Monthly Archives: November 2016

Day 1410: Let it out

Yesterday, when I was letting it out at cardiac rehab, Danise let it out, like so:

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Danise — who helps people, like me, who are recovering from cardiac surgeries let it out on exercise machines and in other healing ways  — let it out by telling me about a dream she’d had the night before.  After the TV coverage let it out that Donald Trump was on his way to winning the U.S. presidential election, Danise dreamed she found Hillary Clinton in her home flipping things over (as Danise is demonstrating, above). In her dream,  Danise  said to Hillary, “Let it out, girl! ”

After I let it out with Danise and others at cardiac rehab, I went home where I let it out with our two cats. I also let it out by turning on the TV, where I was privileged to witness Hillary Clinton letting it out with her  concession speech.

I have to let it out with you, my dear readers, that when I typed that previous sentence, I erroneously wrote “acceptance” rather than “concession.” As my boyfriend Michael and I have been letting it out with each other after the shock of the election result,  we’ve discussed how the stages of grief include denial.

Speaking of the stages of grief, my son Aaron sent me these messages, yesterday, from Scotland:

very very odd

it feels like someone died

Michael, Aaron, and I then let it out with each other during two extended FaceTime sessions.

On Facebook yesterday, I let it out by posting quotes by H.L. Mencken, including these:

“On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

“The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. ”

“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”

I also let it out on Facebook by posting this recent, pre-election clip where Patton Oswalt let it out  that grieving in public is therapeutic:

I also believe that letting it out — where “it” includes all your feelings —  is therapeutic.  I will let it out, now, that if I didn’t believe that, I would not have become a psychotherapist nor would I have started this daily blog.

One more way I let it out on Facebook the day after the U.S. election:

I made it through open heart surgery for this?

I think it’s time to let it out by including all my other photos from yesterday:

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If you have  thoughts or feelings about this post, please let it out in a comment, below.

I hope I let it out how grateful I am to all who help me let it out in this daily blog and to you — of course! — for being with me as I let it out, here and now.

 

Categories: blogging, group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Day 1409: Adapt and Endure

When I was lying on the operating table last Friday, my cardiologist Dr. Mark Estes talked about what people, companies, and countries all need to do to survive, by quoting Helen Keller.

Adapt and Endure

He was referring to me — because of all the challenges I’ve faced growing up and surviving into my 60s  with a congenital heart condition — but  also to the USA, as everyone in the operating room looked ahead to the presidential election.

The election has been decided, and I am especially grateful, here and now, for Dr. Estes, his staff, Helen Keller, and everyone  else who is kind, loving, thoughtful, and wise.

Adapt and Endure

I can find no better words at the moment, so I shall  adapt and endure by sharing all my photos from yesterday.

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I have an attitude of gratitude for all who adapt and endure, including you.

Love,

Ann

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , | 45 Comments

Day 1408: The News

Have you noticed that even when we say “enough,” The News doesn’t stop?

Here’s the latest news:  After I posted The News in yesterday’s new blog post, I went to cardiac rehab and told them the news that I was feeling  worse and more out of breath after getting a new Implantable Cardiac Device last week. (That device was replaced because of the news from the manufacturer that two people have died already from prematurely depleting batteries, which has  been in the news.)  When I exercised on the treadmill at cardiac rehab yesterday, the news was that my heart was not speeding up  correctly, the way it has been  between the time of my open heart surgery in September and my getting the new ICD last week.

How did I react to that news?  I had a complete meltdown, because the news has just been coming and coming at me for the past few months.

Then, I got into my relatively new car and drove to the hospital to deliver the news to my cardiologists.  It’s probably not headline news that I was crying and upset.  My worst fear was that I would hear this news:  Your new device won’t work as well as the old one and your only hope is to get ANOTHER new device.   That would have been too much news for me.

However, the news I got at the hospital was this: In more unexpected news, the pocket that holds my new device is filled with fluid, which means the new device can’t make my heart with its new mechanical heart valve speed up appropriately in response to new exercise. The news included this:  after that fluid is absorbed, the new device SHOULD act the way it was supposed to.

While that news was  “good,”  I don’t think it was news to my medical team that I had some new skepticism about “shoulds.”  Also, the new ICD won’t work correctly until the new and painful swelling and fluid go away, so I need to stay out of work for two more weeks. That might not be great news for my patients.

What’s the news, where you are?

More news: I’ll probably be watching the news tonight, because today is the United States Presidential election.

When I posted my news on Facebook last night, I included this:

I am just doing this to distract everybody from the election. You’re welcome.

What’s the photographic news from my not-so-new iPhone?

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More news! We bought a new-to-us vegetable on Sunday, which Michael cooked in a new dish last night. It wouldn’t be news to me if one of my readers knew what that vegetable was (even though Michael and I didn’t).  I’ll tell you this news: Michael said the vegetable looked like fractals, and the Wikipedia page about that vegetable said the same thing!

What helps you deal with the news?  For me, it’s the power of love (also a song by Huey Lewis and The News):

 

The news would be good for me if you leave a new comment, below.

My final news is that I have new gratitude for all those who helped me create this new post and for you (and I hope that’s not news to you!).

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 63 Comments

Day 1407: Enough

As if other people aren’t asking you enough questions these days, I have another one for you:

Do you ever feel like saying “Enough”?

This morning, when I woke up sore from my third surgical procedure in 45 days, facing one more day before the U.S. Presidential election, adjusting to another time change, looking at more than enough new emails in my inbox, having enough things to take care of today, not having enough energy on stairs, and recently receiving this mailing from the Mayo Clinic …

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… I said to myself, “Enough!”

If, at this point, you don’t have enough information about what I’ve been going through lately,  you could read some of my recent blog posts. But, honestly, I don’t know if you have enough time to do that.

Now, I know  I have enough things to be grateful for in my life, but sometimes I wonder whether we give ourselves enough time to just stop and say, “Enough!”

Have I written enough to make my point?

Because this post isn’t random enough, I want to tell you that I recently told my boyfriend Michael (who is more than enough for me) that if I ran for President of the United States, I thought this would be enough of a platform to get me elected:

  1.  Enough with the time/clock changes! We’re going to pick one and stay with it!
  2. Enough with advertising holidays before we’ve gone through the most recent one! For example, no Thanksgiving advertising until after Halloween, and no Christmas advertising until after Thanksgiving!

Do you think that platform would be enough to get me elected?  If not, I have more than enough other ideas (including ENOUGH WITH THE UNASKED-FOR UPDATES TO SOFTWARE FOR OUR DEVICES!)

Let’s see whether I have enough new photos on my iPhone (which, by the way, has a cracked screen because it’s taken enough abuse from me):

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Do you think there are enough cat photos on the internet?  And if I haven’t given you enough information about the photos above, Michael conducted another cooking lesson with my son Aaron (who’s far enough away in Edinburgh) via phone last night, making enough delicious vegetarian chili for us.

There’s enough music on YouTube, including these two songs (here and here):

I certainly spent enough time dancing to that first song in discos, decades ago.

As if this all weren’t enough, WordPress is having trouble saving this post. Will I have enough time to publish it successfully before I have to leave for cardiac rehab?

If you have enough to say about this “Enough!” post, I hope you know enough to comment, below.

And, yes, I do have enough gratitude for all those who helped me create today’s blog post and to you — of course! — for having enough time and energy to visit here, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 50 Comments

Day 1406: Unlimited

When people ask me how I can blog daily, I reply that there are unlimited sights and sounds that inspire these posts, even when my activity is limited by recent heart-related surgeries.

For example, there seems to be an unlimited number of teabag sayings I can include here.

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While I have a limited capacity to believe that I, personally, am unlimited, here is a limited list of unlimited things I experience around me:

  • Love
  • Fear
  • Hope
  • Doubt
  • Anger
  • Forgiveness
  • Worry
  • Acceptance
  • Anxiety
  • Judgment
  • Beauty
  • Injustice
  • Kindness
  • Comparisons
  • Colors
  • Problems
  • Solutions
  • Creativity
  • Wounding
  • Healing
  • Isolation
  • Connection

I hope there are unlimited connections among that list and my other photos from yesterday.

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Because I have limited time here on earth, I have unlimited appreciation for what’s around me.

Here‘s an unlimited song from the musical Wicked:

 

I have unlimited gratitude for music, my friend Deb, Watertown Massachusetts USA, walks near water, the beauty of autumn, and you — of course! — for your unlimited generosity in visiting my blog, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Day 1405: Belongings

I’m so glad I belong to this belogging  community!

Yesterday, after I underwent additional surgery to stem the beleeding of my latest incision, I took this photo at a hospital where I belong:

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Later, when I got back to the home where I belong, I found one of my belongings soaking in the sink:

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Believe me, many of my belongings became beloodied from  bedeviling  beleeding after Wednesday’s surgery (which belonged in the category of “I Can’t Believe They Recalled the Medical Device Which Belonged in my Body.“)  My beloved boyfriend, Michael, with whom I belong, washed  all my beloodied belongings last night.

It won’t be long before I post the rest of my photos from yesterday, taken at places where I belong:

 

I be longing, now,  for you to let your manners speak for you.  That is, just ask or otherwise express any belonging thoughts or feelings in a comment, which belongs below.

What music belongs here?

 

 

Thanks to all who help me know I belong, including you!

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Day 1404: Bloody Hell

Greetings from Tufts Medical Center. The bleeding from Wednesday’s incision has been relentless. It’s been a bloody hell for me, my boyfriend/nurse Michael, and my clothing.

I just took this photo as I am waiting for them to start an IV and re-suture the incision.


Bloody hell! Which look do you prefer?

Categories: adult congenital heart, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , | 64 Comments

Day 1403: Ever Vigilant

Yesterday, as I was waiting for my ever vigilant doctors to replace my recalled Implantable Cardiac Device (ICD), my ever vigilant sister Ellen showed me calendars of her awesome photographs, which included this:

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Your ever vigilant blogger chose that for today’s topic, mostly because her new incision was bleeding SO MUCH last night and this morning that she was vigilant enough to return to the hospital so that her ever vigilant doctors could look at it.

That’s why your ever vigilant blogger is so late posting her latest vigilant post today. If my ever vigilant readers are worried, I want to vigilantly reassure them that I am going to be okay.

As ever, I will be vigilant about including other photos I took yesterday (in ever-vigilant chronological order):

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That ever vigilant teabag is reminding us that love has no fear and no vengeance.  With all the fearful things I’ve been dealing with lately, I LOVE that reminder.

I am ever vigilant to look for music that fits my daily blog posts. Since I’ve been “talking about my troubles” with blood, sweat, and tears lately, how about this?

 

I am ever vigilant to remember to thank those who help me create my posts (including my talented sister Ellen) and also you — of course! — for being vigilant enough to be here, now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Day 1402: Yikes!

I knew that “Yikes!” would be today’s post title when I looked at my favorite watch yesterday.

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Here are just some of my reasons for saying “Yikes!” right now:

  • I have to go in to Boston for more surgery today, exactly six weeks after my open heart surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.
  • The reason I need today’s surgery is that my Implantable Cardiac Device, which I received in May 2015, caused two deaths because of early battery depletion.
  • I had to stop eating and drinking last night at midnight, and I am  not reporting for surgery until 11:30 AM.
  • The weather is going to be unseasonably warm and beautiful today, but I will be otherwise occupied.
  • The United States presidential election, less than a week away.
  • The Chicago Cubs might win the World Series tonight.
  • If I feel up to it, I hope to sing at an Open Mic Friday night.
  • Because of its latest update, my iPhone no longer recognizes my thumbprint but has lots of new features which I haven’t had time to learn.

Speaking of my “improved” iPhone, here are all the other photos I took yesterday.  Do any of them make you go “Yikes!”?

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Yikes!  The words “warming” and “naturally” in that last photo, above,  are reminding me of my first therapy session since my open heart surgery.  Yesterday, my therapist George and I came up with a soothing ritual to help me prepare for today’s surgery —  to place both my hands over my heart, to warm and naturally soothe my still painful chest cavity.

What is making you say “Yikes!” today, in your world?

Yikes!  If I actually am able to sing at an Open Mic night in two days, will I remember all these lyrics?

Yikes!  Joni Mitchell sounds great there.

Yikes!  Look at the time!  I have to get ready for my surgery.

Yikes!  I get so cranky when I can’t eat or drink when I want to!

Yikes!  I hope you leave a comment.

Yikes! I almost forgot to thank all those who helped me create this post and you — of course! — for visiting, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism, self-care | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 64 Comments

Day 1401: What is the inspiration?

What is the inspiration for today’s blog post title?

It’s this card, which the inspiring Carla from cardiac rehab wrote for me, yesterday:

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That is the inspiration for me to share this definition for “inspiration.”

in·spi·ra·tion
ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n/
noun
1. the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
“Helen had one of her flashes of inspiration”
synonyms: creativity, inventiveness, innovation, ingenuity, genius, imagination, originality
2. the drawing in of breath; inhalation.

As you draw in your next breath, pause a minute and think about this:

What is the inspiration for you?

That question is the inspiration for me to list some inspirations, here and now:

  1. My late parents.
  2. My son Aaron.
  3. My boyfriend Michael.
  4. My family.
  5. My friends.
  6. Other kind people I encounter, every day.
  7. My work.
  8. My patients.
  9. The beauty I see all around me.
  10. Music.
  11. Things that make me laugh.
  12. Bravery in others.
  13. Writing.
  14. My readers.
  15. Delicious and healthy food.
  16. Self care.
  17. Nature.
  18. Animals.
  19. My doctors.
  20. Hope for the future.
  21. Acceptance of what is.
  22. Faith in myself and others
  23. Learning new things.
  24. Home.
  25. Taking time to heal.
  26. My iPhone camera.

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One thing I photographed yesterday was the inspiration for Carla from Cardiac Rehab to talk, non-stop, for several minutes. Can I inspire you to guess what inspired her so?

Carla’s inspiration was …

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… Mort, the hedgehog, who is riding high in a surgical mask, who always wears that hat, who gets dressed up in various outfits,  and who, one morning, was all packed to go to Las Vegas but “he missed his flight.” Nevertheless, Mort is the still the inspiration for many inspiring people who attend cardiac rehab at Mount Auburn Hospital.

What is the inspiration for my musical selection this morning?  I just searched YouTube for “inspiration music” and found this:

I’m hoping this post is the inspiration for you to leave a comment, below.

For all the inspirations who helped me create today’s post and for you — of course! — here’s one more inspiration from yesterday:

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Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

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