Posts Tagged With: open heart surgery

Day 1414: I wake up this morning feeling uneasy

Posted on November 14, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Almost fourteen hundred days ago (but who’s counting?) I wrote a post titled Day 17: I think I wake up most mornings feeling uneasy. Here’s what I think, as I wake up this morning feeling uneasy:

That was an important post for me to write back then, because I named and accepted my feelings, which freed me up to look at next steps.
When I wrote that post, I ABSOLUTELY had significantly fewer reasons to feel uneasy than I do this morning.
Uneasy is not the only feeling I’m having these mornings.
I’m also feeling dread, hope, fear, disappointment, and love.

What helps when I’m feeling uneasy?

Naming it.
Connecting with others.
Self care.
Reminding myself, “It might be safer than it feels.”
Remembering that no matter how I’m feeling, some people out there are thriving and some people are suffering.
Identifying something I can do.
Doing it.

Here’s what I’d like to do right now: share my photos from yesterday, which I took when I was feeling uneasy (as well as many other feelings). But I’m feeling uneasy because:

I can’t access my photos.
WordPress is not saving this post as I’m writing it.
I need to restart my computer to complete this post the way I want to.

I’m going to just do it and hope for the best!

Is anything making you feel uneasy, now that you’ve read my post and seen my photos?

When I was feeling very uneasy in the hospital after my recent open heart surgery, I listened to a Bach CD on repeat, mornings and nights. Here‘s some Bach for us all:

More things that help when I’m uneasy:

Reading people’s comments on my blog.
Expressing gratitude to all who help me create new posts in the morning.
Thanking you — of course! — for making my life easier.

Categories: blogging, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: 2016 U.S. election, BACH, chocolate cake, Donald Trump is our president elect, feeling all feelings, feeling uneasy, open heart surgery, self-care | 58 Comments

Day 1413: ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Ann Koplow

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about the title of today’s post is right here:

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about that photo includes the fact that I took it last night at Target.

At times in my life, I’ve thought to myself, “That’s ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.” Soon, though, I knew I needed to know more.

Recently I thought, “That’s ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW” about

the 2016 U.S. presidential election,
my very unusual heart,
recovering from open heart surgery,
the late Robert Vaughn (who played Napoleon Solo on my favorite TV show, The Man from U.N.C.L.E)

and then I learned it wasn’t.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about this blog includes this: I try to share ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW with my photographs from the day before.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about those chocolates:

my two managers from work sent them to me,
they’re incredibly delicious,
I ate too many of them since they arrived yesterday,
they remind me of “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get” from Forrest Gump, and
they are now inspiring this song:

Did you get ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW from this post? I’ll get absolutely everything I need to know about that from your comments.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about who I need to thank: absolutely everybody I needed to create this post and you, absolutely!

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries", 2016 U.S. election, Box of chocolates, CCTGA, Donald Trump, Forrest Gump, learning, open heart surgery, Robert Vaughn, Serenade Chocolatier, Target | 39 Comments

Day 1391: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

Posted on October 22, 2016 by Ann Koplow

To start telling this story, today’s post title is a quote from the musical Hamilton.

Who lives, on the day I’m writing this?

I do, against all odds and even though a team of doctors at the Mayo Clinic essentially killed me* on September 21 in order to repair my heart before they brought me back to life.
Mel Brooks, thank goodness, even though he is 90 years old (and whom I’ll be seeing today in person in Boston).
Approximately 7.5 billion people, according to this link.

Who dies, on the day I’m writing this?

Kevin Meaney, suddenly at age 60, who was one of my and my son’s favorite comedians.
151,600 people, according to this link.

Who tells your story?

I’ll tell you who tells my story — it’s me, through this blog. Perhaps because my story has included so many doctors and medical institutions from the moment I was born, it’s VERY important to me to be the expert of my own experience — the primary teller of my own story. Of course, I can’t control how others will tell my story after I die, but to quote Kevin Meaney about that, “I don’t care.”

Here’s how I photographically choose to tell my story of October 21, 2016, when I went to one hospital for cardiac rehab and then to another hospital to get blood work to prepare for ANOTHER surgical procedure on November 2 and also to drop in on my amazing cardiologist Dr. Deeb Salem:

And because we do need help from others to tell our stories, I want to thank my friend Carol, who is such a wonderful woman, for capturing the story of those last four photos.

Here’s the last photo that I took yesterday, to tell my story:

Now, how would you tell a story in a comment, below?

I’ll end today’s story with live gratitude to all those living and dead who helped me create this post and to you — of course! — no matter how you tell your story.

* I’m glad you lived to read this part of my story from the Mayo Clinic surgeon’s report on September 21: “The aorta was occluded, and 800 cc of cold blood cardioplegia was infused into the aortic root obtaining satisfactory asystolic arrest.” Doesn’t that sound like they satisfactorily killed me?

Categories: heart condition, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: controlling your own story, Dr. Deeb Salem, Hamilton, how many people are alive, how many people die in one day, Kevin Meaney, Mel Brooks, open heart surgery, recall of St. Jude ICD | 23 Comments

Day 1389: Within Reach

Posted on October 20, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Here are some things that are within reach for me, as I write today’s post.

My laptop.
The end of the 2016 U.S. presidential contest.
Halloween.
My getting the go-ahead to drive again, as my sternum heals from my September 21st open heart surgery.
My returning to (and probably exceeding) my exercise “baseline” through cardiac rehab.
Determining my weekly dose of Coumadin/Warfarin, an anticoagulant I now need because of my new mechanical heart valve.
The replacement of my recalled St. Jude Medical ICD (Implantable Cardiac Device) on November 2.
My seeing Mel Brooks in person for the first time, two days from now.
My next teeth cleaning, in five days.
My return to work as an individual and group psychotherapist, probably during election week.

All day, yesterday, I took photos of things that were within reach of my iPhone camera:

Here‘s a tune whose title was within reach in one of my photos, above:

What’s within reach for you, here and now?

The end of this post is within reach, as I thank all those who helped me create it and all those who are reading it today, including you!

Categories: personal growth, staying healthy | Tags: "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood, cardiac rehab, CCTGA, congenital heart disease, Halloween 2016, Mel Brooks "Back in the Saddle Again", open heart surgery, Quebrada Baking Company, St. Jude Medical recalled devices, U.S. Presidential Election 2016 | 27 Comments

Day 1385: Compassion

Posted on October 16, 2016 by Ann Koplow

I’ve been working on developing more compassion for myself and for others, lately.

Compassion has always been a passion of mine, but I’ve been more passionate about it recently, because of:

the current political climate in the United States,
the physical and emotional challenges I’ve been experiencing as I recover from open heart surgery,
disappointments I’ve been encountering, including the ill-timed and unexpected recall of my pacemaker/defibrillator,
the healing power of the compassion I’ve been experiencing from passionate friends, family members, and blog readers, and
the undeniable importance of compassion for human connection and growth.

Can you see compassion in any of my photos from yesterday?

I find it particularly difficult to experience and show compassion when I am in pain, afraid of the future, and disconnected from others. Thank goodness I have compassionate people in my life like Michael, who compassionately cooked me that delicious meal and Megan, who compassionately brought me the apple cake her compassionate husband, Paul, made for me.

It’s easy to feel compassion when you’re eating delicious apple cake with some compassionate ice cream.

Here‘s some music I found with compassion on YouTube:

Are you compassionate enough to leave behind a comment for this “Compassion” post?

Compassion and thanks to all who helped me create today’s compassionate and passionate post and to you — of course! — for having the compassion to visit me, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: apple cake a la mode, choosing compassion, Guru Ram Dass Chant, human connection, Mantra for Compassion and Healing, Mirabai Ceiba, open heart surgery, recovery, self love, St. Jude recall, USA politics 2016 | 47 Comments

Day 1380: Book of Life

Posted on October 11, 2016 by Ann Koplow

On the eve of the 63rd Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) in the book of my life, I am thinking about the Book of Life:

In Christianity and Judaism, the Book of Life (Hebrew: ספר החיים, transliterated Sefer HaChaim; Greek: βιβλίον τῆς ζωῆς Biblíon tēs Zōēs) is the book in which God records the names of every person who is destined for Heaven or the World to Come. According to the Talmud it is open on Rosh Hashanah, as is its analog for the wicked, the Book of the Dead. For this reason extra mention is made for the Book of Life during Amidah recitations during the Days of Awe, the ten days between Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, and Yom Kippur, the day of atonement (the two High Holidays, particularly in the prayer Unetaneh Tokef). — Wikipedia

Earlier this year, many book-reading cardiologists in my life told me I absolutely needed open heart surgery, if I wanted to live a good and long life. Therefore, I’ve been writing in this Blogging Book of Life many, many entries about preparing for and then recovering from my September 21 heart valve replacement surgery.

Honestly, I was scared I might not make into the next book of life, but I did!

Yesterday, as I was thinking about many memories of the Book of Life at synagogue when I was just a kid with a congenital heart condition, I realized I wanted to do my own, personal ritual about The Book of Life. So, I took a blank book I had purchased around this time last year and did this:

Yay! I made it into the Book of Life!

Here are my other photos from yesterday, which are now making it into this here blogging book of life:

My photographer friend Kathy, who was in my book of life yesterday, sent me these two photos, which I hereby inscribe in my blogging Book of Life:

Now, here’s some music associated with The Book of Life:

I hope you write something in this blogging book of life, below.

Thanks to all who helped me write this Book of Life post and to you — of course! — no matter how you are writing in your own book of life, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: adult congenital heart, Book of Life, CCTGA, Defending Your Life, Heart valve replacement surgery, High Holiday Mashup, Kathy Tarantola Photography, open heart surgery, Roz Chast "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?", Six13, Yom Kippur | 31 Comments

Day 1377: Best Day Ever

Posted on October 8, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Last month, if you had asked me to predict my next best day ever, I never would have predicted I’d be writing a post with this title, today. I mean, really! How could a day in early October be a ….

… if I was undergoing open heart surgery on September 21?

Nevertheless, yesterday, October 7, WAS one of the best days ever, because:

one of the best college roommates ever, Maria, is staying with me and my best ever boyfriend Michael to give us support as well as rides to medical appointments and grocery stores,
I received one of the best get-well cards ever from my co-workers at a major Boston teaching hospital,
my blood test showed the best INR level ever of 2.8, indicating I will still be able to eat the best food ever, even though I’m now taking Coumadin/Warfarin,
it was one of the best autumn days ever in Boston,
I was in the least pain ever as I was taking walks alone and with Maria, and
I’m feeling much better than I ever thought possible so soon after my valve replacement surgery.

In other words, a day I had predicted might be one of my worst days ever turned out to be one of my best days ever. What’s the best lesson we can learn from all this?

Don’t worry about the future, my dear readers. Why assume that things will turn out badly? If you’re going to assume, assume the best possible outcome. That way, you’ll still get to the future without the added burdens of fear, worry, and emotional pain.

Is that the best advice ever?

What is the best image ever, among all the other photos I took yesterday?

What do you think would be the best music ever, to go with this best-day-ever post?

This is one of the best songs ever, from Rent:

Might you now leave the best comment ever?

Finally, to all the best people ever who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for being the best readers ever, I hereby express some of the best thanks ever:

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "No Day But Today", being in the moment, CCTGA, gratitude, letting go of fear, Letting go of worry, open heart surgery, Rent, valve replacement surgery | 29 Comments

Day 1370: I’ve never seen you like this before

Posted on October 1, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Now that my heart valve-replacement surgery is behind me, people are saying, “I’ve never seen you like this before” for different reasons, including these:

I have new scars,
I am even more in love with my wonderful and care-taking boyfriend Michael,
I’ve got a cool new heart robe I’m wearing,
I’m dealing with new levels of pain,
I’m crying at strange times,
I’m less patient with people than usual,
I’m taking new medications including Coumadin/Warfarin, and
Something major like open heart surgery tends to change people, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, my long-time friend Eleanor — who has seen me in many ways over the years — said, “I’ve never seen you like this before” when I got angry and upset with an abrupt hospital administrator whom I needed to get past in order to my blood tested for another INR level. I’ve decided I never want to see the administrator like that, again, so I probably won’t go back to that same location for future blood tests.

After I got my blood drawn by people I had never seen before, Eleanor and I went to see people I really like to see and who have been seen before on this blog (like here): the wonderful staff at Mount Auburn Hospital Cardiac Rehab.

That’s Kathy, Danise, and Carla. In a week or two, they’ll be seeing me like they’ve never seen me before, recovering slowly from open heart surgery.

Here are some more photos you’ve never seen like this before:

I’ve never seen the amazing pianist Lyle Mays like this before:

Have you ever seen a blog like this before?

Thanks to all who helped me create today’s never-seen-before post and to you — of course! — no matter how you’ve been seen before.

Categories: heart condition, heart surgery, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: CCTGA, Heart valve replacement surgery, Lyle Mays, Mount Auburn Hospital Cardiac Rehab, open heart surgery, recovering from major heart surgery | 51 Comments

Day 1365: Intentional Rounding

Posted on September 26, 2016 by Ann Koplow

As you are rounding your way past the beginning of my blog post today, what do you suppose is the intention of the phrase “Intentional Rounding”?

My intention is to round my way to showing you this sign I saw yesterday, after I was intentionally rounded out of the Intensive Care Unit four days after open heart surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota:

As I intentionally rounded corridors –slowly, but on my own two feet — around the cardiac units here, I intentionally rounded up these images on my iPhone camera:

Be cause people here be cool, be kind, be nice, be appreciative, and be respectful, they might be intentionally rounding me out of the hospital soon, so that my boyfriend Michael and I can be intentionally rounding back to our home in Boston.

How about a round of intentional applause for that possibility?

Thanks so much for intentionally rounding yourself here, today!

Categories: heart condition, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Mayo Clinic, open heart surgery, valve replacement surgery | 33 Comments

Day 1359: Center for the Spirit

Posted on September 20, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Here’s the first photo I took yesterday at the Mayo Clinic, a center for the spirit of people like me who need life-extending, life-improving, and life-saving heart operations:

Do any of my other photos from yesterday provide a center for the spirit?

All new directions converge at this center for the spirit, as I prepare myself for a cardiac catherization today and open heart surgery tomorrow. Since blogging daily at WordPress has been a center for my spirit since January 1, 2013, I’ve made sure that another center for my spirit — my boyfriend Michael — will center himself in front of my laptop to give updates to my readers after my surgery.

Art and music are both centers for my spirit. Here‘s some music I hope can be a center for your spirit, from a CD I made sure to bring with me to the Mayo Clinic:

What are centers for your spirit?

Spirit-centering thanks to all who helped me create this post and to you — of course! — for centering my spirit with your visit, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Spirit of the Air" by Pat Metheny, cardiac catherization, CCTGA, doesn't that guy look like David Letterman?, heart valve replacement, Mayo Clinic motto, open heart surgery, the art of the Mayo Clinic, the best interest of the patient is the only interest to be considered, The Mayo Clinic | 46 Comments