

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Day 404: Difficult/Easy

Posted on February 8, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Before I get started on my usual ramblings about Whatever The Hell I Want To Write About Today, I’m noticing the number in my title.

Doesn’t 404 have a tinge of danger to it, dear readers? Unless I’m mistaken, I believe that “404” is a common way the internet tells us, “Somebody screwed up!  And I’m not saying it’s me or you. However, I’m not taking responsibility for this, so WHO do YOU think is likely at fault?”

Let me check my numerical memory, there:

404

noun   COMPUTING

1. an error message displayed by a browser indicating that an Internet address cannot be found.

Thank you, Google, for your support, for classifying “404” as a noun, and for having the guts to have a list of just one item.

Already, I feel easier than I did before I began writing this post. Yes indeed, blogging is my personal medicine.

Oh, and one more thing, before I really get this post started. Isn’t it amazing how the automatic, human distortion of mind reading can easily attach itself to anything, including the “thoughts” of the friggin’ internet?

Hmmm.  Getting started today is more difficult than I expected.

Hey!  I’m back on topic!

Yes, my dear denizens of the internet, today I would like to expound, ramble, riff, and otherwise randomly write about the opposite concepts of Difficult and Easy.

Want to come along?  Let’s go!

Random Thoughts about

Difficult/Easy

My first thought about Difficult/Easy is that it represents a common cognitive distortion: Black and White (or All or Nothing) Thinking.  Yes, fellow humans, we can easily classify things as All Bad or All Good, Perfect or Useless,  All This or All That. However, most experiences, people, things, etc. are not in an either/or extreme. We live in a world of greys, where things shift and change, even if we naturally see things in absolutes.

Difficult and Easy are expressions of absolutes and extremes, aren’t they?

Let me take this opportunity to show you something in my office. In its first appearance in this blog (drum roll):

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The Zero to 100 scale, on Ann’s whiteboard!!!

Wait. That’s too difficult to read and too difficult to decipher.  Hold on, while I crop that photo:

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Ah. That’s easier.  So yes, that’s my all-or-nothing scale. It’s always there, on my whiteboard.  While everything else you can see in that first photo is gone, that scale remains.

Why do I keep that there?  Because it’s so handy, to have that Zero-to-100%  scale, when people talk about all-or-nothing concepts, including:

    1. Labeling themselves as worthless or any other negative extreme, losing sight of the positives.
    2. Believing that some decision might be all good or all bad, and feeling paralyzed and afraid to make the wrong decision.
    3. In general, seeing the OR’s in a situation instead of the AND’s.1

How do I use that scale, in my office?  I’m very low-tech, people. When I hear an All-or-Nothing statement that isn’t helping somebody, I take this sophisticated instrument (of which I have two):

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… and move my hand up and down that scale on my whiteboard, challenging the all-or-nothing thinking.

Here’s what I’m wondering right now:

Why didn’t I write about that 0-100 scale before? I mean, it’s been up on my white board since way before I started this blog, I use it quite frequently, and people seem to find it useful. So why did I wait?

I probably thought it would be too difficult to explain.

Okay, before I end this blog post, I want to check out my stash of photos on my iPhone, because I know I have at least one cool shot I want to share. So let’s see how difficult/easy it will be, to apply some photos to today’s topic.

Here’s another photo from my ride into work during Wednesday’s snowstorm (which I wrote about, here).

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And, yes, I expected that drive to be difficult, but it was way down in the other direction, on the Difficult/Easy Scale.

Finally, here’s a recent photo I took at a local ice cream place — Rancatore’s Ice Cream and Yogurt — that I liked so much, I tweeted it yesterday:

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The caption for the tweet?

Usually I have trouble finding straws in take-out places. Not here.

In other words, finding straws  was in an unexpected place, on the Difficult/Easy scale.

Okay!  Time to wrap up this post.

Thanks to you.  Just you.  That wasn’t so difficult, was it?

1  I’m not sure how I feel about the Ford Fusion car commercials — about OR’s and AND’s — which I’ve been seeing a lot lately, including:

Do I love or hate those commercials? Do I think they’re good or bad? Usually, somewhere in between, depending on my mood, my thoughts, and the day.

Coincidentally, when snow first appeared, two months ago, I was considering the Ford Fusion as my next car. Why? I had read that it would be easier to drive in the snow, compared to my current car. What does my mechanic think?  He’s not so sure.

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

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