Posts Tagged With: living with cctga

Day 1338: She who hesitates is ____

Posted on August 30, 2016 by Ann Koplow

How would you fill in the blank in today’s title?

She who hesitates is:

lost?
wise?
scared?
uncertain?
thoughtful?
dumb?
human?

Do not hesitate to choose a different ending for the sentence “She who hesitates is ____,” based on your own experience with hesitation.

I chose that title today for three reasons. I shall not hesitate to share those reasons with you, here and now.

Reason #1. Last night, despite my hesitation to worry about anything (since worry doesn’t do any good), I was worrying that I might have hesitated too long to have my leaky heart valve replaced at the Mayo Clinic next month. Cardiologists have not hesitated to tell me that if I hesitate too long and my heart loses too much function and resiliency, the heart valve replacement will not help. And I hesitate to admit that I believe that my heart has deteriorated in function over the last few months.

Whenever I have concerns about my heart, I do not hesitate to contact my long-time and trusted cardiologist, Dr. Deeb Salem. Here’s the email I did not hesitate to write him before I started writing this post:

Hi Deeb,

I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I thought I would give you a preview of what I’ll be bringing in to the meeting.

My main topic is going to be my concern that I might have waited too long for the valve surgery. This concern is based on the fact that I just have not been feeling or looking as well lately and particularly that I need the Lasix every once in a while, so I’m obviously having more issues with heart failure. I’m assuming my BNP will be higher if we test it tomorrow. I’m also wondering whether I should inform Dr. Warnes about these developments.

I keep thinking about the moment during my consultation with Dr. Warnes in May, when she told me I needed to get a mechanical valve, NOW. When I asked for an extension until September so I could spend time with my son in Edinburgh before he started college, she paused and thought and said that was okay. I wonder now whether it was. I guess I’ll find out, soon enough.

As usual, it helps me to get my thoughts down. I am sure we’ll have an interesting discussion of this and other topics tomorrow.

All the best,

Ann

Reason #2. Today’s title gives me the opportunity to share a joke I made up several decades ago, which I did not hesitate to deliver to live audiences during my two open-mic stand-up comedy appearances in the 1980s:

I’m sure you’ve all heard of “Light” beer, which has less calories and alcohol than regular beer. I’ve invented a new product — “Fat Beer.” It has four times the calories and alcohol content as regular beer. I’ve even got a marketing slogan for it: “He who has a taste is sloshed.”

Reason #3. As usual, I shall not hesitate to use whatever blog post title I’ve chosen as an excuse to share whatever photos I did not hesitate to take the day before.

Let’s not hesitate to look at those five photos, shall we?

Because I never hesitate to share a tune by Stephen Sondheim, here‘s his brilliant exploration of hesitation in “Now, Later, Soon” from A Little Night Music:

Any hesitation about leaving a comment?

In closing, I shall not hesitate to thank all who helped me create today’s post and you — of course! — for not hesitating to visit this blog, today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: "Look Before You Leap", "Now Later Soon", A Little Night Music, he who hesitates is lost, heart failure, Heart valve replacement surgery, letting go of fear, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga | 21 Comments

Day 1337: Guess What?

Posted on August 29, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Guess what? I love to guess! Do you?

Guess what I saw yesterday and forgot to include in this post when I published it an hour ago?

Guess what this cat is lying on?

A dog bed!

Guess what new kind of fruit I saw for the first time yesterday?

A mini apple!

Guess what would be a good next line?

“How do you like them apples?”
“Does a mini apple a day keep only short doctors away?”
“Do mini apples come from Minneapolis?”
[your guessed line here]

Guess what bread you use to make an American cheese sandwich?

Guess what is the inside to this greeting card?

Guess what? I will reveal the answer to that question when I get a guess about the inside of that greeting card from one of you!

Guess what I was doing yesterday evening?

You might not have guessed it from those photos, but I was food shopping yesterday evening with my boyfriend Michael at a new-to-us supermarket.

Guess what supermarket it was?

Guess what I was thinking as I took these few photos after food shopping?

Guess what I’m doing today?

I’m going back to work after a two-week vacation in Edinburgh with my son and I’m probably making plane reservations to Minneapolis for my September 21 heart surgery.

Guess what I’m worried about, right now?

I’m letting go of all worries. Guess what you could do with worries, too?

Guess what music I’m going to include here?

Guess what I’ll do if you leave a comment below?

Guess what I like to express at the end of all of my daily blog posts?

Categories: personal growth, self-care | Tags: "Guess What" by Syleena Johnson, guessing games, heart surgery, letting go of fear, Letting go of worry, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, mini apples, Wegman's | 32 Comments

Day 1317: Salt and Battery

Posted on August 9, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Five hundred and sixty-nine days ago (but who’s counting?), I created the post Day 748: A Salt and Battery. I hope it doesn’t feel like assault and battery that I’m

using such a similar title today and
recommending that you read that other post before you read this one.

Why “Salt and Battery” today?

This past Saturday, because we were assaulted and battered by torrential downpours and multiple-car-accident delays on our way to seeing comedian Louis C.K. in Springfield Massachusetts, I ended up eating the only food available at the concert venue, which was battered with lots of salt. Eating too much salt battered me and my unusual heart in a way it never has before.

As I recover from that and prepare for the inevitable assault and battery involved in open heart surgery, I am trying to soothe and protect my mind, body, and soul from the assault and battery of worry and stress.

Here are some worrying and stressful things that can feel like assault and battery to me:

Dealing with bureaucracies.
Financial issues.
Disrespect.
Ignorance.
Discrimination.
Rigidity.
Cruelty.
Illness.
Hopelessness.
Guilt.
Shame.

What feels like assault and battery to you?

When you feel assaulted, salted, or battered, what helps?

My hope is that some of the photos I took yesterday might help you as much as they are helping me:

Taking what you need — a very effective way to reduce assault, salt, and battery.

If you haven’t gotten all you need yet from this blog, here’s another antidote to assault and battery — some dancing salts on stage:

Thanks to my son Aaron (in the center of that battery of dancers) and everyone else who helped me create today’s salt-and-battery post. A special battery of thanks to you — of course! — for visiting this salty blogger, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: eating too much salt, kindness, Letting go of worry, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, my son Aaron dancing, peace, taking what you need | 25 Comments

Day 1316: Clarity

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Ann Koplow

When life is confusing, I am often looking for clarity. And to be clear, I often find life confusing.

Is there clarity in the photos I took yesterday?

When I’m asking if my photos have clarity, I’m not wondering about how focused they are. Instead, I’m wondering if my photos communicate clearly what I was trying to capture around me.

For more clarity here and now, I shall clearly tell you that

I am looking forward to reading about Alexander Hamilton, especially when I am recovering from heart surgery in September.
My cat Oscar likes to bite my feet in the morning.
I saw my son Aaron (who has red hair and a beard) perform in his last ever Arlington Children’s Theater production yesterday, which was the musical Anything Goes.
Arlington Children’s Theater, at the end of their summer production, does a special honoring of all the seniors who are leaving.
Aaron is a senior, leaving for the University of Edinburgh in September.
When my boyfriend Michael saw one of the photos I took yesterday, he made a sarcastic comment about Aaron cleaning his room.
I took one photo yesterday with the intent of sharing a particular song from Anything Goes.

For more clarity, here’s that one photo …

… and here‘s the song:

Be like the bluebird, please, and leave something behind here.

For even more clarity, thanks to all who clearly helped me create this post and to you — of course! — for whatever clarity you can bring.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Anything Goes", "Be Like the Bluebird", Arlington Children's Theater, empty nest syndrome, living with adult congenital heart disease, living with cctga, searching for clarity | 20 Comments

Day 1315: Unbored

Posted on August 7, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Do you get bored? If so, what unbores you?

Lots of things unbore me, including visits to local book stores, where I saw this yesterday:

Do you see that book “Unbored” on the shelf of the Arlington bookstore The Book Rack?

I took many more photos yesterday, as I was unbored by:

Arlington, Massachusetts, USA,
my son appearing in the Arlington Children’s Theater’s production of the musical Anything Goes, and
Louis C.K. and three other comics making me, my son, and thousands of other people laugh at the MassMutual Center in Springfield, Massachusetts.

Are you particularly unbored by any of my other photos from yesterday (presented in unbored chronological order)?

Here are more things I’ve been unbored by in the past 24 hours:

learning that my favorite restaurant in Arlington, Massachusetts — The Madrona Tree — has lost its lease because of rent increases,
finding my favorite Arlington boutique — The Artful Heart — in a different location because of rent increases by the same landlord,
torrential rain storms on our drive to Springfield Massachusetts, causing multiple accidents which turned the 100-minute drive into a 160-minute drive,
the saltiest popcorn I’ve ever tasted, when I’m on a low salt diet,
ants swarming all over a pizza,
my laptop, during an iTunes update, telling me my phone needed to be restored to factory settings (which would mean losing everything stored on my phone),
my homepage totally changing because of software I downloaded in an attempt to get my iPhone unstuck from update mode without losing all my data,
recovering my home page, and
recovering my iPhone without losing any data.

Here’s another unboring moment from last week: a representative of my health insurance company told me that my September 21 surgery to mend my heart at the Mayo Clinic would not be covered because of “lack of medical necessity.” This unboring statement turned out to be untrue.

Sometime, I wish I was less unbored.

I hope you are unbored by this song, inspired by one of my unbored photos above:

I hope you are also unbored by my sincere thanks to all those who helped me created this post and to you — of course! — for visiting today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off", "You Say Tomato", ant season, Arlington Massachusetts, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, Louis C.K., The Artful Heart, The Book Rack, The Madrona Tree Restaurant | 25 Comments

Day 1313: Who am I?

Posted on August 5, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Who am I to ask that question?

Who am I?

I am

a mother,
a daughter,
a sister,
a girlfriend,
a friend,
a psychotherapist,
a blogger,
a patient,
the owner of a very unusual heart,
an American,
a baby boomer,
a traveler,
a teacher,
a learner,
a computer user,
a chocolate lover,
a singer,
an observer of human nature,
a fan of felines,
an adult, and
many other things.

Who am I to withhold the inspiration for today’s blog post?

Who am I? A photographer?

Who am I to choose today’s music (here, here, here, and here)?

And who are you?

Who am I if I don’t thank my friend Jeanette (for the heart amulet), everybody else who helped me create today’s blog post, and you — of course! — no matter who you are.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "I am a Child", "Who Am I?", "Who Are You?", letting go of fear, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, roles and identity | 23 Comments

Day 1305: All you need

Posted on July 28, 2016 by Ann Koplow

As I went back to work yesterday — after being away for weeks because of pneumonia and heart failure — it was obvious what I needed.

Do my photos from yesterday reveal what I needed?

All I need in the near future is love, work, and seeing my son Aaron in that Arlington Children’s Theater production of Anything Goes!

All this post needs is some great music (here and here on Youtube):

What’s all you need, here and now?

Thanks to all who give me all I need to blog every day, including you!

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism, staying healthy | Tags: "All You Need is Love", "Anything Goes", Arlington Massachusetts, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, returning to work after illness | 30 Comments

Day 1303: Long May You Run

Posted on July 26, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I bid a fond farewell to my beloved Mazda3, which I am donating to Make-a-Wish, a non-profit foundation granting wishes to children with life-threatening illnesses. Long may my Mazda and Make-a-Wish run.

That’s Mark, one of the many trusted and trusty mechanics from P & M Service Center. Long may he and his business run! Mark eased the pain of my goodbye yesterday by running by me several amusing and amazing stories of other people having trouble letting go and saying goodbye to their cars. For example, he told me about a relative who had decided to donate a car to a charity and then at the last minute said to Mark, “I love this car! I can’t let it go! I want to keep this car and donate my new car — which I hate — instead!” Mark said to her, “Sorry, that’s not going to happen.”

I told Mark yesterday how I planned to run this Neil Young song in today’s blog.

Long may Wikipedia run, which tells us that “Long May You Run” was

an elegy for Neil Young’s first car (which he nicknamed “Mort”), a 1948 Buick Roadmaster hearse that died in 1965 when its transmission blew in Blind River, Ontario.

Long may all those I love — mechanical, human, feline, etc. — run.

Long may my iPhone run, so I can take more photos like these:

Long may inspiration run for me and anybody else who needs it, here and now.

Long may you — all my wonderful readers — run!

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Long May You Run" by Neil Young, Arlington Community Media Inc (ACMI), attachment, car love, Donating car to charity, Dr. Seuss, How to Build Community, living with a congenital heart condition, living with cctga, Make-a-Wish Foundation | 22 Comments

Day 1301: Who do you think you are?

Posted on July 24, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Who do you think you are, reading this blog today? Who do I think I am, posing such a question?

Who do you think saw this yesterday?

Who do you think took a picture of it?

Who do you think you are? Are you somebody who’s heard that question from other people? Who do they think they are, asking you “Who do you think you are?”

Who do I think I am? I think I’m somebody who

thinks,
feels,
deserves respect,
is mortal,
does her best,
respects others,
blogs every day,
is human,
makes mistakes,
learns,
gets discouraged sometimes,
is mostly hopeful,
is glad to be alive, and
took these other pictures yesterday:

Who does that tea bag company think it is, telling us to sing from our hearts?

Who do you think you are, trying to figure out all those other photos?

Who do I think I am to include two different tunes today (here and here on YouTube)?

Who do I think I am, expecting you to have some reactions to this post? Who do you think you are to consider leaving a comment?

Who do you think I want to thank today? Everybody who helped me create this who-do-you-think-you-are post and you — of course! — for reading it.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Car Wash", "Mr. Big Stuff", acceptance, letting go of shame, living with cctga, living with chronic illness | 26 Comments

Day 1299: Looks

Posted on July 22, 2016 by Ann Koplow

As I look around, I notice how much looks matter to people. Personally, I look at a lot more than just looks when I look at somebody.

But look at me! Yesterday, looks mattered so much to me that I requested that people look at this photo AND I asked them “HOW DO I LOOK?”

Look, I’m like anybody else. I want to look good. But I especially wanted to people to look at how I looked yesterday so they could see how I look a short week after diagnoses of pneumonia and heart failure .

And even though I asked others “HOW DO I LOOK?” I look at it this way: What’s most important is how I thought I looked. If somebody else had looked at that photo critically and judgmentally, their looks would not have mattered to me, at all.

Are you ready to look at other images I looked at yesterday?