Shame is something I feel and think about a great deal and it’s interesting to me how people grapple to define it. For example, the first definition of “shame” I found online this morning …
… didn’t seem to align with the way I think about shame, which may or may not be preceded by “wrong or foolish behavior.” However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that “consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior” doesn’t necessarily mean that the person feeling shame actually did something “wrong” or “foolish” — they might just think or feel that they had. And, one might argue that any behavior could be seen as wrong or foolish, if one is feeling shame.
A definition I like about shame is “guilt is feeling you’ve done something wrong; shame is feeling there is something wrong with you.”
During my week in NYC at a group therapy conference, I wrote notes on my phone, and here are some notes I wrote about shame:
I have no shame about inviting people to let go of shame in my work as a psychotherapist, even if other people believe that shame can help us grow and develop.
Here is another definition of shame I found online …
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… and here are some quotes about shame:
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I have no shame about agreeing with Brene Brown, who writes and speaks about shame.
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Is there any shame in the images I have to share with you this morning?
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What are your thoughts and feelings about shame?
Thanks to all who help me let go of shame every day, including YOU!
I used to play Boggle on my phone. Now I play a different multiplayer version of that game on my desktop. On my phone now I only play Wordle — which of course isn’t exactly a phone game.
No shame there!
I remember learning the rhyme “Birdie with the yellow bill/Perched upon my windowsill./Cocked his shiny eye and said/‘Ain’t you shamed, you sleepyhead?’” That seems like a good personification of shame: something silly that interrupts your rest.
It’s a shame I’ve never heard that before and thank you for sharing it, Chris.
shame is a very heavy burden to carry, best leave it aside where you can
Let’s leave shame aside, yes, beth.
I think it’s hard to be clear in my definition of shame, but I sure know it when I feel it! 🙁
Shame feels terrible!
I am thinking about how shame can be awakened empathy.
I found that interesting too, Maureen.
Thank you for sharing the wise folks’ words about how they view shame, Ann.
You are most welcome, my friend.
Shame
Shouted
and
Posted
a Name
Mischief
At Bay
Digress
Regress
Express Lane
Ashamed
Derailed
and Hailed
Shamelessness
Circumstantial
Evidence
Telltales
Terminates
Thanks for smother amazing poem, Maria.
Isn’t it a pity
Isn’t is a shame
How we break each other’s hearts
And cause each other pain
https://youtu.be/-n-LULDiJxk