humor

Day 375: Direct Communication

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I am having lots of thoughts, right now, about the topic of “Direct Communication.” The challenge (as usual) is translating those thoughts into a blog post that’s coherent and enjoyable (enough), today.

Allow me to start out with a short trip down memory lane — that is, a return to yesterday’s blog post, called “We’re doing the best we can.”

In that post, there was (at least) one thing I communicated indirectly. Because direct communication is very important to me, I will be more direct about this, right now:

I wanted you to notice my cool umbrella, in yesterday’s post.

Here’s a photo of this umbrella, which I have been enjoying for many years:

I have been considering featuring that umbrella in a blog post for many months, because it always cheers me up.

Yesterday, I was hoping that somebody would notice that umbrella (which appeared in two, very similar photos). However, nobody commented on it.

Here’s one of the photos from yesterday, which included the umbrella.

I don’t want to indulge in the human cognitive distortion of mind-reading, but hey! Why should I be any different from anybody else? Here are my guesses as to why nobody noticed that umbrella in yesterday’s photos:

The umbrella is being upstaged by Fenway Park.
Those aren’t great photos of the umbrella. Maybe the umbrella isn’t even recognizable there, but hey! YOU TRY taking a good picture when it’s freezing, the light sucks, you don’t want to be late for work, and you’re trying to capture a favorite ballpark and umbrella, while balancing an iPhone, your mittens, AND that friggin’ umbrella! **

Ahem.

Please forgive the somewhat hostile tone of #2, above, which is most likely due to the cognitive distortion of Mind Reading (see here for the complete list of those common judgmental ways of thinking) and perhaps other things, too.**

What was the topic of today’s blog post, again? Oh, yes, direct communication.

At this point, I wanted to look at what’s been getting in the way of my direct communication about my umbrella:

Sometimes, being coy can be fun.
Saying, “Look how great this is!” can feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s about something of yours.

Also, when I’ve considered being more direct about that umbrella, before — that is, featuring it more prominently in its own blog post — these things have gotten in the way of that:

Hassles, discomfort, and absent-mindedness (I write my blog posts in the morning and my umbrella lives in my car).
Superstition (it’s bad luck to open an umbrella inside).

What else did I want to tell you about direct communication, this morning?

Just this: I’ve been thinking about something my son told me, after he had his teeth cleaned for this first time by my new dental hygienist. (I wrote about my first visit to her, here.)

My son told me some very positive, flattering things she said to him, about me.

Now, this dental hygienist, named Michel, is a very direct person, I think. That’s one of the things I really like about her. However, I was surprised by what she said to my son, about me. As a matter of fact, some things were SO positive, that I’ve been holding on to them, as gifts, to help me feel more confident and secure, and to help me replace old, negative (and very common) types of self-judgmental thinking.***

So I wonder why she told my son these positive things, instead of telling me?

I will tell you this: Despite Michel’s directness (which I’ve observed in other ways), she did a similar thing about praise, regarding my son. That is, the next time I saw her, she raved about how wonderful HE was. But she didn’t tell him.

I think there are lots of reasons why people don’t communicate directly, including their positive thoughts about other people.

I might wish other people would be more direct, more often, because I think that helps.

However, I believe that everybody — including Michel — is doing the best that they can.****

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is something else I wanted to communicate directly, in yesterday’s blog post.

Thanks to all who are doing their best at communicating directly AND to my wonderful readers, whom I probably don’t praise enough (which would include you, y’know).

_________________

* I found this photo through Google Images, which informs me you can find this umbrella many places, these days, like here.

** Regular readers of this blog might have considered another Usual Suspect: hunger.

*** Hey! I’ve now linked to the same page three times in the same blog post! A new personal record!

**** Which does NOT mean that people can’t improve, grow, mature, evolve, and get better in many ways.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: blue sky umbrella, cognitive distortions, direct communication, mind reading, obstacles to direct communication, praise | 28 Comments

Day 373: Guilt (and a metaphor I made up!)

Posted on January 8, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Last year, I wrote about “The Oxygen Mask Metaphor,” which is way to remind people who focus too much on other people’s needs that their needs are important, too.

I use that metaphor a lot in therapy because … it helps.

Yesterday, I used a new metaphor, which has this advantage over the other one: I made this metaphor up. It’s mine! (Hmmm, at this point, I’m thinking: This post might turn out to be just one big brag.*)

Here’s the set-up:

Yesterday, in therapy, the topic of guilt came up (as it often does). (The topic of guilt comes up in this blog, too, like here and here.) And somebody said, “I feel guilty, all the time.”

I said, “All the time? Really? Are you feeling guilty right now?” **

She paused, thought, and replied, “Yes, I am. A little.”

We talked about how people can get stuck in emotional responses. (Something I wrote about, in another way, in yesterday’s post.) And then I came up with the metaphor:

Do you know how when the engine light in your car first comes on, your automatic first response is this: There’s something wrong with my car! I have to pay attention to this, now! And then, after you’ve owned cars for a while, you figure out that the engine light probably means nothing serious. And yet, when it lights up, it gets your attention, and it’s hard to ignore.

In case you don’t know what an engine light is — and to grab this opportunity to include an image — here are some examples:

***

I confess, I came up with that metaphor yesterday because … my engine light has been coming on lately. Yes, the friggin’ engine light comes on periodically, and my mechanic and I talk about it. At this point, we both believe it’s nothing serious.

But whenever that engine light is on, it nags at me. I feel like there’s something wrong.

When I came up with that metaphor yesterday, I brought it up tentatively … because you never know if somebody else’s experience matches your own. I mean, it’s possible this person:

Never had an engine light go on.
HAS had an engine light go on, and it DID mean something serious.
Has never owned a car.

But, lo and behold, the metaphor worked like a charm. She totally got it. And she understood my point (and I did have one): guilt, if it’s coming on all the time, might be like the engine light — automatically attention-getting and alarming, but something you might want to learn to ignore, when appropriate.

She found that metaphor so useful, she wanted to remember it, so I gave her a prescription for it. (See here, for more about that.) (Boy, this post IS turning into one big brag. *)

So how do I want to end this brag-y post, today?

Just to tell you this: When I got up this morning, I figured I would write about this topic, because — honestly, people — I’m pretty proud of that metaphor. But I didn’t really feel like writing about that, or much of anything else.

And then I asked myself this question: Do I feel guilty, about anything?

And the answer was this: “Yes, I do. A little.”

And I noticed that, and turned my attention to other things.

Voila!

Thanks to those who use and learn from metaphors, people whose engine lights have come on for any reason, and to you — naturally! — for visiting today.

* About what a cool therapist I am.

** An old friend of mine tells this story: When we were in our 20’s, she said to me, “I bite the inside of my mouth all the time.” I said, “Really? Are you biting it right now?” Apparently, my keen methods of therapeutic interrogation haven’t developed all that much.

*** I’m not giving any attributions for these images, because I don’t think anybody is going to have a sense of ownership about them. And if they do, I’ll apologize and make amends, without any you-know-what. ****

**** Guilt, if you didn’t guess.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, Uncategorized | 43 Comments

Day 370: Reasons why snail mail freaks me out

Posted on January 5, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Almost 200 days ago, I wrote a post called Why I’m Anxious Today (E-mail, anybody?)

Since I wrote that post, I’ve made a change.

(cue drum roll):

I’ve performed a hyphen-ectomy on the word “e-mail.” That is, I now write it like this: “email.” This may be a small, irrelevant change to you, but that’s an example of something I like to tell people: “Every change, no matter how little, counts.”

Admittedly, that’s not a GREAT example, plus it’s a digression away from my title, today, which is NOT about email, but rather about …

(cue drum roll):

Snail Mail.

I confess: Both email (with or without the hyphen) AND snail mail make me anxious.

Today, I shall expound on the anxiety-provoking qualities of snail mail for me, these days.*

Reasons Why Snail Mail Freaks Me Out

Reason #1: There’s way too much of it.

This applies to both email and snail mail. As a matter of fact, I just checked that earlier post about email, and #1 was the exact same phrase with the exact same punctuation! What are the chances of that?

I guess the amount of snail mail which arrives and accumulates around here is REALLY** making me nervous, because I’m trying to distract you (and myself) with (1) rhetorical questions about coincidences and (2) inviting you and me to go into the past.

Okay, so back to The Here and Now …. that is, the amount of snail mail there is in my life, today.

I would take a picture of the amount of mail there is, in my immediate vicinity, as I write this post, but … I have some shame about that. So I won’t! You’ll just have to imagine how much mail there is — opened AND unopened.

Okay! Now, I assume that the amount of mail you are picturing right now has to do with … your own feelings, thoughts, and experiences about Snail Mail.

Actually, you know what? Forget your experiences. I am going to reverse myself, right now, and CONFRONT MY SHAME about the messiness of snail mail in my life. In other words, I shall take a photo, right here at Blogging Central. Hold on ….

Eeeek!

Here’s something interesting about that photo: Blogging Central has looked much neater in previous posts, like here, about a month ago:

Yes, that’s the same table, BEFORE I DECIDED TO GET MORE ORGANIZED ABOUT MAIL.

And in case anybody reading this post is thinking — regarding that first photo — “Gee, Ann. That doesn’t look like THAT much mail!” … let me show you another photo, from the Here (actually, upstairs from where I blog) and Now:

Eeeeeeeek!

Hold on, there’s more:

One more:

Okay, here’s my dilemma, at this point in my post.

I’ve started a list, about reasons why snail mail freaks me out, and I don’t want to add another entry to that list. I think this might be enough. Which leaves me with a list …. of one. But, hey! It’s my blog post! I can do what I want!

So what is my major point, in this List-of-One post, today?

What do you think?

(pause, giving you space to think about what this post means to you….)

Now, I’ll tell you what I think: I think this post is about shame regarding my organizing my external environment, including how — when I try to get better about something — it often looks and feels worse (at least for a while).

I am letting go of shame, though, in general, and as I try to get better organized about snail mail.

I’ll tell you one thing that’s helping, right now, with snail mail organization …..

Throwing more away.

(New) Rules About Throwing Mail Away

I shall throw mail away if:

It came before a certain date AND
It’s not important.

What gets in the way of that?

Judging what’s important.

That can be challenging, for lots of reasons, including the fact that so much snail mail has a strong opinion about its own importance. For example:

Guess what? I just threw those away.

Thanks to people who are organized about mail, those who are not, and … I guess that includes everybody. Wait! I also want to thank you, especially, for visiting today.

_____________________

* I say “these days”, because snail mail has changed, over the years, Including what we call it. Before email, snail mail was just “the mail” (in case you don’t remember that).

** Ka-ching! I now owe more residuals to The Culture Monk, who uses REALLY in his title, every day.***

*** At least, for now.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: email, feeling worse before feeling better, letting go of shame, letting go of shame about messiness, organizing mail, organizing snail mail, small changes, snail mail, The Culture Monk, throwing things away | 56 Comments

Day 367: Screen Shots

Posted on January 2, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Since my style can be somewhat spontaneous*, it is rare that I decide, ahead of time, what my topic or image is going to be for my daily post.

Yesterday, however, I saw something on my computer and thought, “I HAVE to take a screen shot of THAT. I’m probably going to use that in my blog tomorrow.”

My next thought was, ” Arrrrgh! I can’t remember how to take screen shots!” Next thought: “Google it!” And I did.

I don’t know, people, why I panic when I can’t remember something like that. It’s like I have ongoing amnesia about the fact that things are easily retrievable. Apparently, my brain hasn’t caught up to the realities of technology, with which I’m interacting every day.

Get with the program, Brain!

Anyway, I did manage (pretty easily) to take a screen shot of that image, which had inspired some fear, on its own. THAT fear, ladies and gentlemen, had to do with ………

(can you guess?)

(hints: I live in the Northeast United States. It’s January.)

Time’s up!

The weather.

Here’s the screen shot:

If you’re easily distracted, like me, allow me to call your attention to the weather portion of that screen shot:

I love comparing my perceptions to other people’s, so I’m curious, right now: What did you notice first about that weather report?

I’ll tell you what struck me, big time. The numbers — those wild variations in temperature in my immediate future. My thoughts: “It’s going to be THAT friggin’ freezing on Friday and then THAT warm on Monday?!??? Eeeek!! Arrrghhh! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REMAIN SANE AROUND HERE????”

It was at that point that I decided to capture that screen shot, to share my feelings with the blogging world. I then turned my attention to other things.

Soon after that, I picked up a phone message from my son’s father, stating that he was trying to get snow tires put on his car, and could I bring my son over to his girlfriend’s home?

On my way driving my son there, here was a thought that eventually snuck into that brain of mine:

WHY is he trying to get snow tires on New Year’s Day?

This didn’t make sense to me, for several reasons:

Most people, in these parts, don’t get snow tires put on their cars. They have year-long tires that do well enough during the snow.
On New Year’s Day, pretty much everything is closed.

When I can’t make sense of something, it can be difficult for me to remain on task, trying to solve a problem. The result of that, yesterday: Vague confusion, with some sense of dread.

I mentioned my confusion to my son. “I can’t figure out why your father is trying to get snow tires put on his car today. I’m wondering if this is something I should be concerned about.”

And then we went back to talking about other things.

When we reached our destination, I said to my son’s father’s girlfriend, “I have to ask: Why is Leon trying to get snow tires put on his car on New Year’s Day?”

And as often happens when I’m confused, somebody else has a perfectly reasonable explanation. She said, “His car is too light, and had so much trouble getting up the hill in the last snow. And, that big snow storm is coming tomorrow.”

My response: “Big snow storm?”

Hers (somewhat incredulously): “You didn’t hear about the storm?”

Just then, I realized I had missed something important. And sure enough, those scary numbers in that screen shot had distracted me from something else in that picture.

Those nice-looking clouds with snow flakes, two days in a row.

Get with the program, Brain!

Thanks to confused people everywhere, to people who have to drive in snow, and to you — of course! — for visiting today.

I am, apparently, transitioning here, from yesterday’s post to today’s.

Categories: humor, personal growth | Tags: acceptance of where you are, confusion, dealing with New England weather, easily distracted, letting go of confusion, perceptual confusion, snow tires, technology confusion | 35 Comments

Day 366: S-words

Posted on January 1, 2014 by Ann Koplow

Note: Some of the links in this post use adult-oriented language.

“S-words.” Yes, that’s the title for this momentous post — my first post of the New Year and the first one that has a number higher than 365.

How did I arrive at that title?

Who cares, really? That’s in the past. Let’s just deal with the present for now, shall we?

Of course, now that I’ve committed to being in the present, I want to go back into the past, just for a moment (because that’s how our minds work, people). In posts past, I have blogged about words that start with a special letter: a P-Word (Procrastination), an A-word (Anger), and a D-word (Death).

That D-word is usually a conversation stopper (and it’s really buried in that linked post, too), but let’s move on, shall we?

Today, I would like to expound/ramble/write about some S-words. How many, exactly?

Let’s find out!

1. Start.

Today feels like a new start, because it’s New Year’s day. It’s also a new start for me, here at this blog.

As with any new start, I’m keeping some old things — to help me feel safe, secure, and competent enough– and introducing some things that are new. I won’t name what the new things are; I’ll let you notice those on your own, if you are so inclined.

There was another, specific change I wanted to make in my blog today, but I haven’t figured out how to do it, yet. The change? I want to stop using asterisks for footnotes (because those asterisks can sure pile up, people) and start using another S-word: Superscripts, those little numbers that hover above the line.

I think superscripts might help provide a more convenient and pleasurable experience here — for you AND me.

2. Support.

Support is something I sometimes have trouble asking for. I often try to solve problems on my own, because of past experiences. But I guess I might need some support, specifically with that change to superscripts.

We shall see.

3. Steam.

Yes, steam. One of the post titles I was considering, this morning, was “Letting off steam.” Why? Because:

Our heating system (which I wrote about here) has been continuing to act hookey, flooky, or however else you want to describe a friggin’ system that isn’t working correctly. For one thing, the radiator in the bathroom started sounding (and feeling) like a seriously insane steam bath, the thermostat kept pooping out, AND the boiler in the basement was needing new infusions of water constantly. Because I don’t like to bother people, and it wasn’t an emergency, I sent an email yesterday morning to the Heating Guy on My Team, Tom Prendergast, that explained the situation but which also said, “No rush,” because I assumed this was a busy holiday time for him. Nevertheless, Tom called me back yesterday (just as my son and I were about to go out for lunch*) and he sent over two guys who changed the vent on the radiator, which is definitely helping the situation.
Because situation #1 included two of my “triggers” — machines (or other systems) not working properly AND hunger — I felt the A-word (anger), yesterday afternoon. At everybody. At the world. My son, who is so smart that when he hears a certain tone in my voice, sometimes says, “You’re hungry,” was even smarter, yesterday. When he heard “that tone” he asked, calmly, “Are we going to have our New Year’s Eve fight?” which helped, for many reasons. What else helped? I let off some steam with my bf, Michael, about some things that had been bothering me. And, I ate some friggin’ thing.

4. Shame.

There it is. One of the big S-words, for sure.

I wrote about shame several times last year (including here). I assume I’ll write about it again, in 2014.

Here are some things I have felt shame about (which I’m working on letting go of):

Anger, which is just another human feeling.
Imperfections in my body and mind (also human).

Okay! There were some other S-words I could have written about today — including sleep, singular, and snoring, plus the S-word George Carlin said you couldn’t say on TV** — but it’s time for me to start ending this post.

So what am I missing, at this point?

An image! I can’t think of a suitable s-word for that, so let’s go with a p-word: a photograph!

Checking photos I have stored on my iPhone ….

Hmmmm. Here’s something, but it’s an image I’ve already used, twice before (here and here). It definitely is an important S-word, though:

Hmmmm. “Stop” can be a very useful word, but I’m still not satisfied. Let’s see what’s on Google Images, today, for “S-word.”

As usual, I am surprised at the selection (in order of appearance):

***

****

*****

******

After that excellent S-word,”Serendipity”, Google Images then presented LOTS of pictures of …. swords. Sorry, but those don’t meet my needs, today.

But suddenly, one more “S-word” showed up:

******

Super!

Thanks to my son, Michael, George Carlin, Tom Prendergast, anybody else who contributed to the creation of this post today, and — of course! — to my special, surprising, and super readers, everywhere.

________________________

* We were actually going out for sushi, another S-word, but doesn’t that sound (fill in your own judgmental word, if any, here)?

** Here‘s a link to that classic Carlin routine — “The Seven Words You Can Never Say On TV”. These days, it depends on the station.

*** That image lives here.

**** That image lives here.

***** That image lives here.

****** That image lives here.

******* That image, supposedly, lives here.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: asking for support, being in the moment, dealing with anger, George Carlin, letting go of perfectionism, letting go of shame, new starts, shame, superman pendant, superscripts in WordPress, The Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV, Tom Prendergast | 55 Comments

Day 365: End of Year (Big Deal!)

Posted on December 31, 2013 by Ann Koplow

I’m looking at the title of this post, people, trying to decide what to tell you about it.

I’m looking at this entire year, people, trying to decide what to tell you about it.

Here’s a relevant quote, from a movie I love.

“Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”

Here’s a short clip, including that quote:

(thanks to angelofcaine69)

I wanted to find a clip that included JUST that quote, but I couldn’t. So time to move on … to summing up.

Perhaps I avoid summing up. Why? Maybe because summing up can involve numbers*. Or maybe because summing up means conclusions and decisions, which I can also avoid, because I LOVE …

Creating space for people to come to their own conclusions and decisions.
Opening up possibilities, rather than restricting them.

And yet, today is a traditional day for summing up and for conclusions. To get closure. To let go of the past (while still respecting its gifts). To move forward.

I’m now looking at the title of this post, again, with a critical** eye. I’m asking myself, “What is true in that title, and what is opinion?”

Well, it’s an undeniable fact that it’s the End of the Year, right now (at least where I live). But … is it really a Big Deal? And if it IS a big deal … to whom? To me? To you? To other people?

I’ll tell you what I love about “Big Deal!” in that title. It implies “Yes” AND “No.” It contains authenticity AND irony.***

Yes, I love that.

Okay! At this point in today’s blog post, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to re-visit my “About” page, which was written a year ago, to see if I have fulfilled my commitments.

ABOUT THIS BLOG

This blog is part of my creative process.

It’s also a way to work on my growing acceptance and appreciation of life, and to share and develop some of the wisdom I’ve been slowly accumulating. My commitment is to start on January 1, 2013 and to blog once daily, throughout 2013.

This blog is also another way for me to take risks, to venture out into the world in new ways, and to embrace and express all my different human feelings– joy, fear, sadness, anger, the whole Emotional Enchilada. I plan to engage in my well-developed sense of play, and approach some painful material, also.

So this blog does a lot for me!

Hey! You know what? I fulfilled those commitments. I shall now take a moment to celebrate that accomplishment, by asking for “New Year Fireworks” from my old friend, Google Images.

(thanks to dailymail.co.uk)

Because celebrating what I’ve done is a skill I continue to work on (and encourage in others), I would like to extend this celebration for few more minutes, via the same request — “New Year fireworks” — from another old friend, YouTube.

(thanks to hanabian)

I’ve learned a lot this year, my dear readers.

What have I learned?

Well, I guess you’ll just have to read those posts I wrote, every day, to really answer that question. But, to emulate Inigo Montoya, let me sum up:

I blogged.
I learned many things, from myself and from other people.
I have a lot more to learn.
Therefore, I will continue to blog, as long as I have ideas, and as long as anybody wants to keep reading.

Since I’m continuing on this blogging adventure, what to do about the title of this blog? I mean, it’s “The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally” and that year is coming to a close, today. So, obviously, I have to change it.

(sigh)

That’s been another thing on my friggin’ to do list, y’know?

Well, I highly recommend taking the easy way out, whenever possible. Keep it simple.

And every change, no matter how small, still counts. Every change is a Big Deal.

So without further ado, I shall now unveil the new title of this here blog:

The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally

Yep, that’s it!

I don’t know what YOU think or feel about THAT. However, I do know this:

I LOVE it.

Thanks to all my readers for a year of living, loving, and learning; of disappointment and hope; of fear, sadness, anger, and joy; of all those big deals and more. See you tomorrow, in 2014!

____________________

* I don’t want people to get the wrong idea, regarding my feelings about numbers. I love numbers, sometimes. However, numbers are not my native language, so sometimes they challenge me. Hmmm. I don’t like the way I said that. “They challenge me” is too mild, too wimpy a statement. How about this? Sometime, I hate numbers. Nope, too strong. How about this? Sometimes, numbers make me crazy. Nope, “crazy” is not a great word for me to use. How about this? Sometimes they make me angry. Nope, people have trouble with anger. Arrrghh! What’s the right word, regarding me and numbers? Damned if I know, right now. Maybe I’ll figure that out next year.

** In other words, with judgment! Did you catch me?

*** Or humor or sarcasm or whatever else you want to call that.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: "Let me explain.", "Let me sum up.", accepting all feelings, discomfort with numbers, Fireworks in Japan, Fireworks in London, Inigo Montoya, letting go of the past, New Year's Eve, skills for moving forward, small changes, The Princess Bride | 51 Comments

Day 364: What day is it?

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Ann Koplow

I believe this thing to be self-evident: On the penultimate* day of The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally, I have managed to come up with the goofiest title, ever.

And I’m not being judgmental about that. I happen to think that “goofy” is high praise. (I believe I’ve demonstrated that belief, in this previous post.) Although, one could argue that praise, of any sort, is also judgmental.**

All right, Ann! Enough with the charmingly (you hope) digressive style! Let’s cut to the chase! Why do you think that title is goofy?

I think the title is goofy because … it expresses a confusion about the day, after stating what day it is.

Then why in the Wild Wild World of Sports*** did you choose THAT title (after considering several others, as usual)?

Because at this time of the year, I am often confused about what day it is. There is something about The Week Between Christmas and New Year’s**** that causes rampant confusion in my brain, about the day. To add to this, I am taking two days off from work before New Year’s Day, and routine changes often confuse my sense of time.

I’m assuming I am not alone, in these experiences.

Although I AM alone as I am writing this.

Although that’s not entirely true, either. How can I say I’m alone? There’s a cat on my lap. This cat, to be exact:

That image meets my stringent criteria for posting my own photos here, including (1) I’ve never used it before, (2) it’s in focus, and (3) it is perhaps cute and interesting enough to ameliorate* possible feelings of annoyance at my charmingly (I hope) digressive and inquisitive writing style*****.

Where was I? Oh, yes, I am not alone. Further proof of that: my 15-year-old son, Aaron, and my boyfriend, Michael, are both here, albeit* asleep.

Hmmm. So what IS this post about, so far? What are the themes that are already emerging?

Well, confusion is a theme.

And what might confusion indicate, right now?

It might indicate that I need a little more food or sleep. That’s (always) possible.

However, I think it also indicates that it’s the next-to-last day of the year. Endings — and the approach of endings — can definitely cause confusion, in me.

Perhaps I’m not alone in that, too. Also, confusion is not always a bad thing, is it?

As I am approaching the end of this post, let’s see if I can find an image that represents “confusion,” right now. First, I shall check my trusty iPhone. I have no expectations, at this point, whether a photo is waiting there, that will fit the bill.

(….suspenseful pause…..)

OMG! I’ve struck gold. Not fool’s gold; real gold. The mother lode! The mother of them all. ***

That shot, which I took last Friday in the hospital cafeteria, not only meets all my criteria for my own photos, it is the perfect representation of the concept “confusion.” While true perfection may not exist, just look at all the confusion we’ve got there, in one single image. Feast your eyes on all the opposites, dialectics*, paradoxes, and contradictions!

Healthy/unhealthy. Biodegradable/Plastic. Cafeteria food/Salad bar. Dark/Light. Mac & Cheese/Anti-Mac & Cheese.

It’s all there, people! (And you may see more, too.)

Ahhhhhh. My work here is done.

At least for the day.

Thanks to all my readers, no matter what day you happen to drop by. There’s no confusion here: I appreciate your visit, wherever you are.

* One of my favorite words. I would define it, but I’m hoping the context will clarify its meaning, if necessary. Also, I hope to use this footnote as a running gag throughout the post.

** My good friend Krystal wrote me about that, last week.

*** This is a steal from Mel Brooks. See here for the first (mis-remembered) steal. I can’t find a clip for the second steal, which is from one of my favorite movies, “The Producers.”

**** Yes, Mark Bialczak, I am using this form, for now.

***** At least, in this particular case, among cat people. For people who don’t like cats, all bets are off.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Blazing Saddles", "The Producers", dialectics, favorite words, getting closure, mac & cheese & salad, Mel Brooks, perfectionism, the penultimate day of the year, time confusion | 47 Comments

Day 363: Areas to work on

Posted on December 29, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yes, dear readers, it’s that time of year where people think about, create, avoid, debate about, embrace, get pissed off about, and otherwise engage in …..

New Year’s Resolutions.

I usually say, “I refuse to do New Year’s Resolutions!” That’s my usual stance.

It’s time to take a break in this post, already, for a confession. I don’t know the correct way to punctuate that phrase. I usually write it the way I did, above, but — in my mind — it might also be:

New Years Resolutions
New Years’ Resolutions
New Years’s Resolutions

Let me check Google, now, to see if anybody else gets confused, like that.

Apparently not.

Has anybody, besides me, noticed that I’m stalling, at this point?

I guess that speaks to my point: I really don’t like New Year’s Resolutions. Why? Maybe it’s the friggin’ title. I can really get stuck on titles, that’s for sure.

So why don’t I like the title “New Year’s Resolutions”? (I DO like the fact that I can spell that with confidence, now.)

Actually, I don’t like New Year’s, period. (Eeeeek! I’m not sure how to punctuate “New Year’s” either. Hold on, while I check Google ….. Aha! Apparently there IS some confusion about THAT.)

I’m still stalling, aren’t I?

So, yes, in the past, I have been known to say, “I hate New Years Eve.” I don’t like new year’s day.” “New Year’s Eve and Day are my least favorite time of the year.” And, “I love my birthday. I save my fears and dread about the passage of time and my own mortality for the new year.”

Yes, I have been known to say all those things. And, I’m pretty sure I wrote something similar, at some point, in my blog this year.*

But I want to tell you this, right now: This year, I have NOT been dreading the approach of New Years. I’m not knowing exactly why that’s true, but — as always — I can guess. This year:

I’m letting go of assumptions about what New Year’s should be (including how to punctuate it).
I’m expressing my thoughts and feelings, every day, to people I feel connected to.

And those two things help, a lot.

In the past, I have resisted New Year’s Resolutions, because they have spoken to me of this: The Potential for Failure.

It’s difficult for me to let go of that connection with New Year’s Resolutions — The Potential for Failure — especially since I first heard about them when I was a little kid. If we attach meaning — or decide about something — when we’re children, that belief can feel quite stuck, even if it’s not helping us now. Letting go of it, changing that belief, is really hard to do.

Therefore, I ‘d like to create a new name, in place of New Year’s Resolutions. I believe that would help.

Here would be my wishes for that new name:

It would focus on making my life better, while also letting go of judgment about how I’ve done, so far.
It would be a phrase that’s new(er); that is, something I did not hear as a child.
It would not evoke the Possibility of Failure, but would rather promote hope.
It would be easy to punctuate (and spell, too).

Hence, the title of this blog post: “Areas to work on.”

That phrase is definitely better, but I can’t say that I love it, yet. It reminds me, a little too much, of reviews I’ve gotten at work. And, like many people, I have had performance-review-related anxieties.

However, my work-related reviews, for the most part, have turned out well, even if the few negative parts of any review have stuck — felt “bigger” than the positive ones.

Hmmmm. You know what I’m realizing now? Those “negative parts” of which I speak? They usually are in THAT place in the review: “Areas to work on.”

And — of course — that IS where they’d be, right? Because “Areas to work on” is the place, in every review of past performance, where the focus is on What I Could Do Better (which, to a person with perfectionist tendencies, might sound like “You’re not doing enough.”)

Well, although I could have done better with this post (I suppose), at least I’ve made my way back to the title. And you know what? That title IS good enough, for my requirements.**

Okay, here we go!

Areas to Work On

in 2014 (and beyond)

by Ann

My mind’s a blank.
Remember that my mind will blank out and wander, but it will come back.
Remember to eat and drink what I need, in the moment.
Sleep when I am able to, letting go of fears about whether I’m doing that right.
Forgive myself, as best I can, for actions (or non-actions) from my past.
Remember that warnings and alerts — both external and internal — are usually not a matter of life and death.
Allow for the possibility that you don’t have to keep proving your credibility to people, over and over again.
Geesh! Isn’t that enough?

Well, it’s my blog post, so I say it IS enough. Except, as usual, I’d like to include some imagery here, too.

Here are some Google Images for “New Year’s Resolutions” (which, at least, speak to my previous points about punctuation possibilities):

***

****

*****

******

And one final Google Image, for “Areas to work on,” that I really like:

*******

Ta-Da!

Thanks to everybody who helped make this post possible, to New Year’s Resolutioneers everywhere, and to you — of course! — for reading today.

* I assume so, but I can’t seem to find anything right now. You’re just going to have to take my word for it.

** Although it DOES have a dangling participle, if you care about such things.

*** I couldn’t find the home, for that image.

**** I found that image here, but if you click on that link, you might have some trouble getting back to this post.

***** I found that image here.

****** I found that image here.

******* I found that image here.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: Debbie Ridpath Ohi, Honest Jon, how to spell new years, Jon Clark, letting go of judgment, new years resolutions, punctuation possibilities, Will Write for Chocolate | 44 Comments

Day 361: That whole bad day/good day thing, again

Posted on December 27, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Approximately 100 days ago, I blogged about Bad Day/Good Day.

I think that was a good post, if I do say so myself. Not bad at all. And if you click on the link, and travel back in time and space to go there, I think you’ll enjoy it. I know I learned a lot, from the experience of living that day and writing about it, so you might learn something, too.

But no pressure to do that.

So what did I want to tell you today, now that I’ve completed that past-oriented introduction? I wanted to journey back into the past, again — although not so far — by writing about yesterday.

Yesterday, my dear readers, was a challenging day. And “challenging,” sometimes, is a euphemism for “bad.”

What made my day challenging?

It was the day after Christmas. I really don’t like working on the day after Christmas. Somehow, I had forgotten that. (Note to self: remember, next year, that you don’t like working on the day after Christmas.)*
A lot of people didn’t show up. The corridors, throughout the hospital where I work, were eerily empty. And this reminded me, big time, of being stuck in the hospital, when I was a kid, during Christmas time. And even though I didn’t celebrate Christmas then, that really, really sucked.
Around 3 PM**, I got a wicked craving for comfort food. And I knew exactly what I wanted: Macaroni and cheese. I wanted that so badly, visions of it were dancing in my head:

***

****

*****

Now, where was I? Oh yes, reasons why my day sucked, yesterday.

Ooops! My language changed there, didn’t it? I think I need something to eat.

I’m back! So, where was I? Oh yes, reasons why my day was challenging, yesterday. I will end that list with this:

There was no macaroni and cheese, to be found.

However, my day got better, as days often do. What helped make it better?

Somebody showed up for my group last night.
I learned a lot.

And, while I don’t like to fortune-tell — because who knows what today will bring — I’m pretty sure that today will turn out all right, too.

Why?

Because the hospital cafeteria is serving this:

******

Yippee!

Thanks to people who love macaroni and cheese, and — according to my old student and current Facebook friend, Chris — that includes everybody. But just in case it doesn’t, thanks to you, for visiting today.

___________________________________________

* Chances are, I won’t remember this, unless I read my own blog posts.

** I wanted to check my memory on the timing here, and I thought I could do that easily, because I tweeted about this yearning yesterday. However, Facebook is telling me this happened 15 hours ago and Twitter is telling me it happened 16 hours ago. Arrrghhh. So, never mind.

*** That image lives here.

**** That image lives here, and I can’t tell you how much it pleases me that there is Clip Art for macaroni and cheese.

***** That yummy image lives here.

****** That image lives here.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: bad days and good days, childhood hospitalizations, comfort food, comfort food during times of stress, food as a stress reliever, good days and bad days, macaroni and cheese, macaroni and cheese clip art, old memories, working the day after Christmas | 33 Comments

Day 358: Pressure

Posted on December 24, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Today’s post is about pressure. And honoring my almost-year-long tradition of confusing my readers as soon as possible, I shall start with a poem:

’twas the day before Christmas, and all through the flat,

Several creatures were stirring, including a cat.

Now, if I do say so myself, I’ve done a nice job confusing people almost immediately, including using the word “flat” which implies that I live in the UK, which I don’t.

And here’s how I bring things back to the Topic du Jour almost immediately. I’ve relieved some pressure on myself, by including the above photo — thus fulfilling another Year-of-Living-Non-Judgmentally tradition (grand or otherwise).

That’s a relief! Now I can breathe easier.

Here’s another tradition around these parts: Ann asking questions, that she then answers. (Okay, there seems to be another sub-topic here. Traditions. Should I make that part of the title?) (Easy decision: Nope.)

Where was I? Oh, yes, asking myself a question, as follows: Why did I start with that poem, when the topic is Pressure?

I will answer that question with a list (something else that’s a tradition around here). I started this post with that poem because:

It’s December 24th.
I wanted the centerpiece of this post to be a list of things I felt pressure about, yesterday.
As a result, I thought of the line “Making a list and checking it twice.”
My next (erroneous) thought was that the above line came from “’twas the Night Before Christmas.”
Voila! I thought of the beginning lines of this post.

Is anybody out there concerned about me, at this point?

No worries. It’s just another edition of “Ann’s Mind and Welcome To It ” (which could be the title of my blog next year) (if I change it).

And I want to confess something else about Ann’s Mind, right now. I’m a little anxious. Why? Because after I got up, I realized that I forgot to plug in and charge my phone/camera/life support system last night … and the power on that device is verrrry low* . I would take a picture to show you how low the power is, but I can’t. (If you don’t know why I can’t take a picture, at this point, I empathize with your state of mind. Truly.)

Anyway, I would really like to get to that aforementioned list, right now. So here it is!

List of Things I Felt Pressure About, Yesterday

Responding back to phone calls.
Responding back to emails.
Responding back to comments here at WordPress.
Making decisions about a trip to Boquete, Panama.
Making decisions about Christmas gifts.
Making decisions about what to do about WordPress awards.
Deciding about unimportant friggin’ details, including how to coordinate my packed and often unpredictable schedule at work today, so that I can connect, for two seconds, with somebody I would really like to see, so that I can get ahold of some gifts I really want that I can then give to people I love, tonight.

If you had trouble following that last item on the list, again, I empathize.

Here’s my point (and I do have one)***.

I felt a lot of pressure at points during the day, yesterday. And who put that pressure on me?

Me. Just me.

Nobody else did. Everybody else was just:

Doing their job,
Trying to connect, and/or
Being kind.

I am not going to say, “Shame on me,” about all that. Nope. That doesn’t help.

Here’s something that does help:

It’s a reminder, on a post-it note. I could say more about that, but, Jiminy Cricket! Look at the time.

There are other posts, here at WordPress, where I HAVE said more, but …..

No pressure!

Thanks to everyone who has ever nominated me for an award, list-makers, poets, holiday celebrators everywhere, those who put (and relieve) pressure on anybody, and to you — especially — for reading today.

* As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’ve relied on cardiac pacemakers since I was a kid, so devices running out of power can seem scary to me.**

** Although, honestly, I think I’m not alone in my cell-phone-running-out-of-power fears.

*** I always hear Ellen DeGeneris’s voice in my head, when I use that line. Thanks, Ellen!

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: 'twas the day before Christmas, feeling overwhelmed, letting go of pressure, Letting go of self-judgment, letting go of shame, living with a cardiac pacemaker, post-it notes for helpful reminders, trouble making decisions, Wordpress awards | 31 Comments