Posts Tagged With: letting go of judgment

Day 362: Not Knowing

Posted on December 28, 2013 by Ann Koplow

When I came up with the title for this post, I immediately thought of another post, from Day 80, called “Learning from everything (Beginner’s Mind).”

I’ve been doing that a lot lately: remembering Posts from Bloggings Past.  I don’t know why, exactly, but here are three guesses:

  1. I’ve written hundreds of posts, at this point*, so there are lots to choose from.
  2. New Year’s Eve is approaching, so nostalgia is everywhere.
  3. Human beings tend to focus on the past.

In the moment, here are some things I am Not Knowing:

  1. What I am going to say in this post.
  2. What I am going to do, during the five days I am taking off from work (starting today).
  3. How I am going to transition this blog, at the end of the year, to whatever it’s going to be next year.

Now, that’s NOT what I expected to be writing about today. I thought I’d be writing, right now, about my mixed feelings about Not Knowing, which run the gamut from fear to love.  And there’s a lot I could write about that, because I have so much experience with Not Knowing.

As a matter of fact, here are some things I don’t know, every day:

  1. What’s going to happen that day.
  2. What’s really going on with people I meet.
  3. Every-day details, including names of places, people and things; how to open friggin’ modern packaging; the “right way” to maneuver around other people when I’m walking; many rules of etiquette (including whether anybody even pays attention to those things any more); how to use my computer (and other machines) the way I want to (especially when technology keeps changing); etc. etc.

What do I notice, right now, about that list?   I notice that some of them are related to my imperfect memory. Other are related to:

  • What other people are thinking.
  • The future.

Am I alone, in Not Knowing those things?  I think not.

Okay!

Because Not Knowing can be uncomfortable, I would like to move on, to something I DO know, before I end this post.

I know that I love seeing these things in my office, every day I’m at work:

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And I don’t KNOW,  but I think I’ll be seeing those again, next Thursday.

Thanks to Erik Gehring for the photograph “Willow Island,” to the artist who painted that lovely landscape (whose name escapes me now**),  and to everybody who’s read anything I’ve ever written, which would include you — of course! —  today.

* Personally, I find that amazing.

** And which I hope I will know again, soon.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Day 342: Doing Nothing/Moving Forward

Posted on December 8, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, which was Saturday, I spent most of the day “doing nothing.”

And, yes, I had some judgment about that.

Isn’t that amazing?  It’s friggin’ Day Three Hundred and Forty-Two in this Year of Living Non-Judgmentally, and I am STILL judging myself, when I have a day like that.

Geesh!

If I am still judging myself for such things, after so many days of working so hard on letting go of judgment, including writing a post EVERY FRIGGIN’ DAY in service of that, IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR ME?

IS THERE?

Well, yes.  I believe there is.

Why do I believe that? Lots of reasons, including:

  • I know that I will continue to judge, because judging is human.
  • Every day, I learn more about forgiving myself for that, and letting go of judgment (including judgment about my judgment).
  • I know that I’m not alone, in all of this.

Now that I have hope,  I can move forward with this post.

So!  Here’s how I spent my day yesterday, after writing my blog post in the morning:

  • I spent a lot of time online, reading other people’s words and checking to see if other people were reading my words.
  • I watched the first episode of “The Story of FIlm: An Odyssey,” which is currently available to stream on Netflix.Image
  • I watched the very popular movie “The Avengers,” which is currently available to stream on Netflix.

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  • My bf Michael and I walked to a nearby Indian Restaurant, to pick up some food.
  • Michael and I watched the highly recommended movie, “Shall We Dance,” which is currently available to stream on Netflix.

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  • Inspired by that movie, we practiced Argentine Tango, for approximately three minutes.
  • I wrote somebody an email regarding ideas for Christmas presents and did a little research about those, for approximately five minutes.

Hmmm. Now that I’ve written that list, and I’ve gone back to re-read the beginning of this post, I realize this: I did NOT do nothing yesterday. I did, at least, eight things (including writing yesterday’s post).

Actually, I can add a 9th thing to that list, of things I did yesterday:

I thought about what I was NOT doing, which included:

  • Exercising more.
  • Getting out more.
  • Doing more, regarding Christmas shopping.
  • Finishing work I needed to bring home, which is due on Monday.

Here’s the deal, people:  Whatever we choose to do, there are infinite things  we are NOT doing.  Infinite.  That is NOT an exaggeration.

Therefore, I will spare you the complete list of What I Did Not Do, Yesterday.

During the second week of 2013, My First Year of Blogging, I wrote a post called “Focus on what you are doing (rather than on what you’re not doing).”  I continue to find that phrase a helpful reminder, every day. I love reminding others about that, too.

When I came up with the title for this post, this morning, I was intending to write about something else (my lack of action, so far, in getting a sleep study, and how I plan to take the next step, regarding that).

I’ve decided not to write about that, today.

So I can add What I Did Not Write About Today to the list of Things I Am Not Doing Today.  A list which will be infinite, as I hope I have proven, this fine morning.

So what should I do with THAT infinite list?

I choose to throw it away, in this magic wastepaper basket:

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(which made a previous appearance, here).

Feel free to throw away anything you aren’t finding useful, too.

Thanks to  my old friend Peter (for recommending “Shall We Dance?”), IMDb, Netflix (even though I’m mad at them),  magic wastepaper baskets, list-makers everywhere, those who are doing nothing and moving forward,  and to you — especially — for reading today.

Categories: humor, inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

Day 340: Humble Hesitation

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Ann Koplow

This post was inspired by many things, this morning, including:

  • A blogger I greatly appreciate, prayingforoneday, nominated me for “The Versatile Blogger” award.
  • Another blogger I greatly appreciate, sittingonmysofa, wrote that she had tried nominating me for that award, too, “although I sensed a humble hesitation on your part about accepting any awards.”

I love that phrase, “humble hesitation.”  That reminds me of ambivalence, which was a topic of yesterday’s post.

And sittingonmysofa was correct.  I AM ambivalent about accepting awards.

Why?

  • I wonder if I’m deserving.
  • I’m concerned about doing “the right thing“ in response.
  • It takes me a lot of time to respond to the nominations, especially if I am concerned about responding “the right way.”
  • I haven’t quite figured out what my personal  “right way” is.

I haven’t decided, yet, what I would like to do, when nominated for an award here. And each time, throughout the year, my response has been somewhat different.

I’ve noticed what other people do, in response to awards.  There’s a whole range of behaviors.

Some people follow the rules of each award exactly.  That’s great.

Some people indicate, on their blogs, that they do not accept awards.  That’s great, too.

Some people are in the middle — they follow some of the rules of the award. Or they respond in spirit, somehow.

I appreciate other people’s decisions about What To Do, In Response to Awards.

I especially appreciate those who are clear about their stance on awards.

I love clarity.

However, I am not in a clear place about this, yet.  I can’t clearly communicate to people what I want, regarding awards here. Not yet. I assume I will get to that place. But I’m not there, yet, in this moment.

And I have to admit, I have some judgment about my own ambivalence — about being in middle of a process of deciding what works for me.  Regarding awards, and other things, too.

Okay!  I am ambivalent about some aspects of this post, but it’s time to wrap things up.  And I KNOW there’s something else I wanted to write about, today.

I’m going back to the title of my post, now.

I associate the word “humble” with this man:

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… but I don’t associate the word “hesitation” with him.

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However, when I read his words carefully, I am learning something from him, again.

I want to rewrite this old adage:

He who hesitates is lost.

to this:

Those who hesitate are human.

AND let’s add this, too, today:

Take the next step, as best you can.

Thanks to Nelson Mandela, for yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And thanks to prayingforoneday, sittingonmysofa, all the other bloggers here whose paths have crossed with mine, and to you — no matter where you are — for reading today.

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* I found this image here.

** I found this image here.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Day 317: Challenging Negative Messages

Posted on November 13, 2013 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, in a therapy group, we did an exercise where we challenged negative messages.

As I tell people, I have yet to encounter a human mind that does NOT generate negative, self-critical messages, like these:

You’re too selfish.

You’re not smart enough.

Why try anything?  You’ll  fail again.

You are weird.

You are worthless.

Arrghh!  I hate writing those messages. And whenever I do this exercise in group, I hesitate to invite critical messages, because they are SO painful and toxic.

But every time I invite these messages in, we have a chance to look at them anew.  And challenge them.

Here’s how the exercise works:

People think of some familiar critical messages. Then, a group member is chosen to be the voice of a critical message, repeating that message over and over again.  Other members can challenge that message, however they choose.

For example:

Critical Messager  You’re too selfish.

Challenger:  I am NOT too selfish!

Critical Messager:  You’re too selfish.

Challenger: What you call selfishness is just me taking care of myself.

Critical Messager:  You’re too selfish.

Challenger:  I am SO SICK of you telling me that. That doesn’t help me.

Critical Messager: You’re too selfish.

Challenger: I am no more selfish than anybody else.

Critical Messager: You’re too selfish.

Challenger: What about all the times I haven’t been selfish??

Critical Messager: You’re too selfish.

Challenge: My friend says I’m not selfish enough.

Critical Messager: You’re too selfish.

Challenger:  SHUT UP!!!

I personally LOVE doing that exercise, because I usually  get to yell, in a socially acceptable way.

Some things I notice, whenever a group does that exercise:

  1. People do NOT want to be somebody else’s Critical Messager.  They say, “I don’t want to say that horrible thing to somebody!”  (This gives me the opportunity to invite them to apply that kindness to themselves.)
  2. In response to  challenges, the Critical Messager usually changes tone — softening, hesitating, even stopping.
  3. People often express gratitude for the exercise, when it’s over.

If you don’t have a group of people on hand, you can still do a form of that exercise, by:

  1. Writing down a critical message.
  2. Challenging that message, in as many ways as you can.

I just looked for an image to support that, through Google, and this is what I found:

challenging-negative-thinking

Thanks to ExpertsMind.com, for that.

Ending messages, for this post:

Negative messages are like any other bad habit.  Practice, practice, practice changes.

And support helps, too.

Thanks to role-players everywhere, critical thinkers, habit-breakers, and to you, especially,  for reading today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Day 304: The Best Day of the Year

Posted on October 31, 2013 by Ann Koplow

I remember times when Halloween, October 31, was the best day of the whole year.

I got to dress up, as something else …

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… and there was candy.

Case closed.

I’m not dressing up in costumes these days, but there are lots of reasons why today could be the best day of this year, including:

1.  The Boston Red Sox are World Series champions!

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Note: That photo is from ustoday.com, which is including these headlines:  “Home at Last,” and “Red Sox savor title, comfort at home.” (I like a lot of those words, as well as the image.)

2.  It’s Halloween!  I still like seeing how other people (and some animals) dress up, even though I don’t.

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Note: That photo was labelled #Abe”purr”ham Lincoln on Facebook today.

3.  It’s the third anniversary of the day I met Michael, my boyfriend.

4.  Isn’t that enough?

 

During this year —  My Year of Living Non-Judgmentally — I’ve thought and written about Good Days/Bad Days, in many different ways.

For example, I’ve invited people to consider this: “Bad day/good day” thoughts might — at times —  get in the way of the making the most of each moment (see here for a post about that). And people have found that perspective helpful, at times.

But, Geeze Louise!

Some days are just friggin’ great, no matter how you look at them.

Thanks to all of you, for visiting today.

 

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

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