Nostalgia

Day 517: What is the theme of this post?

Posted on June 1, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I have lots to show & tell you, dear readers — of events, images, thoughts, and feelings of the last several days.

I’m not sure how to characterize these or link them. However, from my experience of doing therapy groups with very different people gathering together, I know that common themes always emerge.

So let’s see what emerges today, shall we?

After recovering from a month-long bout of pneumonia, I worked many hours last week. During that time, I took some nourishing and rejuvenating breaks from work that I love, and saw the following (in order of appearance):

(Our best guess, as Michael and I puzzled about the use of the above gear for the on-the-go pet: Maybe that’s for dogs getting off of planes.)

That’s a free banana-flavored marshmallow, at Strip-T’s Restaurant in Watertown.

So one possible theme for this post could be … The Best Things in Life Are Free.

And brunch was free, yesterday, with my long-time friend Lawry, his wife Patty, his daughters Leah, Cory and Sarah (who just graduated college and was moving to New York right after brunch), Lawry’s sister Beverly, my ex-sister-in-law Deborah, and my son Aaron.

One theme of the brunch was music. Lawry invited Deborah to brunch because, having heard her wonderful voice, in the 1970’s, on a locally-popular-in-Boston, novelty-radio hit song (written by Howard Letovsky) …

…. Lawry sang this song to his daughters, as they were growing up, in California. At brunch yesterday, Lawry and his daughters sang “Dead Frogs” the way they remembered it.

That’s Sarah, Cory, and Lawry, right before they (and Leah) sang “Dead Frogs.” (I didn’t take any photos of the actual performance, in order not to distract.)

After hearing them sing, Deborah said their devotion to the novelty song she had sung, so many years ago, reminded her of the movie Galaxy Quest — where an entire planet based their civilization on a Star-Trek-type TV show.

Then, Sarah and Lawry gave a brief, pre-Sarah-leaving performance of another beloved song:

As you can see, I took a quick, surreptitious shot of that.

Next, Lawry got his wish to hear Deborah sing all the actual words* of “Dead Frogs,” which my son and I were lucky enough to witness, as the rest of the family said goodbyes to each other.

Here are some photos of her family, as Sarah leaves for her excellent adventure in New York:

(left to right: Patty, Sarah, Lawry, Cory, Leah)

After all the free stuff, dead frogs, and goodbyes in this post, are people up for a few more images, from yesterday afternoon?

I hope so, because here they are:

So, what do YOU think is the theme of this post?

Whatever it is, thanks to Lawry and his family, to my family (including Deborah, Michael, and my son), to Howard Letovsky, to frogs dead and alive, to those who share music anywhere, to marshmallows, to local teams and radio stations, to Robert Morse (who is singing and dancing in one of the links above), to nature reservations, to people who make connections and meaning as best they can, and to you — of course! — for your visit today.

* The YouTube clip of “Dead Frogs” in this post doesn’t have all the actual words, either. If you want to hear the full rendition, here‘s a video Mr. Letovsky created of the complete 13-minute opera, with “Dead Frogs” at the very end. If you watch it, that’s Deborah’s voice (but not Deborah).

Want more history for that song? In the 1970’s, the very popular Boston-based radio station WBCN played that song, a lot. I was a fan. When I first met Aaron’s father/Deborah’s brother, where we both worked at a local environmental research company, he and I interacted about “Dead Frogs.” Deborah tells the story this way:

My brother told me that a woman** at work was singing “Dead Frogs” and he said to her, “My sister sings that song.” The woman** replied, “Everybody sings that song.” And my brother said, “No. My sister really sings that song.”

** Which would be me.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, quiz | Tags: Alewife Reservation, Dead Frogs, Howard Letovsky, Muddy River, Strip-T's Restaurant | 36 Comments

Day 516: One possible function of anxiety (dreams)

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I wrote about fear and/or anxiety, and received lots of helpful comments from readers.

Thank you, wonderful readers!

Last night, I had an anxiety dream.

In a typical anxiety dream, I am thwarted from doing something I need/want/desire to do, no matter how I try. In last night’s dream, all sorts of obstacles arose, keeping me from a real-life, highly anticipated event, later this morning. At 9:30 AM today, I am having brunch with:

my long-time friend Lawry, whom I’ve known since 7th grade,
Lawry’s family, including his daughter, who just graduated a very prestigious local university,
Deborah, my beloved ESIL (which stands for Ex-Sister-in-Law), and
Aaron, my son.

In my anxiety dream(s) last night — which seemed to last all friggin’ night, but probably lasted minutes in real-time — I kept running into all sorts of unexpected barriers preventing me from ever getting to the brunch. Along the way, various people involved were disappointed or angry with me, too.

That, in summary, describes my anxiety scenarios (whether awake or dreaming).

I’m assuming that you, too, have had anxiety dreams like those, at some point in your life, about important connections or tasks (like a test at school).

Which reminds me of a scene from the 1984 Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker comedy Top Secret:

I loved that scene when I first saw it, and I’m loving it, again, today.

Why? For one thing, it demonstrates the point of this post.

This post has a point? Yes, it does, and the point is in the title: One possible function of anxiety. One possible function of anxiety is … it sure feels great when we let go of it.

Indeed, our real, current circumstances — even if they actually involve pain and danger — can feel like a relief, in comparison.

Now, I need to get ready for my highly-anticipated brunch — which may include challenges and glitches (e.g., meeting up with my ESIL and with my son who is away at an over-night AND getting to the brunch on time) but NOTHING compared to the outrageous slings, arrows, and whippings I suffered last night in my dream.

As Val Kilmer said, in Top Secret, “Thank God.”

Before I end, I wanted to quote from some of the amazing comments from yesterday’s post:

I think anxiety and fear are closely related. I did think that the word anxiety derived from anxious, which can sometimes be related to an intense sense of excitement/mixed with impatience which is not really fear. Or maybe it is and you fear the time will never come and thus get anxious!

— Swarn Gill

…your gathering fear is really more a fear of dispersal, if that makes sense. Which is, in many ways, the most primary fear when it comes to things, people, circumstances, etc. we love.

— Jeff Schwaner

I often look back on times in my life and think, I’d have enjoyed that a lot more if I hadn’t been worrying about what could go wrong.

— Annabelle Franklin

I read somewhere, maybe even here, I can’t remember: that people who are anxious are living in the future and people who are sad are living in the past. That has stuck with me since I’ve read it.

— dianasschwenk

There’s a difference between real danger and fear and anxiety. Fear and anxiety are created in our minds but to our body it reacts in the same way as real danger. A continuous fight or flight response coming from being anxious about a possible future outcome, causes stress and dis-ease.
Its our thinking that takes over, rather than the actual reality in the present moment. When we are anxious our mind literally beats us up…..

— Val Boyko

… I believe that fear and anxiety are about the future, albeit sometimes rooted in the past. That is a past trauma may make us anxious about it happening again in the future. Val is right about separating a real danger from a perceived danger but that is not altogether easy…even for real fears, we do need to stop ‘worrying’ about them and instead DO something about those things that require action.

— elizabeth2560

And I’ll end with this one:

In the beginning when you asked “what is this post about? Well, so far we know it is about fear and metaphors”… Yeah, I had no idea that was what it was going to be about! I’ve learned not to try and find a point so early in your posts! Sounds like you are learning to let go of fear (not crediting the picture, hurting other peoples feelings) and I wish you well. I can only imagine how much better life will feel when you don’t have so much fear and anxiety hanging onto you!

— Kate @ Did That Just Happen?

I can only imagine that too, Kate. It seems like … a dream come true.

Thanks to Lawry, his family, Deborah, my son, Val Kilmer, Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker, all my eminently quotable readers (including those I didn’t quote today), and to you — of course! — for dreaming here with me.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: anxiety dreams, letting go of anxiety, Top Secret | 25 Comments

Day 514: What I’m reading, these days

Posted on May 29, 2014 by Ann Koplow

What I’m reading these days includes:

signs (in different locations)

quotes by wonderful writers

(image found here)

lots of blog posts (not pictured)
people’s behavior

animal behavior

things in Chinese restaurants

words written on my board, at work

things I see on the street

labels in supermarkets

haikus

non-fiction and novels

That’s Chris Delyani, who was one of my students at Boston University, some decades back. I am very proud of him, and I highly recommend his novel. It’s the main thing I’m reading, these days.

Thanks to Maya Angelou, Jenny Potter (who wrote the haiku), Chris, people who read as best they can, and to you — of course! — for doing guess-what, here, today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Chris Delyani, Maya Angelou quote, mindfulness | 29 Comments

Day 511: All-request Weekend

Posted on May 26, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I wonder if you recognize the term in my title today: “All-request Weekend.” I don’t know if radio stations, where you live, do those on holiday weekends.

In case you request a definition, All-request Weekends are when a radio station counts down — from some number (like* 500) to #1 — songs that people request. When I was regularly listening to All-request Weekends, “Hey Jude” by the Beatles was often #1.

Perhaps (I humbly request), as you read this post, you might remember your own top song countdowns.

Oh! I haven’t told you, yet, why I think “All-request Weekend” is such a great title for today’s blog post. Yesterday’s post, Day 510: Order(s), featured one reader’s request that I smell some flowers. In response to that post, WordPresser Plant Electrician* requested that I smell some chocolate (and Diana Schwenk* added to the request that I taste the chocolate, too). Since I followed all of those requests — and because this is Memorial Day* Weekend in the USA — Voila! It’s an All-request Weekend!

Is everybody with me?

Okay!

After the requests came in, yesterday, from Plant Electrician and Diana, I asked myself:

What chocolate would I choose — from all the available options — to smell and taste, today?

… which was not the easiest question to answer. First, I thought of the cupcake shop I visited a year ago* on Charles Street in Boston, but that place is currently closed.

The next thing I thought of was ….

Toscanini’s*

For anybody who has attended MIT, Harvard, other local schools, or is at all familiar with the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts, Toscanini’s is

A number one
King of the hill
Top of the heap
Head of the List
Top of the hill
(ice) Cream of the crop

… and so on (including other superlatives Frank Sinatra has sung in his hit, New York, New York*.

Speaking of New York, New York, the NY Times has rated Toscanini’s “The Best Ice Cream in the World.”

Speaking for myself, I used to habituate Toscanini’s all the time, but haven’t been there in many years.

May I request that you accompany me on my trip there?

Let’s go!

I made a brand new start of it* yesterday in Cambridge, like so:

And, like old times, I wanted to be a part of it, right through the very heart of it*:

… a heart, which as you can see, has a LOT of LIFE.

Before the chocolate at Toscanini’s, I wanted to have lunch. And it seemed like Life Alive would give me a healthy balance for the sweets to come.

I know you can’t see the Life Alive meal options* in the above photo, but I wanted to get Order* into this post, too.

I requested “The Emperor” (which is #2 on the menu):

Then, when I saw familiar sights on the walk down Massachusetts Avenue to Toscanini’s, I remembered to let them into my heart:

I also saw new things, and remembered to let them into my heart*, too:

As I turned onto Main Street and neared Toscanini’s, memories of past amazing ice cream flavors showed up. Counting those down:

#5 Chocolate Pudding

#4 Chocolate Chip

#3 White Chocolate

#2 Belgium Chocolate

#1 Some amazing flavor with giant chunks of delicious chocolate cookies, perhaps the best ice cream I’ve ever had in my life.

Where was I? Oh, yes, approaching Toscanini’s, yesterday. As I got closer, topping my Toscanini-memories was the place’s owner: Gus Rancatore.

Why? Because Gus Rancatore:

is an incredibly friendly, nice guy.
was somebody I used to see a lot, in the 1980’s, when he, I, and several friends were REALLY into Jackie Chan’s Hong Kong films.*
is somebody I haven’t seen in a long time, and I wondered if there was any chance he would be there, on Memorial Day weekend.

He was!

Gus and I reminisced about the old days and — before I could even request anything — he gave me a sample of a brand-new, super-rich vanilla ice cream:

… which was amazing. When I told Gus about my requested mission, he gave me samples of his top recommendations for the day’s chocolate choices …

… which included:

Belgium chocolate
Chocolate Pudding
Ovaltine* (not sampled), and
Chocolate sorbet, which was milk-free and, quoting Gus, “for people who are lactose intolerant or just intolerant.”

Gus and I discussed possible top-of-the-list chocolate orders* for me, and we decided on a micro-sized sundae with

Belgium Chocolate ice cream,
Salted Caramel ice cream,
a chocolate shell, and
whipped cream.

Request completed, deliciously!

After I said goodbye to Gus and Toscanini’s, I decided to make the day better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah! … with additional familiar — and new — Cambridge sights.

As I was finishing my chocolate-inspired adventure, I encountered one more request, to stop:

That’s Iris, who told me about this new Cambridge space, where there’s art, music, stand-up comedy, and more, throughout the week. Upon my request, I also got a photo of her, Amanda, Jess, and Rilo …

… but, as you can see, I barely had time to focus, because my phone was about to die. However, I requested a few more shots at EMW:

…. and then my phone died.

Maybe I’ll honor Iris’s request, and visit there again, soon.

Thanks to Plant Electrician*, Diana Schwenk*, David Frost*, the Beatles*, Frank Sinatra*, Gus Rancatore, chocolate, Iris, people who inhabit and/or have memories of Cambridge, anyone who makes (or fulfills) requests, all those observing Memorial Day, and to you — top of the heap! — for requesting and reading this post, today.

* Something or somebody I’ve requested you link to, in this post.

** That first photo of street signs includes a play on words, and is dedicated to all my pun- and classic-movie loving readers*. My last request of this post: that anybody comment on that (or anything else).

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Cambridge MA, Central Square Cambridge, EMW, EMW in Cambridge MA, Gus Rancatore, Massachusetts Avenue Cambridge MA, Memorial Drive Cambridge, Toscanini's Ice Cream | 24 Comments

Day 506: Random thoughts about art

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Ann Koplow

This post is dedicated to my long-time friend, Deb, whose birthday it is today.

I’ve chosen quite a risky topic, this morning. Why risky? (1) Art is a BIG topic and (2) this is the first morning, in over a month, that I have to be at work by 9 AM.¹

So let’s see if I can pull this off.

I just went to my friend, Google, for some initial help in composing this post. I asked, “What is art?” and here is Google’s first line of response to my plea:

About 3,430,000,000 results (0.41 seconds)

No matter what you think about (1) numbers and (2) Google, you have to agree: That’s a lot of results, really fast.

NOW where do we go, with over THREE BILLION choices?

Let’s take the very next response, from Google:

art

noun
1.
the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.
“the art of the Renaissance”
synonyms: fine art, artwork
works produced by human creative skill and imagination.
“his collection of modern art”
synonyms: fine art, artwork More
creative activity resulting in the production of paintings, drawings, or sculpture.
“she’s good at art”
2.
the various branches of creative activity, such as painting, music, literature, and dance.
“the visual arts”

I think Google gave us a good enough definition, to start. What do you think?

For the next random thought about art, let’s look closer to home. By “closer to home,” I mean, what have I written about art, in this blog?

When I search all my posts for the word “art,” 419 of them came up. That’s a BIG percentage of all the posts I’ve written. To be precise, 82.970297% of the posts I’ve written include “art” in some way (at least, according to WordPress search).

However, only two of my posts include the word “art” in the title:

Day 290: The Healing Power of Art

Day 45: Mistakes, where art thou sting?

What does that tell us? Well, for one thing, there’s more than one meaning of the word “art.”

NOW what do I do? I can think of SO many places to go next, in this post.

Perhaps, this, which I found at my office, yesterday, will help guide me:

Yes, that’s helpful, but WHICH next step?

I could ask you what you think art is — including your favorite pieces of art.

I could point out that even in Day 45 — a post where the word “art” is just the archaic form of “is/are” — my tags included musical artists Bernard Hermann and John Williams.

I could ask you to complete this sentence: One person’s art is another person’s ____.²

I could write about my friend Deb, who:

is having a birthday today,
is a blown-glass artist,
appears in Day 486: May Day! May Day!, and
is having a reaction, which I can only imagine, to #2, above.

Here’s the photo from that post, showing Deb and her blue vase, which she brought as a gift to me that day:

Eeeek! Look at the time!

Actually, that’s not the time. That’s something I saw, yesterday evening, at a local Art Center/Elementary School.³

But I do need to wrap up this post, people, and get to work. Before I do, here are more photos I took yesterday, at that same location:

I have a few more pieces of art to show you, before I conclude. Earlier yesterday, another long-time friend, Craig (whom I wrote about last week, in Day 500: Momentous), texted me these photos from the Museum of Fine Arts (MFA):

It’s all art, to me.

Thanks to Deb, Craig, friends that are long-time, medium-time, or short-time, Art Centers, elementary schools, the MFA, artists and art-appreciators everywhere, and to you — of course! — for visiting here, today.

1 Because this is the first week I’ve returned to work after an extended illness.

2 This fill-in-the-blank suggestion is inspired by the saying “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” (and George S. Kaufman‘s excellent pun, “One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian”).

3 Where my son was auditioning for a play.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Boston Museum of Fine Arts, different types of art, George S. Kaufman, MFA, One man's Mede is another man's Persian. | 28 Comments

Day 502: Why questions

Posted on May 17, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I love asking questions — to myself and to others. I think that’s a great way to learn. Also, asking the big questions is considered good writing, especially in journalism.

What are “the big questions”?

Why?

What?

Where?

When?

Who?

How?

I just googled “journalistic writing style answering the questions what where when how¹.” Why did I do that? To check my facts and my memory … to see if I’m being a good-enough reporter, so far, in this blog post.

What did I find?

News writing attempts to answer all the basic questions about any particular event—who, what, when, where and why (the Five Ws) and also often how—at the opening of the article.

From Wikipedia entry “News style”

How is my credibility right now, regarding those questions? Pretty darn good, I would say.

Why does my post title include only one of those journalistic questions?

I’ll answer that with another question: Do you really want to read a blog post that long, on a weekend, people?

Next question.

Why did I choose Why questions, in particular, today?

As usual, I have more than one reason, but here’s the main one:

When I was a little kid, I loved watching comedians on TV with my dad. I always noted the people who made him laugh, because my father was so friggin’ funny, himself.

One of the people who made us both laugh was Professor Irwin Corey.

Who was Professor Irwin Corey?

Let’s see how Google answers that question.

Oh my goodness! I was afraid to look, because … I figured the Professor was long gone. He’s not! Here’s what I found on Wikipedia:

Corey in a 1963 television appearance
Born	July 29, 1914 (age 99) Brooklyn, New York, U.S.
Years active	1938–present
Genres	Wit/Word play, improvisational and character comedy, satire
Influenced	Lenny Bruce, Tom Smothers^[1]
Spouse	Fran Corey (1941–2011);^[2] 1 son
Website	Official website

Here are more excerpts from that Wikipedia entry:

“Professor” Irwin Corey (born July 29, 1914) is an American comic, film actor and activist, often billed as “The World’s Foremost Authority”. He introduced his unscripted, improvisational style of stand-up comedy at the well-known San Francisco club, the hungry i.

Lenny Bruce once described Corey as “one of the most brilliant comedians of all time”.[3]

Why did I include excerpts from that Wikipedia article, here? Because I know many of my readers won’t click on links. Why did I include those particular excerpts? Because those are the ones that are making me happiest, right now.

When I was a little kid, I didn’t know most of those things about Professor Irwin Corey. Heck, I didn’t know most of those things about him, until just now.

Here’s a question I haven’t answered yet:

Why did I want to include Professor Irwin Corey in today’s blog post?

Because I have this distinct memory of something he did, on a TV talk show, in the 1960’s, which (1) made me laugh and (2) amazed me. The host (most likely Mike Douglas) asked “The World’s Foremost Authority” a question, like this:

Professor Corey, why do you wear clothes like those?

And Professor Corey answered (as best I can remember):

That is actually a two-part question. The first part of that question is … Why? Human beings have been trying to answer that question for millennia. The most learned and famous philosophers, throughout history, have been struggling to answer the question of “Why?” Why indeed?

The second part of that question is “Do I wear clothes like those?” The answer is “YES!”

I would now like to pay homage to Professor Irwin Corey, as I end this post with some recent photos.

Why did I take each of the pictures I’m about to show you?

That’s a two-part question, my dear readers.

Why? I’m not sure I could ever completely — or even adequately — explain why I took these photos. Who could ever completely explain any example of human behavior? I could articulate my thoughts at the time I snapped the photos, I suppose, but probably some of my reasons were subconscious, and not available to me. And who’s to say whether my personal reasons and explanations would be that interesting, to somebody else?²

Did I take each of the pictures I’m about to show you?

Yes.

Thanks to my father, to Professor Irwin Corey, to Wikipedia, to foremost authorities everywhere, to those asking “Why?” whenever they can, to everything that contributed to the words and images in this post, and to you — of course! — for reading today.

1 Why did I include all those words in my Google search? Why not? It worked, didn’t it?

2 Feel free to answer, yourself, any question of Why did Ann take that photo?

Categories: Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism, Uncategorized | Tags: Answering the question "Why?", Asking questions, Journalistic questions, Professor Irwin Corey, The World's Foremost Authority | 31 Comments

Day 500: Momentous

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Ann Koplow

As usual, it’s much easier for me to choose a title, than decide how I’m going to write today’s blog post.

When I thought of today’s title, I was unaware of one of its most obvious applications: today’s number.

500!!

Numbers with zeros naturally seem more momentous, don’t they? Which might seem paradoxical, because zero means …. nothing.*

I’m happy with the title of this post. I think it really fits, today. But, I’m not sure how I’m going to shape today’s post (just like all those previous 499 blogging days).

Today, however, there might be a little bit more pressure … because of the title. That is, what if this post does NOT live up to its title? What if it’s not … momentous?

Now, momentous (especially if I write it with one of my beloved hyphens — “moment-ous”) might just mean … being in the moment. THAT I can do.

But, IMPORTANT. How important can I make this post? And “important” to whom? When? Where? In what way? This post’s importance depends on so many things, most of which I can’t control.

Allow me, dear reader, one more digression — to a particularly momentous post, for me. Here’s Day 95: A Startlingly Short Post, in its entirety:

Ready?

We are neither as unimportant or as important as we fear.

Thanks!

© 2013 Ann Koplow

Just days ago, I was trying to design a t-shirt, regarding that post.

Time out! What moment am I in, right now? Am I in Day 500, Day 95, or earlier this week?

I’m in all of them, and more.

Which (finally!) leads me to the main event: what’s inspiring today’s post.

Yesterday, I met up with somebody who was momentously important to me, when I was in college.

And in the moments I spent with him yesterday, I had a sense of multiple visions: Awareness of what was going on in the moment, along with echoes, overlays, and memories of moments from the past.

Right now, I’m thinking about the momentous-ness of these kinds of reunions. Over the course of human history, how many people have created stories, essays, songs, poems, paintings, etc. about encountering somebody — or something — important from the past?

A huge number. WAY more than 500, I would say … many of them quite accomplished and famous.

Marcel Proust, for one. Dan Fogelberg, with “Same Auld Lang Syne.”

You may be thinking of different examples, instead.

How can I follow acts like those?

In my typical ways, of course.

Way #1: Composing a list.

My thoughts about yesterday’s meeting:

I’m glad this person was in my life, exactly how he was, in college.
When we separated, back then, it was painful.
I learned a lot, from all the moments with him — happy, painful, all of them.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m happy we met, yesterday.

Way #2: Sharing images.

I’m not showing photos, here, of my ex-bf (or whatever else I might call him). However, here are some photos I took yesterday, while I was with him:

After we parted yesterday, here are some photos I took (as usual, in order of appearance):

And, finally, one more photo from yesterday evening, with Michael:

Thanks to all my momentous connections and relationships, to Marcel Proust, Dan Fogelberg, etc., and to you — of course! — for your important visit, today.

______________________________________

* Talk about deja vu: I think I may have made this same momentous point — about zeros and numbers — in a previous post. Which is bound to happen, people. I’ve written 500 of these friggin’ things!

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Same Auld Lang Syne", Boston's Public Gardens, college relationships, Dan Fogelberg, memories of relationships | 39 Comments

Day 499: Random Numbers

Posted on May 14, 2014 by Ann Koplow

On the last day of my first (and I originally thought only) Year¹ of Living Non-Judmentally, I wrote this, in a footnote:

* I don’t want people to get the wrong idea, regarding my feelings about numbers. I love numbers, sometimes. However, numbers are not my native language, so sometimes they challenge me. Hmmm. I don’t like the way I said that. “They challenge me” is too mild, too wimpy a statement. How about this? Sometime, I hate numbers. Nope, too strong. How about this? Sometimes, numbers make me crazy. Nope, “crazy” is not a great word for me to use. How about this? Sometimes they make me angry. Nope, people have trouble with anger. Arrrghh! What’s the right word, regarding me and numbers? Damned if I know, right now. Maybe I’ll figure that out next year.

from Day 365: End of Year (Big Deal!)

It’s well into next year, and I have yet to figure out my feelings about — and relationship to — numbers.

Here are some things I know:

I definitely notice numbers.
I can have trouble holding on to them. For example, yesterday I had a 3:30 appointment with one of my doctors, and, in my mind, it was a 2 PM appointment. Another example: today I’m meeting an old friend from college, and I can’t remember how many years it’s been since the last time I saw him.
Remembering numbers can seem critical to my survival. Therefore, when I can’t access a number quickly, my automatic response can be negative (anxiety, self-criticism, worry, etc.)
There are lots of numbers to deal with, from the past, present, and (I assume) future.
I can’t quite figure out how important numbers are, for me.

Some numbers I’m thinking about, right now:

How many more days should/will I stay home from work?²
When I go back to work, how many hours per week will be the “correct” balance, taking into account my (a) health and (b) finances?³
What’s a good-enough weight for me, right now?⁴
How many more items will there be in this list?⁵
How many more words in this morning’s post, before I’m done writing?⁶
How many pictures will I show here?⁷

Hmmm. Some of those questions have more obvious answers than others. As always, I shall do my best, figuring things out.

Okay!

I’m going to conclude this post with some recent photos I’ve taken. In order of appearance:

Here are some numbers regarding that photo. The number of times I’ve walked by that sign: 100’s. The number of words — and legs — on that sign: 2. The number of days since I took that photo: I’m guessing … 5. Wait! There’s some data I can check, to find out the actual number. Aha! I was wrong (but very close) … it’s 6.

How many limbs there? 2. How many limbs was I expecting? 4.

As you can see for yourself, there are lots of numbers in that photo.

How many dandelions in that photo? 3. How many blisses? The answer depends on what — and how — you’re counting.

How many times have I been to that restaurant? 1. How many days before I expect to return? 3.

How many people in Massachusetts have a license plate with the word “Toad”? I’m assuming more than one.

How many strings on that instrument? 6. How many stripes on those cushions? Ahhhh … forget it.

How many papers is Harley sitting on? 1. What’s on that paper?

Eeeeek! Math!

Thanks to numbers everywhere, to people who have varying reactions to numbers, and to you — of course! — for reading this today (one time, I assume).

1 The year I started blogging was 2013.

2 Most likely, I’ll return to work in 2 days. ⁸

3 I’ll probably start out working about 12 hours/week, increasing as I can. ⁸

4 Weight is such a loaded issue. I’m definitely NOT going into that now.

5 There were 6 items on that list.

6 I’m too impatient — or it’s just not important enough to me — to find out how many words I wrote after that.

7 I showed 9 photos. Or — more precisely — I showed 8 photos I had taken, plus one zoom, blow-up, close-up, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

8 These numbers are subject to change.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Cambridge MA, human reactions to numbers, Jin's Restaurant in Wellesley, letting go of anxiety, Mount Auburn Cemetery, number anxiety, powdered peanut butter, recovering from illness, returning to work after illness, reunion with an old friend | 34 Comments

Day 498: Life, death, etc.

Posted on May 13, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I like today’s post title: Life, death, etc. Why? Because it covers EVERYTHING, and I enjoy looking at the “big picture.”

Also, since I was young, I’ve known how awareness of mortality can help someone

be more in the moment
appreciate every little thing
set priorities
overcome obstacles
be authentic
develop values and be true to them
let go of fear and other “baggage”
get clarity
learn
grow, and
feel joy.

Of course, awareness of mortality can also help someone

freak out and
get paralyzed

… but, like everything else, those things pass.

All in all, I am quite grateful for “the gift of mortality.”

Why this title, today? I thought of it yesterday, while visiting one of my favorite places: Mount Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

According to Wikipedia, Mount Auburn Cemetery was

founded in 1831 as “America’s first garden cemetery”

and

is credited as the beginning of the American public parks and gardens movement.

Here’s what I saw, yesterday, at Mt. Auburn Cemetery:

One of the last things I noticed, before I left Mt. Auburn Cemetery yesterday, was this bench:

Many years ago, when both my parents were still alive, I lived in an apartment very close by. I remember sitting on the same bench, back then — reading, sunning, dreaming, feeling, thinking, etc.

Here are two views from that bench, yesterday:

I love Mount Auburn Cemetery.

Today, I hope I was able to show you why.

I shall now ask myself a familiar question: Does this post feel complete?

It MUST be complete. Didn’t I say, in my introduction, that the title had EVERYTHING? And look at everything we covered, here!

However, I did leave out a lot of history, details, etc. about Mt. Auburn Cemetery. And many of my readers have told me that they don’t click on links within posts. So here’s one important fact, from that same Wikipedia page:

Mount Auburn’s collection of over 5,500 trees includes nearly 700 species and varieties.

Wow! Imagine all the trees I did NOT show you. Well, as I recover from recent physical ailments, taking shorter walks than I usually do … I did the best I could.

One final Wikipedia fact about Mt. Auburn Cemetery:

The area is well known for its beautiful environs and is a favorite location for bird-watchers.

Hmmm. I didn’t see any bird-watchers, yesterday. I’m sure they were there; I just didn’t notice them.

I know! Let’s end this post with bird-watchers, in the here and now:

Thanks to trees, flowers, people, benches, birds, cats, etc. And thanks to you — of course! — for visiting today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: another excuse to show pictures of cats, dealing with illness, flowering trees in springtime, gifts of mortality, letting go of fear, missing parents, Mount Auburn Cemetery, Mt. Auburn Cemetery, responses to mortality, springtime in Massachusetts | 44 Comments

Day 483: Vision

Posted on April 28, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I have very poor vision, which can be corrected by glasses or contact lenses.

I did not know that I had poor vision, until I was in elementary school. When that was discovered, I got my first pair of glasses. These glasses have appeared in this blog before, in this photo (from this previous post, Day 465: Personal Protective Equipment):

When I got those glasses, it seemed to me that the boys in my elementary school lost interest in me. But it’s often difficult to have the vision to see cause-and-effect. That is, there are often many complicated factors that contribute to an outcome.

But as human beings, we naturally see relationships and causes between events.

For example, I am aware, right now, that I wrote that blog with the picture above, a few weeks ago, on the last day I was at work. Since then, I have been away from work — in the hospital and then home — recovering from pneumonia.

And here’s a wild, cause-and-effect connection that pops up in my mind right now:

That was the first time, in all the days I’ve been blogging, that I showed my readers a photo of what I looked like when recovering from my first heart surgery at age 10. That felt like a risk that day, to show people how ill and awful I felt, back then. And since I published that photo, I have been ill and unable to work. Coincidence??????!!!!??

What do you think, dear readers? is it a coincidence?

I think it is.

However, we tend to see these connections among incidents and outcomes. We especially think that way, when we are children.

When we apply cause-and-effect reasoning like that, we can blame ourselves — or at least make ourselves more responsible and powerful than we really are.

That’s what children often do, as they are figuring out how the world works, especially when they are dealing with something traumatic and unexpected.

I recognize those things in myself: that I tend to blame myself, at times, when things go wrong. Some measure of control, when things are unexpected and seem out of control, can seem safer.

Did that make sense?

I’m not myself these days, as I recover from pneumonia, so it’s harder, than usual, for me to see if I am communicating clearly.

And as often happens in these blog posts, I am getting “off topic.” (Although, as I sometimes tell people in my therapy groups, there is no such thing as “off topic.” Everything relates, somehow.)

When I say I’m “off topic,” I mean that I have yet to begin writing about what I intended to share with you, when I started this post today.

When I started this post, this morning, my main intent was to write something about Helen Keller.

I wanted to tell you this: When I was young, I read a book about Helen Keller that inspired me, very much. That book influenced my ideas about where I wanted to go to college, among other things.

This morning, as I felt some discouragement about the rate of my recovery, I went to Google Images, because I assumed that Helen Keller would have some useful thoughts for me.

And she did:

(I found that image here)

(I found that image here)

(I found that image here)

There are lots more quotes I could include here, but I want to end with this one:

You can find that image here. In addition, I can find that exact image in my office at work, on a card that was given to me several years ago, by a co-worker.

I hope to encounter that card again soon, when I am well enough to be seeing it.

One last thing: I expected that writing this post would help me a great deal, this morning.

And indeed it has.

Thanks to Helen Keller, to everyone else who helped me write this, and to you — of course! — for reading this post today.

Categories: inspiration, Nostalgia, personal growth | Tags: cause and effect thinking, dealing with childhood trauma, Helen Keller quotes, recovering from illness | 58 Comments