Nostalgia

Day 589: One Thing

Posted on August 12, 2014 by Ann Koplow

`12On August 12, 2014, as I prepare for a trip to the United Kingdom, I would like to focus on one thing.

Here’s a quote about One Thing, from the movie City Slickers:

(found here on YouTube)

Focusing on one thing, and letting go of all distractions, allows one to be mindful and more present in the moment. That can reduce anxiety.

Does it matter what that One Thing is?

What do you think?

Because I tend to have lots of things on my mind, at any one time, here’s a list of possible One Things for me, today:

It’s the anniversary of my mother’s death, six years ago.
Robin Williams, whose genius and life-force seemed huge and unstoppable, is no longer with us.
Traveling can bring up fears and anxieties, for me.
I have too much to do at work, as usual.

Geesh! Having a list, like that, of MORE than one thing … kind of defeats my purpose, doesn’t it?

What to do?

Well, listening to music often helps me focus on one thing. But what one musical thing should I choose, today?

I see that One Direction, a UK group, has a song called “One Thing.” However, I don’t know that song, so I’m going to do what I usually do. That is, I’m going to share, with you, the one tune that’s playing in my head, right now.

If you play that YouTube video until the end, you’ll find out why that one tune was on my mind.

What else did I want to tell you this morning, about the concept of One Thing?

I decided, over the weekend, that — in order to make things easy on me and my son, while we are attending the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, Scotland — I may choose to show only one photo, each day, in my blog posts.

That’s very different from what I usually do, though. And breaking old habits is very difficult.

To practice for this possible new habit, today I’d like to show you only one photo, which I took yesterday.

But how to decide which one photo to show? As usual, I took several photos yesterday, not knowing what my blogging topic would be today.

And here’s one thing you should know about me: I love multiple possibilities, choices, and options.

I know! I’ll practice limiting my photographic choices today,but I’ll still show you more than one thing I took yesterday.

After all, I MAY show you more than one photo daily, from Scotland. It just helps me to know I have the option to include only One Thing.

I now choose these four shots from yesterday (in order of appearance):

I would like to end this post with one thing from Robin Williams.

My first choice, for that, would be an amazing stand-up routine I spent a long time searching for, just last week, so I could share it with my son: “Come Inside My Mind” from his 1979 album Reality … What a Concept.

I can’t include that here, right now. But one thing I can share is his final words from Reality … What a Concept (see Robin Williams Wikiquotes):

There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, “People–they’re kinda like flowers, and it’s been a privilege walking in your garden.” My love goes with you.

Many thanks today, to one and all.

Categories: in memoriam, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, tribute | Tags: "City Slickers", "Reality...what a concept", "What I Do", Donald Fagen, focusing on one thing, letting go of anxiety, Letting go of fears, Robin Williams quotes | 33 Comments

Day 585: Ouch!

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I woke up in the middle of the night.

Ouch!

My nose AND the right side of my mouth hurt.

Ouch!

Is this caused by the Continuous Positive Air Pressure (CPAP) machine I recently got? Or is this a dental problem? Or both? Or neither?

I can’t tell.

Ouch!

Sometimes I wonder if:

my undergoing so many surgeries in my life, starting when I was a kid, and
medical professionals differing so much in their reactions to pain …

… have interfered with my ability to have “normal” pain reactions.

I can’t tell.

Ouch!

Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, I have trouble getting back to sleep.

Ouch!

I especially want to have good enough sleep tonight, because I’m seeing my son in “Assassins” the musical, in approximately 16 hours.

Ouch!

And Yay!

I have some ideas about other words and photos to add to this post, later.

Yay!

I think I’ll be able to fall back asleep now.

I did fall back asleep, but not before I thought of a song to share with you, today — Agua De Beber performed by Sergio Mendes and Brasil 66.

(YouTube video found here)

Why Agua de Beber (which means “water to drink”)? For one thing, that song helped bring me joy, at a time I needed to deal with a lot of pain.

For another thing, Bossa Nova rocks!

Here are some photos I want to show you, before I dance off to work:

“Ouch!”

Two more photos, for this post:

Yay! That’s a flashy (and non-flashy) view of my California-dwelling friend Lawry, whom I first met in 7th grade. Lawry, along with his family, most recently appeared here in Day 517: What is the theme of this post? Lawry — who is in Boston for a Law Convention — called me up, last night, at work, and asked if we could have dinner together. I knew that would be okay with bf Michael, who is always engrossed in cleaning our place on Thursday evenings (my late night at work). And it was.

I was so glad I could have a spontaneous dinner with my old friend Lawry. To repeat, Yay!

Lawry has been a supporter of this blog, since I started writing. However, when I asked him last night if he’d been reading lately, he shook his head “no.”

Ouch!

He told me he stopped reading when I switched the settings here, forcing readers to go to this site, if they want to read a full post.

Lawry and I joked and laughed, last night, about how ONE EXTRA CLICK can seem like too much, when people are very busy with work, family, and other aspects of their lives.

In honor of Lawry and our friendship, today I’m switching that WordPress setting, back. Why? Because — as I said, earlier in the day, to a patient who was signing up for my group therapy sessions at work — I want to give people as much access, in the easiest ways possible, to helpful connections.

Friendship — and other connections with humanity — is water to drink, for me.

Thanks to my son Aaron, Michael, Lawry, Sergio Mendes and Brasil 66, Antonio Carlos Jobim (for composing Agua De Beber), and to you — of course! — no matter how you made your way here today.

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: adjusting to CPAP machine, Agua De Beber, creating access to therapy groups, healing old pain, seeing old friends, Segio Mendes and Brasil 66, the healing power of connections, the healing power of music | 34 Comments

Day 583: What a _____ About Me

Posted on August 6, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Here it is, more than a year and a half since I’ve started blogging, and I’ve yet to include a song from one of my favorite bands, Steely Dan.

No shame about that, though.

As I’ve oft written here, shame — the feeling/belief that there is something fundamentally wrong about oneself — is toxic. Yes, shame gets in the way of growth, healing, and moving on. So, rather than shame myself for my inaction in the past, I shall now include a Steely Dan song, in today’s post.

Which Steely Dan tune shall I pick, out of all their great songs? I’m choosing the very one that was playing yesterday, as I walked to work: What a Shame About Me.

Here’s a version of that, posted on YouTube:

Steely Dan songs are often little stories, narrated by a protagonist who is rather unsavory and unreliable. In that way, they remind me of the poet Robert Browning‘s dramatic monologues, of all things.

Can you tell, at this point, that I was an English major in college? (I have no shame about that, either.)

My English-major-analysis skills tell me that What a Shame About Me is a tale told by somebody who has not done as well, in life, as some other people in his college class.

What do your analysis skills tell you, about the meaning of that song? To help with that, here are all the lyrics to What a Shame About Me:

I was grinding through my day gig
Stackin’ cutouts at the Strand
When in walks Franny from NYU
We were quite an item back then
We talked about her films and shows and CDs
And I don’t know what else
She said, “Yeah, Hollywood’s been good to me
But tell me – how about yourself”

I’m still working on that novel
But I’m just about to quit
I’m worrying about the future now
Or maybe this is it
It’s not all that I thought it would be
What a shame about me

She said, “Talk to me, do you ever see
Anybody else from our old crew
Bobby Dakine won the Bunsen Prize
Now he’s coming out with something new
Alan owns a chain of Steamer Heavens
And Barry is the software king
And somebody told me in the early 80’s
You were gonna be the Next Big Thing.”

Well now that was just a rumor
But I guess I’m doin’ fine
Three weeks out of the rehab
Living one day at a time
Sneaking up on the new century
What a shame about me

What a shame about me

I’m thinking of a major Jane Street sunrise
And the goddess on the fire escape was you

We both ran out of small talk
The connection seemed to go dead
I was about to say, hey, have a nice life
When she touched my hand and said:
“I just had this great idea
This could be very cool
Why don’t we grab a cab to my hotel
And make believe we’re back at our old school”

I said babe you look delicious
And you’re standing very close
But this is Lower Broadway
And you’re talking to a ghost
Take a good look it’s easy to see
What a shame about me
What a shame about me

Guess what? I have a college reunion coming up next month. And, because of the fancy-shmancy, hoity-toity college I attended, I could very easily compare myself to my most distinguished, renowned, and admired classmates, and find myself wanting.

But that’s just an automatic, unhelpful cognitive distortion (see Comparisons, in this list).

When I go to my college reunion in September, I resolve NOT to compare myself to others there. Certainly, I will NOT say this:

“What a shame about me.”

If I do choose to declare something about myself at my college reunion, what word could I use in place of “shame” in that sentence? Perhaps I could use a word for the opposite of shame, instead. But, what IS the opposite of shame? Is it pride? Acceptance? Peace? Comfort?

Hmmm. None of those words fit, as an easy replacement. I mean, people don’t say, “What a Pride (or acceptance, peace, or comfort) About Me.”

Maybe I need a different sentence.

In any case, here are some things that HAVE been about me, lately:

What a world about me, don’t you think?

Thanks to my boyfriend Michael (who was responsible for the last three images), to Donald Fagen and Walter Becker, to Robert Browning, to my college classmates, to people who are doing their best to let go of shame (and other unhelpful things), and to you — for whatever words, feelings, thoughts, etc. are about you, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "What a Shame About Me", bringchange2mind, cognitive distortion of comparisons, college reunions, English Major skills, letting go of comparisons, letting go of shame, letting go of stigma, Robert Browning's Dramatic Monologues, Steely Dan | 36 Comments

Day 582: Cool

Posted on August 5, 2014 by Ann Koplow

“Cool” is a word I use, almost every day. “Cool” is very high praise, from me.

As I wrote about here, I remember being 7 years old and suddenly being aware of how cool I was, in my own unique way. Then, as I dealt with illness, multiple hospitalizations, and adolescence, I lost touch with my own coolness.

However, whenever I heard cool music, I would move cool and feel cool, during that time.

Here are some examples of what I would classify as “cool music.”:

(coolness found here, on YouTube)

(coolness found here, on YouTube) (and in a previous post, here)

Listening to cool music helps me feel cooler. Even when I feel awkward, down, out of sorts, out of place, or uncool in any way, cool music is a great cure for all that. When I’m listening to cool music, no matter what’s going on, I feel cool. I walk cool. I talk cool. Hey! I am cool.

Let me check in with you, right now, to see if we have this in common. When you listen to sounds you find cool, don’t you feel cooler? Even just a little bit?

Cool.

And now, my cool compatriots, here are some cool things I’ve encountered recently, in this cool world of ours.

I know that, for some of you, when I include a lot of images, the page can take a while to load. I hope you were able to stay cool, during that.

And I hope you know it is very cool to ask questions and to ask for other things you need, here and elsewhere.

In conclusion, isn’t it cool that I get to share with you sounds and sights I love?

I’m telling you, writing for you all is the coolest.

Thanks to Nelson Riddle, to Hank Mancini, to Leonard Bernstein, to cool cats everywhere, and to you, for how cool you are, naturally.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: blogging, childhood illness, feeling cool as a child, Fenway Park area, Henry Mancini, Leonard Bernstein, Letting go of self-judgment, Nelson Riddle, Opening to "West Side Story", Peter Gunn theme, photos of Boston suburban neighborhood, Theme from "Route 66" | 38 Comments

Day 577: Dopey

Posted on July 31, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Dopey is one of Disney’s Seven Dwarfs.

(image found here)

I begin there because I have fond memories of asking people to name all seven Disney dwarfs, from memory.

Can you do that? Or would that seem like a dopey use of your time?

Dopey is also the word I tend to use, about behaviors that are not smart. I vastly prefer that word to “stupid.”

Dopey is also how I felt after I had my first night’s sleep using a CPAP machine, last month. (CPAP stands for Continuous Positive Air Pressure.) (That is not the dopiest acronym I’ve ever heard, I suppose.) I don’t mean to imply I felt stupid after that night’s sleep, back in June at my second sleep study. Rather, having that deep and good a sleep made me feel… weird. Like I was drugged. (I hear that reaction is not uncommon.)

Yesterday, a very nice guy named Jimmy came to our home, and demonstrated everything I need to know about how to use my very own CPAP machine. Unlike other times when people have talked to me about medical devices, I did NOT feel dopey (or bad in any way).

I didn’t take a photo of Jimmy, because I was:

distracted,
a little nervous, and
not wanting to bother him, because I assumed he had lots of other people to visit on his work day.

Is that dopey?

Here’s my CPAP machine’s new home:

How do I feel this morning, after sleeping with my very own CPAP machine? A little strange, but not as dopey as before.

I do think I’d like to call my machine something else, though. “CPAP” does sound a little dopey, to me, right now. Any suggestions?

To end this post, before I leave for work (after a non-dopey night’s sleep), here are some photos I snapped yesterday:

How might you rate those, on the smart-to-dopey scale?

Many thanks to Jimmy, to medical machines that help improve people’s quality of life, to smart and dopey creatures everywhere, to the Alewife Brook Reservation, to Summer Shack, to PetSmart, to Whole Foods and to you — of course! — wherever you are, today.

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, quiz | 55 Comments

Day 576: No Absolute Time

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I think, write, feel, and dream — a lot — about time.

I have been doing that, for a very long time. That is the absolute truth.

I believe I am not alone, focusing on time. Here are some thoughts about time that have helped me (and others), many times:

Your time on earth is not unlimited.

Every moment is precious.

The past is the past.

We cannot know the future.

The only thing we have, for sure, is the present.

There is no time like the present.

You have all the time you need.

That last line might seem like a contradiction, at times. However, that thought is absolutely necessary, for me, to let go of anxiety about time.

At work, I feel I have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

My third-year work anniversary is August 2. That is, absolutely, three days from the time I am writing this.

If I am to remain healthy in mind, soul, and body, I must find ways to deal with time-based anxiety.

I am inspired, by problems, to seek solutions. I am doing the best I can, with the time I have.

I had absolute time, yesterday, for all these images:

I have the time and space for one more photo, this morning:

I always have time for comments and questions.

Do you have time, today?

Thanks to Jean Luc Ponty, to the lovely woman at the front desk where I work, to all who are dealing with time in any way, and to you — absolutely! — for taking the time to be here, now.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "No Absolute Time", anxiety about time, balancing time issues, helpful thoughts about time, Jean-Luc Ponty, sayings about time, shy cat becoming more comfortable, taking time for health, The Fenway Park area in Boston, The Red Sox blimp, time at work, time priorities | 35 Comments

Day 575: It was that kind of day

Posted on July 29, 2014 by Ann Koplow

There were several times, yesterday, when I remarked on the kind of day it was.

It was that kind of day.

To begin with, it was raining, hard, during the entire time I was in my car yesterday morning. It was that kind of drenching, flooding, windshield-cascading, drain-overwhelming downpour we get during the summer here, but seldom for such a sustained period of time.

While I was sitting in my car during that morning commute, I imagined the under-water fight scene from a Hong-Kong-produced Jackie Chan movie. I thought, “I wonder if I could find that scene on YouTube?”

I could.

(I found it here!)

Anyway, after I made it, yesterday, to my work parking garage, I got out of the car without my umbrella. After all, I was inside! However, it still rained on me, through a gap in the garage roof. One of the nice guys who work there commiserated about that, and told me that part of the garage was already flooding.

It was that kind of day.

While I often enjoy walking in the rain and listening to music, I took the shuttle from the garage to work, because it was that kind of day. I heard the shuttle driver exclaim out loud, as he had trouble getting by a big truck stopped outside of Fenway Park.

I took a few more shots on that shuttle ride. Nobody seemed to notice. It was that kind of day.

After I got to work, I heard many conversations about the effects of the weather that morning, including a report that the weather had quickly turned sunny, warm, and humid.

I couldn’t go outside to see for myself, because I was preparing for a presentation I was giving to some medical residents and interns. I had more time, than expected, to prepare (even though I really didn’t need it), because none of my morning patients showed up.

It was that kind of day.

Part of my pre-presentation plan was preparing hand-outs about the work I do. I had trouble with the printer near my office, but managed to get some things to print. Then, I went up to the 6th floor to use a copier, but that was broken.

It was that kind of day.

I noticed lots of “Wet Paint” signs near the elevator on the 6th floor. I remarked to the painter, “It’s that kind of day where I’ll probably get paint all over myself.”

He pointed out that’s what the signs were for. And he was right. There was no paint on Ann, all day.

Here are some of the many warning signs, near the elevator:

By the way, I took those photos later in the day, after my presentation — which went fine and was fun, actually.

Before my presentation, I went to the hospital cafeteria for some lunch and noticed these, on the way:

After my presentation, I was relieved, as usual.

None of my regularly scheduled patients showed up for therapy during the afternoon, either. However, I was also the Social Worker On Call, and people requested my assistance in dealing with some challenging situations.

It was that kind of day.

On the walk back to my car, it was sunny, warm, and humid (as previously reported).

I saw this …

… and had a thought I’ve often had before: I really should write a blog post called “What IS That??”

There were lots of people around, on my walk to the garage, because it was a game night, at Fenway Park.

I wonder if that kid sensed I was taking photos? I was particularly interested in his shirt (seen here in close-up):

What IS that??

Anyway, more photos I took, near the end of that kind of day:

Later, I took one more photo, when I was meeting my son after his play rehearsal.

Yes, it was that kind of day.

Thanks to Jackie Chan, to those dealing with floods or disasters of any kind, to correctional institutions for teeth, to all the people and things I encountered yesterday, and to you — of course! — for having that kind of day when you visit, here.

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, Uncategorized | Tags: dealing with the unexpected, Fenway Park area of Boston, flooding rain in Boston, Jackie Chan underwater fighting scene, Jackie Chan's "First Strike", letting go of presentation anxiety, What IS That?? | 24 Comments

Day 572: Tell Her You Saw Me

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Ann Koplow

“Tell Her You Saw Me” is a song by Pat Metheny. Here’s a live version of it:

(found here on YouTube)

I listened to “Tell Her You Saw Me” a lot, when my mother was ill and dying, in the summer of 2008.

To this day, I find it very beautiful and sad.

Yesterday, when I was walking to work, I took this photo:

I thought: I’ll tell my readers I saw that. I’ll use those initials — “F.B” — to share some thoughts about FaceBook, a topic that often comes up in my therapy groups. Plus, my mind seems tuned for making connections, so I was sure I’d identify other F.B’s during the day.

Throughout the morning, I thought of other ways I could use the initials F.B., in order to create a Fine Blog, perhaps, for you.

For example, the doctor I recently mentioned in this post (about a patient whose application for disability was initially turned down) has the initials F.B.! I considered taking a photo of Dr. F.B., for this potential and planned post.

Just then, I checked my email and found that another patient of Dr. F.B.’s, who was also in therapy with me, had passed away.

Those who worked with this amazing woman, including Dr. F.B., immediately exchanged messages, sharing our surprise and grief.

Later that day, the good doctor F.B. and I met in person, to talk and reminisce. We agreed that our late patient — despite her many illnesses and challenges — had a spirit so indomitable, we expected her to outlive the two of us.

All day, I remembered and imagined the deceased — her voice, her expressions, the way she met the world. I heard and saw her, as I worked with other people, and when I walked and sat near a quiet brook. I looked and listened, the rest of the day, but took no photos.

And I abandoned any previous plans for today’s post.

When I walked back to my car, still not taking photos, I heard “Tell Her You Saw Me.”

I want to tell you this: I loved working with this woman. She lit up my office, every time she appeared. We shall all miss her, very much.

Even though I’m working on my reactions to death, I still cannot believe that somebody is so there, and then they are not.

If I saw her again, what might I tell her?

I’m grateful I knew her.

Thanks to all my readers, for looking, listening, and joining with me, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, tribute | Tags: "Tell Her You Saw Me", dealing with death, Dealing with loss, death of a patient, in memoriam, Pat Metheny | 29 Comments

Day 571: Anxiety

Posted on July 25, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I posted a video of Frank Sinatra singing “What’s New?”

Today, I’m posting a video of Mel Brooks singing a song about anxiety, in the style of Frank Sinatra.

(found on YouTube here)

Why?

Well, I think it’s about time I wrote a post about anxiety. Don’t you agree?

Yesterday, anxiety was definitely a theme, in several ways. For example:

I did a therapy group last evening, where we focused on anxiety.
Ten minutes before we started the group, I realized I had left my bag — containing my monetary “must-haves” — on the sidewalk of one of the busiest streets in Boston.
Twenty minutes after we ended the group, I realized I had conducted the entire group with enough food stuck in my teeth to resemble some sort of dental salad bar.

Eeeek!!!

Here’s some good news:

The group members said they felt markedly less anxious by the end of our time together.
When I went to retrieve my bag, it was still there.
At least we know I’m taking good-enough care of myself to eat some friggin’ thing, in the time between the two consecutive groups I facilitate on Thursdays.

I don’t have any photos of the above, but I can show you these, taken yesterday after dark (a time that heightens anxiety in many people):

And while the scare-chemical of adrenaline was still hanging around for me while I was snapping those shots above, I felt safe enough last night. No anxiety — high or low — for me.

Unlike what Mel Brooks sings, regarding him vs. anxiety, I win!

Let’s celebrate that with another song, on this Friday morning. Here’s Robert Cray, with some bluesy advice:

Thanks to Mel Brooks, Robert Cray, those who sing about anxiety in any way, groups (of all kinds) that help each other let go of anxiety, and to you — of course! — for keeping me company, today.

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark", coping and healing groups, food stuck in teeth, healing in groups, letting go of anxiety, letting go of shame about imperfections, Mel Brooks "High Anxiety", Robert Cray, shame about imperfection | 40 Comments

Day 570: What’s New?

Posted on July 24, 2014 by Ann Koplow

“What’s New?” is a jazz standard I first encountered in the 1960’s.

Here are two versions of it, from YouTube. Linda Rondstadt:

(found here)

and Frank Sinatra:

(found here)

“What’s New?” is another post title I haven’t used yet, although I have written these posts:

Day 162: What’s in a name?

Day 218: What’s the problem?

Day 268: What’s $ got to do with it?

Day 401: What’s wrong?

Day 495: What’s underneath? and

Day 557: What’s missing?

What’s new? I’ll tell you, first, what’s NOT new: My starting out a blog post post with a choice of songs AND a review of the past.

So what IS new? Yesterday, eight people came to my Wednesday group. In my therapy groups, people can participate when and how often they choose, so that many people (new and old) showing up is …. wonderful.

Something we discussed, in group yesterday, is how trying something new can raise anxiety and fear, but also excitement and hope.

So what else is new? Well, I took some photos yesterday and, for whatever reasons, I was focusing on the new:

Here’s something else that’s NOT new, this morning: I’ve included too many photos to adequately explain now, before I leave for work. I do want to tell you this, though: the gentleman showing off his new camera, above, is my co-worker Mark, whom bf Michael and I ran into last night, unexpectedly. Also, what do you think those berry-looking things are, in the last two photos? They looked new to Michael and me, so we asked somebody about them, who was kind enough to answer, peel one, and give it to us.

What else is new, for you?

Thanks to Linda Rondstadt, Frank Sinatra, Bob Haggart and Johnny Burke (the creators of “What’s New?”), Michael, Mark, and the nice guy at Whole Foods last night; to people in my therapy groups; to those who try new things; and to you — of course! — whether this is all new to you, or not.

Categories: friendship, humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, quiz | Tags: "What's New" by Frank Sinatra, "What's New" by Linda Rondstadt, "What's New?, accepting the new, Bob Haggart, fear of the new, Johnny Burke, PetSmart photos, therapy groups, Whole Food Market | 34 Comments