Nostalgia

Day 478: Personal Medicine, Revisited

Posted on April 23, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Waaaaay back on Day 29, I wrote a post called “Personal Medicine.”

I do think that post is worth visiting and checking out — even though I wrote it early in my blogging journey and have probably developed immeasurable blogging skills, wisdom, and other improvements since then.

Although, perhaps not.

Why don’t you see for yourself, people, and visit that old, old post, by clicking on that link, above?

Hmmmm.

You know what? Sometimes, I have zero faith that people will do what I request. Even when I express a need or request REALLY CLEARLY, like

Link to that post, please, or
Do whatever else for me, please, which involves a little bit of effort …

…. there’s a part of me that thinks:

That’s not going to happen. People are (1) too busy and (2) my request doesn’t matter enough.

Whoa! This is NOT what I expected to be writing about, this morning.

However, I can’t say I am surprised.

When I am ill and less able to do everything for myself, I need to ask for more assistance and help. And that is difficult for me to do.

Now, why would that be so difficult, for me? I was ill, quite a bit, when I was growing up with a congenital* heart condition, and did need some help and support, in many areas.

Hmmm. Maybe I have trouble asking for help because … I’ve been healthy a lot, too, in my life, and I’ve always liked THAT better. And when I was healthy, I COULD do things for myself.

Also, I do live in a culture, my dear readers, that values independence and a “can-do” attitude. Even though I KNOW (and tell others) that human beings can NOT do things on their own, and that it’s actually a STRENGTH to ask for help …

… it’s still difficult for me to do that.

That would be Ye Olde Double Standard, which I’ve written about, many times, in this here blog (including yesterday, actually).

Yes, it’s difficult for me to ask for help, for a “favor” of any kind, even though I realize that is Personal Medicine — healthy — for other people. It’s difficult for me to ask for help, even if it’s something that takes minimum effort for the other person, such as my request to you, earlier in this post.

Remember that request? It was “please go visit a post I wrote before, because I think it has something of value.”

Hmmm. I’m realizing, now, that there is something else “loaded” in that request of mine to you, this morning. That is, I am saying:

I wrote something of value. My thoughts are valuable. They are worth that additional effort of yours, to click on my link.

Again, these thoughts are NOT what I expected to write about today.

But it all feels like personal medicine, to me, here and now.

So the question remains: what DID I expect to write about today?

I expected to report to my readers about some of my Personal Medicine from yesterday, as I continue to deal with and heal from pneumonia.

I am happy to report that those medicines did NOT include antibiotics, but rather:

A visit from my friend, Barbara,
Watching episodes of Seinfeld with my 16-year-old son (who is seeing them for the first time … what fun!),
A delicious meal cooked by Michael (which I didn’t photograph, because I was too interested in eating it … I guess my appetite is returning!), and
A brief visit to the Boston Public Garden, during my favorite season and at one of my favorite times of the day.

Here are some of my attempts to capture the magic and personal medicine of Springtime in Boston, yesterday evening:

Okay! As I was looking for those photos from last evening, I did some pictorial time-traveling, right then.

And to end this post, I would like to share two of those old(er) pictures I just encountered.

#1 – I took this photo, almost exactly a year ago:

(I first used that photo here)

#2 – Here’s a photo taken of me (and my older sister) many years ago, before I developed a lot of skills, wisdom, and other improvements:

I suspect I had a similar expression on my face, yesterday evening.

Thanks to beautiful Boston, to children of all ages, to those who are developing skills and wisdom as they age, to people who are doing their best in asking for (and providing) help, to those who clicked and did NOT click on that friggin’ link to my previous post, and to you — of course! — for being part of my personal medicine, today.

* “Congenital” means that I was born that way.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, Uncategorized | Tags: asking for needs, Boston Public Gardens in spring, congenital conditions, connecting with others, independence vs dependence, taking care of oneself | 39 Comments

Day 476: Ka-plow!

Posted on April 21, 2014 by Ann Koplow

The blog possibilities are essentially endless today, because I — and others — are dealing with many issues. These issues include:

Illness (it seems like a lot of people are ill right now; some of us* are dealing with pneumonia).
Boston Marathon day, on the first year anniversary of the bombings.
Uncertainties about the future, which we all pretty much deal with, every day. (For some people,* these might include: when will I be able to go back to work? What changes should I make in my work, to help promote people’s healing — including my own?)

Also, somebody* started a “thread” in this here blog recently (see here and here) about a new Super Hero identity, which, for today’s post, I am punctuating like so:

Super*Recovery*Woman

… just because I like the way that looks, today. I will also say that it is a Super*Recovery*Woman’s prerogative to change her mind, whenever she wants.

So there are many things I could write about today, including imagining more details about my new identity.

Hmmmm. How am I going to create a good enough post, this morning? Especially since some people* are not working today (because they’re* sick and/or it’s Patriot’s Day in Massachusetts**). As a result, somebody* doesn’t have their usual morning “container” to help them write a short, succinct, and to-the-point post.

As a result, I’m concerned that Super Digression Woman* may write her longest and most rambling post, evah, today. And she* really doesn’t want to do that, people. She’s not herself today. She’s sick!

Geesh! Somebody* had better explain the topic title at this point, don’t you think?

Okay!

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking many thoughts, including:

I still feel sick. I don’t feel like myself. Arrrghh! And my mouth feels terrible. Maybe I SHOULDN’T have gotten that dental work done right after I left the hospital last week, but I did that because I was already on antibiotics and I need intravenous antibiotics whenever I get dental work because of my history of endocarditis and I HATE being on so many antibiotics because everybody knows that’s not good for you, so it made sense at the time to get that over with. But MAYBE THAT WAS THE WRONG DECISION!

Boy, somebody sure got up on the wrong side of the bed, this morning, didn’t she*?

Where was I?

Oh, yes. I was explaining the title of the post.

After I got up, I realized I needed to stop those kinds of thoughts, because they were NOT HELPFUL! And immediately — shazaam! — the title of this post popped into my mind:

KA-PLOW!!!

Why that particular title?

Because that’s how a lot of people (mis)pronounce my name (which used to bother me, at times) (but these days, not so much).
Every decent super hero* needs a good comic book noise, when she’s fighting the good fight! Don’t you agree?

Before this writer* goes any further with this post, she would like to add something else to the mix: appropriate music.

Okay!

Let’s see what Google Images has for us* this morning, for “Comic Book Noises.”

Aha!!!

(I found this image here)

(I found that image here)

Take THAT, you unhelpful thoughts!!!!

(I found that image here)

And last, but not least:

I found that last image, here, at a site called — AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP — “What comic book sound are you?”

So how would I like to end this post? What feels left unsaid?

Just this: if you want to read a beautiful post about the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings, please check this out (written by my WordPress friend, Mark Bialczak).

Somebody* found it very moving, this morning.

Thanks to Mark, to John Williams (for the “Superman” theme), to everybody else who helped me write this post this morning, to anyone who is celebrating Patriot’s Day in any way at all, and to you — BOING!! — for visiting today.

* That would be me.

** Patriot’s Day***, according to Wikipedia, is “Observed by Massachusetts, Maine, Wisconsin, encouraged in Florida.” I’m wondering if my readers in Florida could report back on what that particular kind of encouragement looks like.

*** Apparently, I punctuated the name of this holiday AS IF I am living in Maine. I’m not making that up, either.

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, Uncategorized | Tags: 1st anniversary of Boston Marathon bombings, comic book noises, It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of unhelpful thoughts, Mark Bialczak, Patriots' Day, super powers, Superman theme | 43 Comments

Day 472: “M” words

Posted on April 17, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I’m about to make a momentous confession*, my readers.

I think of myself as messy.

Am I messy? Maybe. But what does that even mean? Am I too messy? Compared to whom?

Most people might see themselves as messy, if they had a mother like mine, renowned for her neatness, tidiness, and meticulousness.

So it’s difficult for me to measure my messiness. Am I moderately messy? Mucho messy? Just a mite messy?

My guess* is that on a scale of 0 to 100, where 100 is maximum messiness, and 0 is no measurable messiness at all, I’m a …

Man! I really resist being numbered (or otherwise measured), much like Mr. Patrick McGoohan’s character, in The Prisoner:

(I found these images here and here)

I don’t know … if I MUST choose a number … it would definitely be a number that has a six in it, maybe somewhere between a 60 and a 65?

Hmmmmm. With those kinds of numbers, my messiness is WNL — Within Normal Limits, as we say in the therapy biz. While I might modulate towards the messy, it doesn’t interfere with my functioning.*

Yes, I’m not remarkably messy. Since I’ve been an adult, nobody has

refused to live with me,
given me ultimatums,
done an intervention,
gotten mad at me,
suggested I get help, or
otherwise made any kind of major fuss* about my measure of messiness.

However, I feel like they might, at any moment. That’s because I have labelled — filed, stamped, indexed, briefed and debriefed — myself as

TOO MESSY

… and that has made all the difference.

Well, I’m working on taking a different road through the woods, now. Maybe I can replace the “too” in that label with a more modulating word, like:

MODERATELY MESSY

But you know what? When you are trying to rewrite an old script, it doesn’t make sense to restrict your vocabulary. Let’s open up the alphabet, for this portion of the post, shall we?

As I was saying, maybe I can replace the “too” in that label with a healing, more helpful word, like

ACCEPTABLY MESSY

or even better:

ADORABLY MESSY

Magnificent!

Let’s see if Google Images has anything to contribute* for the word “messy” at this point:

(I found this image here)

And let’s see if I can use any of my own photos* to end* this post.

Well, if you were to ask Michael which of our two cats is messier, he would definitely choose the one on the left, Harley.

He still looks pretty neat to me.

Thanks to my mother, to Patrick McGoohan and The Prisoner, to Robert Frost, to the Berenstein Bears, to Justin Boyd at invisiblebread.com, to Mark A. Hicks (for the pig illustration), to people and other creatures ranging from 0 to 100 on the neat-to-messy scale, and — even though my thanks have already included you — MAJOR thanks* to you for moseying, moving, materializing, or otherwise making it here, today.

* thesaurus.com has no suggestions beginning with the letter “m” for this word. Believe me, I checked.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: letting go of comparisons, letting go of labelling, letting go of shame about messiness, messiness, Patrick McGoohan, The Prisoner, The Road Not Taken | 26 Comments

Day 471: It’s always some/the same thing!

Posted on April 16, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Regular readers of this blog will know that:

I like to invite people to read my previous posts (as well as other things), if I think it might help expand on the current topic,
I believe that our growth through life looks like an upward spiral (rather than a perfectionistic, linear progression), so that certain experiences recur (with us learning more, each time),
I subscribe to the belief that the healthiest time for us all is in the here and now (despite the human mind’s tendency to be everywhere but there),
despite my striving to be in the here and now, there are certain seasons of the year that I prefer over others,
I enjoy showing photos I’ve taken recently, and prefer to present them in chronological order,
I fancy the use of wordplay, especially in the title of posts, and
I like to believe there are regular readers of this blog.

In keeping with all that, I shall now present today’s blog post, documenting my journey home from the hospital.

Now, this post will be unusual, in that it will not link to previous posts. Why? Because in order to truly “get” all the nuances in this particular post, a reader may need to read all 470 previous friggin’ entries. And we all know THAT is NOT going to happen this morning. So we’ll just have to do the best we can, with this post.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen ….

(drum roll)

It’s always some/the same thing!

A Journey Home from the Hospital

by Ann

I promise you that this is the grossest photo in today’s post. The treatment for my pneumonia was Intravenous antibiotics (of which I have had an ocean, over my lifetime). Another experience I am very familiar with: things hurting and my asking the people in control for help, with varying results. Yesterday morning, I suspected there was something wrong with this IV. I was correct. The nurse I told of my suspicions responded quickly, respectfully, and humanely.

Let’s move on to more pleasant images, shall we?

My last meal! At the hospital, that is. Note that I got better, the more practice I had at this.

This was outside, on the way to my car (which had been patiently waiting in the parking lot since Saturday). It was so warm outside, yesterday, I didn’t need a coat. When I had entered the hospital, for my unexpected four-day stay, the flowers were few and far between. So this caught my eye for many reasons.

Eeeek! The engine light has come on (and at least one tire needs more air).

Yay!!! The flowering trees have appeared!!! Geesh! Have I missed too much of my favorite season? Nah. There’s plenty left.

I’m home!

Okay. One more snapshot, taken this morning, to end this post.

Ready?

Here it is!

Eeeek!

If you share my feelings about winter, perhaps the first photo in this photo essay was NOT the grossest.

Well, there’s no way I’m friggin’ rewriting this post, people. It’s breakfast time!

Thanks to all my readers, regular and otherwise, for whatever portion of my journey you’ve joined before. And thanks to you — of course! — for visiting today.

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: home from the hospital | 41 Comments

Day 470: 4/15/14

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today is April 15, 2014, abbreviated in the United States as 4/15/14.

Points I’d like to make about 4/15/14:

It’s tax day. Tax day can make me (and — apparently — many, many, many other people) feel nervous, anxious, pressured, worried, concerned, and otherwise stressed.
It’s the one-year anniversary date of the Boston Marathon bombings (see here, here, here, here, here, here, and here for some posts related to that traumatizing event).
It’s a numeric palindrome (the same when read forward and backwards), in the midst of nine other such dates (starting with 4/10/14 and ending with 4/19/14).
It’s the day I can tell my readers this: the cultures they took in the Emergency Room on Saturday show no evidence of endocarditis, which is very good news.

What else do I want to tell you in this post?

Let’s go to the iPhone for recent photos, shall we?

I was just about to show you a photo from yesterday, when somebody walked in:

That’s Theresa. She was here to take some of my blood. I’ve met Theresa before: in the middle of the night, last night.

Some Theresa quotes from this morning:

“I’ve got to show you how to fight back,” when noticing a large bruise from a previous needle stick on my arm.
“This may sound mean, but I don’t care what people say to me,” when I said it might be nicer if she had a job where people were glad to see her.
“I don’t take things personally,” explaining how she dealt with people getting angry at her, calling her names, or exhibiting other behaviors she considered understandable in “people who are sick.”
“You’ll have to let me know if I make it to America’s Top Model,” as she was leaving, in reference to my putting her photo in this blog today. As she was on her way out, Theresa removed her mask, so I could see her America’s Top Model smile.

So where was I, before interrupted by Theresa? Duh! Posting recent photos from my iPhone:

That was yesterday’s shower. As usual, because the shower was new, it took me a moment to figure it out.

That was a meal from yesterday. A little better than the one appearing in yesterday’s post, don’t you agree?

That’s Johny, taking an echocardiogram in my room last night. Some things I want to point out about that:

We both agreed it was unusual for somebody to have an echocardiogram taken in their room.
Johny told me, during this test, that my blood cultures showed no evidence of endocarditis.
Johny listened, really well, to stories I told him about previous echocardiograms I’ve had, starting in the early 1980’s, where a team of people spent all night trying to figure out my heart, one of them telling me, “We’re looking for your aorta. We know you have one, but we can’t find it.”
Johny explained the unusual spelling of his name like so: “I lost one ‘n’ on the way” between Jordan and the U.S.

At one point during the echocardiogram, Johny said, “You look really familiar.” I was about to tell him I hear that a lot, when Johny asked, “Didn’t Dr. Estes bring you into a meeting the other day?”

Regular readers of this blog might remember this photo from Day 452: Random Shots, of said meeting:

I then assumed Johny had already shown up in this blog, without a mask.

Nope.

It turns out Johny is the one person I missed when I took that previous shot. He pointed out where he was sitting in the meeting: to the left, outside the frame.

I’m glad Johny reappeared in my life, so he could appear in my blog (where he definitely belongs).

Thanks to Theresa, to Johny, to others I’ve seen lately whom I know are kind (even though I can’t see their facial expressions), to the people of Boston, and to you — of course! — for visiting me in the hospital today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Anniversary of Boston Marathon bombings, connecting with kindness, dealing with hospitalizations, echocardiograms, palindrome dates 2014 | 39 Comments

Day 459: Time and Space

Posted on April 4, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Here’s a quote, from somebody who recently joined my therapy groups:

Time exists so that everything doesn’t happen all at once.

Space exists so that everything doesn’t happen just to me.

TIME

Last year, around this time, I published the post Day 96: What was the last post about, anyway?, which was “dedicated to my friend, Jeanette, because it’s her birthday today.” That post included:

the first appearance of the Pat Metheny tune “Are you going with me?” and
probably not the first appearance of a blatant mistake in these posts, because it was NOT Jeanette’s birthday.

As I explained last year, I have trouble remembering the exact date of Jeanette’s birthday. I always remember that it’s in early April, but the actual date eludes me.

It’s time to check last year’s posts to re-discover the real time for Jeanette’s birthday.

Okay! Day 99: Importance and unimportance, continued tells me that it’s April 9.

Let’s see if I can make the time, right now, to fix that important information into my brain. I tend to think that Jeanette’s birthday is April 6. It’s not. It’s April 9. 9 is 6 upside down. For some reason, I’m topsy turvy about Jeanette’s birthday. Perhaps that’s because things felt turned upside down for me, when Jeanette moved away from Boston, several years ago. So that makes sense.

That helps me to remember that I confuse 6 and 9, for Jeanette’s birthday. How to remember 9 over 6?

How about with this joke?

Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 7 8 9.

Nah, that’s not going to do it. Maybe I’ll just remember it’s 9, because 9 is later than 6, and I’ll remember that I made the mistake of being too early, last year.

I think it’s time to ask this question: Is anybody still with me?

In any case, it’s time to be in the moment, today, which is neither April 6 nor April 9, but rather April 4.

What’s significant about today? Well, it’s the home opener for the Red Sox!

Yay!

Also, I’m leaving, today, for a weekend trip.

I’m glad I can take the time, this morning, to celebrate both those things.

SPACE

Today, I will be traveling through space, via train, to meet …

Guess who?

Jeanette! I’m so glad she’s going with me, on this weekend adventure.

What’s THE most unlikely space for a Bostonian to pick, for a reunion, on Red Sox Opening Weekend?

Yes, Jeanette and I are meeting in NYC. Guess where I found that photo? Space.com.*

For real.

It’s time to finish this spacey post, people!

Thanks to Jeanette, to people and teams from Boston, New York, etc., and to you — of course! — for making the time and space to be here, today.

* Take time to visit that website if you’re curious about how NYC would look out in space, on another planet.**

** As if it isn’t, already.

Categories: humor, inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, Uncategorized | Tags: "Are You Going With Me?", Boston and New York rivalry, fenway park, forgetting friends' birthdays, friends moving away | 22 Comments

Day 458: Anna Annadanna

Posted on April 3, 2014 by Ann Koplow

When I think of responding back to somebody’s comment on a post of mine, I can hear, in my head, the voice of Gilda Radner, playing news correspondent Roseanne Rosannadanna on Saturday Night Live in the 1970s.

Rosanne Rosannadanna would introduce her segment on “Weekend Update” like so:

“A Mr. Richard Feder, from Fort Lee, New Jersey, writes in and says…”

and then she would read the letter and answer it, digressing all the way.

For example, here’s the beginning of her answer to Mr. Feder’s letter about smoking cessation:

Here (Internet Access willing) is that entire routine, thanks to Yahoo:

https://screen.yahoo.com/roseanne-rosannadanna-smoking-000000279.html

Why do I hear Roseanne Rosannadanna in my head, when I think of responding back to somebody’s comment here? Perhaps, because

Gilda Radner was wonderful,
I watched Saturday Night Live, in the 1970s, every Saturday night, and
I join with her, in the joys of digressing.

Where was I?

Oh, yes!

A Sitting On My Own Sofa, from WordPress,¹ writes in and says²…

Will I ever be brave enough to wander into a room full of (my) doctors and snap their photos? I doubt it … but if I ever do gain the courage, I hope that I also gain that quality that you have that makes everyone adore you while you do it.

Now, just to warn my readers, I do not do celebrity impressions. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I do one.³ But that’s it.

Therefore, I will answer this comment, as me:

Sitting On My Own Sofa, thank you for writing this. While I respectfully submit that you are doing some mind reading and overgeneralization here, this comment has stuck to me, in a very helpful way. It has helped me see the positive in people’s responses to me. That has been pure gold, especially when I am projecting my own critical thoughts and fears onto them.

See! That doesn’t sound like Rosesanne Rosannadanna, at all! I’m wondering, right now: What about my readers who were expecting more from this post, regarding Gilda Radner or any of her wonderful characters?

It just goes to show you … it’s always something!

Thanks to Wikipedia for the link and the image, to Gilda Radner, to Roseanne Rosannadanna, to Mr. Richard Feder (and anybody else from New Jersey), to Sitting On My Own Sofa, and to you — of course! — for making an appearance, today.

_________________________

1 Which includes Fort Lee, New Jersey, among other places.

2 In response to this post.

3 I do an impression of Marlon Brando, as did another departed SNL cast member, John Belushi.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: accepting compliments, Gilda Radner, John Belushi's Marlon Brando, letting go of cognitive distortions, reframing negative thoughts, Roseanne Rosannadanna | 31 Comments

Day 456: Values

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Today, values are very much on my mind.

I think it’s important to know what is valuable to you, especially when it’s time to make decisions.

This morning, in preparation for writing this blog post, I went to my Drawer of Valuables:

Here are some things I found there:

That’s from the back of my 9th grade yearbook. I believe both the people whose quotes I am including here — Kathy and Jonny — might actually read this post. That’s something I value: connections that last. I also value those things that people I respect tell me, even if I can’t quite believe them.

The above is the first page of a notebook I started in the 1990’s, when I was considering changing professions — that is, leaving marketing and advertising to become a psychotherapist. Each time I’ve made a career shift or change, I’ve taken some time to step back and look at my values. Also, notice the first sentence I wrote, which I’m particularly valuing, right now.

That’s a list of words my son was saying when he reached his first birthday. I value my son’s words (and non-verbal expressions), then and now.

It would be great to let my son have the last word here, but if I did that, the last word would be “bubble,” which, while a fine word, is not really on point. Also, I wouldn’t be tying in yesterday’s post (which was one of my main intents for writing today’s), where I asked people to guess what item in my local supermarket was valued at $4,796.80 per pound.

Here’s the answer:

Morels.

Thanks to Kathy, Jonny, people I value everywhere, and to you — no fooling! — for visiting today.

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: identifying values, price of morels | 26 Comments

Day 455: Guess

Posted on March 31, 2014 by Ann Koplow

In yesterday’s post, which had lots of sentences, this was one of them:

Guess where Bernard blogs?

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I love guessing games. I often ask people to guess things, and I enjoy when people ask me to guess, too.

I’m guessing I love guessing games because that was a tradition in my family. When I was growing up, my father, mother, sister, and I would try to guess something somebody was thinking about, by asking Yes or No Questions. For example, my father might say, “Guess who I saw today?” and the game was afoot.

Later, I remember driving with my sister and my young son to visit my mother, and the three of us playing that same game in the car. “Guess what I did last weekend?” Or somebody would start a story, “Something happened … ” and somebody would say, “Wait! Let us guess what it was!”

I think it’s fun to guess. Although — as I’ve written about before (guess how many times!) — guessing things, without balancing that with reality testing, can sometimes lead to confusion, errors, and pain.

Something I’m not sure of: Should there be a question mark at the end of a “Guess” invitation, like the one about our fellow blogger above? Is that a question or a statement?

Guess!

I have to end this blog post early today. Would anybody like to guess why?

One more game, before I go: Guess what item in my local supermarket has this incredible price per pound:

This is too much fun! I don’t want this post to end.

I just HAVE to tell you this: Here’s actual dialog between Michael and me, earlier this morning:

Ann: I’ve got to go blog.

Michael: What’s today’s topic, baby?

Ann: “Guess.”

Michael: Work?

Ann: No. That’s the topic.

Michael: What?

Ann: “Guess.”

Michael: I can’t. What is it?

Ann: (laughter)

Guess what that reminds me of?

Thanks to my family, to Michael, to guessers everywhere, and to you — of course! — for reading (and, I hope, guessing) today.

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: expensive supermarket items, guessing games, having fun, letting go of cognitive distortions | 37 Comments

Day 453: Different languages (and dances)

Posted on March 29, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I saw a woman who had never seen a therapist before. Her source of pain: “My 24-year old son has no friends.” Her worst fear: that he would end up alone and unhappy.

As she spoke to me about her son, giving more details about his behaviors, I developed an initial theory. Her son was an extreme introvert, in a family of extroverts.

As an introvert, he valued time alone. As extroverts, the rest of the family valued time with other people. As a result, the family:

worried about him and
tried to get him to behave more like them.

I told the mother about a book, which she had seen:

We agreed it might be helpful for her to read this book, to better understand her son.

In the course of our discussing how she might change her interactions with him, I used this metaphor:

It’s like he is speaking a different language than you … as if he is living in a different country. To connect more effectively with him, it might help to understand his language better, when you’re visiting him.

As we talked about what she might do differently (because we both agreed that she could alter only her own behavior, not her son’s), we discussed another metaphor:

When you’re interacting with somebody, you are doing a dance together. People get into habits in how they dance. If you alter your steps, even just a little, the other dancer has to adjust, somehow. As a result, the dance changes.

She left the session resolved to learn more about his language and to alter her dance steps, to see what would happen.

On Thursday night, I saw Pat Metheny, the jazz guitar player, in concert.

The first time I saw Pat play was in the late 1970’s, at the Paradise in Boston.

(I found that image at Wikipedia, here.)

When I first saw and heard Pat play, that night in 1979, I felt as though he was speaking my language, in a very profound way.

Very soon after my first encounter with Pat Metheny, he was in NYC, where — coincidentally — I was visiting for the weekend. I made sure to see him again. I felt the same way, all over again.

From that day forth, I have seen Pat Metheny, countless times, in concert, whenever and wherever I can.

Every concert — every concert! — has been sublime. And that’s an amazing statement for me to write, because — despite the title of this blog — I can be very judgmental (especially regarding music).

For many years, Pat always opened his concerts with the tune “Phase Dance.”

Here’s Pat, in 1991, opening with “Phase Dance” in Portugal:

(thanks to Martin Sepulveda for posting that on YouTube)

This past Thursday night, at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Pat did some things differently. That is, he didn’t open with “Phase Dance.” That was expected, because he hasn’t done so, for many years.

Pat played for us, with his Unity Group, for almost three hours. That was expected, too. As I told Michael, when Michael asked when I would be home for the concert: “I’m not sure. Pat loves to play.”

The show included:

The entirety of Pat’s latest album KIN (←→)
Duets Pat played with each and every member of his group — Ben Williams on bass, Antonio Sanchez on drums, Chris Potter on saxophone and flute, and Guilio Carmassi on many instruments, including keyboards.
Some of the self-playing instruments Pat has created, beginning with his 2010 project “Orchestrion.”

(I found that 2010 image here.)

The first encore, on Thursday night, was “Are You Going With Me?“ which Pat played with the entire group. I’ve mentioned that song, along my blogging journey, several times before (including a few days ago, here). I love “Are you Going with Me?” whenever and wherever Pat plays it. Each time, it’s expected but also unexpected. That is, the tune is familiar, but with a new, amazing solo by Pat.

For Thursday night’s second encore, Pat returned to the stage alone. He sat down, picked up his acoustic guitar, and played a medley of songs he’s written, each of which was so familiar to me, it was beyond language.

Because I’ve heard these songs very differently before — with a group and with many instruments — I had trouble putting names on some of them.

I had no such trouble with “Phase Dance.” And I followed it, every step of the way.

Thanks to Pat Metheny, to Susan Cain (the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking), to group players and soloists everywhere, and to you — of course! — for following me here, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: changing the dance of communication, extroverts and introverts, inviting change, Pat Metheny, Phase Dance, Quiet by Susan Cain, speaking different languages, The Pat Metheny Unity Group | 34 Comments