IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are in therapy with me (or are considering being in individual or group therapy with me), please have a conversation with me about this blog before you read further.
ABOUT ME
When asked what I do for a living, I sometimes say I’m a clinical social worker, sometimes I say I’m a psychotherapist. Whatever title I use, I work with people at a major teaching hospital, and I specialize in group therapy.
For quite a while, I’ve been thinking of writing a book that combines personal memories with the work I love to do, and I actually started writing something in August, 2012. Working titles for that book include “AFOG: Another F***ing Opportunity for Growth”, “How To Be The Hero Of Your Own Story” and “Doing More of What Works (and Less of What Doesn’t Work) For You.”
As you can see, I sometimes have trouble making decisions. Or, to look at this another — perhaps less judgmental way — I’m an Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiver, according to the Myers-Briggs test (which I recommend as one way to investigate how your and other people’s “styles” interact). To translate that into English, that just means that (1) I feel more energized being around people, (2) I’m interested in possibilities and patterns, (3) I tend to go with my “gut”, and (4) I sometimes have trouble making decisions.
Something else about me: I am the owner of a very unusual heart — I have congenitally corrected transposition of the great vessels, which is super rare. This wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult; however, I was diagnosed at birth as having a complete heart block. Because of my heart, I spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was a kid. Plus, I am (probably) the second longest surviving person in the world with a cardiac pacemaker.
This medical part of my story has had a profound impact on me, of course. However, it’s a part of my life which — up until I started writing this blog — I was pretty secretive about (at least, beyond close friends and family). Not these years, though!
ABOUT THIS BLOG
This blog is part of my creative process.
It’s also a way to work on my growing acceptance and appreciation of life, and to share and develop some of the wisdom I’ve been slowly accumulating. My original commitment was to start on January 1, 2013 and to blog once daily for a year. Since blogging has helped me so much, I’ve extended that commitment through 2014 and beyond!
This blog is also another way for me to take risks, to venture out into the world in new ways, and to embrace and express all my different human feelings — joy, fear, sadness, anger, the whole Emotional Enchilada. I plan to engage in my well-developed sense of play, and approach some painful material, also.
So this blog does a lot for me!
ABOUT THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG
The original title — The Year of Living Non-Judgmentally — came to me in December 2012, out of the blue, and I knew I wanted to write a blog with that title (even though I had never written a blog before). Then, on January 1, 2014, after the first year was over, I added the “s” (to cover it all).
I wonder if readers might misunderstand the intent of this blog, because of the title. By no means do I expect that I (or anybody else) will attain a perfect state of Non-Judgment, no matter what the year.
As I say in my first post in this blog, judgment is something that I invite myself and my clients to let go of, as much as possible. So this blog is, also, my commitment to Walk that Walk and to Talk that Talk — to strive, day by day, for Years of Living Non-Judgmentally (the best that I can).
Being Non-Judgmental is an ideal beyond any human’s grasp. It’s like the ideal of being perfectly in the moment — another (I believe, at this point) unattainable ideal. As I discuss with clients, human minds aren’t built to stay in the moment or to be non-judgmental. Instead, our minds naturally veer off — into the past and the future, and into judgment of ourselves (and whatever else we encounter). The best we can do is to notice these human meanderings of our minds, and gently re-focus (to the moment and to letting go of judgment) over and over again.
I have to say that I’m really excited about this journey, and I’m honored that you are joining me right now — and for any additional part of it that you choose.
NOTE: Several of the posts in this blog contain references to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Narrative Therapy, and other therapeutic techniques I use when working with people. On 2/10/13, I started a second blog here, specifically for posting reference materials about these therapy techniques. (For example, see here for a handout containing definitions of all 13 Cognitive Distortions discussed in this blog.)
ANOTHER NOTE: As of January 20, 2014, I am finally stating my preference regarding WordPress Awards. If it pleases you to nominate me for one, it also pleases me to express sincere gratitude for the nomination (but that’s all I will do in return).
Hello! I’m doing a random get-to-know-your-fellow-bloggers chain-quiz thingy and I really like reading your blog, so I though you might be interested in playing. Go to http://caliwow.wordpress.com/2013/03/30/im-blaming-emperor-lu-bu/ and you’ll see 🙂 (You don’t have to do anything, just thought I’d extend the invite.)
Thanks! (I’m a little tardy responding to comments to my “About” description.)
Hi there,
many thanks for choosing to follow http://www.postsofhypnoticsuggestion.wordpress.com I really appreciate it.
This looks like an interesting blog too so I’m now following you as well
All the best
Tony
Thank you, Tony. Much appreciated.
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Hi Ann, Thanks for visiting my blog.I enjoyed some of your posts, interesting thoughts you have there! Look forward to reading more. Mrs. J
Thank you so much, Mrs. J! I enjoy your blog, also.
I’m interested in what you have to say. So difficult to be nonjudgmental.
Yes, it is difficult, because it’s completely human to think judgmental thoughts. So my goal is to work towards a non-judgmental stance. That’s the best I can do! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Thank you for following us at Five Quick Minutes! We will be adding new content over the next few weeks so please check back. Mention us to a friend!
Christian
Thanks, Christian! I appreciate you and your blog.
Very kind words…thank you! We’re working on things here.
Christian 🙂
Hi Ann! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am following your blog now, I find your candidness and comments endearing, and I also LOVE the field of psychotherapy. Have a great day!
Thanks, Debb, for your comment, which I greatly appreciate, along with your wonderful blog.
Oh, and p.s., thanks for following my blog as well! Good to know you. It seems we’re kindred spirits. )
Hi Ann,
I (want to) Like your latest post but there’s no Like button….
That’s strange. Some other people have liked it. Weird things have been happening with that post (Day 215), perhaps because I invited the wrath of the universe by bragging!
Ha ha…sharing your thoughts about bragging and your happiness about other people’s appreciation for you & your work is very positive and not bragging!
Here is a nice blog I just came across:
http://colleensharen.wordpress.com/2010/12/15/bragging-is-it-good-or-bad/.
Hi again Ann,
Someone sweet gave me this super sweet blog award and I’d like to pass it on to you: http://heilablog.com/2013/08/03/super-sweet-blog-award/
Hope you accept.
Heila
I am accepting in my own way — which means I acknowledge the award with authentic gratitude, answer the questions, and list people whose blogs I am admiring these days, but I don’t pass along the need to continue the chain. That’s because I love receiving and giving gifts, but I don’t like chain letters.
So thank you, so much, for this gift, Heila!!
Questions:
1. Cookies or cake? It’s cake time!!
2. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate is mandatory.
3. Favorite sweet treat? See #2, directly above.
4. When do you crave sweet treats the most? Right after I eat anything that isn’t sweet.
5. Sweet nickname? Sweetheart.
A baker’s dozen-worth of blogs I want to pass on to other people, right now:
My journey through M.E.
Ute smile
TheRoomMom
Shekhinah
Here We Go
suezl.com
Blessed Beyond Recognition
mostlytrueramblings
Lisa W. Rosenberg
Sunshine Factor
AshiAkira’s Blog
Tranquil Dreams
A Year of Rejoicing
Wonderful Ann. Doing it your way is the best and I feel the same about chain letters. I wrote something different to each person. Thank YOU!
YOU are welcome!
🙂
I actually had written that reply months ago, but I did it wrong …. so you weren’t notified. Hi, Heila!
Ah, now I understand. Wish you a pleasant and warm Sunday, Ann. 🙂
BTW, this is a great opportunity to get to know new blogs.
I agree, Heila! Thanks so much for that opportunity.
Hi Ann, what a great space! Thanks for choosing to follow one of my blogs (http://smilekiddo.wordpress.com) – I really appreciate it! I hope you are having fun with your first blogging venture. 🙂
Thanks, Stef, for the compliment. I appreciate your blog, too. I am having fun (and learning a lot, too)!
🙂
Hi Ann. Thank you for following HoB. Much appreciated!
Herman, you are most welcome. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Ann – we started blogging on the same day this year and, for me, it’s been an amazing journey meeting lots of interesting people in the blogosphere. I am a retired therapist myself (early retired) and I appreciate your self-challenge of living non-judgmentally for a year. Boy, has that been a challenge for me, probably all of my life – at least from the time I could think rationally 🙂 Do you think it’s always advisable to be non-judgmental or would there be situations where judgment is necessary, if not essential?
Thank you so much for reading and for this great comment. I think being non-judgmental is an unattainable, but useful goal. However, we are critical creatures and have needed to be, in order to survive. As I pointed out to somebody in therapy the other day, “critical” has another meaning — important. So it’s a matter of being mindful of which thoughts are helpful and which aren’t, I suppose.
Sounds great – I love that you are willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. Blessings, God is Good!
Thank you for this comment!
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Thank you for following, your site looks very interesting and I will return. Ann
Thanks, Ann! I plan to return to your site, also. Thanks so much for commenting.
Hi Ann, thank you for coming over and checking out my blog. I’m an ENFP as well, although I make snap decisions and rarely look back 🙂 I look forward to reading future posts from you.
Peace,
Diana
Thank you for commenting, Diana!
Thank you for discovering my blog http://www.throughharoldslens.com. You gave me the opportunity to discover, explore and follow your blog. Hope we both enjoy our journeys. Best, Harold, and my trusty sidekick Mr. SLR Nikon.
Nice to meet you, Harold and Mr. SLR Nikon. I like your blog, very much.
Thank you Ann. Mr. SLR Nikon speaks a different language and says “Click, Click”.
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Really an amazing blog and an amazing story.
That means a lot, especially from the creator of such a beautiful and inspiring blog.
Dear Ann
I admire your perseverance in writing daily and generosity in sharing your stories, it must take a lot of courage to share your heart condition. I believe that by doing so, you give hopes and encouragement others. Kudos!
Thank you for this wonderful comment. It means a lot.
Hi, Ann, and thanks for following my blog. Now I’m off to browse through your posts and learn a bit more about you. By the way, I love your header of the camel’s head!
Hi Debbie, thanks for the comment, and welcome. I love that header, too!
Thank you for reading and following my blog. I appreciate your writing and blog, especially since my therapeutic training and background is in CBT. I look forward to reading your future posts.
I am honored. Thank you.
Ni hao Ann, I am delighted that you have decided to follow my blog Jasmine Tea & Jiaozi, and I hope that reading it will introduce you to some of the things I have learnt/discovered in China.
I’m afraid that I am finding it hard to be non-judgemental here..there are some situations that make me very concerned. However, I am trying my best to be as neutral as I can. What I am trying to do is live in the moment, let the past go and not dwell on the future.
Zai jian
I am trying to do the same. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
Thank you for following my blog, Ann. All the best to you.
The same to you!
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Sisterhood of the world bloggers award
Yes you are being Awarded this by a man
Below is my reasons:
http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/
I ask in the name of FUN and good manners you accept!
If you have this already, put it up again and add this:
“I got this from a man called Shaun”
😀 I think this would be good fun..
So I award you the “Sisterhood of the world bloggers award”
Please accept x Award Below!
http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award-from-a-man/
I will be DEEPLY UPSET IF YOU SAY NO!!!
Shaun, I do not want to upset you, so YES, I accept the award. I will blog about it tomorrow. Thank you, very much!
Thanks 😀
Thank you, Shaun, of prayingforoneday, for giving me the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!
I truly appreciate it.
As is my wont, I will answer the questions and list some bloggers I am admiring these days.
Here are my answers to the questions:
1. Favorite color? Purple.
2. Favorite animal? Cat.
3. Favorite drink? Water. Really.
4. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook, because of seniority.
5. Favorite pattern? I have no idea.
6. Do I prefer giving or getting presents? Giving is great. So is receiving.
7. Favorite number? 17.
8. Favorite day of the week? Friday.
9. Favorite flower? Peruvian lilies, aka alstroemeria.
10. What is my passion? Authenticity.
Here are 12 of my sister bloggers, whom I am recommending today:
heilablog.com
owlsandorchids.com
vic briggs
aussalorens.com
findingmyinnercourage
BigBodyBeautiful
thestoryofrei
almostspring.com
coastalmom
mamacormier
projectlighttolife
AligningWithTruth
I did my best with this (considering that I can’t remember how to imbed the image for the award and that I am leaving out many other bloggers I admire and read). Thanks again to Shaun!
Thanks a heap for subscribing to my blog! At the moment there are more than 2300 ‘full screen photos’ from beautiful Norway displayed and more will be coming . . .
Please enjoy!
May I ask from which country you are operating, please?
Thanks for your comment and your photos! I am in the United States of America.
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Ann, Thank you so much for following me on BigBodyBeautiful. So glad the universe put us together, sis. I’ve been poking around on your blog and am having a blast. I now follow thee as well and happily. Loved your post on reasons to move to Charleston. I’ve always been in the west myself, but want to travel across this fine nation of ours on my bike. Charleston is now on my list of places in which to ride my HOG, thanks to your excellent post. Looking forward to connecting with you further. Hugs from your new sis and friend, BigLizzy
Thanks, BigLizzy! I am honored to have made your acquaintance and greatly appreciate this comment. Hugs back at ya, sis and friend.
Thanks Ann, for visiting my blog, and also for “like” that I truly appreciate.
I am impressed with your blog, and I shall make a point to visit frequently to read your insightful posts.
Best Regards,
-Deo
http://dshenai.wordpress.com
Thanks, Deo!
Hi Ann 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by and following my blog, as you can see, I’m here and following right back!
I see you have a big heart,literally,lol.You guys with big hearts always tend to have problems with it,lol…Anyway,it’s wonderful reading little about you, I feel at home already.
Thanks, Dotta! Welcome to my neighborhood. I’ll be visiting yours, too.
Ann, thanks for visiting my blog, Blackbutterfly7. I’ll catch up with your blog. As one with an Aquarius sun and moon, I’ve always like understanding myself and others. Looks like you’ve written on it.
Hi, Xena. Thanks for returning the visit and commenting. Much appreciated.
Thanks for the follow! Your blog is very interesting and I really enjoy your voice as it comes through your posts. 🙂
Thank you. I find your blog very interesting, too. I’m glad our paths have crossed here.
Hi Ann, thanks for taking the time to comment on The Bulgarian post. I was browsing around your site and want to report I am an INFJ so we have some mutual areas of perception. I like your theme of non-judgment – so important and so difficult. I have another blog you might be interested in – http://sacredgate.wordpress.com. Don’t usually do this but thought you might like it. 🙂
Thanks, Marie, for this comment and the recommendation. All appreciated.
Thanks so much for following my blog, Oh, the Places We See. It means a lot, as you know, to have people who want to read what you have to say, and I feel that I will learn much from your blog. Your posts are interesting as well as the pictures you use. Best wishes for extending your year! http://ohtheplaceswesee.com
Rusha, I look forward to reading more of your writings, too. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
Thank you so much for reading my blog posts and the follow. I appreciate it!
You are most welcome, and thank you for the same!
This is a remarkable “about” page. Definitely material here for a book.
I’ve found your blog quite late in your Year of Living Non-Judgementally, as you have less than a month left in your year. But I look forward to browsing through your older posts and learning.
Thanks so much for this encouraging comment. I will keep blogging next year, perhaps in much the same way. I find it too helpful to stop!
Both of your blogs are amazing and interesting .. I am a very judgmental person and trying to understand this concept and to do something about it . Your blogs look like a source of great information . I am looking forward to read your new and old blog posts . Keep writing , you r doing a great job 🙂
Thank you so much, for this comment. I appreciate your blog, too.
Howdy from Nashville! Nice meeting you on the blogosphere. I vote for the title of your book to be “AFOG” if you’re taking tallies. Cheers!
Howdy back at you. Thanks for the encouragement and the vote — greatly appreciated.
I found your About Page! 🙂 So happy to get to know you and to connect with you! And when I have some free time, I know I have over 300 posts to read which will be great. I really like your blog posts! You have the best unique ‘voice’ and it is great to have thought-provoking posts!
I am also very happy to be connected. Thanks so much for all you wrote here … it means a lot.
♥♥♥
Hey Ann. Thank you for the follow! What an interesting idea.. I’m glad I stumbled on to your blog:)
Thanks! I’m so glad we met here, too.
Thank you for stopping by my blog. I’m happy to have found a new blog to follow as well.
Thanks, Bradley!
Please accept the “Versatile Blogger Award”
Rules are easy. Say 7 thing about YOU, and nominate 15 friends.
Please accept: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/versatile-blogger-award-4/
Shaun.
ps: If you have this, in Widgets,”Caption” put Awarded x2
Thanks for the nomination! Much appreciated.
Thanks for accepting..
I nominated you for this award too, after being nominated myself, although I sensed a humble hesitation on your part about accepting any awards. But I fumbled the nomination process, I think, and now your nomination is floating in space, being looked at by Major Dave or chewed on by Tribbles.
Thank you for your perception and sensitivity. And I really like the idea of the nomination (or anything else) feeding or otherwise helping Tribbles and Major Dave.
Just out of curiosity, why are there a camel and pyramids in your blog’s header? It’s an appealing image because the camel has a look of intelligence on his face, and you can’t help but wonder who is holding onto his simple harness. The blogger? The reader?
Many years ago my husband and I ran into that camel, I think. We had spent the day wandering in the desert around the wrong set of pyramids, having missed the tour bus and hitchhiked to the wrong destination. I remember watching Jesse drink our entire water supply in one gulp, and thinking that that might be the last water we ever saw (even though we could see the skyline of Cairo in the distance).
We were rescued by a busload of French tourists, which relieved us greatly because by then we’d been discovered by a number of wild dogs.
The tourists took us to the Great Pyramid and Jesse went to explore it, something that I was reluctant to do because it is, after all, a tomb.
There was a camel there who looked like he’d been waiting all day for a friendly rider. Once I scrounged around for the last of my money and gave it to his owner, though, it turned out that I had completely mistaken the look in his eye. The camel wanted me to know that he had better things to do than carry Canadians on his back. He was very good at spitting, for one. And standing unbudgeably. And blinking. He was a great deal smarter than I was, and wiser, too, and there passed between us a secret agreement to the effect that if I would hop down without his being required to kneel, then he would would not break my neck by tossing me onto the hard-packed ground.
I think of that camel from time to time when I find that I’ve walked with my eyes wide open into a big huge scratchy, spitting opponent. Compromise or even total capitulation can be a good thing sometimes.
That image is there because it came with this WordPress theme — The Adventure Journal. I chose that, almost a year ago, when I started blogging on January 1, 2013, because I liked the word “Adventure” and I love the pyramids (although i’ve never seen them) and I loved the camel in the photo. I like the expression on the face of the camel, too.
From now on, I’m going to allow for the possibility that the camel in that photo is the same one you met in Egypt. Thanks so much for this comment.