Posts Tagged With: communication

Day 153: Do I Dare to Tweet a Tweet?

Posted on June 2, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yes.

A few days ago, I wrote a post called “To Tweet or Not to Tweet (is that the question?),” where the “real” topics included aging, resistance to change, fear of the new, embracing life, dealing with illness, and the d-word (death).

However, Twitter was definitely in there.  And several of the much-appreciated comments I got on that post (including a few from fellow blogger Charmin) have kept Twitter On My Mind.

And then, in another peep of synchronicity, Twitter sent me a friendly, freakishly timed e-mail saying, “Hello, Ann!  We haven’t seen you in a while!”

Because I did sign up for Twitter a while ago.  (My memory is that my son was interested at that time, and we had some kind of mass, household sign-up).

And I have Tweeted twice before, I realized this morning.

The first tweet, quite a while ago, was something related to “Top Chef.” (I confess: I  love me some reality shows where the contestants — or in this case, “cheftestants” — are good at and passionate about what they do.) (Note to self: possible future blog post topics: (1) Reality Shows, (2) Passion and Skill, (3) Made-Up Words and What They Do To Our Souls.)

The second tweet was A Celebrity Tweet. I had tweeted my guitar hero, Pat Metheny, thanking him for the music he’s given us.  (I expressed that intense gratitude to him in person, too, many years ago, at this building:

IMG_0696

which used to be a Tower Records.) ( I re-encountered that building, in April, when I felt ready to walk down Boylston Street, after the Boston Marathon bombings.)

Today, I did a Tweet With A New Attitude.  The new attitude was less tentative, less Twitter Toe In The Water. (That idiom — putting your toe in the water to indicate trying something carefully, reminds me of a FABULOUS blog I encountered here recently: Toemail, where people send in wonderful pictures that include a toe somewhere in the scene.)

This time, I jumped in with both feet.  I sent a Tweet, Intentionally, to reach people.  (The content of the tweet doesn’t matter. Suffice to say: it was goofy. I love me some goofy.)

Whenever I do that:  try to reach people — whether it’s through blogging, speaking, tweeting, writing, mailing, calling, at my work, or in my dreams — it can be hopeful, exciting, rewarding, frustrating, and scary, too.

What are my fears about doing this?

I don’t have messages that are important enough, that justify asking for people’s attention . I don’t want to “bother” them, in the midst of all the other things they need to pay attention to.

And, I can experience shame, too, when I act  like I AM important enough (to send messages, bother people, etc.).

(And here’s another one, that my friend Joe just reminded me about, in his explanation of not accepting my invitation to join Twitter. If I send a message, will kind and thoughtful people be concerned about my reaction, if they decide to set a limit and not to engage in this way?)

But these are all things I’m working on this year, dear readers.

And I guess I’m making progress, because I’m Bothering People here in the Blog-o-Sphere, every single day! (And who knows how often I’ll be bothering people through Twitter?)

Thanks for reading, for not being bothered, and for spending your valuable, important time with me.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Day 150: The A-word

Posted on May 30, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to my friends Rob and Gene.

The very first week of this blog, I wrote about a word that I hesitated naming.   That was the P-word, which was Procrastination.    I hesitated to speak its name, because that can be a loaded, self-critical and unhelpful word for a human process I see everywhere — in myself and in others, too.

Yesterday, I wrote about another word, that I felt the urge to not-name, also.  That was the D-word.  And THAT was a word that a lot of people try to avoid.

Death. (Eeeek!)

Phew.  So much for the D-word, in THIS post.  (I’m definitely on board with Death Avoidance today, people.) (Although, earlier today I was worrying about some deadlines.  And take a look at THAT word. Dead-lines!  Geesh! Is that word supposed to motivate us or paralyze us with fear?!)

Anyway, moving on, to today’s  Word-That-Might-Not-Be-Named.

I would like to present, ladies and gentlemen, the A-word.

Anger.

Not quite as scary as death.  But still difficult for me (and a lot of other people, I believe) to talk about.  And to deal with.

This is what I’m noticing about anger, these days:

  •  Most people (including me) don’t have good role models for How To Experience and Express Anger Effectively.
  • Anger is an emotion that a lot of people disown and dislike in themselves and in others.
  • Anger is just another human emotion, like sadness, joy, and fear.  Everybody reading this blog has all those emotions. (If Mr. Spock is reading this blog, he knows that he has them, too.)
  • Anger is the human reaction to injustice and to fundamental needs not being met.
  • Anger has a lot of energy, to help us change that which is unjust and not serving us well.
  • Anger, the way it is expressed out in the world,  is tied up with hatred and violence (which can be very confusing and frightening).

I’m not sure what the “solution” is …. to the “problem” of anger in the world (and in ourselves).

My belief is that the first step is accepting anger as human — as something useful and maybe even beautiful. Then, maybe we can  do better at figuring out more effective ways to express and use that Energy of Anger.

I think this is a tough topic, people. I’m not surprised that I procrastinated writing about this, until Day 150.  (Even death was easier to broach, apparently!)

As always, I am curious and eager to hear your thoughts about this.  And thanks so much, for reading today!

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Day 148: Dreams I Have Known

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Ann Koplow

I had a dream last night where I didn’t like what was happening and I wanted to wake myself up.

My father used to have these kinds of dreams. I remember hearing him make these odd, high-pitched noises in his sleep, and my mother helping him to wake up.

This dream occurred for me, last night, soon after I fell asleep. (The typical time for these dreams, for my father and for me.)

The dream wasn’t particularly scary. It just involved my son coming upstairs.  But I had a “bad feeling” in the dream.  And I knew it was a dream. And I wanted to stop the dream, and wake up.

As always, I struggled to transition out of sleeping into waking. I tried to assist that process by vocalizing — making noises.  As I did, I could hear the echo of my father’s sounds.

Then, I went downstairs, to check on my son. I just wanted to make sure he was okay.  He was.

When I awoke this morning and was trying to decide what to blog about today, I was thinking about that experience, and remembering that I’ve made a Note to Self about a future blog topic …..

Recurring Dreams.

I think it’s interesting what dreams recur for people. And I’ll tell you about a recurring dream that I used to have, a lot.

The dream varied, each time, but always involved these components: (1) at some point, I would need to reach somebody by calling them on the telephone and  (2) I would have lots of trouble doing that. Something would always get in the way of my using the phone to reach them. Often, I wouldn’t be able to see the parts of the phone I needed to, in order to make the call.

Each time I had this dream (which was often in the midst of some kind of adventure-type plot), the results were always the same. I would never get through, with whatever message I had to deliver.

Arrghh!

I don’t have that dream any more. I haven’t for many years.  But I remember what those dreams felt like, vividly.

Frustrating.  Scary.  Draining.  Panicky. Discouraging.

Here’s how I’m “interpreting” that old dream, right now:

Communication is very important to me.  If I don’t connect with people, I feel bad. The consequences of NOT connecting can be dire. Isolation is scary.  Seeing clearly is important, in order to connect.  And having an urgent message, undelivered, is terrible.

I actually like my old, recurring dream. I like what it says about my priorities.

And I especially like that I’m not having that dream, any more.

I’m wondering: What kinds of recurring dreams have you had?  What do you think they might mean?

Thanks to all.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Day 145: Positioning and Payments

Posted on May 25, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I wrote about my attempts to remember an important Message to Self, whenever I’m feeling down, depressed, or discouraged, which involved storing this message in a special place.

Today, I moved the Box With The Message, so it can be closer at hand.

photo (53)

I don’t want to lose track of it.

I needed to pay some bills today.  I just finished scheduling some on-line payments.

One of these bills — my electric bill — is going to be late, as usual.  Arrghh! I know why this is.  It’s because my way of remembering to pay bills is outmoded.

This is the out-dated process of bill-paying I use:

  1. I have it in my head that I should pay all my bills on the 23rd of each month. 
  2. Starting around the 18th, I start to ask myself whether it’s time to pay my bills.
  3. I don’t actually pay my bills, I just ask myself that question every day.
  4. On the 23rd, I remember that this technique is based on a time in my life that — if I mailed all my bills on the 23rd — they would all get paid in time.
  5. I delay doing anything about this for a day or two, because I now pay most bills on-line, and the Big Bills are all due by the 1st.
  6. Around the 25th of the month, I schedule the on-line bill payments.
  7. I feel guilty and stoopid, because — as always — I am late with the electric bill, which is actually due in the middle of the month.

Well!  That was cathartic (if embarrassing) — to actually write down my Out-Moded and Not Particularly Effective Process for Paying My Bills.

I think I want to make a change in my life, people.

This is what I am proposing:  when a bill comes in the mail,  I will immediately rip open the bill and schedule the payment on-line.

Wow!  That would sure save me a lot of wasted steps, time, and anxious energy.

And now that I’ve committed to doing that, here, I can feel a change coming on.

I will keep you posted.

Thanks for reading (and witnessing my process of change).

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Day 140: We cannot control other people

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Duh.  Isn’t that obvious?  We can’t control what other people do — to themselves, to us, to the rest of the world.

However, we can be clear about how their actions affect us.

We can also let them know how we feel about it. And we can control what we do , in response to their actions.

This applies on a personal level.

Let’s say that an adult, whom I love, has a toothache. This person has had toothaches before and — for lots of reasons — has not gone to the dentist.

While I think it’s a great idea for that person to go to the dentist, it’s not my tooth. It’s not my pain.

The best I can do is this:  tell the person that it bothers me to see them in pain. Let them know I’m eager to talk about what might be getting in the way of them seeing the dentist.  Find out and offer information that might be helpful.

And then step back.

As they say, you can lead a horse to the dentist, but you can’t make it sit in the chair.

(Depending upon where you live, that previous sentence might make NO sense. If that applies to you, the original saying is “You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.” See here for more about that English language proverb.) (I am not, at this writing, aware of any real proverbs involving dentists.)

That concludes today’s post, ladies and gentlemen.  Thank you, so much, for bringing yourself here.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Day 138: I’m visiting my sister and her spouse this weekend

Posted on May 18, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to my old friend, Peter, who helped me let go of anxiety while packing for a trip.

I’m getting ready to go to beautiful Provincetown, MA for the weekend.

I’ve been looking forward to spending some quality time with my sister and her spouse.

I wanted to write a short blog post this morning, because I’m eager to get on the road!

So I’m going to finish getting ready, and have trust that, before I leave, I’ll know how to finish this post.

See you in  little while …….

Wait!  It would actually help me to play some music while I’m getting ready.

Let’s see what tune comes up in a game of Spotify Shuffle-Play Roulette:

Here it is!

MUSICAL INTERLUDE:

I’m baaaaaaack!!!

I’ve made several decisions about how to start out on this journey.

I’ve been gentle with myself at each decision point, and having faith in my ability to choose wisely. (Also, letting go of the idea that there is One Right Way to Decide.)

Sooooo …. while usually I feel some anxiety and second-guess myself while preparing for a trip,  (that’s probably why I procrastinate packing) …..  right now, I am at peace, in the moment, and looking forward to spending the weekend with my sister and her spouse, in a beautiful location.

Thanks for reading, everybody.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Day 130: The more we let go of fear, the better we can connect with each other

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to my ex-business partner, Jonathan (with whom I had the privilege to do some wonderful video, print, and radio advertising work in the late 80’s and early 90’s).

When Jonathan and I were working on a project — where we wanted to communicate to people how important and helpful something was — we would say to each other:

Don’t bury the lead.

In other words:  Don’t wait to communicate the important message.  Say it as soon as you can.

This concludes today’s blog post, ladies and gentlemen.  Thank you, so much, for reading.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Day 129: Clichés

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to people I’ve worked with in the past, whom I really appreciate.

The definition of cliché:

platitude: a trite or obvious remark

I’m hearing them differently lately.

Here are some I heard when I was growing up (and rolling my eyes):

1.  First things first.

Absolutely.

2.  Patience is a virtue.

Yes.

3.  Honesty is the best policy.

Indeed.

4.  The more the merrier.

(Pssst! That’s an invitation for you to add clichés that “ring true” for you.)

And, in conclusion (seemingly contradicting that last one):

5.  Quality, not quantity.

Thanks for reading. (Is that a cliché?)  (Nah.)

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Day 127: Reasons why somebody hasn’t e-mailed you back yet

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Somebody wonderful I know, named Mia, recently said to me, “You know what, Ann?  I’ve realized something. I’m not the only one who doesn’t respond to e-mails.”  And that clicked with something I had been thinking about.

In every relationship involving a back-and-forth communication (which would include every friggin’ relationship), one person is waiting for a response from another person.

In every relationship, at any particular point in time, one person is waiting for a response (and  is perhaps wondering what the wait means) and the other person hasn’t responded yet (and is perhaps feeling guilty about that).

That, ladies and gentlemen, leads us to this:

Reasons Why Somebody Hasn’t E-mailed (or called or texted or otherwise contacted) You Back Yet
by Ann
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  1. They* are waiting until they get enough space in their lives, so they can give you the time you deserve and a response they think is worthwhile.
  2. They responded to you by THINKING what they wanted to say, and then confused that with sending an actual e-mail.
  3. There is some task required or some information they need before they can respond to you effectively.
  4. They have some complicated feelings about you and may be waiting for those to resolve.
  5. They tend to respond more quickly to the people they are worried about, and they are not worried about you.
  6. While they are waiting for the right time to respond, they become overwhelmed by having to juggle too many priorities, and they lose track of things.
  7. They believe you don’t need a response from them.
  8. They took in what you communicated, appreciated it, and moved on.
  9. They don’t think they’re important to you, thus assuming you won’t care whether or not they respond.
  10. You’re not  important enough to them.

If you’re like me (and a lot of other people I know), you might assume the reason is that last one (because that would be your worst fear, people).

Look at all those other possibilities, though! Chances are that the last reason is NOT the most accurate one. (Although it could be.) (Still, probably less often than you think.)

Can you think of other helpful reasons  to include in this list?  Are there some other reasons why YOU might not respond back to somebody in your life?

Thanks to Mia and all the other people in my life who helped me think about this post. And thanks to you, for reading.

_________________________
* For you grammar fans out there, I am preferring to use “they” instead of “he or she.”  Feel free to protest that decision; I would be delighted to read what you have to say about that.
Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Day 126: Ridiculous things I’m feeling guilty about

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Ann Koplow
  1. For over a month, I haven’t been reading issues of The New Yorker magazine that download on my Nook every Monday.
  2. I’m not reading enough, in general.
  3. I’m angry at a local organization, which hasn’t fulfilled its promised obligations to me.
  4. I’ve been “too nice”to this local organization, for about a month, and now I’m feeling taken advantage of.
  5. It’s a charitable organization, so I think I shouldn’t be angry at all.
  6. I wrote a very clear e-mail to the organization yesterday, stating my needs and expectations.
  7. My cat has been biting me lately, and I suspect it’s because I haven’t been paying enough attention to him.
  8. I don’t have enough cat toys around for the cat to play with.
  9. I’ve been doing too much at work and need to set better limits there.
  10. I haven’t been responding to patient needs at work quickly enough and (because of my long-time experiences as a patient) I know how bad THAT can feel.
  11. I’m on vacation, so I shouldn’t be thinking about work.
  12. I probably shouldn’t be writing in this blog at 2:42 AM, even though I think this might help me get back to sleep.

Boy, the title I chose for this post was pretty good, wasn’t it? These are pretty ridiculous, when you think about it.

Sometimes I wonder whether guilt has ever done me any good. I can’t think of any instances of that, right now. What’s been your experience?

Thanks for reading, people!

(Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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