Posts Tagged With: open heart surgery

Day 1482: Survival Mode

Posted on January 21, 2017 by Ann Koplow

When I’m in Survival Mode, I’m concentrating on simply making it through an experience, to the exclusion of everything else.

Yesterday, I was in survival mode as I:

went to the funeral of my wonderful father-in-law,
declared my intention to survive into my 90s, as he did,
hugged many people I love,
cried,
asked the rhetorical question, “Is this the worst day ever?”
told somebody I’d just met that my job was helping people be in the moment,
talked about the book Everything Happens for a Reason,
shocked somebody I hadn’t seen for years by telling him I recently survived open heart surgery,
got an INR blood test at Tufts Medical Center,
drove by several properties with a view of water,
ate some delicious food,
drank tea,
listened to music,

said to my boyfriend Michael, “I survived the day! Maybe I’ll give thanks for surviving every day now, for the rest of my life,” and
took these pictures:

What do you do when you’re in survival mode?

Survival-mode thanks to all who helped me survive writing this post and to you — of course! — for surviving everything that’s happened to you so far.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Bistro 5, Fugue from Violin Sonata in G Minor, gratitude, Inauguration Day 2017, INR, J.S. Bach, Lana Trotovsek, open heart surgery, surviving, Yogi Tea | 43 Comments

Day 1479: Open Up

Posted on January 18, 2017 by Ann Koplow

I’m going to open up today’s blog with a photo I already opened up in yesterday’s post.

If you open up that greeting card, “You are AWFUL” opens up into something much more positive. I now open up this post to guesses about what you’d see if you open up that card. If you open up a comment below, I’ll open up with an answer.

I want to open up about several other issues:

Later today I’ll be seeing my Primary Care Physician, whom I’ve been opening up to for many years.
I’m going to open up to her that I might not be feeling well enough to open up my work schedule to a full 36 hours per week in February, as previously planned.
I’m still recovering from being opened up for a heart valve replacement last September.
I’m glad that I was opened up under the Affordable Care Act, since I’ve had a pre-existing heart condition since I first opened up my eyes.
My boyfriend opened up our toilet yesterday to replace a different kind of leaky valve.
That opened up a can of worms, so I’ll be opening up my cell phone today to call a plumber.

It’s time to open up all the photos I took yesterday.

I shall now open up YouTube to see if I can open up suitable music for this “Open Up” post.

Is there anything you choose to open up about, here and now? As I discover in every therapy group I open up, opening up to other people helps our lives open up in many ways.

Finally, I’d like to open up my heart and show the gratitude within to all who helped me open up in this post and to you — of course! — for opening up my blog, today.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Open Up" by Gallant, "You're Awful" greeting card, Affordable Care Act, Fill Valve, heart valve, human beings not human doings, open heart surgery, opening the heart, Project KOBRA, time to call the plumber | 26 Comments

Day 1476: I haven’t been the same since …

Posted on January 15, 2017 by Ann Koplow

When people get into therapy, they often say, “I haven’t been the same since …” and they name some life-changing event.

Personally, I haven’t been the same since …

my first heart surgery at age 10,
I got my first cat,
I got my first car,
I rode a bicycle for the first time,
my heart valve replacement surgery last September,
my son was born,
my son went away to school in Scotland,
my son returned home for Christmas,
my son went back to school yesterday,
I took my first disco dance lesson,
I met my husband,
my divorce,
my cardiac pacemaker was recalled in 1975,
my cardiac pacemaker/defibrillator was recalled two weeks after my valve replacement surgery in September,
President John F. Kennedy was killed,
Bobby Kennedy was killed,
Martin Luther King was killed,
John Lennon was killed,
I went away to college,
I was attacked by a rapist outside my apartment in Cambridge, Massachusetts,
I first got into therapy,
I went to film school,
I became a therapist,
Barack Obama was elected President of the United States,
Donald Trump was elected President of the United States,
I met my boyfriend Michael,
I first saw Gene Kelly dance,
I heard my first pun,
I made my first pun,
I attended Berklee School of Music for a summer program when I was in high school,
I worked on the recruitment tape for Berklee College of Music in the 1990s,
I did stand-up comedy at an Open Mic,
my son performed stand-up comedy at an Open Mic,
I had my first cup of cocoa with marshmallows,
my father died,
my mother-in-law died,
my mother died,
my father-in-law died on Friday,
I encountered Mexican food for the first time,
I had my first black raspberry ice cream cone,
I saw my first palm tree,
I started blogging,
I got my first comment on this blog,
I bought my first personal computer during the 1980s,
I wrote computer manuals in the 1970s,
I slept out under the stars in Monument Valley,
I went cross country by bus,
I attended the Edinburgh Festival Fringe,
I heard Pat Metheny play guitar,
I sang in front of people,
I met every person who is important to me,
I saw my first Stephen Sondheim musical,
I first heard the band Steely Dan over the sound system at a Cambridge store, playing this song …

and countless other events.

I haven’t been the same since all those things happened and yet I’m still the same person.

I haven’t been the same since I took all these photos:

Give the happiness of a comment and I will end up happy.

I haven’t been the same since I first learned to express gratitude, so many thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and to you — of course! — for being changed and yet the same, every moment.

Categories: heart condition, personal growth, therapy | Tags: "Do it Again", cardiac pacemaker, change, Congenitally Corrected Transposition of the Great Arteries, life-changing events, open heart surgery, rancatore's ice cream, resilience, Steely Dan, traumatic events | 49 Comments

Day 1474: Safety

Posted on January 13, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Lately, people around me seem very concerned about safety.

Last night, safety was the main topic in my therapy group.

Here’s how I expressed myself about safety:

Somebody else in the group made a “safety crown.”

How would you express yourself about the topic “safety”?

I think the other photos I took yesterday relate to safety, too.

I guess I feel enough safety on this blog to show myself, open-heart surgery scar and all.

I’m late for cardiac rehab, so safety dictates that I end my post here, with one more photo.

Categories: group therapy, personal growth | Tags: ACHD, CCTGA, January 2017, open heart surgery, recovering from open heart surgery, safety | 35 Comments

Day 1469: Rubatosis

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I read here, in “23 New Words for Emotions That We All Feel, But Cannot Explain,” that Rubatosis means “the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.”

My regular readers — especially those who experience sonder (“the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own”) — may have the unsettling awareness that I’ve been having rubatosis since my open-heart surgery on September 21. And awareness of your own heartbeat IS unsettling, especially if it intensifies when you’re trying to sleep.

I’m now experiencing jouska (“a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head”) about vemödalen (“the frustration of photographing something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist”).

I shall now overcome any monachopsis (“the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place”), kenopsia (“the eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet”), exulansis (“the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it”), and occhiolism (“the awareness of the smallness of your perspective”) to share this song.

I am not feeling mauerbauertraurigkeit (“the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends you really like”), so I invite you to make a comment with no fear of anecdoche (“a conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening”).

While I may have rubatosis, I also have the comforting awareness of gratitude in my heart for all those who helped me create today’s post and for you — of course! — no matter what emotions you’re feeling but cannot explain.

Categories: definition, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "I Can Feel Your Heartbeat", accepting all feelings, anecdoche, exulansis, John Koenig, jouska, kenopsia, mauerbauertraurigkeit, monachopsis, occhiolism, open heart surgery, sonder, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, The Partridge Family | 33 Comments

Day 1461: Great

Posted on December 31, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Great! It’s time for me to write a great blog post on the final great day of 2016.

I have this great tradition, every New Year’s Eve, of listing the 10 greatest things AND the 10 least great things that happened all year.

My son, Aaron (who tops my great list), recently said to me, “I’m sure the worst thing that happened to you last year was your open heart surgery.” My great answer? “No, it wasn’t.”

Any great guesses about what tops my worst list for 2016? I hope you know that any comment you leave would be great.

Yesterday, the great staff at cardiac rehab gave me this:

See that Arm Ergo exercise on that great card? I felt great about telling the great cardiac rehab staff that I didn’t want to do that yesterday, since that great new exercise had caused some great pain to return last weekend. The staff said, “That’s great! Pain just means your muscles are waking up!”

Cardiac rehab: Making pain great again.

Are any of my other photos from yesterday great?

One of my top 10 great memories from 2016 was watching this great Jim Jefferies routine with my great friend Maria two weeks after my open heart surgery:

It was great to see Jim Jefferies with my great son last night at the Wilbur Theater in the great city of Boston (where they recorded his great gun control routine two years ago).

Two of my pictures, above, are inspiring me to share this great song in this end of year post:

In conclusion, thanks to my great readers for supporting me throughout 2016. I have high hopes that we will have more to celebrate in the future.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: 2016, cardiac rehab, Gun control, High Hopes, Jim Jefferies, Marios in North Reading, New Year's Eve, open heart surgery | 55 Comments

Day 1457: Steadiness

Posted on December 27, 2016 by Ann Koplow

During this time of the year, I need steadiness. Where does it come from?

A cup of herbal tea, in the evening, provides some steadiness.

Yesterday, we had the character and commitment to take down the little Christmas tree, which has been looking rather unsteady.

We also had the character and commitment to go to the supermarket, where I had the steadiness to take these pictures:

Then, while the cats demonstrated steadiness …

…. Aaron and Michael had the character and commitment to make latkes,

… and I had the steadiness to eat lots of latkes with applesauce AND sour cream.

Today, I have the steadiness, character, and commitment to provide individual and group therapy at work.

But first, let’s go with a ready and steady music video.

As I was watching that video of Ready, Steady, Go by Paul Oakenfold, I was remembering a question my steady son, Aaron, asked me yesterday:

When you had your open heart surgery, did you ask them take a picture of your heart?

Before Aaron left for college in September, I had expressed the commitment to ask the doctors at the Mayo Clinic to take a photo of my very unusual heart when it was ready for its close-up on September 21. I decided not to, because I wanted them to focus on the steadiness of the delicate procedure.

I guess I don’t need to see my heart; I’m just enjoying the steadiness of every beat.

Do you have the steadiness, character, and commitment for one more photo, today?

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Chanukah greeting cards, Charlie Brown tree, Hanukkah, latkes, open heart surgery, Paul Oakenfold, Ready Steady Go, taking down the Christmas tree, Yogi Tea | 29 Comments

Day 1448: I feel bad

Posted on December 18, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Because of various medical and political tribulations over the past few months, when I wake up every morning I feel bad.

I feel bad about feeling bad, so as soon as I wake up, I do my best to feel better by

blogging,
exercising,
showering,
eating nutritious and delicious food,
drinking plenty of water,
connecting with people I love,
spending time with animals and/or nature,
taking care of an obligation or two,
laughing,
practicing kindness, compassion, and caring, and
capturing images on my iPhone.

I feel bad that I took only three photos yesterday. I feel bad that the last picture is so fuzzy.

I feel better when I let someone know I feel bad.

When I feel bad, music also helps me feel better.

What do you do when you feel bad?

I feel bad whenever I forget to express gratitude, so thanks to all who helped me create today’s post and — of course! — to you, no matter how you’re feeling, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "I Feel Bad" by Rascal Flatts, 2016 U.S. election, accepting all feelings, CCTGA, feeling better, open heart surgery, when you feel bad | 63 Comments

Day 1440: What people remember

Posted on December 10, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Sometimes I wonder what people remember about

themselves,
each other,
their dreams,
history,
me, and
my blog.

What do you remember? I remember

song lyrics from when I was in my teens and 20s,
Avogadro’s number,
most of the dialog from The Producers,
my first phone number,
Robert Vaughn‘s birthday,
how scared I was before I did stand-up comedy at an Open Mic in the 1980s,
cast members for movies I’ve never seen,
what happened the evening after my recent open heart surgery (even though everybody said I’d remember nothing),
mistakes I’ve made,
what my 8th grade English teacher would wear EVERY DAY, and
exactly what my son looked like moments after he was born.

Remember, I share photos in every blog post.

I remember that I kept being tough at cardiac rehab yesterday and that we had a GREAT meal at Beijing Chinese Dining last night.

If I say more, people might remember less, so here‘s the first popular song I remember remembering the lyrics to:

I hope you remember to leave a comment.

Please remember to express gratitude to somebody today, just as I’m expressing gratitude to all who helped me create this post and to YOU.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Witchcraft", Avogadro's number is 6.02 times 10 to the 23rd, Beijing Chinese Dining, cardiac rehab, Frank Sinatra, gratitude, memory, open heart surgery, recovering from open heart surgery, what's important to remember | 46 Comments

Day 1427: PTSD

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Ann Koplow

Because I’ve experienced several traumatizing events in my life, starting when I was a child, I have been given the diagnosis of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

However, I also have Psychological Training for Surviving Disasters AND Pretty Thorough Skills for Durability.

When Practiced, Those Suffice Dependably.

I am now Prepared To Share Different PTSDs I’ve been experiencing recently: