Posts Tagged With: letting go of cognitive distortions

Day 791: Less

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, when I created a blog post with my iPhone, it took less time. I also put less effort into adding links to other posts and references like Wikipedia (because I have less knowledge of how to do that from my phone).

While I want each post to be no less than helpful for me and my readers, I would be less than honest if I did not confess that I enjoyed doing less here yesterday.

I’ve been thinking more about doing less, in general, since returning less than three days ago from my one-day-less-than-two-week vacation in a part of the USA that had way less snow and cold than my hometown of Boston.

Using less words about that: Less is more for me, right now.

Yes, I believe I will get more out of life with less

worry,
perfectionism,
stress,
stuff and clutter,
self-doubt,
over-achieving,
focus on everybody else’s needs,
anxiety about taxes,
anxiety about everything else,
assumptions,
rushing,
regrets,
comparisons,
feeling “less than,”
catastrophizing,
all-or-nothing thinking,
mind reading,
fortune telling
Jumping to conclusions,
fear,
projections onto others,
shoulds,
denial,
self-criticism,
avoidance,
rigidity,
close-mindedness,
judgmental thinking, and
automatic, unhelpful habits.

As I mentioned in my introduction to this less-than-perfect post, I am having less success using links when creating blog posts with my phone. Otherwise, I would have taken up less space in that list, by linking to my handout on cognitive distortions.

However, i am less than upset about how this post is turning out, despite my having less experience and proficiency in phone blogging. Sometimes, less experience has its own benefits and advantages.

Before I write more, what would you like less of, in your life?

It’s time for less words and more pictures! Here are less than a dozen photos I took yesterday, as I was focusing more on less:

Harley is interested in less than five new cat toys.

Oscar is less interested than Harley.

There is less access to that newspaper kiosk than there was two months ago.

I find all this snow less than Irresistible. That’s why I also took this next photo, less than a minute after the one above:

While I’d like to see a lot less snow around here, my boyfriend Michael says there is considerably less now than there was two weeks ago (after my son Aaron and I escaped out of Boston, avoiding yet another big blizzard by less than two hours).

One of those signs says less than the other.

Valentine’s Day stuff couldn’t cost much less, could it?

Truth is beauty and beauty is truth (said the poet Keats, with less words). Truthfully though, WHEN will there be the friggin’ beauty of less snow and cold?

This hydrant could do with less cone protection. Do you agree, more or less?

Here’s a “less” song for you all:

Would I be less than polite if I suggest you leave less than three and more than zero comments, below?

Thanks to Elvis (for “A Little Less Conversation,” which I found on YouTube in less time than expected), to Harley, to Oscar, to Aaron, to Michael, and to all those doing more or less what works for them. And, more thanks to you, for being neither more nor less than yourself, here and now.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: doing less, less is more, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of unhelpful thoughts, New England Winter 2015 | 42 Comments

Day 788: Turning bad into good

Posted on February 27, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, it was a relief for me to:

attend my third and last day of a group psychotherapy conference in San Francisco,
listen to one of my heroes — group therapy expert Irvin Yalom — give a down-to-earth, soulful, and moving talk,
participate in a “medicinal drumming” workshop, given by Sal Núñez from City College of San Francisco,
go to a very interesting panel discussion about “Group Psychotherapy Practice of the Future,”
hear from one the esteemed panelists afterwards — much to my surprise and delight — that she considers the therapy groups I’ve developed and facilitate at a Boston hospital a “Practice of the Future” (and that she would have described my groups in her talk yesterday if she’d had more time),
get a free, stress-relieving 10-minute massage at the conference,
see and talk to other group therapists I feel I’ve connected to in authentic and important ways,
use this incredibly cool app to easily drop off the car I drove to the conference and then miraculously get it back when I was ready to leave San Francisco at 9:30 PM, and
discover and read this amazing blog post by esteemed and admired WordPress blogger Randall Collis.

Here’s the comment I left there, in response to Randall’s gorgeous words and images:

Randall, this story and your images are so beautiful and important to me, right now. Your post is the only thing that has cut through my negative thoughts and feelings about returning home tomorrow to Boston after my two weeks in sunny, warm California. Now I actually feel strong and hopeful about what lies ahead for me. Thank you for your spirit, creativity, and talent; you make our world better with your gifts.

Here’s the last sentence of Randall’s response to me:

Thank you very much Ann, nothing like a little creativity to turn bad into good.

I have to admit that I was feeling bad two night’s ago, about

returning to the cold, dark, and snow of my home town of Boston, Massachusetts and
health uncertainties and possibly scary recommendations from doctors about my heart, which I will surely face soon after my flight home today.

However, as Randall wrote, a little creativity can turn bad into good.

Here’s just a little photographic evidence of bad-into-good creativity, from yesterday:

Because of all the things I learned (or re-learned) yesterday, I hereby resolve to turn bad (New England weather, fears about my health, etc.) into good (self-care, in-the-moment acceptance and joy) by:

seeking out the sounds, sights, and places that sustain me (like the ocean, which — despite how cold and gray and snowy New England may be — is NEVER silenced),
asking for help, when I need it, from the people around me,
looking into a drumming class,
continuing to help myself and others let go of old unhelpful messages and images from the past, and
facing my immediate future with hope, resiliency, and clear vision.

I hope I turned this morning’s post into something good (enough). Gotta go catch a plane back to Boston!

Before I go, here’s some good musical creativity for you (found here on YouTube):

Thanks to Irvin Yalom, Sal Núñez, all my esteemed colleagues at the group psychotherapy conference, Randall Collis, the massage guy, the local dudes who took care of my car yesterday, the Beach Boys, everybody everywhere who has ever turned bad into good with a little creativity, and — of course! — special thanks to you, for turning things better for me today, with your visit here.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: acceptance, antidotes to cognitive distortions, Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations", embracing hope, flying from warm California to cold Boston, group psychotherapy conference, letting go of cognitive distortions | 34 Comments

Day 781: Jeepers

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday, I wrote about keepers. Today, I shall attempt to write a post that’s deeper about keepers, non-keepers, sleepers, peepers, creepers, etc.

Yesterday, I saw these keepers with my peepers at my college-roomate Marcia’s home, after my son and I had both been sleepers:

Most of the artistic keepers we saw there, with our peepers, are by Marcia’s talented son and daughter, Owen and Ellen.

Here’s a keeper of a story that Marcia told me about her daughter Ellen (who created that last beautiful creature, above), when Ellen was very young. Cast your peepers on these:

There used to be a baby bear next to those adults, but the grim reaper of breakable objects (actually a live animal) knocked it over. Jeepers! No more baby bear. Marcia then witnessed, with her peepers and her ears, her little daughter Ellen creeping up to those two bear parents and breaking it to them gently: “I have terrible news.”

The rest of this post will show photographic peepers of keepers I saw when two of my favorite keepers — Marcia and my creeping-up-on-17 son, Aaron — and I got deeper into Palo Alto and Stanford University:

Do your peepers peep anything special about that sleeper of a house, above? Jeepers, that belonged to Apple-keeper Steve Jobs.

Jeepers! Somebody in Palo Alto likes to ask a lot of questions.

I don’t think you can get much deeper than the keeper motto in that second photo, do you?

Jeepers! Does anybody REALLY think that Love Sucks?

As always, dear readers and post peepers, let me know if you have deeper questions or comments about anything here.

Jeepers! I’m so glad I was able to leave behind, in the Northeast USA, the following:

any on-call beepers at work, so I could be more in the moment with my peepers and all these keepers and sleepers in sunny California and
deeper, deeper, deeper snow.

Keepers of this post (pssst! that’s you!) might go deeper, now, to remember something they read with their peepers at the beginning of this keeper/jeeper/peeper/sleeper/creeper of a post:

Today, I shall attempt to write a post that’s deeper, about keepers, non-keepers, sleepers, peepers, creepers, etc.

Is there anything missing here, all you keepers and peepers out there?

Jeepers! I didn’t include non-keepers, so far.

For me, the non-keeper is THIS constant creeper:

Worry.

I’d like to give worries, right now, over to the reaper of unhelpful thoughts.

Jeepers! Wouldn’t it be great to let go of all creepin’ worries about:

not doing enough,
pleasing everybody,
sleep,
perfectionism,
illness,
death, and
everything else that looks scary to these peepers?

If I did that, fewer weepers from these peepers, for sure.

Let’s do it, peepers and keepers! Join me in letting go of those creepin’ non-keeper worries!

To help us do that in a deeper way, here’s a keeper of a song:

“Jeepers Creepers” sung by keeper Ethel Waters is deeper into YouTube, here.

Here‘s another keeper of “Jeepers Creepers,” by keeper Louis Armstrong:

Jeepers! Look at the time! Gotta leave the keeper home of my keeper friend Lawry and his lovely wife Patty, to cast these peepers (and the 20/15 peepers of my sharp-eyed son) on the keeper city of San Francisco.

Thanks to Aaron, Marcia, Owen, Ellen, animals real and fantastical, Steve Jobs, Palo Alto, Stanford University, Ethel Waters, Louis Armstrong, Lawry, Patty, and every other keeper, peeper, creeper, weeper, or sleeper who helped me write this post. And Jeepers! Thanks to you for casting your peepers on this here post, today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: Jeepers Creepers by Ethel Waters, Jeepers Creepers by Louis Armstrong, letting go of cognitive distortions, Letting go of worry, Palo Alto, reestablishing old friendships, Stanford University | 34 Comments

Day 779: Leave behinds

Posted on February 18, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Before I leave behind any readers who haven’t heard the term “leave behind” before, here’s a definition that my Google search for “leave behind” left behind:

(verb) to forget or neglect to bring or take.

to cause to remain as a result or sign of something ⇒ the storm left a trail of damage behind.

to pass ⇒ once the wind came up, we soon left the land behind us.

Here’s something I want to leave behind for you now, in this post. The examples in that definition, from collinsdictionary.com, remind me of the brutally snowy and cold weather I left behind in New England this week.

What that above definition left behind, though, is the noun version of “leave behind,” which I definitely want to include as a leave behind in this post. Since every other definition I found online left that behind too, here’s my own definition, as a leave behind for you all:

leave behind

(noun) a memory or an actual thing that remains after an encounter, especially one that can be transformed into something helpful in the future.

I don’t know if that’s the best definition to leave behind in this post, but it will have to do as a good-enough leave behind, for now.

Believe me, I won’t mind if you come up with a better definition in a comment, thus leaving my definition behind yours, because that will make this post a better leave behind for everybody.

Before I leave behind anything else, I shall leave behind some of the reasons I thought of the title “Leave Behind” this morning:

Yesterday, my son and I had to leave behind our hope to see our friend Ron Lynch appear on the Conan show when Ron got back to us with the message that the Conan show couldn’t leave behind two tickets for us.
We then left behind Los Angeles and our wonderful hosts Krystal and Jim to drive up the coast towards San Francisco.
So we could leave behind too much consecutive driving on our way to visit my college roommate Marcia (whose wonderful leave behinds are included in previous posts I’ve left behind here, here, and here), Marcia suggested as a stop-over San Luis Obispo, the city that has, apparently, left behind unhappiness:

Last night, as we were about to leave behind our San Luis Obispo hotel room — for which hotels.com left behind an excellent recommendation — for a walk and some dinner, we discovered we had left behind coatless weather in Los Angeles.
I discovered I had left behind my most excellent raincoat at Krystal and Jim’s lovely home.
Krystal, who leaves most people behind in her thoughtfulness and generosity, offered to mail my left-behind raincoat to my friend Lawry, who — like Marcia — left behind the northeastern USA to move to a warmer and more hospitable climate (like every other person who hasn’t somehow left behind their senses*).

Here are some photographic leave behinds, from our travels yesterday through Santa Barbara , a local candy store, a San Luis Obispo ice cream shop, and other locations:

I didn’t leave behind any photos, above, of the beautiful scenery we drove through yesterday, because I didn’t take any. If you haven’t left behind your home at any point in your life to visit the coast of California, I suggest you leave behind any obstacles getting in the way of your doing that, as soon as possible.

I would be leaving behind my usual posting routine if I didn’t invite you to leave behind any comments you choose, here.

One more leave behind, for this post, before we leave behind San Luis Obispo for a visit to the Hearst Castle:

At my age of 62, I sometimes think about what legacies I’m leaving behind me in this world. I hope those include kindness, humor, some leave-behinds about ways to leave behind fear and unhelpful thoughts, and other positive gifts for the people I’ve encountered. No matter what, though, here’s my best leave behind:

My son Aaron.

Many thanks to Krystal, Marcia, Lawry, everybody and everything that contributed to my creating and leaving behind this post, all those we’ve temporarily left behind in New England, and you (of course!) for leaving behind other things to visit here today.

* While this might seem unduly judgmental of all those who haven’t left behind New England to move someplace warmer, those are the current views and feelings of the writer leaving behind this footnote.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: accepting all feelings, accepting mortality, Doc Burnstein's Ice Cream Lab, Escaping the 2015 New England winter, leave behinds, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of fear, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara | 40 Comments

Day 777: Update panic

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Update: Santa Monica, California. February 16, 2015.

Dear Readers,

I am having multiple cases of Update Panic, right now.

Wait! I need to update this blog post, already. What IS Update Panic? And how can I have multiple cases of a mental and/or physical disorder that perhaps I just made up?

Arrghh! Now I need to update this post, again! Why? Well, I just assumed, in that previous paragraph, that “Update Panic” is not listed anywhere else on the internet, but I didn’t research that, first, by using a search engine like, say, “Google.”

Gee! I wonder if I have the latest update of Google?!?!?

Oh, it probably doesn’t matter.

Eeeek! “It probably doesn’t matter” is what I sometimes tell myself about things I use on my computer, and then something changes — like my ability to load photos from my iPhone to my laptop easily by using a cable connection — and I DON’T KNOW WHY!!!!

And THAT reminds me how my cursor has been freezing recently when I write blog posts and I don’t know if that has to do with WordPress updates or updates for my laptop or SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Update Panic!!!!

Here’s another update from me. I have put aside my Update Panics about uploading photos and my cursor freezing, for the moment, in order to give you another update regarding my aforementioned Google search for “Update Panic.”

When I searched Google for “Update Panic,” I saw this:

“About 40,900,000 results (0.27 seconds)”

… but no indication that “Update Panic” is a previously documented mental or physical problem. Therefore, in the moment, I believe I can update this post by claiming, truly, that I have created something new and unique here, with “Update Panic.”

Wait! I’m having another form of update panic, now! I’m wondering if in my panicked states about updates, I am confusing my readers with all these updates within this post! Also, I’m realizing that I haven’t updated this post by doing something I like to do: just asking you how YOU might define a new term called “Update Panic.”

Yikes! Before I panic any further about updates on the internet or the outernet, here is my personal definition of “Update Panic:”

A rational and/or irrational fear of losing things, screwing things up, and/or confusing matters, because of constant updates to software, hardware, and humanware, chosen or not chosen.

The fear, deep within the gut, that ensues when humanware cannot tell whether updates installed or NOT installed are to blame for the unexpected inability to perform tasks using the same routines that worked before.

Aarrghh! Now I have to update this post, AGAIN, with a definition of the “outernet” and of “humanware,” both of which I think I also just made up.

Okay, here’s my best shot at those updates:

outernet (noun). Anything that is not the internet.

humanware (noun). Humans (ironic).

I’m sure I could do a better job at defining those terms, but I’m IN THE MIDDLE OF UPDATE PANIC, PEOPLE!!

Why am I update panicking?

Here are more specific reasons for my current update panics, which I haven’t updated you about, yet: In an attempt to fix my recently developed inability to load my photos easily from my iPhone to my Mac Air laptop, I just updated both my phone AND my laptop with the latest operating systems available.

Question: Why didn’t I make those updates before now?

Answer: Update Panic!

Question: Why did I decide to do both updates at the same time, this morning?

Answer: Update Panic!

I tried to talk myself down from my Update Panic this morning, as I updated both my phone and my laptop, before I started writing this post.

Here’s another update: I had Update Hope,* too, as I waited for both my iPhone and laptop operating system updates to complete, because I thought that updating those might fix my photo-uploading problems.

Here’s another update! Are you ready?

I still can’t load pictures between my iPhone and my laptop, even though I now have the latest possible versions of updates for my phone and my laptop!

Eeeeek!

Here’s another update: When I just googled, AGAIN, “iPhone photos not loading to mac air,” I found information that seems to indicate that iPhoto — the photo management software I’ve been using since I first joined the Apple World a few years ago — is OBSOLETE, now that I have updated to Yosemite, the latest operating system available for my Apple laptop.

Here’s another symptom of my Update Panic: I’m even more easily distracted than usual. Therefore, “Yosemite” is reminding me of the last time I visited California, in 1997. I was here with my ex-husband, for the wedding of a friend. We also visited my long-time friend Lawry, whom my son, Aaron, and I will be seeing in a few days, when we drive up the coast of California.

Back then, in 1997, my then-husband and I also visited Yosemite, which was incredibly beautiful.

(Photo found on Wikipedia page)

Sometime, during that 1997 trip to California, even though I had given up on the possibility of our ever having a child, my ex and I conceived our now almost-17-year-old son, Aaron. I was 44 years old.

Now I’m having this Update Panic. After a memory like that, can I even return to the present?

Yes, I can and here’s another update: When I discovered earlier today that iPhoto might be obsolete, incompatible or whatever other updated word we want to use, now that I have updated my computer with the Yosemite Operating System, my Update Panic seriously increased. As a matter of fact, I feared that ALL MY PHOTOS HERE AT WORDPRESS MIGHT NOT SHOW UP.

When I visited WordPress after that Update Panic, I found that the photos were still all here.

Phew.

Here’s another update: How do I know if I am suffering from a serious and documentable case of Update Panic, when I just made up the whole syndrome? And if Update Panic is a new and previously undocumented problem (perhaps shared by me and others in the internet and outernet) … how can I or anybody else treat it ?

Well, I assume the treatment is the same as for any other type of panic. That treatment often includes the following:

Breathe.
Notice that you are safe enough, where you are.
Be aware of cognitive distortions, like catastrophizing, that are increasing the panic.
Tell yourself that the current source of panic — for example, not being able to transfer photos to the blog as easily as you did before — is NOT a life-and-death situation.
Breathe again.
Recognize that any change, even ones you choose, can cause fear.
Remember that you have the skills and experience to do “work arounds” to get the result that you want (for example, posting photos), even if it takes more time and patience than you originally allocated for the task.
Remind yourself that even though you might project expectations on to others (for example, assuming that your loyal readers will be disappointed if you do not post lots of photos every day you post), those projections may not be accurate.
Be aware of those you love and other supports near or far (for example, as you’ve been updating your travel plans).
As you do your best with all of the above, notice whether the updates and changes have had any positive effects.

Hmmmm. All those techniques, above, are helping me, right now. And, I’m noticing that my cursor hasn’t frozen, yet, since I started writing this post.

Oh, wait. Here’s another update: my cursor just froze.

I am still not panicking. I guess all those suggestions are still helping me.

I shall now further reduce any residual Update Panic by emailing myself some photos I took yesterday in California. I assume that solution will work, even after all these system updates.

Here are some photos I took yesterday, as my son and I enjoyed beautiful and warm Santa Monica, California:

Those two photos show the only thing I’ve seen, so far, that really reminds me of the snow I left behind in New England. Here’s an update about what those white speckles are: Pear tree blossoms in the patio of Krystal and Jim’s lovely home in Santa Monica.

Here’s another update: that’s something I see, whenever I look for it, everywhere I go.

Any Updates you want to add to this post, in the comment section below? I promise you I won’t panic.

Many thanks to Aaron, Krystal, Jim, Lawry, my ex-husband, Yosemite, Santa Monica, pear tree blossoms, love, and — of course! — to you, for reducing my update panic today, with your visit to this post.

* Final update for this post: “Update Hope” is another term I just made up. I’m not panicking about that, either.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: acceptance, computer updates, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of fear, Santa Monica, Yosemite | 40 Comments

Day 775: Awkward

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Yesterday (my last work day before a two-week vacation), I decided that the right thing to do was to go into work for a few hours in the afternoon, despite my running an awkwardly inconvenient fever two evenings before.

During my time at work yesterday, this was the only thing I awkwardly wrote on my white board:

I hope I can explain, non-awkwardly and clearly, why “Awkward” was hanging around on my white board yesterday, awkwardly alone like that.

I wrote “Awkward” during a final “termination” session (terminating therapy is described further and perhaps somewhat awkwardly in this here post), when a patient and I said goodbye to each other after working together for several months. This termination session had been cancelled and rescheduled several times over the last week or so, because of the extreme Boston winter weather, which is making it supremely awkward to get anywhere these days.

I asked the patient, in yesterday’s termination session, what it was like for him to say goodbye to me (or to anybody else), and that’s when “Awkward” showed up.

Personally, I did not feel awkward about the word “Awkward” showing up in that way, because I think a lot of people feel awkward when saying “goodbye,” and I think it helps make the situation less awkward by naming the awkwardness.

What do you think of that awkward sentence, above?

I hope you don’t feel awkward about expressing your thoughts and feelings about anything I’m awkwardly including here today.

(I feel a little awkward writing this now, but I think I might have too much to show and tell today about the topic “awkward,” which might make this post awkwardly long and confusing.)

Where was I, before that awkward digression?

Oh, yes. After I took that first photo yesterday, I knew “awkward” would be the topic today, and then I saw “awkward” everywhere, especially when I was trying to make my way home through the very awkward snow, ice, and super-cold temperatures in the Boston area. But I didn’t want to stop in the middle of any road and take photos — that would have been awkward, for lots of reasons.

I did manage to capture this one shot of the awkwardly-not-so-great outdoors:

Hey! That photo reminds me, awkwardly, that it’s Valentine’s Day today. However,

we’re all awkwardly cold and snow-bound, where I live,
it’s awkward to get out to buy flowers, candy, and other non-awkward or awkward gifts (depending upon your thoughts and feelings about Valentine’s Day), and
my son and I are flying to California today, leaving my boyfriend Michael behind with our cats, which seems like a particularly awkward Valentine’s Day present.

Also, the name of that shop — “Paradise Flowers” — is awkward, considering the current circumstances in the Northeast USA.

A few nights ago, when I was unknowingly coming down with an awkward fever and awkwardly taking these photos at Whole Foods Market (awkwardly presented before in this blog post, here) …

… I awkwardly slipped away from Michael and found a Valentine’s Day card for him. Then, I awkwardly ran to an open line and asked a nice cashier to RING THIS UP, QUICK! because I was buying it for my boyfriend who might awkwardly appear at any moment, and she got awkward and frazzled, but we managed to complete the transaction without Michael awkwardly spoiling the surprise.

I just took an awkwardly fuzzy photo of that Valentine’s Day card, but uploading photos has been awkwardly inconsistent for me lately (which is particularly awkward timing, because of the previously awkwardly mentioned two-week trip to California), so I’ll just awkwardly tell you this: the card has a picture of a duck.

Awkward!

More “awkward” thoughts from your awkward WordPress host, in the awkwardly cold and snowy here and now:

For some awkwardly unknown reason, writing these blog posts is very technically awkward for me these days — my cursor is awkwardly freezing; linking to other sites, fixing typos, etc. are now all awkwardly and unexpectedly difficult; and I am awkwardly thrown out of each post I’m composing at least once. I awkwardly don’t know who to blame … WordPress, my laptop, or me. Here’s an non-awkward solution: I shall blame nobody and just keep awkwardly posting on.
With post creation here more obviously awkward and difficult for me, I’m awkwardly catastrophizing that WordPress might awkwardly go away some day, AND WILL ALL MY HUNDREDS OF POSTS DISAPPEAR, TOO? That would be VERY awkward.
I awkwardly read a WordPress post by another blogger whose name I’ve awkwardly forgotten the other day that put that catastrophic scenario of LOSING EVERYTHING awkwardly into my head, but when I tried to follow the instructions for saving all of my awkward and non-awkward posts for posterity, that awkwardly did NOT work.
I can easily feel awkward in new situations, so I may very well feel some awkwardness when I awkwardly encounter all the adventures ahead of me for the next two weeks in California. I believe I am awkwardly ready enough for all that.
Yesterday, when I was awkwardly looking at the awkward weather forecast for the Boston area (which included ANOTHER !*!!(@)!!!?@ AWKWARD BLIZZARD), it seemed like the timing of that blizzard might awkwardly delay the flight later today that my son and I have been awkwardly anticipating for several weeks. For now, I am awkwardly keeping my awkward fingers crossed.
That next awkwardly anticipated blizzard has already caused the awkward public transportation system in the Boston area to totally and awkwardly shut down for tomorrow, Sunday. That’s going to make things awkward for a lot of people.

Here’s another awkward segue: After I got home from work, yesterday, my downstairs neighbor Karen’s dog, Faxy, ran upstairs into our apartment and had a close-if-not-awkward encounter with our very non-awkward cat, Oscar. I would feel very awkward if I did not show you some of these pictures, as I promised Karen yesterday I would, but it’s awkward for me to decide which ones of the many photos I awkwardly took yesterday to awkwardly share with you now.

That last awkward photo includes the awkwardly elusive and shy Harley under the table, who actually seemed to feel LESS awkward with a STRANGE DOG than he does with two of the humans who live with him (including one who actually CHOSE AND RESCUED HIM FROM THE SHELTER).

Awkward!

Here is one more awkward image I noticed last night:

That’s an awkward birthday card I unexpectedly received from one of my old college roommates, Nancy. I just tried to change the awkward sideways orientation of that photo the way I usually do, but that didn’t work.

Awkward!

Would it be awkward for me to ask you what awkward music you might include in this awkward post?

Last night, I decided to choose this song, which has some awkward lyrics about California:

Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald are singing “The Lady is a Tramp” here at YouTube.

I shall now awkwardly ask, again, for any comments, awkward or not.

Thanks to all awkward and non-awkward humans, animals, weather systems, and computer interfaces who/that (awkward!) helped me compose this here awkward post and I hope it doesn’t seem awkward that I’m particularly grateful to YOU, for visiting today.

Categories: blogging, personal growth | Tags: accepting all feelings, blaming, Boston, Boston winter 2015, Catastrophizing, dogs and cats getting along, Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra singing "The Lady is a Tramp", escape to California, glitches writing and posting photos, If our plane is delayed today I will lose my friggin' mind, letting go of cognitive distortions | 47 Comments

Day 774: What’s the right thing to do?

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Ann Koplow

“What’s the right thing to do?” is a question I can ask myself, quite frequently.

Lately, I’ve been asking myself that question about:

Preparing for a trip to California, starting tomorrow.
Preparing for tax day, April 15.
Preparing for my high school’s 45th reunion, some time in 2015.
Preparing for the rest of my life.
Interacting authentically with people, balancing my needs with their needs.
Deciding, with the help of a cadre of cardiologists, how to keep my very unusual heart beating, for as long as possible.
Writing today’s blog post.

While asking

What’s the right thing to do?

can be important and helpful, focusing TOO MUCH and TOO OFTEN on

“What’s the right thing to do?”

can be paralyzing and overwhelming, especially when right or wrong is not obvious.

When I am leading therapy groups at the Boston hospital where I work, I often say

There is no right or wrong way to do this.

I like saying that. And, people in the groups seem to like hearing that, too. Maybe that’s because we can all get caught up in the “cognitive distortion” of all-or-nothing thinking:

All-or-Nothing thinking (also known as “Black-and-White thinking”).
Things are either all good or all bad, people are either perfect or failures, something new will either fix everything or be worthless. There is no middle ground; we place people and situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray, or allowing for complexities. Watch out for absolute words like “always”, “never,” “totally,” etc. as indications of this kind of distortion.

Today, Friday the 13th, February 2015, I hereby resolve to let go of right-or-wrong, all-or-nothing, and black-and-white thoughts that get in the way of my moving forward.

Instead, I’m going to allow room for shades of grays and the full spectrum of colors, like in these photos:

Yesterday, I couldn’t figure out

What’s the right thing to do?

… to load all those photos from my iPhone to my laptop. Sometimes, just waiting patiently resolves a problem.

That last photo shows a new snow shovel that my wonderful downstairs neighbor, Karen, recently bought for us, to help us deal with all the !!@&!!!! snow in Boston (see here, here, here, here, and here, for more details and images about that).

I don’t have to worry about

What’s the right thing to do?

with that shovel, until I get back from California.

I’m going to ask myself, just one more time:

What’s the right thing to do?

… before I publish this post. What’s the right music to include here?

Do you have any ideas? Because I’m a little distracted today.

Maybe I should take my own advice:

Sometimes, just waiting patiently resolves a problem.

Got it!

Dr. John performing “Right Place, Wrong Time” is in the right place here on YouTube.

Thanks to doctors everywhere, to anybody who has ever asked “What’s the right thing to do?” and to you — of course! — for being the right place at whatever time, today.

Categories: personal growth | Tags: accepting all feelings, all or nothing thinking, black and white thinking, Dr. John's "Right Place Wrong Time", letting go of cognitive distortions, Letting go of worry, the right thing to do | 47 Comments

Day 773: Getting warmer

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Ann Koplow

I am so looking forward to flying to California in two days to get warmer.

California will definitely be warmer than Boston, these days.

Here’s an unexpected way I’ve been getting warmer. I’m running another fever.

Sometimes when I’m upset and having catastrophizing thoughts, like “I won’t be able to fly to California on Saturday!” I feel warmer, too.

I’m trying to stay cool about all this, by letting my doctors know, staying home from work today, and letting go of worst-case thinking.

I’ve also been feeling uncool this morning, because none of the photos I took yesterday on my iPhone are loading to my laptop. I thought I’d be getting warmer to fixing that problem by using a new cable, but the photos still won’t load.

That’s okay. I’m staying cool about that, too, by including these never-before-blogged photos, demonstrating how Boston is a long way from getting warmer:

What song would help with getting warmer today?

(This cool scene from West Side Story found here on YouTube.)

Thanks to all who keep their cool when things get warm and to you — of course! — for the warmth of your visit here today.

Categories: personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "Cool" from West Side Story, Catastrophizing, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of fear | 43 Comments

Day 767: Obvious

Posted on February 6, 2015 by Ann Koplow

Let’s start this Obvious Post by stating the obvious:

This post is in English.
The Northeast USA is experiencing a cold, snowy winter in 2015.
I like lists.
I publish a post here at WordPress every day.
Thank goodness it’s Friday!

Some things are more obvious than others. For example, I saw this on my way to work yesterday morning:

That is obviously an auto.

I was obviously following that automobile. If you’ve read yesterday’s post, I was obviously on my way to my co-worker Jackie’s goodbye party at work.

If you saw yesterday’s post, it was obvious that I do NOT like saying goodbye to people I love. I hope it was also obvious that I hope and wish all the best for Jackie.

Was it obvious to anyone I was going to take photos at Jackie’s goodbye party?

In that first obvious photo, Jackie is obviously wearing a t-shirt (which she made herself) that obviously shows she realizes what’s obvious to everybody else (including my readers yesterday): Jackie has GREAT hair. (If the words on that t-shirt aren’t obvious to you, they say “Don’t ask to touch my hair.”)

The other obvious t-shirt — “The Queen of Absolutely Everything” — was an obvious going-away gift for Jackie.

I’m obviously spontaneous, because at the last minute, I also gave Jackie this obvious gift:

If it’s not obvious to you what those are — they are, well, gee, I obviously don’t know the official name for those sticky things you attach to other things at work. Obviously, I need to call them something, so I’ll try this: sticky memos.

Whatever you call those things, I have a bunch of different ones I use at work. Obviously, I’ve exchanged these with Jackie before.

Is it obvious there that Jackie sent my own sticky memo back at me, to welcome me when I returned to work after a vacation, quite a while ago? I’ve obviously kept that sticky memo tacked up in my office since then, as an obvious reminder of how much fun Jackie is.

If you know me, it’s obvious I can lose things, temporarily and permanently. Yesterday, after Jackie’s party, I dropped my pager, and couldn’t find it. It was obvious, to me, that the pager was somewhere in my office. As late and great comedian George Carlin said, in his routine about losing things:

I’ve looked EVERYWHERE!

Well, obviously not.

Yesterday, I thought of an obvious way to find my lost pager, after I had “looked everywhere” in my office: I paged myself.

Obviously, that worked.

At this point in time, it’s probably obvious to some and not obvious to others that I’ve lost track of Penny the Pen. Here’s a photo of Penny’s last appearance in this blog:

In case it’s not obvious where Penny and I are, in that photo from over a week ago, we were waiting to have a new cardiac test, called a CT scan, at Boston Children’s Hospital.

Here’s an exchange — from the comments section in this here recent post about my recovering from the flu — with obviously wonderful blogger Val Boyko:

Val: So glad your temp is being itself again. You are a sight for sore eyes Ann! How is Penny’s eye by the way?…

Me: Val! I hope this doesn’t make you or your eyes too sore. I actually have not seen hide nor hair of Penny, since I got sick. I fear the worst but hope for the best.

Val: She’s a survivor 🙂

Me: No matter where she is!

Val: Yep!

Obviously wonderful, Val.

What other obvious things should I include here, before I obviously publish this post? Obviously, I have to finish every post, some time (is it obvious that’s usually during the morning?). Today, I have to go into work early to make up the time I obviously missed being sick and also due to

LOTS OF FREAKIN SNOW. Obviously.

Are there any other obvious photos I’d obviously like to include here, obviously from yesterday?

It’s obvious to me that it’s not immediately obvious what’s going on in all of those photos I took yesterday. The last two obvious photos are from therapy groups I facilitated. The final obvious one shows some results of a group exercise about replacing obviously automatic and painful negative labels (like “fool,” “lazy,” “unworthy,” “stupid,” “weird,” “unlovable,”) with positive ones. If it’s not obvious what I’m describing, here‘s a link to a more obvious description of that group exercise.

I hope it’s obvious to those who obviously read this blog that I like to include obvious and also HELPFUL things here. Is it obvious I’m going to do that, today?

How about this obvious thought:

Since each of us only truly knows our own personal experience, what’s obvious to us might not be obvious to others.

Obviously, I need to include some obvious music in this obvious post.

The obviously great Paul Simon is obviously singing “The Obvious Child” here on YouTube.

Here’s one final obvious thought, from Captain Obvious, your humble blogger:

Does Paul Simon mean “Why deny the obvious child” and/or “Why deny the obvious, child”?

What’s obvious to you, here and now?

Many obviously grateful thanks to everybody who appeared in this blog today and — OBVIOUSLY! — to you, for obviously being kind enough to visit here today.

Categories: gratitude, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: acceptance, accepting all feelings, group therapy, letting go of cognitive distortions, losing things, Paul Simon's "The Obvious Child", Val Boyko, waiting for cardiac test results | 46 Comments

Day 750: At last (you’re here)

Posted on January 20, 2015 by Ann Koplow

This song came on yesterday, while I was taking a walk on the last day of my long weekend:

(“At Last You’re Here” by Pat Metheny also lasts here on YouTube.)

That’s not the last time, I’m sure, that a song will — synchronistically and coincidentally — match my mood and circumstance. When I heard “At Last You’re Here” yesterday, I smiled; I had just found something I’d been awaiting, for several weeks. At last, it was here.

The details of what I was waiting for are not important. Based on my experience for the last 61 years, that won’t be the last time I wait for something to arrive.

For example, as I’m writing this, I wish and hope to say “At Last You’re Here” to:

peace of mind
acceptance,
confidence,
awareness,
clarity,
faith in myself and others, and
the “right” answer to difficult questions.

At last, this realization is here:

In life, there will be downs and ups, bad luck and good luck, disappointments and blessings.

In therapy — at the beginning, at last, or at some other point — people bring up two recurring images/metaphors. To describe personal ups and down, we use this mathematical wave

and/or

… the roller coaster.*

At last, are you ever there?

At last, I’d like to tell you this, as clearly as I can:

I (and most human beings I’ve met) are on guard for the next wave of downs/the negative, as a way to self-protect. At last, that does not help. Instead, that extends the life of the negative by anticipating it, focusing on it, and resisting letting it go.

Instead, I believe I shall last longer, healthier, and happier, if I anticipate the positive or (at least) give the positive the same space and time as the negative takes up in my heart, soul, and mind.

In other words, when

fear
hopelessness,
confusion,
pain,
isolation

at last appear again, I must remember I’ll eventually be saying “at last, you’re here” to

relief,
hope,
understanding,
lessening of pain, and
connection.

At last, does this all make sense? Let me know, in the comments appearing at last, below.

Here’s another song — At Last! — I’d like to share;

(“At Last” sung by Etta James lasts here on YouTube.)

At last, here are some photos I took yesterday during my walk and my visit with my beloved ex-sister-in-law, Deborah:

At last, Penny the Pen is brave enough to see with both eyes again. Will that last? What do you think?

Many thanks to Pat Metheny, to sine waves and roller coasters, to Etta James, to Deborah and her husband Joe (who restored Penny’s eye, in a twinkling), to all those who have ups and down, and — at last but not least — to you for being here, at last.

* At last you’re here in the footnote section, so I can tell you I found that image of the roller coaster here. At last I’ll tell you that if you don’t like roller coasters, try this: imagine yourself standing solidly on the ground, observing — in safety — the ups and downs of the roller coaster of life. At last: if you try that, let me know if it helps and if it lasts.

Categories: inspiration, personal growth, photojournalism | Tags: "At Last" by Etta James, acceptance, gratitude, letting go of cognitive distortions, letting go of the negative, Pat Metheny's "At Last You're Here", roller coaster of life, sine wave of life | 20 Comments