Posts Tagged With: the healing power of groups

Day 794: Sitting

Posted on March 5, 2015 by Ann Koplow

I am sitting here, in my kitchen, typing on my iPhone, not sure what to include in this post about “Sitting” this morning.

Where you’re sitting, you could be thinking I’m sitting with little to say about “Sitting.” To unseat that misconception, here’s a sitting list I’m sitting with, right now:

On my way to work yesterday, here’s what I saw while I was sitting in my car:

When I got to work, I was sitting with people who are trying to improve their lives through group and individual psychotherapy.

Later, while I was sitting waiting to talk to somebody about financial matters, I saw these:

To more clearly show you the size of those chairs, one of these could have been sitting in that photo, rather than just sitting in my backpack:

Last night, I saw this right before I left home without my cats:

Then, after I was sitting with amazement about GETTING A PARKING SPACE ON THE STREET IN DOWNTOWN BOSTON, I saw these sitting around the theater district:

Soon, I was sitting (and not sitting) in the mezzanine of Boston’s Wilbur Theater with my beloved ex-sister-in-law, Deborah, as Los Lobos unseated everybody with an amazing guitar-wailing, roots-shaking, foot-stomping, grab-you-where-you’re-sitting performance.

As you can see, we weren’t sitting very close. But that sat okay, with me and Deborah.

Another thing about sitting: I’ve been sitting for what seems like months now, waiting for cardiologists to get back to me with recommendations about the very unusual heart sitting in my chest. That reminds me of Jimmy Cliff singing “Sitting in Limbo.”

(If Jimmy Cliff’s live performance of that song is sitting in limbo as you read this post, it’s also sitting in YouTube.)

Limbo is not so bad if other people are sitting there with you (and making good music, too).

This post will NOT be sitting well with me unless I include a Los Lobos song I heard last night (also sitting at YouTube, right now):

Many thanks to Deborah, to Los Lobos, to Jimmy Cliff, to people who cope and heal sitting in groups and on their own, to sitting cats and bunny pens, to chairs of all sizes, to all the wonderful people I saw sitting and standing yesterday (including Mary, who reads this blog, at the concert last night), and — of course! — to you, for sitting through this whole post, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Sitting Here in Limbo" by Jimmy Cliff, Los Lobos, the healing power of groups, the healing power of music | 30 Comments

Day 732: Bragging Rights

Posted on January 2, 2015 by Ann Koplow

I don’t know if this is bragging, but in the full two years of my daily posts here, I’ve written only one post with the word “bragging” in the title, and that was 517 days ago.*

As I mention in that past post — “Bragging, Fear of Envy, and Healing” — bragging does not come easy to me. I actually have some fears about it.

I just skimmed that past post. I think it’s good.

Is that bragging?

I didn’t read it carefully because I assumed it was good enough, because I wrote it (as I write all my posts) with heart-felt authenticity.

Is that bragging?

Here’s what my long-time friend Gene wrote in the comments section of that long-ago post:

This may be my favorite of all your posts, especially the first half which was so movingly personal and at the same time pointing to universal concerns.

Is that bragging?

I’m thinking about the title I chose today — “Bragging Rights” — and how human beings can express concerns and needs to have a “right” to certain actions and feelings.

As a psychotherapist, I constantly witness people saying things like:

I (or they) did not have a right to be angry.
I don’t have a right to feel good about this.
I got upset, and it wasn’t justified.
I had no right to be crying like that.
I’d like to challenge that person, but I don’t know if I have a right to do that.

As I tell people over and over again (and I have a right to do that), there is no “right” or “wrong” about feelings. Feelings just are. We have them, as human beings. If we don’t interfere with those feelings — by judging them — they will flow through our lives, naturally — like the weather.

I stole that emotion-weather metaphor from my friend Carol and her friend Eric.

Is that bragging? Do I have a right to do that?

Here are some specific things I’d like to brag about today:

I’m taking a day off from work, BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!!
Three days ago, one of the primary care doctors I work with came to get me in my office, in response to my telling him (and everybody else on my teams) that I was committed to and passionate about being available to his patients and to him if anybody ever seemed upset, overwhelmed, depressed, or anxious during a doctor’s visit. The doctor told me he was seeing a patient who could not stop crying. Without taking much time to hear or find out more about this patient, I went into the examining room with him, met her, heard her story, listened actively, expressed my authentic reactions, and told her about possible supports where I work and elsewhere, including the groups I offer there. My time with this patient was, approximately, fifteen minutes,* including walking her over to another part of the enormous hospital where I work, where an expert on violence prevention and recovery was eager to speak to her, also.
Two days ago, I ran into the doctor who came to get me. He told me the patient had called him, expressing gratitude, and had said, “I felt a spiritual shift, when I realized that you people cared about me.”
I recently received this email, from the Northeast Society for Group Psychotherapy:

Dear Ann Koplow:

We are very pleased to accept your workshop proposal entitled, “ Come One, Come All, Whenever! A new model for open access groups.” for the June 2014 NSGP Conference. This year’s conference is entitled Getting Real: Vulnerability and Effective Group Leadership and will be held June 5, 6, and 7, 2015 at Simmons College.

I’m especially bragging about that last bullet point since (1) two years ago I tried to give a workshop there and it was cancelled due to low registration** and (2) there are very few workshop slots available this year, because of changes to that organization’s yearly conference schedule.
I was recently elected to the board of the organization giving the conference. Does that give me more or fewer bragging rights?

Is it bragging if I tell you that I think the photos I take with my iPhone are worth posting here?

Is it bragging if I tell you that I didn’t take many photos yesterday and I’ve decided to repeat some photos from yesterday’s post, which was about the possible small change of my changing my profile picture here at WordPress?

So far, here is the photo with the most votes from my readers:

Eeeek! While I appreciate the votes for that picture of me, I’m probably NOT going to use that for my new profile picture, since I personally feel nervous and a little scared when I see people wearing medical masks.

Here are some images that I am seriously considering for my profile picture:

Is it bragging to tell you this? I am currently leaning towards one of those, because when I showed the candidates to my boyfriend Michael yesterday, he said

Wow. If somebody showed me that and asked “Who does that look like?” I’d say … “Ann!”

Would anybody like to guess which one that might be? And, please, do not be afraid to brag about your preference for a better choice (or anything else, more important and personal to you).

I’m not sure what music to include here, that fits today’s topic of Bragging.

I know! Here’s me, singing and playing Steely Dan’s “Pretzel Logic,” previously appearing in a post I wrote 117 days ago.*

That video is found here on YouTube and it has 66 views and no (critical) comments!

Is that bragging?

Many thanks, from the bottom of my bragging and very special heart,** to all my very special readers, ** including YOU, of course.

* In previous posts, I’ve written “But who’s counting?” after I refer to something with numbers from the past. Today, I’m going to brag about who’s counting. It’s me!

** And I’m not bragging!

Categories: blogging, inspiration, personal growth | Tags: acceptance, accepting all feelings, letting go of fears about bragging, NSGP, the healing power of groups, the power of listening | 51 Comments

Day 704: Live

Posted on December 5, 2014 by Ann Koplow

All of these images were taken live, by me, yesterday.

#1.

#2.

#3:

#6.

#10.

Live, from Boston,* I shall now comment on these photos:

On my walk to work, I stopped to take that photo of a ?. Why? I simply cannot live without asking questions.
“Where there’s life, there’s hope” was something somebody said during a therapy session involving the hope of learning to live more authentically, fully, and happily.
Letting go of worry, live from a room where I facilitated a group last evening.
That sign about indoor living lives outdoors and reminds me now that I hope I live long enough to see Sting’s play “The Last Ship” in the great indoors tomorrow night.
A lively, early Christmas gift arrived in the mail yesterday for Michael, who lives to love snow globes.
I was watching the new live production of “Peter Pan” on the TV in our living room (thanks to coffeegrounded‘s lively alert on my blog post yesterday).
Live from the living room, it’s Oscar!
More live action from “Peter Pan,” shaky because I was laughing so hard after Michael said, walking into the living room after Tinkerbell had been brought back to life by the belief living in a kashmillion clapping children: “Oh! I see Tinkerbell is alive again, NO THANKS TO YOU, ANN!”
A live shot of cookies, because of another lively comment by coffeegrounded, yesterday.
Live coverage of reactions in Boston to the Eric Garner decision (which people had discussed, with many lively questions about the future and hope, in the therapy group I facilitated).

I wish I could write more, this morning, but I need to go live, now, to cardiac rehab, before I go to work for a couple of hours and then take a lively train ride with my friend Deb for a weekend live in New York.

I like to post live versions of songs in my blog (like here, here, here, here, here, and here). Does any hope live in you, right now, about

a song you’d like me to include in this here post (assuming I can figure out how to do that, live from the train ride or New York)?
anything else you’d like to express, live in the comments below?

If not, no worries.

Thanks to all who live as best they can (including you).

* When you’re reading this, I might be live in (or near) New York.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Asking questions, being in the moment, every life counts, living in the moment, the healing power of groups, the new live "Peter Pan" | 32 Comments

Day 677: Pink

Posted on November 8, 2014 by Ann Koplow

I woke up this Saturday morning — not completely in the pink — but knowing that “Pink” was my title for today’s post.

In case you don’t know what “In the Pink” means, here’s the definition:

in the pink

in very good health and spirits.
synonyms: in good health, very healthy, very well, hale and hearty.

I think that definition comes from Google, but I’m not sure.

I feel more in the pink when I include facts in my posts I’m certain about, and I’m sure the following images of “pink” are from a Google search:

(This Pink image lives here)

(This pink and Marilyn-y image lives here, supposedly)

(This pink and beard-y image lives here, for some reason)

When I look for images with Google, I am sometimes tickled pink, and I am also often having other feelings that do NOT have colors assigned to them. For example, I am now confused (insert any color, here, you think would fit) about:

how Google decides which images to show me (like, for instance, most of the images that came up for “pink,” just now, were of the singer Pink, or P!nk, which might be representative of the culture’s focus on celebrity),
why a man with a pink beard would appear on a web page that seems, to me, to be about Australia and cars,
how every time I use Google to search for images these days, it seems a little different and slightly more difficult (but that might just be me), and
where the pink ribbons are, which I expected to see early on, in this Google Image search.

Let’s see if I can find any pink ribbons, in those returns of my Google Image Search.

As I’m searching, for that expected pink ribbon, I’m finding many, many more images of P!nk, plus

(this pink and Starbucks-y image lives here)

(this pink and Jennifer Lopez-y image lives here)

(This image lives here on YouTube)

(This image lives here)

That last image is close to what I was expecting to find, but not exactly.

I’m now feeling a little pink or blue or green or red or white or whatever color we might assign to impatience, since I thought this part of my post would be very quick to write.

Okay, I’m going to dive back into that sea of pink images again, to see if I can find that pink ribbon.

(this image lives here)

(this image lives here)

I think this search might be endless, actually. I know I could find the pink-ribbon image I’m looking for, by doing a Google Search on “pink ribbon,” but color me stubborn, as I try one more time (even though, at this point, it feels like looking for a needle in a pink haystack).

(that image lives here, on YouTube) (and by the way, if you’re looking for a music video in my post today, click on that link, and you’ll find it)

Okay. I give up. You’ll just have to imagine or search for a pink ribbon, on your own.

If you read this blog on a regular basis, you might notice I don’t often give up. However, today, all these pink digressions have distracted me from what I thought I was going to write about

Which was ….? (And what color might we assign to the state of distraction?)

In order to pick up the pink thread I started here this morning, here’s my first sentence, which I wrote about an hour ago:

I woke up this Saturday morning — not completely in the pink — but knowing that “Pink” was my title for today’s post.

Why am I not completely in the pink, this morning?

I’m not entirely sure, dear readers. I mean, there are a lot of things in my life I feel tickled pink about these days, including:

the growing success of my therapy groups at work,
how much help it is, for me, to write these daily blog posts,
how many friends I have — in the blog-o-sphere and in the life-o-sphere — including (1) Louise Gallagher who confused Black Sabbath with Pink Sabbath in her comment about my post yesterday and (2) Mark, my co-worker, who has appeared here and here and also in this photo I haven’t posted yet:

Mark pink-papers Ann.

That was the caption Mark and I came up with for that photo, which I took when I was making copies for my sold-out presentation about The Koplow Method of Group Therapy, two weekends ago.

But NOW I have to explain what “Pink Paper” means, in that caption.

Actually, a photo I took yesterday, in my office, might help make this crystal (is that a color?) clear.

Arrrghh! I haven’t up-loaded my photos from yesterday yet, and now color me hungry. I wonder if there’s any pink food around for me, to eat?

Close enough. I also have some pink grapefruit juice, but I am not stopping to take a photo of that.

Where was I?

Oh, yes! Looking for that pink-paper photo, from yesterday. Here it is (mixed in with some other colors):

We really need to come up with a color for confusion, because I’m assuming all my readers are that color, right now.

Let’s see if I can help with that, even just a little. Here’s the definition of “pink paper” which is, apparently, a local, Massachusetts expression:

House Bill 4681, an Act to Improve Emergency Access to Mental Health Services (Section 12 Law) was passed by the legislature and signed into law by Governor Patrick. As of November 8, 2010, LICSWs in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will be authorized to sign a Section 12(a), known as a “pink paper.” A pink paper is the mechanism by which a LICSW moves to hospitalize an individual believed to meet the criteria for civil commitment. A LICSW may order that a mentally ill individual be restrained and taken to a hospital in the belief that failure to hospitalize would create a likelihood of serious harm by reason of mental illness.

Examples of situations where a Section 12 might be appropriate include:

Suicidality

Homicidality

Markedly impaired judgment due to mental illness to such an extent that a person is unable to protect himself/herself.

— The National Association of Social Workers (Massachusetts chapter) web site

Thank goodness, I have had to “pink paper” very few people, in my years practicing as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Massachusetts. And when I have, these were situations where I truly believed people would be much safer, because of my action.

I’m wondering, again, what colors might be in your face as you read this portion of my post. If you have thoughts or feelings about any of this, I hope you know you can comment, freely.

I’m also aware that I still haven’t told you why I’m not completely in the pink today.

Well, I had a phone conversation with my cardiologist, Dr. Salem, yesterday.

Doesn’t Dr. Salem (who last appeared in this blog post) look pink and friendly in that photo?

These days, I am seeing Dr. Salem once every three months, so we can pay more attention to my very unusual heart (which might have some pink in it, but is probably mostly red, although, I can’t really say, not having seen my own heart, but believe me, some surgeons saw the color of it, up close and personal, when I was a little kid, when I had two heart surgeries, for pacemaker implants, which needed to be sewn directly onto the heart, back in the 1960’s).

Somewhere in that long and winding parentheses, above, lies a pink thread to why I am not completely in the pink today. In my phone conversation with Dr. Salem yesterday, we spoke about the distinct-as-pink possibility of my needing heart surgery again, for a valve replacement.

How distinct-as-pink IS that possibility?

Honestly, I think Dr. Salem and I really have no idea, because of my oh-so-unusual heart. All we really know is that:

climbing stairs is increasingly difficult for me (which could mean lots of things and not necessarily that I’ll need heart surgery) and
every three months, we shall track the colors, size, and other important attributes of my heart.

I’ll end with some good news, I think …

All my toes and my fingers are pink!

Thanks to all who made it through this pink and many-other-colored post, today. I think you deserve … a ribbon!

(pink ribbon, but not the kind of pink ribbon I was looking for before, found here)

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: accepting all feelings, Congenitally corrected transposition, Dr. Deeb Salem, early cardiac pacemaker implants, P!nk, pink paper, pink ribbons, the healing power of groups | 45 Comments

Day 612: Not the only one

Posted on September 4, 2014 by Ann Koplow

This is not the only year I’ve been writing this once-a-day, letting-go-of-judgment blog. I started this 1.6 years ago (but who’s counting?).

This is not the only post I’ve written about my passion — doing group therapy at a major Boston hospital’s Primary Care Practice.

Yesterday, my therapy group was the largest it’s ever been. As usual, the people there had many differences — age, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, size, personality, life experience, class, country of origin, economic situation, diagnosis, and reason for being in the group. And yet, they all shared something — the wish to feel and do better in their lives.

That was not the only thing they had in common, as we all discovered. Yesterday, somebody — who had never attended a therapy group before — suggested we work on shame.

I’ve written, many times, about the experience of shame, in posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here , here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here (and those are not the only ones, believe me).

As I’ve often expressed, Shame says:

There is something wrong with me.

I am broken.

I am abnormal.

I am weird.

I am the only one.

What’s one cure for shame? Finding out that all those things …

… are NOT true.

Shame on shame, for lying, so shamefully.

At the end of yesterday’s group — after people shared thoughts, feelings, experiences, and images of shame — I heard something, voiced again and again:

I’m grateful to know I’m not the only one.

Yesterday’s group was not the only one where I’ve heard that sentiment expressed.

That’s what therapy groups are for, I believe — to reduce shame. To connect people, in a vulnerable, safe, and authentic way. To give people room to realize they’re

Not the only one.

At this point, if you suspect I’m about to share a song I love, I’ll bet you’re not the only one.

(YouTube video of Bonnie Raitt‘s “Not the Only One” found here)

At this point, if you know I’ll be sharing some photos I took yesterday, you’re not the only one there, either.

The images, thoughts, feelings, and experiences I’ve shown you here, today, are not the only ones I could have shared. I could write a lot more about “Not the Only One.”

However, yesterday’s group is not the only one I’m doing this week. I have more group work to do, very soon.

Many thanks to Bonnie Raitt, to Paul Brady (for the lyrics to “Not the Only One”), to all those who share in groups of any kind, and to you — of course! — for being not the only one reading this post, here and now.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Ann Koplow's best blog posts, Bonnie Raitt, Bonnie Raitt's "Not the Only One", group therapy, letting go of shame, Paul Brady, the healing power of groups, what shame says | 27 Comments