Monthly Archives: February 2013

Day 39: The Dread Storm Nemo and Columbia, SC

So this is quite strange.  My return flight to Boston got cancelled today because of A Storm of the Century.  Yes, the weather forecasters are using that term, as they are predicting and tracking Winter Storm Nemo.

(Has anybody else noticed that the title “______ of the Century” has a lot different meaning now than it did, say, 14 years ago? At the beginning of a century, as opposed to the end of one, that title is either speculative — “we believe this record will hold for another 87 years!” —  or it’s just not that impressive —  “It’s the biggest thingie of the century, SO FAR!”)

Oh, my.  I haven’t even written three paragraphs, and I’ve already gone off on a digression.

I think it’s because I’m a little anxious.

Yes,  I’m happy to be safe and sound right now — out of winter’s way — and lucky enough to be able  to stay with a friend who lives in Columbia, SC until the airlines are flying into Logan again. At the same time,  I feel very strange being down south right now, away from my peeps — my friends, family, and other fellow New England-ites — who are bracing for what looks like a HUGE blizzard  even while I’m writing this.

Here are two more firsts for me: (1) I’ve never missed a return flight from a vacation and (2) I’ve never missed a major storm in the Boston area, my whole life.

RIght now, I’m trying to think of a specific movie, play, or novel, when a character misses — usually by luck — some disaster that hits everybody else that character knows.  That’s such a primal plot element, isn’t it?

The first two stories involving Lone Survivors that come to my mind, right now, are: (1)  Moby Dick  and (2) Les Miserables.

I just found out — via Google, natch — that actor John Moschitta, Jr. ends his quickie rendition of “Moby Dick” with this clever little rhyme: “everybody dies but the fish and Ish.” Yes, only Ishmael is standing at the end.  (Moby Dick, of course, is swimming.)

And in the movie “Les Miserables” (which I saw a few weeks ago with my sister) , that red-headed guy — the one that ends up with the girl — was the only one, among all his dozens of young,  idealistic friends, to survive The Siege With The Big Pile of Furniture.  Right?

And I’ll throw in just one more example of this common narrative motif of the Lone Survivor, before I move on.  I’ve never seen them, but aren’t the “Final Destination” movies based on that premise, too — that somebody survives, by luck, some disaster that wipes out everybody else?

Okay, so here’s my point (and as Ellen DeGeneris would say, “and I do have one”). In those kinds of stories, the Lone Survivor feels pret-ty lousy.  Anxious. Guilty.  Et cetera.

Now, I’m not saying that I think everybody in Boston is going to be wiped out (although the media can sort of sound that way, where Storms of the Century are concerned).

But I still feel weird being down here.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy myself today, in Columbia SC. And, if you don’t mind,  I would like to do another pictorial essay, as a way to distract myself — perhaps letting go of some feelings of anxiety and helplessness — as Nemo bears down on The Northeast.

Okay?  Thanks.

Columbia, South Carolina

A Pictorial Essay

by Ann

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This is the very cool clock in the bedroom where I stayed last night.  It belongs to the 5-year old daughter, Abby, of my friend Jenn, who both live in Columbia. Abby was kind enough to let me sleep in her bedroom last night, after her mother brought me home.

Here are some other things that kept me company in Abby’s bedroom last night:

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There are also two ridiculously cute dogs that live in this house.  I think they might have been a little dubious about a stranger staying in their home today, while the rest of the family was gone.  I mean, I may be indulging in the cognitive distortion of mind-reading, here, but their expressions looked a little cautious to me — like they didn’t want to make any sudden moves.

See for yourself.   This is Gunner, Ridiculously Cute Dog #1, soon after I woke up this morning:

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And this is Fenway, Ridiculously Cute Dog #2, at approximately the same time:

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After those Early Encounters of the Canine Kind, I did some laundry, which was great, since I had brought just enough clothes for my four-day stay.

I have to admit the washing machine scared me a little.Image

There were a lot of hi-tech buttons and panels there, but I couldn’t find any settings for Load Size, which threw me. However, this machine didn’t need any input from me in this area. After I started it up,  it measured and weighed and spinned and lifted until it figured out the load size on its own. (Another first, for me: encountering a washing machine quite that independent and adept.)

After I did the wash, I went for a nice long walk, where that iPhone gal-about-town, Siri, was helping me find my way to lunch. On this walk, one thing I started wondering about South Carolina was the following:

Is there an attachment to and fondness for the game of Polo in this state? When I was in Charleston, the Carriage Ride Company that I chose for a Horse-and-Buggy tour around the city was named “Carolina and Polo Carriage Company.”  David, who worked for that company, was one of those incredibly kind and engaging folks I met in Charleston:

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And while I noted how “Polo” was part of the name of David’s Horse-and-Buggy company, I didn’t really think much about it, until I started noticing more evidence, on my walk today, of the significance of Polo for South Carolina:Image

And ….Image

I’ve googled “Polo South Carolina” but I’m not seeing any explanation of the connection here. Maybe somebody reading this blog will enlighten me. (Added later: David actually came to this blog, read, commented, and did tell me about a South Carolina/Polo connection, all of which delighted me. His comment is at another post, here.)

Anyway, Siri brought me to a wonderful little Chinese Restaurant in Columbia, named Chen’s, where Stephanie  — the daughter of the owners — was incredibly friendly and helpful.

I felt a little sad when Stephanie told me that she was self-conscious about having her picture taken. She said what I hear a LOT of people say — “I don’t take good pictures” or “I never look good in photographs.”  I’ve heard myself say that, too.

I thought she looked great, but I told her that I would check in with her after I published the post, to see how she felt about the picture.

(This is a later addendum to this post: When I spoke to Stephanie on the phone, a couple of days later, she asked that I remove the picture. She just didn’t like the way she looked in it.  I would have loved to have taken another picture Stephanie felt comfortable with,  but she and I couldn’t make that happen before I left.  So, instead of that original picture, which I am removing, I will replace it with something I found hanging in the room where I slept.

photo (36)

That’s a calendar from Chen’s restaurant, hanging in Jenn’s daughter’s Abby’s room! I hadn’t known this when I stopped by Chen’s, but Jenn and her family love Chen’s, too, and they pick up food there all the time. And, as I found out later, Jenn LOVES the spicy noodle soup that I ordered for lunch there, which she reviews as follows:  “The heat is a slow-developing heat, and it doesn’t burn out your palate.  It’s spicy, but you can enjoy and taste all the flavors.”)

I loved my lunch at Chen’s:

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On my walk back after my delicious lunch at Chen’s,  I noticed this, which reminded me of one of my favorite mantras: “Lose your investment in the outcome” (which I wrote about on Day 28 of this blog, here):

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Then, when I came back to the house after my walk, Gunner was looking a tad more comfortable with my presence (I think):

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as was Fenway:

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Well, that was fun.  But I’ve put this off long enough.  I’m going to publish this and then check the weather reports and see how Boston is doing.

Updates tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, everybody.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Day 38: Reasons why I should move to Charleston, SC

Among the many reasons I should move to Charleston, SC are the following:

REASON #1:  THE PEOPLE.

In my two days (so far) in Charleston, practically every person I’ve met has looked and sounded remarkably relaxed, content, and happy.  People I’ve spoken to in Charleston — who have, without exception, been kind, courteous, friendly, and interesting — include  Chris Perot:

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Chris was one of many people I spoke to yesterday who urged me to move to Charleston. Some of these Charleston Proselytizers became converted mid-life; others are native born.  Chris was one of the former:  he moved here from somewhere else. (Chris, if you’re reading this, I forgot to write down where you moved from, and my memory sucks!)

Chris is a musician and he also really enjoys his job at a Very Cool Hat Store, on the Very Cool King Street.

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REASON #2: THEY HAVE VERY COOL HATS IN CHARLESTON.

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REASON #3: MANY OF THE COOL STORES IN CHARLESTON HAVE COOL CATS WORKING THERE.

You may think this reason refers to Chris, above.  It doesn’t. It refers to actual felines, and I love cats.

The proof for Reason # 3 includes some hearsay;  that is, somebody who works at the Francis Marion Hotel — the great place I’m staying — told me that many stores have resident cats. However, this conclusion also involves my own inductive reasoning.  (In case you’re like me and  usually can’t remember the difference between inductive and deductive reasoning unless you Google it, inductive reasoning is when you go from the specific to the general.)

Here is the specific proof  from which I am generalizing — a cat named Sandy in yet another Cool Store on King Street:

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Sandy was working in one of the two retail stores I went into yesterday. (I’m not a big shopper on vacations, obviously). So, based on my scientific experimentation yesterday (and I readily admit that my results are suspect because of the smallness of the sample size), approximately 50% of stores in Charleston have excellent working cats, like Sandy:

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REASON #4:  THE CATS IN CHARLESTON ARE VERY WELL BEHAVED, AND WILL POSE READILY FOR STRANGE PHOTOGRAPHERS.

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REASON #5:  CHARLESTON HAS GOOD GROCERY STORES WITH GOOD FOOD.

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Also, the grocery stores have excellent, accessible hours:

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And sometimes they offer free balloons:

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REASON #6:  THERE IS APPROPRIATE RESPECT IN CHARLESTON FOR THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOCOLATE.

Exhibit A:

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Exhibit B:

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Here is the wonderful manager of this chocolatierre shop, with her husband.

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They moved to Charleston from Detroit about five years ago.  I wrote down their names yesterday, but now I can’t find the piece of paper with that information. (See Reason #1, above, regarding the following topics:  (1) Friendly and Interesting People in Charleston, (2) People Who Have Moved Here, and (3) My Sucky Memory.)

I think their names are Russ and Nancy, and they (1)  had several reasons of their own why I should move to Charleston, (2) provided me with an incredibly delicious Meringuey-Chocolatey concoction, and (3) invited me  to a 3-hour Chocolate-Making Class that was taking place last night, with Christophe, THE Chocolate Artisan in Charleston (and perhaps a larger geographical territory, I can’t remember) and the owner of this establishment.

And I was tempted to go to this class (Russ and Nancy, if I’m right about their names, actually used the word “Adventure”– the magic word —  while trying to convince me to go).  And I  signed up, at first. (I mean, Duh! They used the word “Adventure” and it would have involved three hours of chocolate.) But after I thought more about it,  I changed my mind and  backed out before I left  the french chocolate cafe (whose official name is “Christophe Artisan Chocolatier — Patissier”).   I had some restful, stress-free plans for myself last night, and I realized that a 3-hour class just wouldn’t work for me.  And Russ and Nancy were perfectly gracious and understanding about this, as they were about all topics we discussed.

REASON # 7: I COULD GO TO THE CHOCOLATE-MAKING CLASS, WHICH IS AVAILABLE ONCE A MONTH.

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So, dear reader,  I had many more Reasons Why I Should Move to Charleston, SC — with photographic proof — that I could have included in this blog post today.

However, I should probably end this post here, because there are some decisions I have to make, quite soon,  regarding a certain blizzard  that is about to hit Boston, which has all the weather media outlets (including those in Charleston) issuing dire and hysterical warnings for people who (1) live in Boston or (2) are flying there on Friday.  (By the way, see my blog post, on Day 33: Groundhog Day, for more about meteorologists and their dire and hysterical warnings: http://annkoplow.wpcomstaging.com/2013/02/02/day-33-groundhog-day/)

Which leads me to the final entry, right here:

REASON #8:  NO BLIZZARDS IN CHARLESTON.

boston blizzard

Thanks for reading, as always.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 164 Comments

Day 37: Charleston, SC (Love At First Sights)

Welcome to Further Adventures in Blogging. It’s my first photo journal-ly post! (And I can’t quite figure out how to do the captions!)

So I arrived in Charleston, South Carolina yesterday.  Usually when I travel, I am pretty cranky the first day. There is often some disappointment in my emotional mix on the first day of a trip. (High expectations, investments in the outcomes, fears about “wrong decisions” made, all that Judgmental Stuff I do so automatically.). Plus, on that first day, I’m dealing some residual stress from an Airplane-Trip-Which-Could-Have-Killed-Me. And, it always takes me a little while to feel acclimated (and safe) in a new place.

However, even during this Potentially Cranky First Day, I was having a great time as I wandered around Charleston. I walked around, between 3:30 and 5:30 PM, with no real plan or purpose, very quickly falling in love with the place.

I took the photos shown here — with my recently purchased, first iPhone — really haphazardly.  I didn’t take too many photos, because I was so focused on looking where I was going and getting a sense of where I was. But I had to take some quick snapshots, because I saw so much beauty around me.

So I’m going to show most of those snapshots from yesterday in today’s post. (“Snapshots” is a great word for these, all taken in a snap.)  And my captions won’t be particularly illuminating, for those of you who want data and facts about what-the-heck, where-the-heck, why-the-heck, and other basic journalistic-type questions.

However, you will know When-The-Heck: My first day, ever, in Charleston, SC.  I know it will not be my last — not by a long shot.

King Street, near where I was staying.

King Street, near where I was staying (I think!).

King Street.  Lots of shops.

 I originally identified this photo (when I first published this post) as part of King Street, but, as I look at it again,  I don’t think it is. Oh, well!  Aren’t those buildings amazing looking (wherever the hell they are)?

Some random street, where I was wandering.

Some random street, where I was wandering. Look at the colors!  I love the architecture in Charleston.

Another place that caught my eye.

More wonderful architecture I wanted to remember.

This was near a gallery, where an artist was sitting by the window, painting. She waved and invited me in to talk to her. Her art was beautiful and so was she.
This was near a gallery, where an artist was sitting by the window, painting. She waved and invited me in to talk to her. Her art was beautiful and so was she. (I didn’t take a picture of her or her art! Rats!) (Oops!  Letting go of judgment about that ….) (Also letting go of judgment about the fact that I have no idea why THIS caption is the only one in bold print and that I can’t seem to fix that.)

Waterfront Park, as it was getting later.

Waterfront Park, later in the day.

The friendly desk clerk at the hotel (who grew up near my home town!) mentioned the fountain that looked like a giant pineapple as a Must See. And I happened upon it (in Waterfront Park)  and recognized it immediately.

The friendly desk clerk at the hotel (who grew up near my home town!) mentioned the fountain that looked like a giant pineapple as a Must See.  I happened upon it (in Waterfront Park). I recognized it immediately.

A closer view of the giant pineapple.

A closer view of the giant pineapple, at Waterfront Park.

.I took this last photo of the day for my son, because of the graphic in this car window (proliferated by the street artist Shepard Fairey, often with the caption "OBEY"). Also, we love the movie "The Princess Bride" and that image is Andre the Giant.

I took this last photo of the day for my son, because of the graphic in this car window (proliferated by the street artist Shepard Fairey, often with the caption “OBEY”). Also, we both love the movie “The Princess Bride” and that image is Andre the Giant.

That’s it!   Thanks for reading and looking, everybody.

P.S.  I love you, Charleston.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Day 36: Adventure (meanings and meetings)

So this morning, I set off on an adventure.

I’m flying by myself to someplace I’ve never been before.

Now,when I use the word “adventure,” I  mean doing something new.  But I wonder if new-ness is part of the formal definition of the word “adventure”?

Let’s find out. Here’s the first definition of “adventure” I found on-line:

An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity.

Hmmm. That’s interesting. Even though that definition doesn’t include the concept of “new”, it DOES reflect the two important components of doing something new (for me) — (1) excitement and (2) fear (see “hazardous”).

I’ll check one other definition before I move on.

Okay, this definition is from Merriam-Webster online:

1.  An undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

2. An exciting or remarkable experience.

Interesting. Definition #1  includes the Fear Factor, and Definition #2  has the Excitement Aspect.

But the language doesn’t refer to something new.

However, Merriam-Webster does include the word “remarkable.” And the first definition includes the word “unusual.”  And “remarkable” and “unusual” does imply something that you do very rarely.

So, even if an adventure is not completely new, it’s probably gonna feel new.

I don’t know about you, but part of my experience of new-ness can often include judgment.  And I think that’s probably natural, since I’ll be doing things I haven’t done before.  As a result, I’ll be more likely to make mistakes and to judge myself for not knowing more.  (And, I’ve been working on letting go of judgment today.  Big time.)

Okay, now that I’ve covered the “Meanings” portion of this blog post, I’d like to move on the “Meetings” portion of the post. (In case I lost anybody right there, I’m referring back to the title of this post — “Adventure (meanings and meetings).”)

So, I met somebody new this morning, on the very first part of my adventure.

The first part of my adventure involved getting to the airport. And the decision I had made about this first leg of the journey was to make it easy on myself – and everybody around me — by using a transportation service to the airport.

My niece, Laura (who is not only a wonderful niece but also a fabulous travel agent)  had recommended that I use a transportation company called Smurfs.  And who wouldn’t want to use a company with THAT name, to begin a scary and exciting adventure?  Just hearing that name, I felt fuzzy and safe. (Not that I actually ever watched the TV show the “Smurfs.”  But I knew what those Smurfs looked like. And they looked blue, friendly, and reasonably competent to drive a vehicle.)

So, after Laura recommended The Smurfs for transportation, I did what I needed to do to feel good about that decision.  (That is, I googled “Smurfs transportation” and saw good reviews about value and reliability.)

So, this morning, as I was feeling excited and scared, vulnerable and brave,  and was leaving the familiar safety of my home,  I was picked up (at the perfect time!) by a stranger.

The Smurf Driver.

And because this is the Year of Living Non-Judgmentally, when I got into the car and met The Smurf Driver, I let go of self-judgment and projection onto others. That is,  I decided NOT to assume  that:

(1) The driver might prefer that his passengers be as quiet as possible.  (By the way, this would be the cognitive distortion of “Mind Reading”.)

(2)  What I might say might include uninteresting, inane, boring, or annoying thoughts.  (Cognitive Distortion?  “Labelling.”)

And, during the drive to the airport, The Smurf Driver (whose name is John) and I had a great conversation.  John and I talked about the usual things drivers and passengers talk about: the routes to the airport, the flight I was taking, and so on.  But in the course of the time we spent together, we also talked about the fear and the excitement of adventure.  He told me that he had just started working for Smurfs after working a long time for another transportation company. It was his second day!  So, of course, he was dealing with the new-ness of that.  And, not surprisingly, he was experiencing some fear AND excitement. And he recognized that he had some self-judgment  about what he didn’t know.

And I told John about the new things I’ve been doing, and how I’ve been trying to let go of fear and judgment.  Among other things, I told him about this blog.  He said he planned to read it.

If you found your way here, John,  Hello!  And thank you for the conversation this morning.

I got a lot out of that conversation.

It’s always helpful, when you meet a fellow adventurer —  especially when you’re just starting out on an adventure of your own.

Thanks for reading, everybody.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Day 35: The Next Right Thing

For today, I would like to continue the illustrious tradition (that I established yesterday), of discussing the meaning of a term or phrase. Yesterday’s term was “Object Constancy.” Today’s phrase is “The Next Right Thing.”

Yesterday, I Googled “Object Constancy” before I shared my assumptions about it. Today, I would like to start this way:

I want to ask you, dear reader, what your assumptions are about the meaning of the phrase “The Next Right Thing.”  Maybe you’ve heard it before; maybe you haven’t.  In any case, what do you think it means?

(silence, so you can think about that)

(Actually, if this were a game show like “Jeopardy”, thinking music would be playing now.

Da da da da,

Dee dee dee.

Da da da da,

DEET, da-da-da-da-da,

Da da da da,

Dee dee dee,

DAH! da da da,

Deeee, deeeee,  deeeeeeeh.)

Okay, now that you’ve had some time to think about what “The Next Right Thing” means to you (assuming that the “Jeopardy” theme song hasn’t obliterated all other thoughts from your mind) (if so, my deepest apologies) …. I will now Google that phrase.

Hmmmm. Actually, I’m not seeing any “easy” definition of the phrase. (In other words, there’s no Wikipedia entry for it.)  Here are two links I clicked on, and found helpful: here and here.)

Okay!  It’s time for me to tell you my own personal experience with the phrase  “The Next Right Thing.”

I know that “The Next Right Thing” is a phrase, or slogan, associated with 12-step programs. I have witnessed many people use that phrase as a guidepost. I’ve seen them use it as Something That Helps — in their personal path of recovery, in moving forward, in letting go of judgment, in so many different ways. I have felt grateful and privileged to witness all that.

And I decided to use it this morning for myself.  And that phrase came to me because I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed today.  Here are some reasons I’m feeling overwhelmed:

I planned a party for several weeks; now that’s over.

I’m going off on an adventure tomorrow, flying in a plane by myself to somewhere I’ve never been before.

And I haven’t started packing!

I have a friend staying over, and what I’d really like to do is just hang out with her, but I’ve got all these things I should be doing.

And  I’m not feeling great, physically.  Nothing serious, just some muscle aches and the same damn cold lingering on, but the physical stuff does have an effect.

(By the way, I’ll probably write a future blog post about how helpful it can be just to List What’s Stressful, Right Now.)

(Notice that this post is long, with lots of digressions?  Among the reasons for THAT: (1) I’m on vacation so I’ve got more time on my hands and (2) I’m overwhelmed!)

Anyway …  so where was I, before the parentheses?

Heaven knows. But let’s go back to my topic: “The Next Right Thing.”

I know that it will help me today, to identify the next right thing to do.  But here are some thoughts I’m having about THAT:

What the hell is the next right thing? How can I figure THAT out? I’m so overwhelmed!

Well, here’s the deal. There are SEVERAL Next Right Things I could choose right now. I could start packing.  I could tell my friend I need a couple of hours today for myself.  I could get a massage to relieve the muscle aches!

And, actually, I already did do one Next Right Thing for myself this morning.

I wrote this blog post.

Thanks for reading.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Day 34: Object Constancy

“Object constancy” is a Psychological Concept which I will now try to explain.  (When I say “try to explain,” I mean that  I’m going to Google it, check to see whether the definition there matches my assumptions in the moment) (and, if I find a definition that’s good enough, steal it).

Of course, it’s risky when you go to the Internet for information.   Who knows which sources are reliable?  But here’s a definition of Object Constancy, from the GoogleSphere:

 in psychoanalysis, the relatively enduring emotional investment in another person.

That doesn’t quite “click” for me. Hold on.

Well, I’ve looked at a few, and I’m going to use this one, which — interestingly enough, defines LACK of object constancy.

Lack of object constancy is the inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

Hmmm. It’s occurring to me that this definition reflects a kind of all-or-nothing thinking. I mean, look at those words: “lack.”  “inability.”

Object constancy is not usually something that human beings either have OR don’t have at all. The vast majority of us are somewhere on the scale from 0 to 100%, Object Constancy-wise.

Let me tell you why Object Constancy is the Topic Du Jour. Yesterday, I gave a party for myself, to celebrate a Big Numbered Birthday.  And I invited people to come and help me celebrate the day — people who have meant a lot to me and people who I assumed would feel comfortable being there.

And these people said some pretty incredible things to me throughout the party — face-to-face, by cards and other writings, on video messages, and during a point in the party where people sat around and shared memories. And I was trying really, really hard throughout the party to take the good stuff in.  I was trying not to get caught up in what might go wrong with the party, whether people were having a good time, whether I was being a good host, whether I seemed too self-centered in having this kind of party for myself, and the other varied menu of judgmental choices. And I was friggin’ exhausted the whole time, because I had trouble sleeping the night before. So I was trying not to judge myself for that, too. (Why didn’t you make sure you got enough sleep so you could be more present?) And I was trying not to be disappointed that I hadn’t managed to figure out how to RECORD what people were saying at certain points, so I could remember it later.

And I really wanted to record things, because I think of myself as a person who has “Poor Object Constancy.”

Which, I realize right now, is a judgmental term.

I mean, it’s the word “poor” that tipped me off, right then.

But let me tell you by what I mean by that belief about myself: People may be vivid, real, and important to me in the moment, but they can fade when I’m by myself. When I am by myself,  I can start believing that I’m not important — that I fade from their minds, too.  And even though I know on some level that there are people out there who care about me, when I’m alone and feeling scared or insecure, I have trouble accessing a sense of those connections.

I spend a lot of time, in my work, talking to people about What Sticks and What Doesn’t Stick. And I have noticed, in myself and other people, that what scares us — the negative things — do tend to stick and seem more important than the positive things.  If you’ve read other posts in this blog, you’ve probably noticed this theme coming up before. And here’s something else I’m sure I’ll write about more than once. When we’re feeling at our worst, we tend to NOT do the things that will help us feel better. Over and over again, I see people isolating when they feel worse about themselves and their lives.

The tendency of the negative to “stick.”  How people, when they are in pain, tend to isolate. Yes, I will probably write about these themes — and others —  many times throughout this Year of Living Non-Judgmentally.  Because (as the cab driver said in response to the rider asking, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?”), practice, practice, practice.

It takes repetition and practice to let go of old ways of seeing things.

So, yesterday, I tried to practice, practice, practice throughout the party.  I tried not to judge the judging thoughts that came up for me during the party. I tried to take in the specific positive things people were telling me.  And I tried to let these very positive messages in: You are important to me. I am important to you.

When I say “important” I don’t mean “all important.”  All of us have complicated lives, and maybe we do lose track of each other here and there. But importance — like most things — is not All-Or-Nothing.

And there was a moment yesterday, when people who mean a lot to me were singing “Happy Birthday.” In that moment, I let go of all judgmental, self-conscious, and scared thoughts, looked around the room, and  thought, “Wow.”  Here are all these beautiful connections, right in the room. Here are all these wonderful faces, looking at me, and celebrating my birthday with song and with themselves. And I took a mental photo of it, filed it away, and reminded myself to Practice, Practice, Practice making that image stick.

And even if my Object Constancy is not the best — even if that image fades and maybe is hidden from me at times —  that image is still there. And I’ll practice, practice, practice making that picture more constant.

Thanks, dear reader.

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Day 33: Groundhog Day

It’s Groundhog Day!

I love Groundhog Day.

The groundhog saw his shadow today.  Which means, according to Punxsutawney Phil, that there will be an early spring.  Spring in four weeks, says the furry prognosticator!

Wait a minute.  That would mean spring will be here on March 2.  The groundhog is telling us that on March 2, it will be warm,  the flowers will be blooming, the birds will be singing like crazy, and all those things I LOVE to feel, see, smell, and hear after a cold, grey winter will be here.

Naw.

Just won’t happen.  I don’t mean to be cynical and doubt my beloved groundhog.  But that’s impossible. At least where I live.

I’ve now seen 60 Groundhog Days and not ONCE has spring arrived on March 2.

That’s one of the interesting aspects of my lifelong experience with Groundhog Day.  It’s based on something that is completely and utterly incorrect. We might even get dramatic here, and say that Groundhog Day is based on a pack of lies!!!

That is shocking, isn’t it?  That the

King of the Groundhogs,
Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of Prognosticators,
Weather Prophet without Peer,

actually doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing.

Of course, I suppose we could crankily say the same about our experiences with professional weathermen and weatherwomen.  (I still  usually call them weathermen and weatherwomen, although I understand that they prefer the term “meteorologist,” which does sound quite scientific and reassuring, although more like  people we’d call when a meteor is about to hit the earth.)

Where was I before the parentheses? Oh, yes. Meteorologists are often wrong, too. And I’ll tell you what drives me nuts about THEM.  (It’s Groundhog Day, so I’m allowed to rant.)  Not once, in my sixty Groundhog Days on this earth have I EVER seen ANY meteorologist acknowledge IN THE SLIGHTEST when the forecast has been completely and utterly wrong.

I’ve listened to these weather-people warn us, with concerned faces and dire voices, for HOURS (or DAYS!) about catastrophes looming on the horizon. And then when the terrible weather event just … doesn’t … happen ….  Nada!  They say nothing.  It’s as if those forecasts, which sounded so absolute and definite, never happened. The day after one of these Forecasting Faux Pas, these weather people betray not  a tinge of embarrassment and regret. Believe me, I’ve looked.

And I’m somebody who — so far in her life — has been SO different from these blithely bumbling meteorologists, when it comes to mistakes.  I’m hyper-aware of mistakes  — often painfully so — and  I am quick to name them to anybody I think might notice.

Well, mistakes are something that I am definitely working on for this Year of Living Non-Judgmentally.  I am working on accepting and letting go of mistakes, and assuming less about other people’s reactions to mistakes.

And as a result, this may be the best Groundhog Day I’ve ever had.

Here’s to you, Punxsutawney Phil.

And to you, too, dear reader.

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Day 32: February is the coolest month.

I tried different titles for this post.

Examples:

February is the cruelest month. (It can be very icy, cold, and miserable, but T.S. Eliot already grabbed that honor for April.)

February is the shortest month. (Can’t argue with that.)

February is the worst-spelled month. (I mean, come on!  What IS the deal with that goofy silent “r”?)

But I settled on the title “February is the coolest month” for three reasons:

(1) It is quite cold, at least where I live.

(2)  It rhymes with “cruelest” (for a little literary echo).

(3)  For me, it meets the other definition of coolest, because … it’s my birthday month.

And, dear reader,  I DO think that February is the best month — the coolest of them all.  I guess that’s because I’ve managed to separate any negative feelings about aging from my experience of my birthday.

What I’ve done with my fears about aging is to strategically place them elsewhere.  On New Year’s Eve.

New Year’s Eve is when I get all caught up with the passage of time, fears about my own mortality, and all that other fun stuff.  As a result, if I’m going to get moody and freaked out about getting older, I save it up for New Year’s Eve.  Who knows how I’ll feel on December 31 of This Year of Living Non-Judgmentally; in all the  judgmental years leading up to this one, I’ve really disliked it.

So while this strategy may be unfair to an innocent, end-of-year date, it allows me to continue to enjoy my birthday.  Freaking out about where the hell time is going?  New Year’s Eve.  Fun and excitement and the expectation of cake?  That would be my birthday.

I’m glad that  I’ve been able to maintain some consistency of joy each year so far, looking forward to my birthday.

And I’m glad the coolest month is here.

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