Yesterday, when I passed by the labels on the complimentary shampoo and conditioner in our hotel room in NYC, I knew what today’s blog title would be:
I think I know what the shampoo/conditioner manufacturer means by “normalizing.” I’m more interested in how you might define that word.
Oscar
just entered this on my keyboard:
‘ Lp;;;;;
and I’m not sure how to normalize that.
Let’s see if there’s a definition of “normalizing” on the internet, before I tell you how I use the word “normalizing” in my work as a therapist.
nor·mal·ize
ˈnôrməˌlīz
verb
gerund or present participle: normalizing
1. bring or return to a normal condition or state.
“he wants to begin negotiations to normalize relations”
2.MATHEMATICS
multiply (a series, function, or item of data) by a factor that makes the norm or some associated quantity such as an integral equal to a desired value (usually 1).
I just want to normalize my reactions to that definition, for a moment:
Who decides what normal is?
Here’s how I use normalizing in my work. When people come into my office and say things like:
- I feel crazy
- I am scared
- I can’t get over this
- All these awful things have happened to me
- I am stuck
- I can’t change things
- Nobody understands me
- I was abused
- I am sick
- I am dying
- I’m afraid I’m dying
- I didn’t expect this
- My life is not what I want it to be
- I am overwhelmed
- I’ve had too many losses
- I’m helpless
- I can’t stop crying
- The world confuses me
… it’s important for me to authentically normalize the person’s experience. How do I do that? By saying things I truly believe in response, such as:
- You’re not alone.
- I would expect you to be feeling that way.
- If you were NOT feeling that way, I would be surprised.
- That sounds like a human reaction, considering all you’re dealing with.
That’s the first step, I believe.
I now choose to normalize this post by showing you some photos from yesterday, as I traveled back from NYC to my home in Boston:
When my friend Deb and I arrived in NYC Friday night, the hotel gave us a room that was below ground, with all the windows blacked out. We did not think that was normal. Deb, who is normally very effective in improving situations, convinced the hotel to give us a more normal room for Saturday night. One of the ways the second room was more normal is shown in the photo above: the very confusing shower had a normalizing explanation (as opposed to our first shower, which we had to normalize on our own).
We met these two women at a Penn Station store, when we were buying water for the train trip back to Boston. (I normally get thirsty for water, no matter what.) I asked if I could take their photo for this blog. Does that seem normal to you? Here’s how that happened:
Me: I just want to tell you this is the most expensive water I’ve ever bought, anywhere.
Anwara (on the right): Well, you know, it’s New York.
Me: It’s probably going to be especially delicious, right?
Shamiana: (gesturing to the brand name on the water bottle): It’s SmartWater, for a Smart Lady!
Me: Great. Can I take your picture for my blog?
Anwara: You must love us.
Me: I do.
Per normal, I took other photos yesterday, which I shall now present (as I normally do, chronologically), without normalizing them with explanations:
I will normalize one more photo, taken at our local supermarket last night, as my boyfriend Michael and I did our normal Sunday night shopping:
I took a photo of that after I had placed it in THE WRONG SHOPPING CART. When two people (not pictured) realized I had done that and approached me about it, I tried to normalize the situation by saying this:
I guess I thought you both really needed napkins.
Do you think THAT’s normal? And, have I adequately defined “normalizing” in this post? No matter what your reactions are, I’m sure you’re not alone.
Thanks to our NYC hotel, Deb, Oscar, Shamiana, Anwara, Amtrak (for the normal train rides), the Star Market, Michael, the two people who gave me back the napkins, and to you — of course! — for normalizing things here, today.
Welcome back to a normal work day …. or not 😉
Val x
This made me laugh out loud, Val. Thanks for normalizing my day, already!
Laughter normalizes 🙂
The one and only time I’ve ever been to NYC was by taking the train down to Penn station as you did. A most pleasant way to get there (and back). Just think… 100 years ago, taking the train was the normal way to get there.
Thank you for this great comment, as is normal for you.
And we haven’t even begun discussing 3rd Normal Form for data in a relational database! 😉
I noticed that, too (which seems normal).
how unusual the things society labels ‘normal!’
I am glad you got into a more normal room in Saturday night! I don’t like below-ground rooms.
I normalized some fish soup yesterday. It’s didn’t have enough onions, which was very abnormal. Now it is perfect to serve to guests for dinner tonight.
You went from normalizing to perfection, so quickly! I’m so glad for that (and for the rest of this comment, too).
🙂
Thanks for normalizing things with a beautiful smile.
Normalizing is good when it makes you feel not so alone, but bad when it makes you act against your nature in order to ‘fit in’.
Love the ‘taxi’ shopping cart! 😀
Love every word of this comment!
Hilarious post. I thought the expression was normal is just a setting on a washing machine. Your cat is the most “normal” person or thing you encountered in this post ;).
Love the normal/washing machine comment. Oscar the cat would probably agree with your assessment of his superior normalcy if he read this blog, but he doesn’t.
Love that you put the napkins in the wrong cart! That’s greatness! I live by the quote by the great Jodi Foster – that goes something like “Normal is not something to aspire to, but something to run from!” I’m sure she was much more eloquent than I in my paraphrasing! Hope you had a great day!
I love your assessment of greatness and the Jodi Foster quote, Kate. Those are now my new normals.
You can put your napkins in my shopping cart anytime! (But not the fish heads, please…)
I love this post and am glad that you and your friend normalized your shower and room.
I love your comment — normal behavior for me.
Whenever I hear “normalize” I hear “Norma lies.”
Norma is the protagonist of the book I’m working on now, so now I’m a bit worried about having an unreliable narrator.
I have no worries, because of the reliability of the author.
I enjoyed your travels, I love the pictures through railway carriage windows, and the shower head etc. It all looked pretty normal to me. I fear I spend too much of my life waiting for normality to kick in, though my abnormal life is mostly happy.
I’ve stopped waiting for normality to kick in, Hilary. That, and comments from you, make me happy.
What’s normal today might not be normal tomorrow. And the next day, I might need something even more absorbent. It’s pretty great that you were too absorbed to put that package in the right cart, Ann. Great photos all the way around. As is the norm for you.
Mark’s comments today are still great tomorrow. Thanks for absorbing everything in such a great way.
You are more normal than your thoughts… I mean, than you think!
Aha! A normally normalizing thought from Craig!
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