Monthly Archives: July 2014

Day 567: Proofs

Posted on July 21, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, as I was taking photos, I thought about a possible plan for a post here: offering a choice of two different music selections. That’s proof of my interest in the varying needs, tastes and preferences of groups of people.

During my walk, the tune “Proof” by the Pat Metheny Group showed up in my headphones. That was proof, to me, that my plan was a good and achievable one, because I love another song called “Proof,” also.

Here’s a live version of “Proof,” by Paul Simon, a song that gave me comfort during a difficult time in my life:

(YouTube video found here)

Here’s a live version of “Proof,” by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays which, to me, is more proof that Metheny and Mays were a kick-ass jazz team.

(YouTube video found here)

Choose your preferred Proof, as you please.

Here are some random thoughts and opinions I have about proof, today:

If we start out with a premise, we can see proof for our existing beliefs, no matter where we look.
If we are open to new perspectives, we might be able to adjust our conclusions as new evidence comes in (although that can be challenging).
We seem to need proofs, of many kinds, to make meaning.

I wonder what “proof” means to you?

Here are some photos I took yesterday. They are all proof of something, aren’t they?

For one thing, there’s proof, in those images, that today is trash day in these parts. Also, I see proof that a local supermarket has interesting taste in cake choices. And, that somebody collects snow globes.

What other proofs might you experience here?

Many thanks to Paul Simon, Pat Metheny, Lyle Mays, and others who make beautiful sounds; to my neighborhood (including the local supermarket); to all those who wag more and bark less; to human beings who balance proof, meaning, change, and confusion as best they can; to people who offer proof of kindness, creativity, flexibility, and kindness every day; and to you — of course! — for proof of your humanity, today.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Proof" by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays, "Proof" by Paul Simon, cake with ant, cake with lobster, dealing with differences, making meaning, openness to change, Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays, photo of snow globes, seeing proof, supermarket cake choices, trash day | 38 Comments

Day 566: Must Haves

Posted on July 20, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today, I’m starting with something that used to be a Must Have, for my blog posts: a search, on Google Images, for the title.

Here’s what came up, just now, for “Must Haves”:

(image found here)

(image found here)

I must have something wrong with me, dear readers. I mean, I’ve had one (or maybe two) of all those Must Haves. So what does that make me? A Have Not?

What do you think?

Now I’m wondering why I must have stopped visiting Google Images for photos. Perhaps, because I …

lost track of doing that,
had fears of consequences, for using images that weren’t mine,
felt like I had “been there/done that,”
had better things to do.

I have not one, single, perfect explanation for this notable change in my blog posts.

I will tell you this, though. While I must have had good reasons for excluding Google Images in my blog posts lately, I have not any regrets for including them here, today.

I must have something else i can show you before I end this post. How about some photos from yesterday’s walk?

Must-have confession: I forgot to take my must-have photography equipment with me, but boyfriend Michael was there, and generously offered his iPhone instead.

Ooops! I must have lost track of one of those must-have shots from yesterday. Hold on …

Found it!

Thanks to Michael, my other Must Haves, and to you — of course! — for whatever Must Haves you must have, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, quiz | Tags: Arlington Massachusetts, Gargoyle on porch, Have Nots, identifying necessities, identifying needs, letting go of must haves, Must Haves, prioritizing | 43 Comments

Day 565: Anyone can whistle

Posted on July 19, 2014 by Ann Koplow

My son, who’s been rehearsing in a local production of a Stephen Sondheim musical, has to whistle in the play, as part of his role.

Whistling doesn’t come naturally to him, and he has expressed some reactions to that, including the observation that most people can whistle.

Why does my son have trouble whistling?

I’m not sure, but I will tell you this: his mother’s not such a great whistler, either.

Coincidentally, Stephen Sondheim, when he was quite young, wrote a musical called Anyone Can Whistle.

Regular readers of this blog may know (1) the thought “anyone can whistle” is an example of some cognitive distortions (listed here) and (2) I love Stephen Sondheim (see here, here, and here).

In any case, here is the title song from Anyone Can Whistle:

I chose that video version (found here) of “Anyone Can Whistle” because:

I am fascinated with the process of rehearsing,
I’ve never seen the show on stage (even though I know the original cast album by heart),
I like watching people’s faces, and
I loved the way Sutton Foster sings it there.

In case it wasn’t easy for you to hear the words to “Anyone Can Whistle” in that video, here they are:

Anyone can whistle, that’s what they say, easy
Anyone can whistle, any old day, easy
It’s all so simple, relax, let go, let fly
So someone tell me, why can’t I?

I can dance a tango, I can read Greek, easy
I can slay a dragon, any old week, easy
What’s hard is simple
What’s natural comes hard

Maybe you could show me
How to let go, lower my guard
Learn to be free
Maybe if you whistle, whistle for me

(lyrics found here)

Today, I was considering writing a post titled “Easy/Difficult,” inspired by many things, including:

Somebody at WordPress telling me they found the questions in yesterday’s post too difficult to answer.
Many people in therapy talking about what’s easy and what’s difficult for them.
My receiving praise, this week, for some things that come easily to me.
My focus on things that are difficult for me to do.
How human beings tend to dismiss the value of what’s easy for them to do and to magnify the importance of what’s difficult and hard.
How things might be easier for us if we let go of the need to be right. For example, there were no right or wrong answers to my questions, yesterday. (But, I neglected to mention that, so how would anyone know?)

I didn’t use that title, however, because I’ve already used a similar one, a hundred-and-a-half days ago.

Also, I love this title, today.

Let’s see if I have any visuals that match today’s words.

Rats! I don’t see any images of anyone whistling on my iPhone. However, I did take these photos, yesterday, with varying degrees of easiness/difficulty:

Thanks to my son, Stephen Sondheim, and Sutton Foster; to the Fenway area of Boston (including the Rose Garden); to things that are easy and/or difficult; to people who do the best they can; and to you — of course! — for whistling by here, today.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Anyone Can Whistle", Boston Red Sox blimp, different types of roses, Fenway area of Boston, fenway park, James P. Kelleher Rose Garden, letting go of judgment, relaxing rabbit, Stephen Sondheim, Sutton Foster, taking it easy | 29 Comments

Day 564: What is the name of …

Posted on July 18, 2014 by Ann Koplow

… this drink?

… these animals?

…. these flowers?

… these places?

… this person?

…. this song?

… and this day?

(images found here, here, here, and here)

One last question: what is the name of this post?

Many thanks to Starbucks (for making a drink for me that’s not on the menu), to my boyfriend (for the photo of the two felines), to the city of Boston, to Atlanta Rhythm Section (for the song), to people everywhere who celebrate Friday (and other days), to those who shall remain nameless, and to you — of course! — for visiting here today, no matter what your name.

Categories: photojournalism, quiz, Uncategorized | Tags: 18/7/14, 7/18/14, Atlanta Rhythm Section, celebrating Friday, celebrating the day, Fenway Park area, iced chocolate at Starbucks, July 18 2014, Neon night, Sprinklerfest, Verb Hotel | 26 Comments

Day 563: Intuition

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I wasn’t sure what to blog about today, so I figured I would follow my intuition.

Recently, I took a mid-day break from my work (as a group psychotherapist at a Boston medical center). The weather was muggy and warm, but I decided to go outside to get lunch. As usual, I let my intuition guide my way.

Later in the day, a therapy group followed its intuition to focus on self-love (instead of self-hatred). I suggested imagining an on-and-off switch, somewhere inside, that people could use. The group suggested that my metaphor was too all-or-nothing, and thought a different kind of lighting control would be better.

I love when others have better intuition than I do.

Right now, my intuition is telling me that somebody needs food.

What does your intuition tell you?

Thanks to all who have intuition, alone and in groups. And thanks to you — of course! — for intuiting ** your way here, today.

* The way I intuitively draw might be confusing. This might help:

(photo found here)

** My intuition told me that “intuiting” might not be a real word. Spell check disagrees.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: all or nothing thinking, inviting self-love, letting go of self-hatred, light switch metaphor, using intuition | 32 Comments

Day 562: What Helps (continued)

Posted on July 16, 2014 by Ann Koplow

In my office, I have lots of things on the walls, including my white board:

… art work:

… a clock:

… and stickies of various sizes:

That last poster-sized stickie is a list of What Helps (shown in a year-old photograph). People who do group therapy in my office have been adding to that poster for a long time. As you can see, there wasn’t a lot of room for more additions (although we’ve been doing our best to squeeze things in).

A few days ago, I took someone’s advice and added a new poster, right next to that one, titled “What Helps (continued).” Since then, that poster remained empty of new entries.

It can be daunting to add new words to something blank, don’t you think?

Yesterday, there was a break-through:

There’s a lot more room for new entries. Are there any you would like to add to that list?

Thanks to all those who do their best naming actions, thoughts, feeling, quotes, etc. that help them. And thanks to you — of course! — for continuing here, today.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: 12 Things to Make Besides Money, helpful actions, helpful behaviors, identifying helpful behaviors, Jymi Cliche, lists of what helps, No Judgment sign, starting something new | 39 Comments

Day 561: Mood

Posted on July 15, 2014 by Ann Koplow

“Mood” is yet another common word that has NOT appeared in a previous post title.

I’m taking a breath, now, and checking in with myself, to see how that affects my mood.

Is my mood better or worse now?

I’m not noticing a significant change, but I AM in the mood to post a definition:

Mood [mood] noun

a state or quality of feeling at a particular time: What’s the boss’ mood today?

a distinctive emotional quality or character: The mood of the music was almost funereal.

a prevailing emotional tone or general attitude: the country’s mood.

a frame of mind disposed or receptive, as to some activity or thing: I’m not in the mood to see a movie.

a state of sullenness, gloom, or bad temper.

Here’s what I’m noticing about that definition (from dictionary.com):

The first example uses an apostrophe in a way that often affects my mood.
The first example focuses on the feelings of people in higher positions, which also can affect my mood.
The second example involves music, which has a strong influence on my mood.
The third example highlights something that affects my mood, too.
Geesh! What are the chances? The fourth example is ALSO something that’s affected my mood, too.

Now I’m wondering if the label “moody” applies to me. I mean, EVERY example in that definition was a mood-changer for me!

And, this morning, I can easily think of more things that shift my mood up or down, including:

the temperature,
self-judgment (also known as the internal critic),
bugs,
people’s (and computer) responsiveness,
other people’s opinions,
my performance,
animals,
looking into the future,
sleep,
focusing on the past,
change (in routines and elsewhere),
other people’s moods (as I interpret them),
food,
water,
making lists

… and those are just the ones I could come up with, quickly, as I’m writing this.

So …. am I “moody”?

Honestly, I’m not sure (1) how to define the word “moody” and (2) whether that’s a label that fits.

Maybe I should ask myself this proven mood-improving question:

Is labeling myself “moody” helpful?

Not particularly.

What WOULD be helpful for me, right now?

How about returning to definition #1, above? Mood is:

a state or quality of feeling at a particular time.

In other words, whatever the mood is … it’s going to pass.

I’m pretty sure it’ll improve my mood to show you these photos, from yesterday:

How did all this affect YOUR mood?

Thanks to people who have moods and to you — of course! — for dropping by, today.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | 28 Comments

Day 560: Wake Up

Posted on July 14, 2014 by Ann Koplow

To go back to the format of yesterday’s post, “Wake Up” is

A simple, straight-forward title I haven’t used before in any of my previous five hundred and fifty-nine posts (although it’s appeared within titles here, here, here, and here).
A line from another favorite movie of mine, All of Me.

Something I don’t like to do to other people, including my son and my boyfriend (even when they tell me to).
Something I usually do myself, at least once during the night.
What I tend to do before 6:30 AM.
What I did, today, an hour later than usual, when the alarm went off.

Therefore, this will be a shorter than usual post.

What else would I like to say about “Wake Up”?

How about this? it’s possible to wake up — in a more engaged, complete, committed, and whole way — to every moment.

It’s time to wake up my phone and see what photos I have for you, this rainy morning.

Well, it looks like I didn’t take any pictures after yesterday’s post, which is quite unusual. Perhaps I was trying to focus on each moment, without my phone.

Here’s my most recent photo, which appeared in yesterday’s post:

That’s NOT a good photo for today’s post, because

That helps people do the OPPOSITE of wake up and
I didn’t wear that last night.

Let’s see if I have a recent photo, not previously shown, that would help wake up this post.

Ooops! Look at the time! Gotta run to work.

Thanks to Steve Martin, Lily Tomlin, Carl Reiner, and everybody else involved in the making of All of Me, to The Madrona Tree restaurant in Arlington Massachusetts, to all those everywhere doing their best to wake up now, and to you — of course! — for helping wake up my day.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth | 25 Comments

Day 559: Go Back

Posted on July 13, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I’ve titled this post “Go Back” for many reasons. “Go Back” is …

What I’m doing tomorrow, to work.
The fall-back plan, in a favorite movie, The Princess Bride.

(found on YouTube here)

What dear reader Mark Bialczak is doing tomorrow, to a 9 to 5 job, for the first time in over a year.
What I wish some ants would do, right now, to their home-based nest, wherever the hell that is.
The “big moment” of Diane Court’s graduation speech, in another one of my favorite movies, Say Anything.

(Found on YouTube, here, at the beginning of lots of clips from that film)

What is difficult for me to do, to sleep, after I’m awakened by light, unless I’m wearing this:

What Oscar likes to do, on our balcony bannister.

What my son and I are planning to do, next month, to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

… which, this year, will include my stand-up-comedy teacher from the 1980s, Ron Lynch.

(I found this photo of Ron here)

Something I and other human beings do, in our minds, into the past.
What I did, yesterday, with people I love, to Arlington, Massachusetts, USA.

I want to go back, for a moment, and say something about that last photo. After boyfriend Michael, son Aaron, and I spent some quality time, yesterday, at the Arlington Alive Summer Arts Block Party, Michael pointed out a personal wish to us:

Buildings under five stories should not, under any circumstances, be called “Towers.”

Here’s my own wish, this morning:

When we go back (no matter how, where, when, or why), we all go without regret, anxiety, or fear.

Thanks to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, to Arlington, to everybody who helped make this post possible, and to you — of course! – for going back here, today.

* These are just a few of the photos I took, last year, at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, appearing previously in posts here, here, here, here, here, and here.

One more footnote: When I go back to an old post, I sometimes find things I need to change. Here‘s the commencement speech from Say Anything:

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Say Anything", 6 common cat myths debunked, Arlington Alive Summer Arts Block Party, Arlington Massachusetts, Assassins the Musical, difficulty falling back asleep, letting go of anxiety, letting go of fear, letting go of regrets, Ron Lynch, The Edinburgh Fringe Festival, The Princess Bride, Tom Joyce | 32 Comments

Day 558: Nothing Personal

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Here’s a cognitive distortion that came up several times last week, in therapy groups and elsewhere:

Personalization.

You see yourself as the cause of some negative event for which you are not primarily responsible, and you conclude that what happened was your fault or reflects your inadequacy. Personalization distorts other people’s reactions into a direct, personal response to you. For example, if somebody seems upset, you immediately assume it was because of something you said or did.

In Thursday evening’s group, we were discussing this distortion antidote:

Use Helpful Reminders. Use helpful phrases to challenge habitual distortions. For example, for mind-reading or fortune telling, remind yourself “I’m not psychic.” Make a list of other phrases that help you, such as “I am doing the best I can,” “One step at a time,” etc. Consider sticking these reminders where you can see them.

One of the group participants said he’s put up this helpful reminder, where he works:

It’s not personal. It’s just business.

and he’s looked at that, thousands of times.

Personally, I too find it helpful to remember, over and over again, that most things are NOT personal. It also helps me to realize that human beings are built to take things personally. So, it takes constant practice to think, when other people do (or NOT do) things, that it’s

nothing personal.

If you’re wondering if something IS personal, there’s always this antidote, too:

Reality Testing. Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and concerns are realistic or true. This is a particularly effective response to the distortion of mind-reading

Yesterday, as I was walking to work, thinking about what I had learned during the week, this old friend of a tune showed up in my earphones:

(found here on YouTube)

I made note of the title — “Nothing Personal” — and considered it blog-worthy.

Here‘s the Wikipedia entry for the old, familiar, and beloved album …

… where that song lives.

As I listened to “Nothing Personal,” I thought about all the personal time I’ve spent, enjoying the music of the amazing jazz players on that album:

Michael Brecker

Jack DeJohnette

Charlie Haden

Kenny Kirkland

Pat Metheny

Whenever I listen to Michael Brecker play, I feel a tinge of sadness, because of the too-soon loss of that

quiet, gentle musician widely regarded as the most influential tenor saxophonist since John Coltrane

— Charles J Gan (Associate Press), quoted on Wikipedia

As I was driving home last night, I heard the news that Charlie Haden, also on that album, and

one of the most influential bassists in the history of jazz

— Nat Chinen (New York Times)

had died that day.

While this post may have started with “Nothing Personal,” it’s turned into something quite personal.

My small tribute to some who are missing, and still live on.

(“NIghtfall” with Charlie Haden, Michael Brecker, and Brad Mehldau, found here on YouTube)

Thanks to giant Charlie Haden, to gentle Michael Brecker, to group therapy (of all kinds), to every talented human being (alive or gone) who contributed to this post, and to you, personally, for participating here, today.