Nostalgia

Day 569: Ain’t that peculiar?

Posted on July 23, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Let’s start today’s post with another song I love: “Ain’t That Peculiar,” performed by Marvin Gaye and written by Smokey Robinson and some of his Miracles.

Here’s the version I’m used to:

(found here on YouTube)

And, ain’t it peculiar that — even though I love that song and a capella music, too — I just found, for the first time, an a capella version of it?

(found here on YouTube)

According to the Wikipedia page about “Ain’t That Peculiar,” the song is “about the torment of a painful relationship.”

The painful relationship I am most aware of — right now, in my life — is the relationship between me and

my fears,
doubts, and
too-harsh inner critic.

This is on my mind, at the moment, because one of my patients got turned down by an insurance company for long-term disability, even though she cannot work, due to her depression. I’ve heard that initial turn-downs are a matter-of-course, these days. I have to believe that our appeal will be successful. But I just found out, yesterday, that all her treaters, including me, have to submit all supporting arguments by this Friday, or her appeal will be denied.

Ain’t that peculiar? It is to me.

This situation affected my sleep last night. Right now, I am afraid that the other treaters (the medical doctor and the medication prescriber) might not be available to help me document our case well enough, before Friday.

Ain’t that peculiar? Both of them, most likely, will be able — and eager — to help. However, they haven’t responded to my email from yesterday yet, so I am expecting the worst.

Ain’t that peculiar?

The treater who prescribes the anti-depressant medication is somebody I know pretty well and respect a lot. When we first spoke about the disability turn-down, I discovered that we both, automatically, blamed ourselves, because we each felt our documenting notes could have been better.

Ain’t that peculiar? Anything anybody writes could be better, including medical notes. We are not to blame for the disability turn-down. We can (and will) provide more evidence. And we both hope we will do a good enough job, with the appeal.

I am really focusing, this morning, on worst-case scenarios, about this disability case. Therapists specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) might say that I’m catastrophizing about it. These therapists might say that I am blaming, minimizing/maximizing, negative filtering, fortune-telling, mind-reading, comparing, personalizing, name-calling, and experiencing every other CBT distortion on this list.

Ain’t that Peculiar? I AM a therapist who uses CBT in my work. And, there are many good things for me to focus on this morning, including:

More and more people coming to my therapy groups,
My patients expressing gratitude for what they are getting,
My feeling much healthier these days, after some scary medical experiences this year, and
Lots of positive and hopeful developments, in my personal and work life.

And yet, I am focusing, this morning, on worry about this woman and her getting turned down for an extension of her long-term disability, by an insurance company that might initially turn down most disability requests.

Ain’t That Peculiar?

Yesterday, besides thinking about these things, I also took several photos, which is not so peculiar.

Do you see any peculiarities here?

Last night, when my son and I were waiting for a stand-up comedy show to start, I showed him the photos I had taken that day. I asked him if he found anything peculiar about them. Some he did, some he didn’t.

Ain’t that peculiar?

Then, I took these photos:

At this point, I don’t even know what is and isn’t peculiar, myself. I just know I have to get ready for work.

Thanks to Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, people I work with, my son, Cheers, and to you — of course! — for any peculiarities you might bring with you, today.

NOTE added at 2 PM, the same day: I spoke with the insurance company and found out that I had been misinformed. We have more time to appeal. Ain’t that peculiar?

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Ain't That Peculiar?, CBT, CBT distortions, cognitive behavioral therapy, letting go of blame, Letting go of worry, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson, stand-up comedy at Cheers Boston | 36 Comments

Day 566: Must Haves

Posted on July 20, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today, I’m starting with something that used to be a Must Have, for my blog posts: a search, on Google Images, for the title.

Here’s what came up, just now, for “Must Haves”:

(image found here)

(image found here)

I must have something wrong with me, dear readers. I mean, I’ve had one (or maybe two) of all those Must Haves. So what does that make me? A Have Not?

What do you think?

Now I’m wondering why I must have stopped visiting Google Images for photos. Perhaps, because I …

lost track of doing that,
had fears of consequences, for using images that weren’t mine,
felt like I had “been there/done that,”
had better things to do.

I have not one, single, perfect explanation for this notable change in my blog posts.

I will tell you this, though. While I must have had good reasons for excluding Google Images in my blog posts lately, I have not any regrets for including them here, today.

I must have something else i can show you before I end this post. How about some photos from yesterday’s walk?

Must-have confession: I forgot to take my must-have photography equipment with me, but boyfriend Michael was there, and generously offered his iPhone instead.

Ooops! I must have lost track of one of those must-have shots from yesterday. Hold on …

Found it!

Thanks to Michael, my other Must Haves, and to you — of course! — for whatever Must Haves you must have, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, quiz | Tags: Arlington Massachusetts, Gargoyle on porch, Have Nots, identifying necessities, identifying needs, letting go of must haves, Must Haves, prioritizing | 43 Comments

Day 559: Go Back

Posted on July 13, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I’ve titled this post “Go Back” for many reasons. “Go Back” is …

What I’m doing tomorrow, to work.
The fall-back plan, in a favorite movie, The Princess Bride.

(found on YouTube here)

What dear reader Mark Bialczak is doing tomorrow, to a 9 to 5 job, for the first time in over a year.
What I wish some ants would do, right now, to their home-based nest, wherever the hell that is.
The “big moment” of Diane Court’s graduation speech, in another one of my favorite movies, Say Anything.

(Found on YouTube, here, at the beginning of lots of clips from that film)

What is difficult for me to do, to sleep, after I’m awakened by light, unless I’m wearing this:

What Oscar likes to do, on our balcony bannister.

What my son and I are planning to do, next month, to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

… which, this year, will include my stand-up-comedy teacher from the 1980s, Ron Lynch.

(I found this photo of Ron here)

Something I and other human beings do, in our minds, into the past.
What I did, yesterday, with people I love, to Arlington, Massachusetts, USA.

I want to go back, for a moment, and say something about that last photo. After boyfriend Michael, son Aaron, and I spent some quality time, yesterday, at the Arlington Alive Summer Arts Block Party, Michael pointed out a personal wish to us:

Buildings under five stories should not, under any circumstances, be called “Towers.”

Here’s my own wish, this morning:

When we go back (no matter how, where, when, or why), we all go without regret, anxiety, or fear.

Thanks to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, to Arlington, to everybody who helped make this post possible, and to you — of course! – for going back here, today.

* These are just a few of the photos I took, last year, at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, appearing previously in posts here, here, here, here, here, and here.

One more footnote: When I go back to an old post, I sometimes find things I need to change. Here‘s the commencement speech from Say Anything:

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Say Anything", 6 common cat myths debunked, Arlington Alive Summer Arts Block Party, Arlington Massachusetts, Assassins the Musical, difficulty falling back asleep, letting go of anxiety, letting go of fear, letting go of regrets, Ron Lynch, The Edinburgh Fringe Festival, The Princess Bride, Tom Joyce | 32 Comments

Day 558: Nothing Personal

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Here’s a cognitive distortion that came up several times last week, in therapy groups and elsewhere:

Personalization.

You see yourself as the cause of some negative event for which you are not primarily responsible, and you conclude that what happened was your fault or reflects your inadequacy. Personalization distorts other people’s reactions into a direct, personal response to you. For example, if somebody seems upset, you immediately assume it was because of something you said or did.

In Thursday evening’s group, we were discussing this distortion antidote:

Use Helpful Reminders. Use helpful phrases to challenge habitual distortions. For example, for mind-reading or fortune telling, remind yourself “I’m not psychic.” Make a list of other phrases that help you, such as “I am doing the best I can,” “One step at a time,” etc. Consider sticking these reminders where you can see them.

One of the group participants said he’s put up this helpful reminder, where he works:

It’s not personal. It’s just business.

and he’s looked at that, thousands of times.

Personally, I too find it helpful to remember, over and over again, that most things are NOT personal. It also helps me to realize that human beings are built to take things personally. So, it takes constant practice to think, when other people do (or NOT do) things, that it’s

nothing personal.

If you’re wondering if something IS personal, there’s always this antidote, too:

Reality Testing. Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and concerns are realistic or true. This is a particularly effective response to the distortion of mind-reading

Yesterday, as I was walking to work, thinking about what I had learned during the week, this old friend of a tune showed up in my earphones:

(found here on YouTube)

I made note of the title — “Nothing Personal” — and considered it blog-worthy.

Here‘s the Wikipedia entry for the old, familiar, and beloved album …

… where that song lives.

As I listened to “Nothing Personal,” I thought about all the personal time I’ve spent, enjoying the music of the amazing jazz players on that album:

Michael Brecker

Jack DeJohnette

Charlie Haden

Kenny Kirkland

Pat Metheny

Whenever I listen to Michael Brecker play, I feel a tinge of sadness, because of the too-soon loss of that

quiet, gentle musician widely regarded as the most influential tenor saxophonist since John Coltrane

— Charles J Gan (Associate Press), quoted on Wikipedia

As I was driving home last night, I heard the news that Charlie Haden, also on that album, and

one of the most influential bassists in the history of jazz

— Nat Chinen (New York Times)

had died that day.

While this post may have started with “Nothing Personal,” it’s turned into something quite personal.

My small tribute to some who are missing, and still live on.

(“NIghtfall” with Charlie Haden, Michael Brecker, and Brad Mehldau, found here on YouTube)

Thanks to giant Charlie Haden, to gentle Michael Brecker, to group therapy (of all kinds), to every talented human being (alive or gone) who contributed to this post, and to you, personally, for participating here, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: "Nothing Personal", Charlie Haden, Helpful reminders, letting go of unhelpful thoughts, Michael Brecker, Michael Brecker album, Personalization, reality testing | 24 Comments

Day 552: It’s time to relax

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, on this Independence Day weekend, I went for a walk with Barbara, on whom I can always depend.

Barbara was my very first friend, as I wrote about here. She remains a true-blue supporter of my writing (and all my other endeavors, too).

This weekend, Barbara requested a visit to some places I’ve shown in this blog.

At the Alewife Reservation, I stopped our walk when I saw some red flowers. Almost immediately, I decided to add more loveliness to the shot.

Here are more photos I took, while Barbara and I did our usual journeying down different paths of conversation.

I told Barbara I’ve taken several shots of the field of pink ribbons before, but I’ve never been happy with the results. Somehow, with Barbara there, I felt the confidence to take a better photo

and to show it here.

Barbara seemed thrilled to discover these locations with me and observe my blog-creating process.

After our walk, we had lunch. Barbara told me her new helpful saying is “It’s time to relax!” I said, “That’s the title of my post tomorrow.”

Yesterday evening, Michael and I did some errands, at a local mall. As Barbara taught me, it was time to relax.

The key to relaxing? Knowing what your essentials are.

Thanks to Barbara, Michael, all my other essentials, and you — of course! — for any relaxation you might find, today.

Categories: friendship, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Alewife Reservation, Cambridge Massachusetts, depending on others, importance of friendship, life essentials, reclaimed wetlands, the balance of dependence and independence | 26 Comments

Day 551: A round of forgiveness

Posted on July 5, 2014 by Ann Koplow

In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that I did two therapy groups before attending Boston’s unprecedented fireworks show for Independence Day, 2014.

In this post, I want to tell you a little more about one of those groups.

A theme that emerged in that group — as people thought, spoke, listened, and shared — was forgiveness. About mid-way through the group, I suggested a new exercise, which people agreed to try. People took turns, naming and describing things they wished to forgive themselves for.

I found this exercise healing and moving. Today, I would like to continue it, here.

I’ll go first!

When I was in my early 20’s, I became very depressed, for many reasons. Today, I would like to forgive myself for becoming that depressed. Most importantly, I wish to forgive myself for getting very angry at my parents, during that difficult period.

I choose to forgive myself for expressing that anger in uncharacteristic ways, which have lingered in my mind until this day.

Now, would you like to take a turn? It’s up to you, of course.

Before I end this post, I could continue forgiving myself, for things like:

never getting a great shot of the parade of geese and ducks that kept passing by, at Boston’s Independence Day celebration,

repeating myself in several ways here (including linking to the same post twice), or
startling Oscar, with an unexpected noise

… when I was scanning that photo of my parents.

However, I think I’ve done the major forgiveness work, for today.

Thanks to my dear departed parents, to people who forgive as best they can, to parading (and/or sensitive) creatures everywhere, and to you — of course!*– for participating here, today.

* I was going to write, in this footnote: “Forgive me for using ‘of course!’ so often in my thank you’s, for perhaps overusing exclamation points, and for any other writing trespasses against you.” Then I realized, again, it was in me … to forgive myself.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: cat and scanner, forgiving self, geese and ducks on the Charles River, group therapy, group therapy forgiveness exercise, letting go of guilt, letting go of perfectionism, parents and children | 27 Comments

Day 540: I Spy

Posted on June 24, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I chose this title today because:

“I Spy” reminds me of an old game (“I spy with my little eye …”),
“I Spy” reminds me of an old TV show (and its theme song)

(video on YouTube here)

and “I Spy” is one of those topics that lets me post whatever images I want.

Let us begin!

I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with the letter “d”.

Hmmm. That’s probably difficult to see, with the angle of the picture and the barrier of that fence.

Let’s do that one over, with something closer, more recent, and easier on the eyes. Again, I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with the letter “d.”

That’s my neighbor Karen’s new dog, whom I met yesterday morning. That puppy spied me, too:

Let’s face it, I might as well just end this post here. Everything from now on is going to fade in comparison, cuteness-wise.

But there’s more to life than cute, right?

I spy, with my little eye, things that begin with the letter “t.”

Again, I’m making this difficult, aren’t I? Indeed, when I saw that, this weekend, in Arlington’s Bicentennial Park, I remarked to bf Michael, “Can anybody really tell what those are?” Michael pointed out that stone carvings were not easy to execute, and he suggested I not be so judgmental.

I’d like to give you a better chance with that one, too. I spy, with my little eye, things that begin with the letter “t.”

Those are all trees I saw at Tower Hill Botanical Garden, shown previously in this post. I am happy to present them to you again, in their true colors, since I inadvertently was filtering all my photos back then.

I have to tell you, when I look at those filtered photos (in posts starting here and ending here), I still feel a little bad. Slightly green, perhaps. As a matter of fact, I have been avoiding revisiting those posts. And when I do, I have thoughts like these:

What was I thinking? How could I have NOT noticed how odd all those photos look? It’s SO obvious to me, now. And I pride myself on my ability to see and observe! Ha!

But then I remember how it helps to

let go of the actions of the past, and
embrace the idea of “good enough.”

And sometimes, you get a do-over. Like here, today!

As for those original posts with the greenish photos, I am leaving them as they are, for the most part. However, I’m going to change all the photos of people in my life, because I want them to appear to others, as they do to me, with all their beautiful colors.

I spy, with my little eye, things that begin with the letter “f.”

“Friends.”

Before I’m something that begins with the letter “l” — “late” — let’s do one more game. I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with the letter “c.”

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you might guess that it’s …

But it’s actually this:

That can’t possibly be good for me, could it?

Thanks to “I Spy” (both versions), dogs, my downstairs neighbor Karen, people who do their best, trees (no matter what color), friends, cats, chia, chocolate, and — of course! — you, for spying here, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Arlington MA, Arlington's Bicentennial Park, Bill Cosby and Robert Culp, Chocolate chia, I Spy, letting go of regret, the importance of friendship, Tower Hill Botanical Gardens | 24 Comments

Day 538: Shorter

Posted on June 22, 2014 by Ann Koplow

This title of this post is inspired by a text exchange I had yesterday, with my friend Ray. Ray has shown up in this blog — along with his wife/my friend, Janet — in several previous posts, one of them being shorter.

Here is the inspirational exchange:

Ray: Hi Ann! We’re looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. We’re wondering if we could meet a little earlier for brunch. Maybe 9? We may go to open houses afterwards and want to get an earlier start. Let me know what you think.

Me: 9 is fine. I’ll just have to write a shorter and crappier post. See you then!

Ray: Thanks for lowering your standards for us! See you at 9. It’s called the Town Diner in Watertown, right?

Me: Deluxe town diner.

Ray: Ooh! Deluxe!

Here’s what I’d like to point out about that dialogue:

Ray and Janet are back in Massachusetts, after several years away in Ohio. Although their absence may have been shorter than it seems to me, it was still too long.
My favorite line, in the exchange between Ray and me, is the one that is shorter than the others.
The other adjective I used in my message to Ray, after “shorter,” was on my mind because of yesterday morning’s post, which marked the first appearance of bird poop in this blog:

The words “shorter and crappier” could be construed as judgmental, couldn’t they?

This reminds me of one of several discussions — some shorter than others — I had yesterday with my cousin, Lani:

That’s Lani and her precious cat, Jewel. Lani and I haven’t seen each other for over a year, even though she lives a shorter distance from me than Ray and Janet.

Lani and I had a terrific time yesterday — talking about people and judgment, our parents and other family members, my blog posts (Lani is a faithful reader), and other topics (short and long). I resolve to see Lani again soon, after a much shorter time.

That would be wonderful.

Although this post is probably going to be shorter than my usual weekend post, I still have time to post more images from yesterday:

That’s from brunch, with Lani, at Brio in Chestnut Hill. I took that photo because the butter there was shorter (height-wise) than I remember ever seeing before at any restaurant.

On my way home from my too-short-time with Lani yesterday, I snapped this picture:

The two tallest buildings in Boston — appearing above — also showed up in yesterday’s post. Which do you think is shorter: the one on the left or the tower on the right?

Later in the day, bf Michael and I returned to Fresh Pond in Cambridge, also featured in several previous posts (some appearances being shorter than the others). Our walk yesterday was shorter than usual, because of a restoration project:

I remarked to Michael that I had never heard the term “off-wheel vistors” before. It took me a moment to realize I was a member of that group, despite the helpful illustrations. I guess that was a shorter way to describe “those who aren’t riding bicycles.” You know … walkers. (Or runners, too, I suppose.)

Despite the shorter route, we still saw several new and interesting things:

Maybe this post wasn’t so crappy, after all.

Thanks to Ray, Janet, Lani, Jewel, Michael, off-wheel visitors everywhere, story-tellers (and walkers), people with standards (no matter what their height), those who find their way home, anybody letting go of unhelpful judgments (for shorter or longer amounts of time), and — especially! — to you, no matter how short your visit today.

* You may notice that some of the photos in this post are shorter than others. WordPresser AmyRose, at Petals Unfolding, has told me that the size of my photos might be slowing down post-loading for my readers and eating up storage space. (Storage space DOES seem to be running shorter, everywhere.) Thanks for letting me know, Amy.

Another, shorter footnote: Those of you getting my posts via email — and finding me on WordPress Reader — might find those initial readings shorter today, assuming I successfully followed Mark Bialczak‘s helpful instructions about re-routing readers home, here.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Brio Chestnut Hill, Deluxe Town Diner in Watertown, Fresh Pond in Cambridge, fun with bird poop on windshields, John Hancock Tower, letting go of judgment, Prudential Tower, reuniting with family members, reuniting with friends | 32 Comments

Day 531: Long slow distance/Letter from home

Posted on June 15, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, while my son was at his keyboard lesson, I took a walk. The weather was overcast and threatening rain.

I meant to take my umbrella, but — these days — I often forget at least one little thing.

It didn’t matter. I had my iPhone and, therefore, my music with me.

Long Slow Distance, a tune I’ve loved for many decades, started playing.

I saw many things from different perspectives, as I walked away, got lost, and then made my way back to my son, in time.

As I re-approached the place where Aaron’s piano teacher lives and gives lessons, yesterday morning, the word “home” came into my mind.

Perhaps that was because Letter from Home — also beloved by me for many years — was playing.

That song speaks to me of loss. And love.

I miss my father, this Father’s Day.

Thanks to the Dixie Dregs, to Pat Metheny, to Anna Maria Jopek, to families everywhere, and to those who go long, slow distances — away from and toward home. And thanks to you for your visit here, no matter where you are on your journey.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Dixie Dregs, Fathers Day, Letter from Home, Long Slow Distance, loss of father, missing parents, Pat Metheny, Pat Metheny and Anna Maria Jopek | 34 Comments

Day 522: The Core of Discovery

Posted on June 6, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I revisited pacemaker clinic. Bob — who is part of my team there — reprogrammed my pacemaker, which was a definite improvement.

Here’s Bob:

While I’ve known Bob for many years, I discovered some new things about him, yesterday. For example, Bob:

doesn’t read my blog (or any other blog),
considers himself old-fashioned,
can picture himself living in the early 1800’s, and
admires The Corps of Discovery.

Do you know what The Corps of Discovery is?

Yesterday, I thought Bob was saying:

The Core of Discovery.

until he explained how it was really spelled, and that it was the original name for the Lewis and Clark Expedition.

Here’s what Google first discovers, this morning, about Corps of Discovery:

Lewis and Clark Expedition – an expedition sent by Thomas Jefferson to explore the northwestern territories of the United States; led by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark; traveled from St. Louis to the mouth of the Columbia River from 1803 to 1806

— thefreedictionary.com

Bob also told me about a favorite book, about the Corps of Discovery:

I like the name of that book, very much.

After my visit with Bob yesterday, where I felt very validated and renewed, I held a core of discovery in my heart, as I made passage back through the hospital. That is, I viewed everything with new eyes, including what I saw in the hallway of The Floating Hospital, the children’s unit of Tufts Medical Center:

According to Wikipedia:

In 1894, the Boston Floating Hospital was established by a Congregational minister, the Rev. Rufus Tobey. At the time, many believed in the cleansing and therapeutic qualities of sea air to improve health, and Tobey had heard of a hospital ship for children in New York. For the next 33 years, two successive ships were home to the hospital for children in Boston Harbor. In 1931, after the second Floating Hospital for Children ship was destroyed in a fire, the hospital was relocated to a permanent building onshore.

I also saw more, yesterday, in the hallway there:

Now, I’m off to make more discoveries about being a group therapist, at the first day of a three-day conference.

Thanks to Bob (although he’ll probably never see this); to the Corps (and the Core) of Discovery; to Alison Hayes, Meg Dempsey, Jeremy Zschau, and all others contributing to the art I saw yesterday; to children in hospitals everywhere; to those who have navigated through rough seas; and to you — of course! — for discovering here, with me, on this day.*

* The 70th anniversary of D-Day.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Alison Hayes, Boston's Floating Hospital for Children, childhood hospitalizations, If I Had A Boat, Jeremy Zschau, Meg Dempsey, Tufts Medical Center, Undaunted Courage | 19 Comments