Monthly Archives: September 2013

Day 253: September

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Now that we’re into the month of September to the extent that it’s hitting people that we’re really into September, here’s what I’m noticing:

The topic of “perfectionism” keeps coming up, in therapy groups and elsewhere.
People (at least in the Northeast section of the U.S.) seem more confused than usual about what to expect from the outside environment.
People (at least in the Northeast section of the U.S.) seem more confused than usual about what to expect from themselves.

Those are some things I’m observing. (Although, as I often hear people say, “Maybe it’s just me.”)

How about a photo to end this post?

The first thing I do, when I decide to use a photo, is to check my iPhone, to see if there are any photos I’ve taken that I haven’t used in a blog post yet.

Nope, nope, nope, nope. (Perhaps I’ll have to go to Google Images, this morning.)

Wait! Here’s one I took several weeks ago:

Why do I think this is a great photo for this post?

There’s a specific reference to the month of September.
There’s a mistake within the photo.
This reminds me that mistakes can make people smile (not just annoy them).
The sign, despite the mistake, still got the job done.
And, last but not least, the sign shows that all things, especially inconveniences, will come to an end.

Thanks for reading, today!

Categories: personal growth | Tags: autumn, change, fall, mistakes, parking sign, perfectionism, self improvement, self-judgment, self-worth, September, sign typos | 4 Comments

Day 252: My Father’s Birthday

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Today, September 9, is my father’s birthday.

My father, Aaron Koplow, passed away in March, 1997.

Three months after that, I found out that I was pregnant, at age 44, with my only child.

My father, when he was alive, assumed he would never be a grandfather.

If I know anything in this world, I know that my father and my son (also named Aaron) would have been great friends. They would have shared a lot in common, including a wicked sense of humor and kindness towards others.

When I woke up this morning, I wasn’t sure how to do a “good enough job” honoring my father, here in this blog, on the date of his birth.

I think I already have.

Before I end, though, I did want to show you a pair of images, to tell you a little bit more about my father and my son.

Here’s the deal about this first photo: My father had lost a bet with his best friend, Nell Zaitchik — who also had a great sense of humor. The above is how he repaid that debt to her. I don’t know what the wager was about, but that’s my father’s hand-writing (below and on the bill itself).

Here’s the deal about that second photo: About five years ago, somebody lost a larger bet with me (regarding who was playing a jazz solo). The above is how he repaid that debt to me. I’m showing this not to brag (or to marvel at the coincidence), but to point out the writing between the two bills, which was a quote from my son.*

That’s something else my father and my son share: they are both very quotable.

I’m very grateful, this morning, to have heard so many of those quotable quotes over the years.

With many more to come, I’m sure.

Extra-special thanks to my father, to my son, and to you, too, for reading today.

_______________________________________

* If you are having trouble reading that piece of advice from my son, it says, “DON’T BET WITH MAMA.”

Categories: personal growth | Tags: "Don't bet with Mama", Father, father's birthday, framed bills, gratitude, growth, healing, son, wagers | 14 Comments

Day 251: Walking the (Heart) Walk

Posted on September 8, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, for the first time, I did the Heart Walk in Boston, which was sponsored by the American Heart Association.

I was so engrossed in taking in everything around me, I didn’t take very many pictures.

So prepare for a short photo essay.

Here we go ….

My Day At the Heart Walk

by Ann

I drove there with Michelle, a wonderful nurse I know. Michelle and I arrived at the Hatch Shell, on Boston’s Esplanade, around 9:45, about 45 minutes before the official beginning of the walk.

The Hatch Shell, on the Esplanade:

(That is not a photo I took yesterday, as you probably figured out on your own.)

I decided to pick up a Red Cap, which they were giving out to anyone who was a “heart disease survivor.”

(By the way, that’s not a photo I took yesterday, either. That photo, plus the next two, are from the Boston Heart Walk website.)

RIght before the official start of the walk, they invited people with Red Caps to go up into The Hatch Shell, to give “The Red Cap Wave.”

It was inspiring and strange to be up there, for me.

This is similar to the view I had from the Hatch Shell, yesterday morning, as I was doin’ The Red Cap Wave (although I don’t remember any metal barricades).

No matter what was between me and the other walkers, I know the crowd yelled and clapped, very loudly, during the Red Cap Wave.

Then, Michelle and I stood in line to get some little foam baseballs signed by Luis Tiant, Rick Miller, and Jim Rice, from the Red Sox. While we were waiting in line, I saw Mark, a wonderful social worker I know. I was especially glad to see Mark, because we had planned on walking together, and I had thought that I might not be able to find him before the start of the walk. No worries (as usual).

I don’t have a photo of Jim Rice, Luis Tiant, and Rick Miller signing baseballs from yesterday, but here’s a shot of the little foam baseball.

After we got our baseballs signed, we were off on the Heart Walk!

Here’s the first photo I took yesterday:

As you can see, it was a beeeeooootiful day.

And such a beautiful route.

That’s Michelle and Mark. When I had picked up my Red Cap earlier, they asked Michelle if she wanted that sign/sticker, in support of me. She carried that, all six friggin’ miles.

More things I saw along the way:

That’s one of the many cheerleaders we saw during the walk. After we passed her, and were crossing the Charles River, here’s a view back to where we had just been walking:

Here’s Mark and an unidentified dog, on the other side of the Charles River:

We saw lots of dogs and kids, doing the Heart Walk.

Then we crossed the Charles River, again, from the Cambridge side back to the Boston side:

And, before we knew it, the finish line!

Phew! It was a great day.

Thanks to Michelle, Mark, the American Heart Association, Jim Rice, Rick Miller, and Luis Tiant (and other Red Sox players past, present, and future), walkers, cheerleaders, my incredibly generous supporters, and to you, too, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: American Heart Association, Boston Heart Walk 2013, childhood illness, growth, healing, Jim Rice, Luis Tiant, Red Cap wave, Rick Miller, The Boston Esplanade, The Charles River, The Hatch Shell | 9 Comments

Day 250: Things Not To Fear (I’m Still Here)

Posted on September 7, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Thing Not To Fear #1: If you make a mistake in the midst of doing a really great job, the mistake is the only thing that will linger.

One Reason Not to Fear THAT: Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes make you human, resulting in other humans connecting with you even more.

Thing Not to Fear #2: Public speaking.

One Reason Not to Fear THAT: Most humans are anxious about public speaking, so if you are at all anxious about that, they will join with you about that, too.

Thing Not to Fear #3: That you will die today.

One Reason Not to Fear THAT: Looking at all the data, it’s extremely unlikely (even if it would make a good story). *

Thing Not to Fear #4: If you share a song with people — even if you recently shared another song by the same composer — they will get annoyed with you.

Reason Not to Fear THAT: The vast majority of people will NOT get annoyed by something like that.

Another Reason Not to Fear THAT: If anybody does get annoyed, that will pass, very soon.

To conclude, this song is in honor of me, doing the Heart Walk today, raisin’ money and celebrating my 50 years of living with cardiac pacemakers. (It’s also in honor of two people who have helped me get through many things: Carol Burnett and Stephen Sondheim.) **

Many thanks to everybody!

Or, at least, a very ironic story.

** Who are both still here, on September 7, 2013. Thank goodness for that.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: "I'm Still Here", cardiac pacemakers, Carol Burnett, charity walk, Fear of death, fear of public speaking, Follies, Stephen Sondheim, survival | 15 Comments

Day 249: If you are having trouble focusing

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Ann Koplow

First, take a breath.

Better?

Next, have a drink of water.

Okay!

Next, as Dennis Farina puts it (somewhat crudely), in “Midnight Run” ….

… take in some nourishment.

Finally, remember this.

Everything you need is there for you, where you are, in the moment.

Thanks for being here, today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: anxiety reduction, Dennis Farina, group therapy, groups, Midnight Run, mindfulness, nourishment, self improvement, self-judgment, self-worth | 16 Comments

Day 248: Random thoughts on fun.

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to my father, who was lots of fun.

I like having fun.

Fun is …..

Hey! It’s time for a google definition.

Fun

/fən/

nouns

1. enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure.
“the children were having fun in the play area”
synonyms: enjoyment, entertainment, amusement, pleasure
antonyms: boredom, misery

2. playful behavior or good humor.
“she’s full of fun”
behavior or an activity that is intended purely for amusement and should not be interpreted as having serious or malicious purposes.
“it was nothing serious; they just enjoyed having some harmless fun”
(of a place or event) providing entertainment or leisure activities for children.
“a 33-acre movie-themed fun park”

adjective:
amusing, entertaining, or enjoyable.

“it was a fun evening”
synonyms: enjoyable, entertaining, amusing, diverting, pleasurable, pleasing, agreeable, interesting More

verb:

joke or tease.

“no need to get sore—I was only funning”

How about Google Images for “fun”?

Most of the images that come up, at least on the first page, are about the band Fun:

The name of that Fun song reminds me of London.

We saw lots of these t-shirts in London:

Lots and lots of t-shirts like those. And variations, too:

More variations:

My original Google Images search, this morning, was on the word “fun.” Here’s another image that came up for that search:

That image reminds me of the wonderful blog, toemail, self-described as “PICTURES OF TOES, PICTURES OF FEET, MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, ONE FOOT AT A TIME.”

Which reminds me of this other image, which came up for “fun”:

I can easily get distracted when I’m having fun.

I guess that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

One more image, that came up for “fun”:

I wanted to end with this image, because my original thought, when choosing this topic today, was about having fun tomorrow, Friday, when I give a presentation at work.

Because I think I can!

Thanks for reading, everybody.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: Carry on my wayward son, Carry on t-shirts, fear of public speaking, fun, funny father, having fun, Keep calm and carry on, Keep calm and carry on t-shirts, London, rubber ducky, Toemail | 33 Comments

Day 247: No one is alone

Posted on September 4, 2013 by Ann Koplow

For your reading (and perhaps listening) pleasure, here are some random thoughts, on a morning when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Three things that tend to overwhelm me:

The possibility that I may have broken some rule (including unwritten, mysterious, or ambiguous ones).
People giving me new responsibilities without checking with me first.
People not getting back to me when I ask for something.

Three things to help reduce my feelings of being overwhelmed:

Belief in “good” magic, like a Cloak of Safety that my friend Jeanette gave me on Monday which “includes a ‘can do no wrong’ clause for the next 30 days.”
Letting people know I’m overwhelmed. (Extra credit: setting some limits.)
A really great song, with lyrics that are meaningful to me. There are a lot of great songs to choose from, but I’ll go with the one that came to me when I woke up this morning. I’ll start with the lyrics:

Mother cannot guide you,
Now you’re on your own.
Only me beside you,
Still, you’re not alone.
No one is alone, truly.
No one is alone.

Sometimes people leave you
halfway through the wood.
Others may deceive you.
You decide what’s good.
You decide alone.
But no one is alone.

Mother isn’t here now.
Who knows what she’d say?
Nothing’s quite so clear now,
Feel you’ve lost your way?
You are not alone. No one is alone.

You move just a finger,
Say the slightest word,
Something’s bound to linger,
Be heard.
No one acts alone.
Careful, no one is alone

People make mistakes.
Fathers, Mothers,
People make mistakes,
Holding to their own,
Thinking they’re alone.

Honor their mistakes,
Everybody makes.
Terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right,
Giants can be good.
You decide what’s right,
You decide what’s good.

Just remember:
Someone is on your side.
Someone else is not.
While we’re seeing our side
Maybe we forgot,
They are not alone.
No one is alone.

Hard to see the light now,
Just don’t let it go.
Things will come out right now,
We can make it so.
Someone is on your side,
No one is alone.

Here’s a wonderful rendition of this song:

Thanks so much to Stephen Sondheim, “Into The Woods,” Bernadette Peters, good magic, good friends, and to you, for reading and listening today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: "Into The Woods", "You Are Not Alone", Bernadette Peters, Cloak of Safety, feeling overwhelmed, friendship, Good magic, healing, perfectionism, setting limits, Stephen Sondheim | 11 Comments

Day 246: Good news

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I saw my Best Friend Forever, Jeanette, who lives far away, but who was in town this weekend. (That’s another reason I was so lucky yesterday.)

Jeanette and I exchanged a lot of good news and swapped some recent lessons we’ve been learning, including the following:

If you catch yourself having an old, outmoded thought that no longer helps you, you can “put a period on it” (which reminds me of Beyoncé telling somebody to “put a ring on it,” although it’s actually the opposite.)
Technology can suddenly decide that it knows what you need better than you do, resulting in some temporarily confusing results (e.g., sorting certain e-mails into certain folders, so that you stop seeing them).
If somebody warns you about danger (or otherwise gives you advice about what you should or shouldn’t do), that doesn’t mean they think you’re stupid, incompetent, childish, or otherwise incapable of taking care of yourself. They’re letting you know, in their own way, that they care about you.
If somebody you love lives far away from you, you can still connect with them through many different technologies and services, ranging from Facetime to Amtrak.
Ghosts don’t exist, but even if they did exist, they’re probably not evil ghosts, but even if there are evil ghosts, they’re too busy with other things to bother with you, and even if they did bother with you, enough friendly ghosts have passed on, too, who will protect you.
If you make a mistake — such as accidentally parking in a handicapped parking spot in an unfamiliar location — this does not mean that you are evil, even if you have this sitting on your dashboard:

Thanks to Jeanette, Beyoncé, ghosts, ducks, and technology, and to you, also, for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: "Put a ring on it.", Beyonce, e-mails, evil rubber duck, friendship, ghosts, long distance friendships, pacemaker technology, Put a period on it., rubber ducks | 4 Comments

Day 245: Lucky

Posted on September 2, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Here are some things I feel lucky about this morning.

I feel lucky to have a job that engages my brain, my heart, and my soul — doing therapy groups to promote healing and growth.

I’m lucky that this work — because it takes place in a hospital* — gives me the opportunity to move forward in my own process of healing and growth.

I’m lucky that I get to work with doctors who are palpably committed to good patient care.

I am lucky that I get to blog about my anxieties and my hopes about doing this work, because it helps me feel less alone in those feelings.

I’m lucky that I have readers, like Louise Gallagher, who say wise and helpful things (like Louise’s comment on my blog post yesterday).

I am lucky for each and every person who has ever read this blog, because whether or not you ever press “like” or write a comment, my knowing that you are receiving these words, as I move forward this year, helps me more than I can say.

When I started this blog post today, I thought I might be using a Magic Wastepaper Basket, because I was thinking of throwing away some old beliefs that contribute to my anxiety about public speaking.

Instead, I wrote about luck.

Throughout this year, I’ve created various “magical” receptacles, including this box for “Emergency Messages” (see here):

This “Worry Box” (see here and here):

And, the aforementioned “Magic Wastepaper Baskets” (see here and here, for two versions).

Perhaps I should make another Magical Receptacle today, to hold Lucky Thoughts. Grateful Thoughts.

But, I’m realizing I don’t need to create that, this morning. I already have something to hold those kinds of thoughts.

This blog.

Thanks for reading today, everybody.

______________________________________________

*As I’ve been writing about, throughout this year, I spent time in the hospital, for heart problems, when I was growing up.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: childhood illness, emergency message box, emergency messages, group therapy, hospitals, magic wastepaper basket, memories, Worry Box, writing | 2 Comments

Day 244: Positive Energy

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Ann Koplow

In therapy, I talk to people about the importance of doing more of what helps and less of what doesn’t help.

When we talk about what helps and what doesn’t help, we’re including thoughts, behaviors, and other people.

Yesterday, I got to spend some quality time with a person who is very helpful to me, and whom I haven’t seen for a while.

Diane.

I don’t have a photo of her, right now. So I can’t show you her beautiful, kind face. And a picture, sometimes, IS worth a thousand words.

So how can I describe her?

I can tell you a fact, or two, about Diane.

She’s the sister-in-law of my ex-husband.

She used to live nearby but now she lives far away, so I don’t get to see her as much.

So much for the facts.

How do I feel when I talk to Diane?

I feel heard, seen, understood, and appreciated.

It’s like being warmed by the sun.

(Thanks to The Canadian Expat — another blogger I just discovered! — for that photo.) (Click on the photo to see the full glory.)

Yesterday, I saw Diane in the middle of a day when I was Freaking Out (as I mentioned, here).

One of the reasons I am anxious, right now, is I have yet another “big” presentation to give about my groups at work, next Friday. I tend to Freak Out about such things (especially if I tell myself that a presentation — or anything else — is “big”, important, critical-for-surival-blah-blah-blah).

When I spoke to Diane yesterday, we talked about my presentation, among many other things.

Here are some of the things Diane and I spoke about:

How very neat and fastidious parents can sometimes cause a naturally messy child to feel insecure and apologetic.
Eating in a way that’s right for you (especially if you’re not rigid about it) can give you lots of energy.
If you follow your passion and speak from your heart, you will get through to people.
This quote from the Talmud: “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”

I wanted to end this post, today, with something Diane wrote me, last night, in an e-mail:

“Good luck with your presentation. I’ll send positive energy your way.”

That’s what Diane does. She sends positive energy.

It helps!

Many thanks to Diane, to expats (Canadian and otherwise), to parents and children who are doing their best, to kind people everywhere, and to you, for reading today.