I just read a New York Times article titled “What Therapists Don’t Say.” There seems to be some fascination with that — the premise of the TV show Shrinking is that “a grieving therapist starts to break the rules by telling his clients exactly what he thinks.”
What I don’t say, in an individual therapy session, includes
- You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my problems!
- I’m distracted.
- I’m afraid you really don’t want to change.
- You should do this.
- I don’t think I can help you.
- I wish I were doing something else.
- That hurts my feelings.
- I have to pee (this one was mentioned in the New York Times article).
I don’t say any of those things because (1) they are passing, momentary thoughts and (2) unhelpful. Also, when I have a thought that I don’t say, I take it as important information — often a window into what the other person is feeling.
Do you see anything that therapists don’t say in my images for today?
Sometimes I do say a World Holiday or what the Daily Bitch says in a therapy session, if it’s relevant.
Here’s what I find on YouTube when I search for “what therapists don’t say.”
Now I’m wondering what you would say in the comments section, below.
Here’s something I say every day:
I read this blog every day with the feeling that you tell it like it is, Ann.
Hmm, I have never wondered about what you don’t say because the things you do say fill me up.
Yikes! A little worried about sitting in front of a therapist. I’d rather know what they’re really thinking than have them hide it. After all, I tell them exactly what I think.
Here’s what I would say about that: I wouldn’t worry about that. And you can always ask them what they are thinking.
True, that!
My daughter has never been shy about saying what she really thinks. A favorite of mine from my mid-40’s. “You don’t look a day over 35, Mom. A few minutes maybe. But not a whole day.” And she was only 10. Now she’s going to school to be a therapist. She’s got her work cut out for her. 🙂
Once, I knew my therapist was expecting a grandchild, and I asked about that. He told me the baby had been born the day before, and had gone into NICU with respiratory issues. I was glad I knew that, because when his phone rang, right at the end of the session, I was able to say, “Take that call, I’ll send you an email to schedule”, and left.
Everything turned out fine, but when you’re waiting on that call, that’s the most important thing. While therapists do the work of super heroes, they are, alas mere mortals like the rest of us!
these same kind of statements should probably not be said when listening to anyone sharing with us about what they are going through
I have confidence that no therapist would ever say “You’re wasting my time” even if that’s how I feel. And I think Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right” just might be playing for me right now.
I’m confident you’re such an ethical therapist you don’t blur the lines, but once in a while, admit it, it might feel good to unload on someone else, or maybe just a simple “I’m hungry or I have a headache.” LOL! I have enjoyed “Shrinking” very much. The writers must have had some experiences that perhaps inspired the themes. 🤣