Monthly Archives: February 2014

Day 404: Difficult/Easy

Posted on February 8, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Before I get started on my usual ramblings about Whatever The Hell I Want To Write About Today, I’m noticing the number in my title.

Doesn’t 404 have a tinge of danger to it, dear readers? Unless I’m mistaken, I believe that “404” is a common way the internet tells us, “Somebody screwed up!  And I’m not saying it’s me or you. However, I’m not taking responsibility for this, so WHO do YOU think is likely at fault?”

Let me check my numerical memory, there:

404

noun   COMPUTING

1. an error message displayed by a browser indicating that an Internet address cannot be found.

Thank you, Google, for your support, for classifying “404” as a noun, and for having the guts to have a list of just one item.

Already, I feel easier than I did before I began writing this post. Yes indeed, blogging is my personal medicine.

Oh, and one more thing, before I really get this post started. Isn’t it amazing how the automatic, human distortion of mind reading can easily attach itself to anything, including the “thoughts” of the friggin’ internet?

Hmmm.  Getting started today is more difficult than I expected.

Hey!  I’m back on topic!

Yes, my dear denizens of the internet, today I would like to expound, ramble, riff, and otherwise randomly write about the opposite concepts of Difficult and Easy.

Want to come along?  Let’s go!

Random Thoughts about

Difficult/Easy

My first thought about Difficult/Easy is that it represents a common cognitive distortion: Black and White (or All or Nothing) Thinking.  Yes, fellow humans, we can easily classify things as All Bad or All Good, Perfect or Useless,  All This or All That. However, most experiences, people, things, etc. are not in an either/or extreme. We live in a world of greys, where things shift and change, even if we naturally see things in absolutes.

Difficult and Easy are expressions of absolutes and extremes, aren’t they?

Let me take this opportunity to show you something in my office. In its first appearance in this blog (drum roll):

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The Zero to 100 scale, on Ann’s whiteboard!!!

Wait. That’s too difficult to read and too difficult to decipher.  Hold on, while I crop that photo:

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Ah. That’s easier.  So yes, that’s my all-or-nothing scale. It’s always there, on my whiteboard.  While everything else you can see in that first photo is gone, that scale remains.

Why do I keep that there?  Because it’s so handy, to have that Zero-to-100%  scale, when people talk about all-or-nothing concepts, including:

    1. Labeling themselves as worthless or any other negative extreme, losing sight of the positives.
    2. Believing that some decision might be all good or all bad, and feeling paralyzed and afraid to make the wrong decision.
    3. In general, seeing the OR’s in a situation instead of the AND’s.1

How do I use that scale, in my office?  I’m very low-tech, people. When I hear an All-or-Nothing statement that isn’t helping somebody, I take this sophisticated instrument (of which I have two):

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… and move my hand up and down that scale on my whiteboard, challenging the all-or-nothing thinking.

Here’s what I’m wondering right now:

Why didn’t I write about that 0-100 scale before? I mean, it’s been up on my white board since way before I started this blog, I use it quite frequently, and people seem to find it useful. So why did I wait?

I probably thought it would be too difficult to explain.

Okay, before I end this blog post, I want to check out my stash of photos on my iPhone, because I know I have at least one cool shot I want to share. So let’s see how difficult/easy it will be, to apply some photos to today’s topic.

Here’s another photo from my ride into work during Wednesday’s snowstorm (which I wrote about, here).

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And, yes, I expected that drive to be difficult, but it was way down in the other direction, on the Difficult/Easy Scale.

Finally, here’s a recent photo I took at a local ice cream place — Rancatore’s Ice Cream and Yogurt — that I liked so much, I tweeted it yesterday:

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The caption for the tweet?

Usually I have trouble finding straws in take-out places. Not here.

In other words, finding straws  was in an unexpected place, on the Difficult/Easy scale.

Okay!  Time to wrap up this post.

Thanks to you.  Just you.  That wasn’t so difficult, was it?

1  I’m not sure how I feel about the Ford Fusion car commercials — about OR’s and AND’s — which I’ve been seeing a lot lately, including:

Do I love or hate those commercials? Do I think they’re good or bad? Usually, somewhere in between, depending on my mood, my thoughts, and the day.

Coincidentally, when snow first appeared, two months ago, I was considering the Ford Fusion as my next car. Why? I had read that it would be easier to drive in the snow, compared to my current car. What does my mechanic think?  He’s not so sure.

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Day 403: Practice, practice, practice

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Ann Koplow

In yesterday’s post,  where I contended with (1) Mother Nature and (2) new information about my health and my heart, I wrote a very odd section. Or, at least, I kept thinking that section was odd, as I re-read that post throughout the day. Here’s the section:

  • I DO know how to drive in the snow (I HAVE had lots of practice)
  • I have a fine little car, for that purpose: it’s a 5-speed manual, and
  • I’ve had lots of practice with that.

And every time I reached that section of the post, I thought:

Gee!  That’s weird, isn’t it?  I know I rewrote that section (adding bullet points, at the last minute) to try to make it more clear, but now that whole “practice” thing is repetitive.  I mean, that third bullet point seems totally extraneous!  I know that when I wrote that, that second “lots of practice” seemed important to express — somehow different — but now, it doesn’t seem to be giving any new information.

So every time I re-read (and I did re-read that post many times, throughout the day), I would stop, ponder, consider rewriting, and then move on.

It was like that third bullet point needed to be there, to express something that I could no longer put into words.

But, because I can be — picky? perfectionistic?  JUDGMENTAL? — about my own writing, the repetitiveness bothered me.  So, eventually, I edited that section by adding a “too” to the end.

So, dear readers, why am I writing about all this, this morning?

Well, it all makes sense to ME.  But, that’s not enough. I also want this post to make sense to others. So, here’s my best attempt at making sense, right now. First, some background, for this post:

  • Today is my last day at work, before my vacation.
  • At my current job, I  feel more stressed the week before my vacation. (By the way, I’m not alone in that. I’ve been asking other people at work, all week, whether they share this experience, and my poll results have been 100% affirmative.)
  • When I woke up this morning, I decided to interrupt that cycle of stress.

And the way I did that? I told myself:

You’ve gone out on vacation from this job before, Ann.  You have lots of practice.

And, ladies and gentlemen, that thought, above, helped me.  And — Voila! — my blog topic, for today.

As usual, I checked my old posts, to see if “Practice” had appeared in the title before. Why did I check?  Because I do not like to be repetitive, as a writer. (She wrote, repetitively.)

After I checked my previous posts, I was surprised that the Word Du Jour was making its first appearance today.  Why was I surprised?  Because I think — and talk — about practice, a lot, and how important practice is for changing old, unhelpful habits (including thoughts that increase anxiety).

So, thank you, Practice, for making your first official appearance, here, today, in Ann’s Blog!

Now that Practice is officially here, what shall we do with it?

I know!  Let’s have some fun!

Here’s a joke I know, about practice: (which I found this morning on Wikipedia, here):

Carnegie Hall  joke

Rumor is that a pedestrian on Fifty-seventh Street, Manhattan, stopped Jascha Heifetz and inquired, “Could you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?” “Yes,” said Heifetz. “Practice!”

Ooops!  I spoiled the punchline there, didn’t I?  To try to make that up to you, dear readers, here’s some more information about that joke, from that same Wikipedia article:

This old joke has become part of the folklore of the hall, but its origins remain a mystery. According to The New York Times, the main player in the story has been described at various times as either an unnamed man, violinist Jascha Heifetz or the pianist Arthur Rubinstein.

On its webpage, Carnegie Hall quotes the wife of violinist Mischa Elman as having perhaps the best story of its origin: “One day, after a rehearsal that hadn’t pleased Elman, the couple was leaving Carnegie Hall by the backstage entrance when they were approached by two tourists looking for the hall’s entrance. Seeing his violin case, they asked, ‘How do you get to Carnegie Hall?’ Without looking up and continuing on his way, Elman simply replied, ‘Practice.’”

I don’t know. Maybe that additional quote wasn’t that much fun. Maybe it was too repetitive, also.

Let’s see .. how else might we have fun with “Practice,” today?

Hmmm. That reminds me of something.  When I played piano as a kid, I remember my mother saying, “Ann doesn’t really like to practice.”  And she was right.  I really wasn’t crazy about practicing.

But I sure did like to play.

How about this? For more “practice” fun, let’s check Google Images:

Image 1

Image 2

Image 3

Image 4

Image 5

Image 6

Image 7

Well, that WAS fun.  Although,  I was a little out of practice doing that —   finding and inserting a bunch of Google Images into a post.

But here’s an image —  and a saying — that also occurred to me this morning, soon after I woke up.  Putting images in this blog post is like riding a bicycle …

Image 8

It’s also like … going out on vacation, leaving anxiety behind.

I guess practice, of all kinds, bears repeating. AND, you can always improve, by doing something new!

Thanks to Mark Stivers, Joshua Wells,  Chris Piascik, Mark Anderson, and Wallace Kirkland (for some 9 of the images in this post); to Jascha Heifetz, Arthur Rubenstein, an unnamed man, Mr. and Mrs. Mischa Elman, and tourists (for the Carnegie Hall joke); to Mahatma  Gandhi; to people in and out of work today; to anybody who needs to practice anything;  and to you — of course! — for reading today.

  1. I found that image here.  2.  I found that image here.  3.  I found that image here.  4.  I found that image here.  5. I found that image here.  6.  I found that image here.  7. I found that image here.  8. I found that image here. 9.  Check out those links preceding this, for a full list of whom I should thank, okay?
Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Day 402: News (good, bad, and indifferent)

Posted on February 6, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Regular readers of this blog know this:  I had my yearly check-up with my cardiologist, Dr. Salem, plus an important test of my heart, scheduled for yesterday.

Regular inhabitants of the United States know this:  The weather has been very challenging this year, and a snowstorm might have posed some challenges, yesterday, for my making this VIP — Very Important ‘Pointment.

Regular readers of this blog know this, also: I have limited time in the morning to write my daily post, which can be a challenge when I have lots to say.

And I do have lots to say, today.

So … how to organize this post, to promote clarity and good communication?

I’ve already indicated some organization — in the title. I also like to tell stories chronologically.

Let’s see how this goes, shall we?

Yesterday morning, after I finished my post, I decided to drive to work.  This was a risk, but a calculated one. With a lot of snow on my car, in the air, and on the roads, I chose a post-rush-hour departure time, to reduce the danger.

As I ventured out, I spoke to myself, like so:

Geesh, Ann!  Why are you (and other people) so afraid about snow?  I know snow causes accidents, but it’s beautiful! It’s light and fluffy, too. While you may have read how removing snow can cause heart attacks, you’re smart and experienced enough to figure out a way to get out of here that’s safe!

And once I felt safe enough, as usual, my sense of play kicked in.  And when I looked at my car and pondered ways to clean it off, I thought:

When you were a kid, you weren’t afraid of snow.  You enjoyed playing in it, and so did everybody else. So why not play with it now?  Don’t worry about looking like an adult, or “doing it the right way” as you’re cleaning off your car!  Just have fun with it!

And by:

  1. evoking good memories of my childhood and snow,
  2. imagining the fun I could have in the present,
  3. being in touch with my adult competencies and wisdom, and
  4. thinking about how I could share the results, at some point, with other people (including you, dear readers) ….

…. the result was: magic.

I know, dear readers, that I need to get to “the point” of this post: my afternoon cardiology appointment. But please bear with me, as I show you some photos of my morning.

I didn’t think to take a “before” photo of my car before I had fun clearing it off, so I will show you a photo of my downstairs neighbor Karen’s car:

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… so you can get some idea of how much snow there was.  Here’s my car after (what felt like) a short amount of music-filled fun, playing with the snow:

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Yay!

Then, to get safely to work (and continue to have fun), I just needed to remember:

  • I DO know how to drive in the snow (I HAVE had lots of practice)
  • I have a fine little car, for that purpose: it’s a 5-speed manual, and
  • I’ve had lots of practice with that, too.

So, I figured, if I’m very careful, pay attention, get in touch with my driving skill, AND remember this:

You have all the time you need.

(in other words: “Don’t rush, Ann!”) … driving to work should be fine.

And it was.

Here are some photos I took on the way to work.  (I only took photos while I was waiting at lights I knew were very long, so I wouldn’t have to rush, in any way):

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As you can see, there was very little traffic. When I got to work, and somebody asked how my commute went, I said, “It was one of the easiest commutes I’ve ever had.”  And because she had driven in earlier, she looked very surprised.

Okay!  Time to write about my afternoon cardiology appointment.

I was scheduled for:

  1. My yearly echocardiogram, which shows much important information, regarding the function of my very unusual heart.
  2. A yearly check-up, with my cardiologist, Dr. Salem (whom I wrote about recently, here).

Good News

Because of the snow storm, very few patients were there, so I got lots of extra time with everybody.

Starting out, I got extra time with a very helpful echocardiography technologist, whom I hadn’t met before, but who was kind and informative. As a matter of fact, for the first time since 1980 (when I first found out about my very unusual heart), I think I may really understand how my heart works!

My new understanding, after all these years, does not reflect poorly on my cardiologist or on me. No, not at all, since the way my heart works is VERY counterintuitive. My heart has two big “mistakes” which cancel each other out (as a result, the blue blood goes to the lungs and the red blood goes to the body, just as it does with your heart). However,  different parts of my heart are doing things that they are … just not designed to do.

Now, I don’t mean that the different parts of my heart are doing something VERY different. That is, my ventricles — which do all the important major pumping (which is THE job of the heart)  — are still pumping blood to all the right places. My heart ventricles are not trying to do something totally out of their wheelhouse1 — like write this post or drive a car.

However (and this should probably be in the category of “Bad News”), the ventricle that is designed to do the tough work (pumping blood to the body) is doing the easy work (pumping to the lungs) AND the ventricle that is designed to do the easy work (pumping blood to the lungs) is doing the difficult work (pumping to the body).

And therein lies the danger — the possible bad news.  My ventricles may fail, prematurely, because they are doing what they are NOT designed to do.

But, we just don’t know.

More good news:

I also got lots of extra time with Dr. Salem AND (unexpectedly) with my other cardiologist, Dr. Mark Estes, whom I’ve written about previously, too — here (credited) and here (uncredited).

Now, why am I SO SPECIAL, that I have TWO cardiologists?  Well, I AM special.  Deal with it.2

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yes.  Good news.

Actually, I don’t know how to place a lot of the news I heard yesterday into the buckets of Good and Bad.

I’ll just tell you the news, as I understand it, right now:

  • The two indicators of my heart function MIGHT BE showing a troubling trend.
  • For now, my heart is stable.
  • My cardiologists are not psychic, but they are definitely on top of all the possibilities — that I may or I may not need valve replacement surgery.3
  • Valve replacement surgery had never been discussed as a distinct possibility, before yesterday.
  • My doctors want to switch from seeing me once a year to …. once every three months.  That’s new, also.

As usual, I am trying to interpret “the clues” to figure out how safe I am.

And it’s very confusing, people!

But here’s some good news I’m sure about:

  • My doctors will do anything they can, to keep me alive as long as possible.  After yesterday’s appointment, I “got” that, in an entirely new way.
  • If I do need a valve replacement, they will be doing their best to grab the best window of opportunity, to ensure the best possible results.
  • I asked Dr. Salem, at the very end of our appointment, if he expected to be celebrating my 70th birthday with me. He had read the post I recently wrote, which explains that question. And he said ….

Yes.

So there it is, in one word: The good (enough) news I needed to hear.

Now, I need to wrap up this post.

I notice I haven’t included  a section for  “Bad News” or  for “Indifferent” in this post  (as I had originally planned).

I think the bad news, from my appointment yesterday, is scattered among the good news. And that’s just going to have to be good enough, for this post.

Also, I want to say this: the “bad news” is probably not as bad as I might fear. What is the bad news that I fear?

That I will die prematurely, and not get to see my child flourish in the world.

But that’s a fear that I probably share with a lot of other people, in one way or another, no matter what kind of heart they have.

And I have great people on my team.  Which is VERY good news.

So what else is missing from this post?  This part of my blog post title:

Indifferent.

Here’s what I want to say about “Indifferent” right now.

While I may sometimes assume indifference from my doctors, due to old indifference I experienced from doctors and nurses when I was a child in the hospital in the 1960’s, that is NOT the case, in the present.

As a matter of fact, my current treatment team is the OPPOSITE of indifferent.

Hmmmm. So what IS the opposite of indifferent?

Different?

Ooops!  Gotta run. There’s a lecture on Narrative Therapy today, one of my favorite ways of working with patient, clients, or whatever-you-want-to-call those amazing people I get to work with.

But you know what?  Among the many lessons I (re-)learned yesterday is this: I don’t have to rush.

In other words …

You have all the time you need.

Thanks to Dr. Salem, Dr. Estes,  Diane (who did my echocardiogram), people who are different and/or indifferent,  and to you — of course! — for visiting today.

1 To use an expression I’ve been hearing WAY too much of, lately. Why, oh why, are so many people in the media suddenly using the expression “In (or out) of somebody’s wheelhouse”?  What the hell 2 IS a wheelhouse, anyway?  Is it a house made of wheels?  A place to store wheels?  That phrase is totally counter-intuitive to me, people.  I get confused. (Although, I do know what that expression means.)

2 I’m a tad cranky, to tell you the truth, right now. Why?  Hunger (as usual) and, honestly, it’s tough to make sense of all the information I got yesterday. I guess I’ll grab some more food and take a breath.

3  The heart valves are switched on me, also, so one of them leaks quite a bit, presenting all sorts of potential dangers.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Day 401: What’s wrong?

Posted on February 5, 2014 by Ann Koplow

What’s wrong, this morning?

  1. It’s snowing again, which might interfere with me getting to my yearly cardiology appointment (which I wrote about yesterday, which is not appearing as yesterday’s post, which I will attempt to explain in #2, directly below).
  2. WordPress — out of nowhere, inexplicably, suddenly, unexpectedly (I wonder how many other ways I could express this) — changed the “published on” date of yesterday’s post, about my cardiologist, to two days earlier than it should be, which is Groundhog Day, which might be kind of a cool metaphor, now that I think of it, but still annoys the hell out of me, especially since the order of the posts is now screwed up, and linking to that post might get screwed up, too.
  3. Doing footnotes (especially with superscripts) in these posts is a pain in the ass, and seems to invite all sorts of retribution from the WordPress Gods.

Short break, while I imagine what the WordPress Gods might look like.  Let’s see what comes up in “Google Images” for “WordPress Gods.”  Here’s the first image:

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I wonder if Jenner Davis (a photographer whose WordPress blog yielded the above image) is having trouble with footnotes and inexplicable re-dating flukiness on WordPress?  PROBABLY NOT!

Pardon me, while I have a brief tantrum:

Why don’t things work the way they’re SUPPOSED to????????????????????

AND why do these things happen to ME????????????????

Hmmmm. I do feel a little better, getting those questions out of my head.

However, I now have posed two questions in this post that ….

…. I really can NOT answer.

Now what do we do?

Sometimes posing questions helps me (and other people I’ve observed) work things out.  Sometimes posing questions (like the question in today’s title) leads to identifying specifics, which can lead to problem solving.

For example, my specific answers to my title question — “What’s wrong? — will move me to solutions, such as:

  • Making decisions about my cardiology appointment today, focusing on safety and other possible options.
  • Sending a message to WordPress Support about that friggin’ re-dating phenomenon (which I can check off my to-do list … done!).
  • Switching my current footnote technique to something less “dangerous”.*

But questions like these:

Why don’t things work the way they’re SUPPOSED to?

Why do these things only happen to ME?

…. are unanswerable, if not imponderable. Sometimes I call those “rhetorical questions”:

I am going to use Ask.com to answer the question, “What is a rhetorical question?” for some one-stop shopping, as follows:

Definition:
A question asked merely for effect with no answer expected. The answer may be obvious or immediately provided by the questioner.

A rhetorical question can be “an effective persuasive device, subtly influencing the kind of response one wants to get from an audience” (Edward P.J. Corbett). See Examples and Observations, below.

Examples and Observations:

“Something [rhetorical] questions all have in common . . . is that they are not asked, and are not understood, as ordinary information-seeking questions, but as making some kind of claim, or assertion, an assertion of the opposite polarity to that of the question.”
(Irene Koshik, Beyond Rhetorical Questions. John Benjamins, 2005)

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”
(H. L. Mencken)

“It did not occur to me to call a doctor, because I knew none, and although it did occur to me to call the desk and ask that the air conditioner be turned off, I never called, because I did not know how much to tip whoever might come–was anyone ever so young?”
(Joan Didion, “Goodbye to All That.” Slouching Towards Bethlehem, 1968)

Here’s another question, from me:

Does it help to ask those rhetorical, unanswerable questions? I guess we all might answer that question, in our own way.

Is the last question I asked … a rhetorical question?

Hey!  Fill in your own answer, why don’t you?  I have to figure out a way to get to my cardiologist.

But before I end this post, I would like to pose one more question — imponderable, rhetorical, whatever:

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Why do the guys I live with NEVER have a towel in the downstairs bathroom?

Thanks to the guys I live with, people who ask questions I can’t answer (which, as my son has pointed out, often annoys the hell out of me), Ask.com, Jenner Davis, Edward Corbett, Irene Koshik, John Benjamins, H. L. Mencken, Joan Didion (in order of appearance),  and to you — of course! — for reading today.

*  A safer, tried-and-true solution for footnotes would be these asterisks — or little stars — which (usually!) cause no problems in my posts, as long as I keep the list of footnotes short enough. Of course, there’s no guarantee of THAT. **

** But — at least —  I have control over that problem.

Categories: humor, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Day 400: Expected Numbers

Posted on February 4, 2014 by Ann Koplow

First of all, dear readers, I want to acknowledge the number of my post today.

I made it to Day #400!   Yay!!

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When I started this blogging journey, my goal was to make it to Day #365, with no expectations of ever getting into the Four Hundreds.

Which reminds me of a story, ladies and gentlemen. The timing for this story is pretty darn good, since I told this story at my 60th birthday party, almost exactly a year ago.

The story is about ….

Me and My Cardiologist

My cardiologist’s name is Dr. Deeb Salem.  He works at Tufts Medical Center.  Here’s a photo of him:

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I could tell lots of stories about Dr. Salem, since I’ve been working with him since 1980, when I was 27 years old. I’ve already written about him here, on Day 62 (credited) and Day 275 (uncredited).

I just checked to see if there’s a Wikipedia page about Dr. Salem. I found that while Dr. Salem doesn’t have his own Wikipedia page (which surprises me), he shows up on a page titled How Doctors Think, which is a book by Dr. Jerome Groopman. I don’t want to go too deep into this digression, but I will quote from that page, as follows:

Salem’s challenge

Groopman spends a great deal of the book discussing the challenge posed to him by Dr. Deeb Salem, chairman of the Department of Internal Medicine at Tufts-New England Medical Center, during a presentation the author made at their hospital grand rounds. During the presentation, Groopman was discussing the importance of compassion and communication in providing medical care when Salem posed the following question:

“There are primary care physicians in every hospital who speak with great sensitivity and concern, and their longtime patients love them, but clinically they are incompetent–how is a patient to know this?”

This is what I find ironic about THAT:  a lot of Dr. Salem’s patients love him, 3 including me.  But I understand why Dr. Salem may have asked that particular question.  He is not only lovable, he is EXTREMELY competent. Believe me, I know.

Anyway, back to the story I told at my 60th birthday party.

I will set the scene, with the cast of characters. I had invited Dr. Salem to my 60th birthday party and I planned to tell this story, at some point during the festivities.  Soon after he had arrived with his wife, I found the two of them chatting with some other Very Important People in my life. I joined the conversation and told my story, as follows:

When I was 44 years old, and about three months pregnant with my son, my then-husband was experiencing some medical problems. He wanted to spend time, on a Saturday, at the Boston University Medical Library, researching his symptoms. Since I hadn’t brought anything else to read there, I became bored, so I decided to look up the latest research about my very rare medical condition, Congenitally Corrected Transposition of the Great Vessels. 4

And what I found, that day, totally freaked me out.

I found published medical articles that said:

  1. Women with my condition should NOT get pregnant.
  2. Most people with my condition were not expected to live past their 40’s.

You can probably imagine how I felt, reading those, that day.

Very soon after that, I called Dr. Salem and told him what I had found. And I know I was having many feelings, during that phone conversation, including fear. And anger, too. I remember crying and perhaps raising my voice, a little 5 on the phone.  The gist of what I was saying was:

What am I supposed to think about all this? And why didn’t you tell me these things before?  I’m 44 years old and three months pregnant!  Arrrghhhh!!!! 6

And this is how Dr. Salem responded, on that day on the phone with me, in 1997.  He said, very calmly,

Ann, you have an incredibly rare condition.  Every article published about your condition uses a very small sample size. So the results are suspect.

And Dr. Salem told me some specifics about the articles I had read.  While these details were somewhat reassuring, I cut to the chase:

Let me ask you this, okay?  Am I going to make it to age 50?

Dr. Salem immediately said,

Yes, Ann.  I look forward to celebrating your 50th birthday with you.

I immediately shot back,

What about my 60th birthday?  Will you be celebrating that with me, too?

And because I am very observant of subtle reactions in people, I noticed that Dr. Salem paused and took a breath, before responding, more slowly this time:

Yes, Ann. I expect to be celebrating your 60th birthday with you.

And, my punchline, as I was telling this story to Dr. Salem, his wife, and other VIP’s at my 60th birthday party was …

And here we are!!!

But, as usual, Dr. Salem had an even better punchline.  He laughed and said, “I remember that conversation.  I was wondering if I was still going to be around for that.”

And Dr Salem, his wife, and other VIPS in my life celebrated, that day, that we were all very much alive.

So why am I finally7 telling you this story today, dear readers?

Because, tomorrow I’ll be seeing Dr. Deeb Salem for my annual cardiology visit. And it’s the first time I’m seeing him since I left the hospital, a few months ago, after developing atrial fibrillation and being prescribed anti-coagulant medication, probably for the rest of my life.

And, honestly, I have some fears about this appointment.  I’m going to be asking him some difficult questions. And, as always (because I’ll be getting some tests that day, too), I might be hearing some difficult answers.

However, I may very well be catastrophizing, right now:  looking into the future and imagining the worst.

I’ve got an idea!  Maybe I’ll ask him about my 70th birthday party!

Thanks to Dr. Salem (obviously) and to you (of course!!) for reading today.

1  This photo has shown up several times before, including this post and this post.  And in case anybody is wondering…. NO! I have not gotten any further in developing my brilliant product idea of Neat Confetti.

2  I found this photo here.

3  Believe me, I know.  I’ve seen it, over the years, in many circumstances, including a dinner honoring him about five years ago, which I attended (and where many patients talked about their positive experiences of him).

4  See here, for my most detailed blog post about my heart condition.

5  I raised my voice only a little because other people were around me AND I have a little trouble expressing anger (as I wrote about, yesterday). Although, come to think of it, I feel pretty safe expressing all my feelings to Dr. Salem.

6   Or words to that effect.

7   I could have sworn I already told this story, in a previous blog post. But …. NO.

(I’ve forgiven WordPress.  I was angry at it earlier for throwing in unexpected numbers for the footnotes, which I’ve now fixed. C’est la vie, right?)

I’m mad at WordPress again. Unexpectedly, it changed the date of this post from the correct one, February 4, to February 2. While it might be fun to time travel two days back to my birthday, this screws up the order of my posts. The authorities have been alerted. (And they — and other bloggers — helped me fix it, on 2/5.  Yay!)

Categories: inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

Day 399: What I wanted for my birthday

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Good morning, WordPressers (and people who read this blog without that much awareness of their surroundings)!

It’s time for the Post-Birthday Wrap-up Blog!

It’s going to be short one, so let’s look at the highlights, shall we?

As I wrote a couple of days ago (in this post), I knew there might be disappointments during the anniversary of my birth. Here’s a quote from that post:

As much as I love and look forward to my birthday, I’ve been disappointed, during some birthdays past. I’ve expected too much, and gotten too little. So, perhaps, I’m afraid of a repeat of those disappointments, this year.

And, yes, there was a point during the day when it looked like I was NOT going to get the attention, fuss, excitement, awareness of my birthday that I expected, wanted, yearned for.

So what happened?

I got mad, and I started to talk to myself, as follows:

Arrrghh!  This sucks!  Why do I even get excited about my birthday, anyway? People think I’m doing all sorts of exciting things, but I’m doing NOTHING!  And I’m all ALONE right now!  Where are the people who are SUPPOSED to be here?!?  Geesh! Maybe people are planning a successful surprise party for me, for the first time in my friggin’ six decades?!! AS IF!!! No sirree, people who know me are all just living their lives, assuming that I’m getting what I want on this day … AND I’M NOT!!

Well, sports fans (or observers, in general), what would you say was going on, during that portion of yesterday’s game?

Here’s my analysis:

I was having a  tantrum.

That is, I was focusing on assumptions and expectations of what the day should be like, plus memories of old disappointments, and the result was this: anger, in a child-like way.

Now, I didn’t scream, hit,  break anything, or hold my breath until I turned blue. I didn’t even yell (although that would have been okay). I just allowed myself to feel the feelings. And I did speak my thoughts out loud, including this one:

This is what I want for my birthday. Just to feel my anger and express it, without judgment.

And I felt better.

Soon after that, I was able to contact my son’s father, and arrange to pick up my son.  Since spending time with my son was one of the gifts I was expecting on my birthday, I felt better.

On my way driving there, I still allowed myself to feel all my feelings, including my disappointment and annoyance. And while I didn’t want to be late, I allowed myself to stop and take this photo:

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And  thought, “So what if this makes me a little bit late?!!  Screw them!”

And I felt better.

When I got to my son’s father’s girlfriend’s home, and I was waiting for my son to get ready to go, my ex said something to me that …. pissed me off. I got annoyed and defensive. So I said to him, “You know what?  Today is my birthday, and this is what I want for my birthday: I want to be able to get mad at people and not worry about the result. And I’m mad right now!”

So I said more about that, to my ex. And I had a “tone” — an angry tone (which I’ve caught hell for using, in the past).  But my ex actually seemed okay with that. He just listened.

And I kept going. As a matter of fact, I kind of had a little tantrum — but in an adult way.  What do I mean by that?  Well, I followed some rules, for interpersonal effectiveness, even while I was expressing my anger.

I DID:

  • Use “I” statements whenever possible, describe my personal experience of thoughts and feelings.
  • Explain the context of my reaction.
  • Use adult skills, including logic and self-awareness.

I DID NOT:

  • Call names, make threats of any kind, or appear unduly frightening.
  • Use “You” statements, which put other people on the defensive.

Because I was following these rules, and my ex was just listening, this  actually became a little bit …

…. fun.

So when my ex’s girlfriend came into the room, soon after followed by my son, I informed them what was going on, like so:

It’s my birthday today, and I’ve decided what I want. I want that to be a day when I’m allowed to get angry at anybody I want to. Like now!

And everybody was okay with it, amazingly.

As a result, I felt much better. And there were even smiles and some laughing, in the room.

And from then on, my birthday was great.  Really and truly, one of the best birthdays, ever. Because, not only did I get these gifts:

  • Having my own anger, without consequence, and
  • Spending time with my son and my inamorato 1.

… I got these great gifts, too:

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carol card

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And the last (but not least) gift I’m going to show here ….

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Blogging Slippers!!!!

Thanks to my family, my friends, all those people who can express and/or hear anger in an effective way, and to you — of course!! — for reading today.

  1. Thanks to fellow blogger, babsje, who suggested this title for my boyfriend/studmuffin/honey/sweetheart/whatever-you-want-to-call-him, Michael.
Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , | 53 Comments

Day 398: Year-old, Random Birthday Images

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Last year, around this time,  I posted (including here and here) about my 60th birthday party.

Because I was new to WordPress and to blogging —  feeling less secure than I do now — I was more careful about self-disclosure then. So I wasn’t always clear, detailed, or precise, as I described the pre- and post-party process.

One post I’ve considered writing, since then, is “How to Plan a Meaningful Birthday Party for Somebody of A Certain Age, Even if It’s For Yourself.”  But that task remains on my To Do List (perhaps because I really need to tighten up that title).

Well, today is exactly a year after that birthday party, which means:

#1.  It’s Groundhog Day!

Image 1

#2.  It’s my birthday!

#3.  I get to do whatever I want, in this post!

Technically, #3 is true any time I blog, but somehow — when it’s my birthday — I really FEEL that freedom. (Maybe that’s one reason I love my birthday.)

Anyway, what do I want to do today?  I want to show you images from last year’s party, never before seen in this blog.

So without further ado …..

No, wait!  There needs to be a bit more ado, before I start. Actually, the images in this post are photos I took today — 2/2/14 — of stuff from last year’s party — on 2/2/13 — which I’ve saved. Does that make sense? If it doesn’t, you’ll just have to figure things out, as best you can.  I’m moving ahead to show you these cool images.  Why?  Because it’s my birthday!

Without further ado ….

Random Stuff From

Ann’s 60th Birthday Party

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Look familiar?  I have a similar sign in my office (which showed up in this post).  The above was hanging on the front door to our place, welcoming guests to the party.

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These were the instructions for the magic wands that were ready and waiting, if people wanted to use them.  If you want to see one of these wands (which can be glitchy and flukey at times, but which work well enough)2, check out this post.

.

Image

I had several of these big sticky posters up on the walls, with headings, which people could write on. One thing I’m noticing, right now, about the list on the right: Iceland showed up! (Many months before I celebrated Iceland showing up in this blog).

Here are some more lists, from that Groundhog Day, last year:

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Other lists included Favorite Movie, Favorite Song, and this one:

Image

I am amazed to see Stop Signs appearing, above, since those octagonal beauties have made it to several blog posts, also  (including this and this one).

One more list from last year, in response to the question “What’s a really helpful lesson you’ve learned in your life?”

IMG_2682

While I always like to end with kindness, I’ll show you a couple more images, including this one:

IMG_2678

My friends Janet and Ray (who have showed up here) were at the party, with their son Carter. Carter asked me a very good question regarding a button on one of the walls: “What’s that for?” I told Carter I had no idea, and then I told him the Steven Wright line, which he then kindly wrote on a post-it note, for all to see.

The last image I want to show, in today’s birthday post, also relates to Janet AND to what’s missing from this post, for me.

Let me explain. Last week, when I decided I wanted to show images from my 60th party in my birthday post today, I knew I wanted to show a wonderful haiku somebody had written for me.  I found that haiku last week, and put it aside, for safe keeping.

So, of course, I can’t find it now. Typical. However, when I was looking for that haiku, I found something else.

IMG_2683

That, dear readers, is the last page of something I couldn’t locate last month, when writing a post called What Other People Say, Part 2 (which was in honor of Janet’s birthday). Here’s a quote from that post:

I just took a break, for a few seconds, to look for the incredible piece that Janet put together for my 60th birthday. This piece not only celebrated me, hilariously, but also included smart commentary on all the decades I’ve lived through.  During the party, I placed it in a location of honor, so that all my other guests could see it. And they loved it.

I said more about that, in that December blog post, but I am going to end that quote there. Actually, I’m not going to do anything else, from now on today, except relax and have fun.

Guess why?

Thanks to all my friends, here, there, and everywhere and …. that’s it!3

1. I don’t know the credits for the photo of this cute groundhog, since I found it and used it a year ago.  So … sue me!

2. Sort of like WordPress, sometimes.

3. I’m not quite done, actually. I want to thank you, for being my guest here, today.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , | 70 Comments

Day 397: Everybody loves you

Posted on February 1, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I am going to start this post with a quote from my boyfriend, Michael.  Actually, I am going to start this post by retiring Michael’s title of “boyfriend,” in honor of my feisty friend Sarah, who used to work with me and who gave me a hard time every time I used that term.

What are you two,  fifteen years old?

Sarah would say.  And since I am about to turn sixty-one years young1 tomorrow, maybe it’s time to heed Sarah’s advice, and stop using the term “boyfriend.”

But how else should I refer to Michael?  Here are some possibilities:

Partner

Old man

Main squeeze

Significant other

None of those sound great to me, for various reasons. I’m not sure why “boyfriend” has always seemed like the best choice, so far. Perhaps, the terms we hear when we are young are difficult to shake.

A logical replacement for “boyfriend” would be …. “manfriend.” But nobody says that. If I did use that term, that would be too distracting.  That would derail people from any story I wanted to tell about Michael.

Like now.

One more thing, before I get back on track. I supposed I could just refer to Michael by name, with no identifying title.  That always seems self-centered and unhelpful, though. Why should I expect anybody to remember the name of my boyfriend/partner/old man/main squeeze/significant other/manfriend … without a helpful hint? Or remember my name, for that matter?

Maybe people should remember, though!  Maybe we’re important enough to be remembered, without any identifying information, dammit!

Anyway, let me start this post over.

This post is about a phrase that Michael says to me, quite often. It’s kind of a joke, a running gag, between us.

Picture this, if you will. I come home from work, walk up the stairs, and enter through the back door, into the kitchen.  I am often pretty tired, and I immediately sit down at the same table where I write this blog.

Let me set the scene, with a photo of that table:

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That’s not a great photo, actually, to give you an accurate picture, since there are other distracting elements in that shot. I’ll check my photo stash and see if I can do a better job …

…. Nope.  Can’t find a better photo, right now.

I suppose I could take a new photo of the table, but the light isn’t correct (it’s the wrong time of day). Also, I’d have to find my friggin’ phone to take it.

Maybe, just maybe, setting the scene accurately isn’t quite as important as I sometimes think. In any case, back to the story.

So, after I return home from work, I sit down at the table where I write this blog. Michael is usually in the kitchen, making dinner. If not, he comes into the kitchen. He greets me:

How was your day, babe?

or words to that effect.   I then tell him what’s foremost on my mind from my day at work (of course, leaving out any details as dictated by confidentiality). When I’m finished talking, Michael will usually respond, with our running gag, like so:

Everybody loves you, Ann.

And I smile. Or laugh. It never gets old.

Why?

Well, even though Michael has said this many, many times, there’s always some element of surprise.

I am rarely — if ever — feeling universally lovable, as I’m telling my work-a-day stories.   I’m sharing what has lingered from the day and — as I’ve often written about here — the negative sticks. So, my stories are often tinged with regret, worry, concern, or at least a wish to learn from mistakes I’ve made.

So Michael’s response, no matter how often I’ve heard it, surprises me, on some level. And, as many Humor Experts 2 have opined:  When we laugh, it’s an expression of the unexpected.

Sometimes, when I return home after work, I’m feeling great —  very much in touch with pride in my work and with my gratitude for doing work I value and enjoy.  In those cases, when Michael says

Everybody loves, you, Ann

my laugh expresses joy (or celebration, which I wrote about recently).

And, no matter how I’m feeling after work, I can always appreciate the absurd in Michael’s response. No matter how worthy and lovable we are, no matter how much I may yearn for Michael’s statement to be true … not everybody is going to love us.  It’s impossible.

And that’s okay.  We can still survive, thrive, and keep on going.

Okay! I’ve got to end this post, because I’ve got an appointment with Mia 3, very soon.

Thanks to Sarah, Michael, Mia, my old4 student Chris Delyani (whose book is in the photo above), everybody I love, people who love me, and everybody who has ever loved or been loved by anybody.  And, more thanks to you, for visiting and reading today.

  1. I hear Mel Brooks‘s voice in my head as I say this, thanks to his 2000 Year Old Man albums. Thanks, Mel!

  2. Despite any expectations on your part, there are no helpful details about humor experts in this footnote.  (This gag never gets old for me, either.)

  3. Mia is the woman who cuts my hair.  Just as I have trouble finding a good title for Michael, I never know what to call Mia, either. My hairdresser?  No, that’s my mother’s term.  My stylist?  Too pretentious and not accurate, since I don’t experience myself as being “styled” in any way.  Also, I feel uncomfortable using the possessive term “my” about people in my life.  Feel free to make suggestions about what I might call Mia (or Michael, too, I suppose).

  4. I never know what word to use in this situation, either, since “old” has such negative connotations. Chris isn’t old; I just met him a long time ago, when I was teaching a class at Boston University. Feel free to make suggestions about what word to use here, also.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 65 Comments

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